Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
timdog says:
Can’t believe I’m giving serious answers on the goddamn “dating Indonesian girls” thread, but anyway…
BOBBY – without meeting you or the girl in question, I would nonetheless be fairly confident that you are certainly not being taken for a ride for money or visa.
Sounds to me you are looking at pretty standard behavior from a certain kind of girl (right down to the “I’m saving myself for marriage I’m saving myself for marriage I’m saving myself for marriage oh soddit I’m 24 I’m going to sleep with this totally inappropriate guy at the drop of a hat oh shit I’m pregnant now I’m going to have to marry him” kind of thing).It might be over the top, it might be nauseating, but I reckon she really does “love you”, really does think you’re ever-so-handsome, and fantasises about your wedding day almost every waking moment…
If some sad, shriveled, embittered person who assumes that all “women” conform to the behavioural norms of the kind of professional/semi-professional ladies with which he fraternises in Jakarta of a weekend tells you “don’t believe the bitch, she says that to all the bules”, laugh at him for being such a loser and then ignore him.
If you genuinely have feelings for her, enjoy, and get on with it; if you’re unhappy in the relationship, stop stringing her along.
You perhaps do have to acknowledge that in this country your “exotic” status probably does make you rather more attractive to the average woman than you would be at home, but it would be a shame if your self-doubt ruined things for you.Surprisingly enough, a healthy level of self confidence and decent social skills will, it seems, get you almost as much action as looking like Brad Pitt, even with those strange beasts, viewed through the lens of frustrated bitterness as “western women” by the miserable cripples who wash ashore in Indonesia as sexual refugees…
-
venna says:
I have lots of question for you, Nay. But right now I don’t have much time to write it all. Don’t want to argue with you, just want to know more about men’s perspective. It is fun and refreshing. Too bad I didn’t find this website 6 years ago.
One thing that tickled me though; does a man see a woman who telling him that she really wants to have sex with him but cannot do it because her culture won’t allow it as a liar? Like, she just make it as an excuse to avoid him? I hope you say NO to this.
-
brian A says:
…
-
Ok then, nothing new. But “playing hard to get” philosophy, as much as you see it as ridiculous, it is not that simple actually. Especially when you live and raised in Indonesia. It is a part of adaptation and the rule for most women to survive. Society punish women more severely than men, and not all women able to survive from this trap.
*lcvs: how you doing, hun?
-
iya, some societies can be a hardhitting bitch to women, sometimes i become really sad when i read the news about this caning stuff if you know what i mean. anyway, that’s more another topic i guess.
hi venna! yes well, i’m just back from a fieldwork trip to barcelona spain, always nice to be there: nice shoes (got me some paul smith sneakers kwkwkw) nice hats (goorin bros hat), moreover nice contemporary art exhibitions @ macba, cccb, la caixa forum and some galleries such as carmelitas, adn and galeria estrany de la mota, nice food (although a lot of babi you know, they conquered the moors so after that historically speaking a lot display of eating porc), nice estrella damm, a lot of south americans, i met them because of my brazilian friend, she is living and working there as an architect/city planner since 2007, and they hardly know anything about indonesia or muslims, or hindu’s or protestants, very funny, and why should they, but it’s fun to be with south americans. actually, maybe somewhat within the topic of dating girls, they usually date other foreigners, mostly other south americans, and they don’t really mingle with the catalan people (or castilian, basque whatever et cetera), always funny to see, i happen to notice this also when i am at parties of my chilean friend in amsterdam. and the south american women i speak, for example my brazilian friend, eventually they all want to return to their home towns in south america to start a family someday. it’s been nice living in europe they say, but good jobs are waiting them in their birth countries and they are happiest when they can raise a family over there. you see, totally different than ‘bule’ and ‘indonesian’ ‘mixed’ couple, but also interesting to see how other cultures think about dating a girl or boy from another continent or country or region. anyway, i am totally off topic i guess, but who isn’t here on this forum about dating indonesian girls š
-
Off-topic is allowed, I think. This is a fastfood thread anyway. You can love it, you can hate it. You can munch as much as you want, you can take a little and counting its calories. But eating fastfood occasionally won’t hurt you š
-
glad to hear venna! saya senang
-
Inez says:
Exactly what things do you want to be respected for? What āvalueā are we talking about? ā¦ and what have those things, whatever they are, got to do with sex?
ā¦ā¦
ā¦ā¦
I mean, I can respect an athleteās ability, a doctorās skill, a scientistās achievementā¦.
anywayā¦..If a man likes you for reasons beyond sex, heād stick with you even if you had sex on the first night of meeting himā¦
Witholding sex in order to ātrapā a man is ridiculous!I know itās utterly pointless to argue with women (and itās not fun, not to mention a huge loss of man-points)ā¦ but Iām amazed when some women have an emotional attachment to their āhard to getā philosophy, despite all the logical, rational evidence.
——————————————————————–
Gosh Nash, I thought you were “evolutionary psychology” enthusiast.. I assumed you have read books by Miller/Kanazawa, Dylan Evans and Jared Diamond on that subject..
You know the answer why we women are more “hard to get”….(well normal, high quality, self respected women of course, not the usual ayam you met in bule bars in Jakarta) or is it your misogynist mind can’t accept the fact that you need to have high quality male traits in order to get high quality female?? For me high quality males should have the following traits :
1. Leadership.
2. High intelligence.
3. High moral and religion value.So you see the value I talked about ? it’s MORAL VALUE dear, have you ever heard of that ???…. despite of all that evolutionary theories we heard everyday, we are a human, we are not an animal, we should have certain values to follow in order to fulfill our purpose in life.
What’s life means to you? just mate and die? of course not, we are human, we serve a higher purpose than that…. well that’s at least that is what my religion taught me.
One of my moral value is that, I will not doing any sexual activity until I got married, everybody who wants to be with me should respect that, otherwise… go away..it’s as simple as that.
Hell even with that boundary, I can still get so many high quality men lined up for me (the bule men of course runaway the first time I stated my boundary, yeah for them bar girls are more suitable)….
-
Nay says:
You know the answer why we women are more āhard to getāā¦.(well normal, high quality, self respected women of course, not the usual ayam you met in bule bars in Jakarta) or is it your misogynist mind canāt accept the fact that you need to have high quality male traits in order to get high quality female??
So rather than answer my original question “What do you want to be respected for”, you resort to a strawman argument, like a true politician.
…as I was saying, it’s utterly pointless to argue with women…
-
@Nay,
I’ve answer it you dumb ass! it’s moral value.
Yeah and thanks for showing everyone the true color of misogynist bule man.. you know it’s not unfamiliar to me.. you think all Indonesian women are like cheap bar girls you dated… I bet you don’t dare saying that misogynist statement out loud in front of educated high quality Indonesian or bule women…
-
@Inez
Sorry to hear you have an unhappy life. Only a person angry at God talks like that to other people.
If you want to talk about morality, perhaps it would be a good idea to forget the baseless insults… hmm?
-
Cukurungan says:
Iāve answer it you dumb ass! itās moral value.
What is the moral value you are discussing?
Are you going to align the advance bule moral value upon the rotten religion moral value? Under umbrella of the advance bule moral value, the most western countries will soon legalize the incest among adult consent, therefore, hint how to seduce daughter, MIL or sister that currently only available in the underground it will be soon available for public display. -
Btw, what is MIL? “Mother I Like”? Yea, but to what?
-
@venna
One thing that tickled me though; does a man see a woman who telling him that she really wants to have sex with him but cannot do it because her culture wonāt allow it as a liar? Like, she just make it as an excuse to avoid him? I hope you say NO to this.
I would say NO to that. I wouldn’t view such a woman as a liar. The feeling of being outcast by society is a very real fear that pretty much most people feel.
Personally though, I think society has some pretty broken ideas about how to have relationships, and it makes women feel trapped, and as a result can end up warping relations between men and women unnecessarily.
I think the most important thing is that women are given the freedom to choose how to manage their lives and relationships, and that society learn to accept it without judging it…. however they want to do it. Whether that’s to be a bar slut or an asexual old maid. Both men AND women have to respect that it’s the woman’s right to choose what she wants to wear, who she wants to be with (if anyone), and we all have to accept it.
That means I accept the fact some women feel trapped by society so much that they’re too scared to have a man in their life or have sex, and feel angry at God, and at me that they resort to calling me names. I certainly won’t want to date such women… (People with the “I don’t like sex” DNA just don’t breed, fortunately),… but it’s not my right to judge them for their beliefs. I might want to point out their logical inconsistencies to them…. but not take away their right to believe whatever they want.
I know a few Indonesian ladies in their 50s who have been so scared of men, sex, and rejection from society that they have remained single their entire lives. As their friend, I still offer them the opportunity to emancipate them from their emotional prison… but you can only lead a horse to water. You can’t make it drink.
-
Max says:
If some sad, shriveled, embittered person who assumes that all āwomenā conform to the behavioural norms of the kind of professional/semi-professional ladies with which he fraternises in Jakarta of a weekend tells you ādonāt believe the bitch, she says that to all the bulesā, laugh at him for being such a loser and then ignore him.
Up in your bitch is where you might find me. Blame it on healthy self confidence and decent social skills not my looks.
-
@Nay:
I think the most important thing is that women are given the freedom to choose how to manage their lives and relationships, and that society learn to accept it without judging itā¦. however they want to do it.
_______________________Nice and well thought, buddy. Your woman is very lucky to have you. If I meet any men with such balanced ideas like that, I will ignore their other traits like color, body shape, social status… all vanished, because they’re already goddamn sexy in my eyes and surely I will hunt them if I am still a single. Don’t get me wrong though. I can sniff and find whether they’re genuine or just fake it to trap women.
Back to the society and freedom for women, this is the major problem I always faced with my own people. On the surface everything seems acceptable, harmonious, but at the bottom most of them are not less-racist than what they called ‘americans’ or ‘westerners’.
I personally won’t look down on women that have different fate than me. Sluts, bar girls, poor girls from the village that trying to make their life better by their own way, girls with ‘pembantu face’, whatever…BEFORE I know them better and find out how their real life and who are they behind the door. Not all women are lucky to have such opportunity like me, and it is so rude and uncivilized to judge them immediately, like they don’t have a right to be at the same chair as their lucky folks. But again, the society is already treat them unfairly. It will be much harder for them to raise their chin with pride and dignity.
And now another topic. I just interviewed some of my close friends to find test the “one month long-dateline” theory. from what I got, I can see that it is a pretty reasonable dateline. Within short period (not always one month), all of them were sexually attracted to their men, and they felt secure and safe too. Actually this surprised me. I thought that they would feel pressure and thinking so much about social sanction. they’re not! But, all of them were not doing premarital sex. The men not asking, the women also not asking. The men, kinda like birds, start to prepare the nest and planning about marriage. This explain a lot why my ex-bf’s acted funny, like they show me everything they have, talking about joint deposits, talking about what should do with kids.
So, this is different approach/adjustment from people with different cultural background.
-
I think the most important thing is that women are given the freedom to choose how to manage their lives and relationships, and that society learn to accept it without judging itā¦. however they want to do it.
————————————————————————————————-
I agree that women should be given freedom and emancipation, but they should also hold on some moral or religion values.
Without moral boundaries, the men and women will do anything they want as long as it is legal, extramarital sex, sexual affair etc etc…. The divorce rate will be surged high, there will be many single mother…..single mothers will produce the “feminized men and homosexual” generation.
it’s going to be totally f*cked up society…. like in most of western countries nowadays, is that we all expect ??
-
Martin says:
Hello,
I am 28 and I remember the time I went to Bandung 3 years ago. I met Indonesian girls, from ITB and all the other unis, and I can tell you I have never ever met more interesting girls before and ever since. Smart, intelligent, curious, ambitious, middle-class, classy, political, self-reassured, multilingual, militant, entrepreneurial, optimistic, religious, silk-haired, beautiful young ladies that make me hesitant use the word lady with respect to any other person again. I think Indonesia will have a bright future.
Salam sukacita,
Martin -
The men, kinda like birds, start to prepare the nest and planning about marriage. This explain a lot why my ex-bfās acted funny, like they show me everything they have, talking about joint deposits, talking about what should do with kids.
So, this is different approach/adjustment from people with different cultural background.
————————————————————————————
@Venna,
Two questions:1.What is so funny about that ?
2. Is it your bule or Indonesian ex boyfriends who acted funny like that? -
1. It is funny because I didn’t understand why they talk about it at the first month
2. Both. -
Btw, what is MIL? āMother I Likeā? Yea, but to what?
Hahaha boy go to google please type sex with MIL, you will be suprised how this topic have been became very hot topic in the bule community
-
ET says:
@ inez
single mothers will produce the āfeminized men and homosexualā generation.
Is it your ‘religion’ which teaches you to spew this nonsense? Why don’t you try at least to consult some scientific literature about homosexuality before making a complete fool of yourself?
-
Janma says:
snipped from Inez…. “Without moral boundaries, the men and women will do anything they want as long as it is legal, extramarital sex, sexual affair etc etcā¦. ”
Turns out even with moral boundaries they do all that too…. and not even ‘as long as it’s legal’…. bless em eh!? where’d we be without those bad people to make us feel good….
-
@ET…..
Abstract:
“Multiple studies suggest that children benefit by being raised in families where the childās biological parents are married to each other. Examinations of academic outcomes, deviant behavior, and sexual behavior all show that children in two biological parent families do better than children in stepfamilies or single-parent families. Explanations for why these patterns exist, however, are less well outlined. Popular explanations include the idea that mothers and fathers bring unique characteristics and parenting styles to families, and children in single-parent or same-sex parenting models will face deficiencies because they lack a parent of one gender”.
Dufur, M. , McKune, B. A., Hoffmann, J. P. and Bahr, S. J. , 2007-08-11 “Adolescent Outcomes in Single Parent, Heterosexual Couple, and Homosexual Couple Families: Findings from a National Survey”
Check this book also :
“A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality” by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Nicolosi, Intervarsity Press 2002.
It’s a common sense. A son of single mother will be more likely to have problems on their sexual identity development because they have no male figure they can follow.
These phenomenons are interrelated: feminism, feminized men and masculine women, high divorce rate, growing number of single mothers, high rate of deviant sexual behaviour..
It’s all backed by statistics. Google yourself. Compare the data (divorce rates, deviant behaviour etc) between what so called liberal countries and more traditional, morally bounded countries..
Use your common sense, think, think and think.
It seems that the “men” here are prefer to launch personal attack before they think.
-
Without moral boundaries, the men and women will do anything they want as long as it is legal, extramarital sex, sexual affair etc etcā¦.
Extramarital sex, sexual affair… sex, sex, always about sex. Who was it who said earlier in this thread
I guess you’re day dreaming too much, quit watching youporn for god sake!!!!
Sounds more like a hang-up. Like most people brought up with repressed or strictly confined sexuality they become obsessed with it. Studies have shown that conservative societies count among the highest consumers of pornography and there is no reason to believe that Indonesia would make an exception. Even Samudra, the Bali bomber and self-proclaimed defender of morality, when he was captured had a laptop with him full of pornographic pictures of western women.
-
I agree that women should be given freedom and emancipation, but they should also hold on some moral or religion values.
I agree with this. Not the “religious” value so much as a moral value of not treating men as sex objects (or just as objects)!
Giving women the freedom to do whatever they want without judgment has meant that some women have been allowed to make some pretty bad decisions. Granted, it was their choice.
With more women working, and choosing not to have families in cases, and with contraception, men simply exist (in the minds of some western women) as people to be used for sex, used for money, and then ditched when they’re sick of us. If you want to know why the “bule” runs away from white woman, it’s pretty much for this reason.
Single motherhood is, again, mainly because these women have taken feminism too far and disrespected the man enough to the point where he packs up and leaves. Marriage almost makes no sense because you know ahead of time that the woman is going to rip you off, and the laws allow it.
So while white man is pretty much forced to swing between girlfriends, and that’s fun for a while… if he’s serious about wanting to have a decent family, and be respected, he really has to choose any other kind of woman than selfish white woman.
-
@ inez
Itās all backed by statistics. Google yourself. Compare the data (divorce rates, deviant behaviour etc) between what so called liberal countries and more traditional, morally bounded countries..
Why should I google myself? If you come up with gratuitous statements about certain interrelations the least you could do is provide the evidence yourself.
No one will deny the benefits for children to grow up in a harmonious family environment with many – I said many – role models to choose from. But between this and making a link to the development of homosexuality is far fetched to say the least, and smells of a certain agenda to denigrate and defame those cultures and civilizations you are trailing behind.
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Related Stories
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
there’s snow upon the roof but there’s a fire in the cellar!!!