Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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inez says:
@Nay,
if the feminized western woman become bitchy, strong and very hard to control, who’s fault was that ? women ???
Think about that.
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Nay says:
Believe me any man WOULD KILL to get a woman like me:)
Sorry, but I find arrogance a huge turn off…
insulting our good eastern values and try to force your bad western values
…as well as people who are judgmental of others.
I mean, come on. That’s a HUGE over-generalization. -
venna says:
Even Samudra, the Bali bomber and self-proclaimed defender of morality, when he was captured had a laptop with him full of pornographic pictures of western women.
_______________You kidding. Really?? Why I miss it?
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@ all bule men,
I know that most of you you come to Asian countries to get wife, to get a good partner, and save your pathetic ass because your feminized western women have ruin your life..
And I know most of you are attracted to Indonesian women because they still know how to act like a woman and hold the good family and moral values. Just get along with it, integrate and respect our values, don’t use Indonesian women to satisfy your ego only… don’t spread your bad western values there…
On the other hand, @Indonesian women, still keep your dignity and self respect, you don’t need to act slutty to show that you have an open mind… open your legs from man to man doesn’t prove that you are modern at all.
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Moral boundaries in this country is getting vague and vague. Even 10-15 years ago, it was not uncommon to find men that already had premarital sex. The problem is, and it is very unfair, they expect the women to stay virgin. and when they found out that their wives were not virgin anymore, they cried out loud like their whole life were totally doomed.
So this is why I see ‘playing hard to get” card is vital here. I use this card when I deal with Indonesian men, because I know the pattern. This card will help me to protect myself from serious emotional damages when the relationship not work as I expected before. And for that, of course I have to ignore the other women’s life that were already shattered by my bf. It is HER fault, not my bf fault, and never be men’s fault. Adios, girls! Sorry I cannot help you.
When I deal with bule men, I use negotiation card. Because I know culturally, most western men will discuss this point with their female partners right when the relationship is officially started. (except maybe for the conservative Catholic or Jews, some of them still value after marriage sex than premarital. And of course they are endangered creatures here. Not much of them hold this principal anymore).
For me, it is easier to deal with them and got win-win score. Since the beginning I stated that my goal is married-oriented relationship. If there is no guarantee that he will able to deal with that, then say goodbye. No hard feeling. But once I found the man that has the same goal as me and I trust him, I can take the risk. No hard feeling too for me if the relationship not work, because since the beginning I have option and I chose. Good that this works well. He proposed me after 3 months and married soon.
Problems with girls that having relationship with western men (forget those who use it as income source or whatever crap they want), they do not openly discuss their life goals with their partners. And do not fully capture the mindset differences. I always said to those girls to try negotiate and explain what they expect from their bf’s. Maybe they not understand at the beginning, but trust me, there are lots of good guys outside that will wait until marriage. It is possible. The ball is in girl’s hand, it depends on how she plays it.
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LOL @ Venna..
You speak as if Indonesian men are so difficult to deal, hypocrite and so slick… well may be it’s your own experience that you’ve been hurt by few (bad) Indonesian men and finally met one good bule man. But you cannot generalize men like that:) If you meet bule badboy/player, may be you will change your view….
Most Indonesian men I know talk about marriage the first time they decide to have a serious relationship with you. They even initiate it. They don’t like romance game and usually not very good at it.
I think for openmindness ex. virginity you can discuss openly and HONESTLY with them. Some modern and educated Indonesian men are pretty open about this kind of thing, there is a limit of course, as it is still Indonesian value that the woman they select will be the mother of their children and the daughter of their mother. They also have so many pressures from their family and social circle. That’s why they are more likely NOT TO TAKE any ex Bar girl, hostess, massage girl or college skank…
Of course they will be angry if you don’t say anything about it and suddenly they found out AFTER the marriage.
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Ross says:
Like Timdog, I surprise myself for commenting on this thread, and in fact was only vaguely aware of its content. But I’m working on yet another novel, about one type of (usually disastrous) bule-cewek relationship here, so I have dropped by for extra insghts.
I have scanned a number of the posts and am still surprised.
Why on earth are so many bule guys and local girls so consumed with self-doubt. Just get on with it.
You’ll discover that there are all kinds of girls here, but that they are different, as a rule, from Western women.
But only to some extent, because the differences are superficial; here, women are more open in one sense, in that they pursue and expect to achieve what their Western sisters used to do but lost the wisdom to succeed in, getting a man who will save them all the hassle of getting up and going out to work every day, who will pay the bills, then let them (the women) manage the home front.Such a divison of roles is not only (in my view) natural but sensible. It doesn’t always have to be the guy at work and the girl at home (I once spent a year or more as a house-husband in my previous bule-land existence and it was fun, because my off-spring were very young and it provided an excellent opportunity to be with them, which many much richer guys envied me) but usually it will be
Bule guys mostly like their bread-winning role (not many of us want to be house-bound) but have largely forgotten that women back home always used to appreciate it.So they think there is a hidden agenda. There isn’t. The man who posted way back saying his girl-friend was idle and lacked initiative must have been expecting her to rush about frenetically like so many women back home do.
Housewives (married or not) like watching tv during the daytime -as a house-husband ,i often did too, because you can!I realise this thread is about ‘dating,’ not being in a fulltime relationship, but the horse and carriage do go together so you need to think ahead when you’re first getting into it. Who doesn’t?
It is a strange man who doesn’t go out with a girl and fails to wonder if she’s really so much fun all the time. And girls, whose minds work differently but are worth studying to find out how those minds work (admittedly a demanding academic chore) presumably ask themselves if the cheery, attentive fellow taking them to dinner is a pain in the butt if sharing a home.And there was some talk about the ‘lying’ habit. That is a separate issue, but related, because many, if not most, people here, of both sexes, do seem to struggle with talking straight. Back home, it’s usually lawyers and politicians who revel in their skiil to be economical with the truth. Average guys and women do’nt share their habits, fortunately.
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@Ross:
Like Timdog, I surprise myself for commenting on this thread, and in fact was only vaguely aware of its content. But Iâm working on yet another novel, about one type of (usually disastrous) bule-cewek relationship here, so I have dropped by for extra insghts.
_______This thread is a great resource for building characters and conflicts. Why not throw more bait and stir the pond? see what else you can get from this *grin*
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Thanks, Venna. My bait often provokes flurries of shark-attacks…let’s wait and see!
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But you cannot generalize men like that:) I
_________________The same like you. You cannot generalize all bule men like what you said đ
By the way, my experience with Indonesian men all were fine. They are all good guys. If not, then they won’t ask me to marry them. I was just not in the mood of having long-plan relationship with them. By the time I was ready to settle, the bule men came đ
Speaking about virginity, hahah, I have different opinion than you. If my Indonesian bfs asking me to have premarital sex, I won’t buy it. I prefer to keep them suffered, wait until marriage. But if my bule bfs asking about it, I will consider it and negotiate, see how far I can go and where I will stop.
___If you meet bule badboy/player, may be you will change your viewâŚ.
______I never meet them, unfortunately. Anyone want to introduce me to this specific species?
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Of course they will be angry if you donât say anything about it and suddenly they found out AFTER the marriage.
_______________On the contrary. I often found cases where the women already talk openly to their men about their condition/virginity before they married. And the men accept them, in the name of love of course. BUT…… love is not strong enough to keep them sane. After year by year, they feel that their pride is shattered. Why my wife is not virgin? Why me, god? Why other men that steal it first from me? Why, why, why….. *sobs* And the domestic abuse starts. They feel that they have right to hit and punch their wives because they’re not virgin.
Lebay. They’re not even virgin too! WTF.
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After year by year, they feel that their pride is shattered. Why my wife is not virgin? Why me, god? Why other men that steal it first from me? Why, why, whyâŚ.. *sobs* And the domestic abuse starts. They feel that they have right to hit and punch their wives because theyâre not virgin.
The whole “virginity” thing is one of societies many broken rules that it imposes on relationships that ruins the fun for EVERYONE.
The reason why “virignity” exists goes hand in hand with marriage actually… (and also the one month limit I have on dating a girl I like as well coincidently.).
Simply speaking, virginity became important historically when man moved from hunting and gathering, to farming lifestyles. This is where the notion of property became important.
Similarly, man soon discovered that if he had children — who were his — he could get them to work in the farm. Boys are desired mainly, … not girls because they were less useful (but could be sold off later)
So then it became VERY VERY important that children he had were his biologically, and to ensure that, it certainly helped if their mother was a virgin! So men started laying claim on women as personal property, telling them that they were “bad” for seeing other men, and creating a bunch of other legal, moral, and religious frameworks to ensure that women became men’s property.Unforutnately, the female sex desire DIDN’T change, and naturally, it is in fact no different to man’s….. they do like trying lots of men out! (only the ones they like, of course!). This created a lot of problems for men, so they had to come up with ways to control women.
All this culmunated in marriage. A man would pay a dowry (effectively buying someone’s daughter… too useless to be put to work in the field, but a return on investment, so to speak) and be scared into staying together through a religious framework. God knows EVERYTHING you do ladies… so DON’T CHEAT OR YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!!! Seriously, God is the scariest thing humans have come up with…. as evidenced by some of the misguided comments in this thread, and it works to keep women fearful and in-line, and the men financially supporting their wives and providing them with the security they need (as well as perpetuating the system, which is why so many of these men want to become priests or imam)
So a man would get married and go on a “Honeymoon”… so named because of the female estrus cycle which lasts a “moon” or month. During this time, a man could ensure that during sex, the child would be his, because the newlywed wife would be with the man the duration of this trip.
Now, Indonesia is still has a very agrarian economy, so virginity to an Indonesian man is very important. He probably doesn’t understand why exactly, because it’s a very strong instinct developed over thousands of years. but if they understood WHY they thought virginity is important to them…. they may go easier on their women, knowing why the double standard exists. Especially as the economy in Indonesia develops (as it already has in the “evil” west) where the need for a man to own a wife and his own children becomes less important…. (which is why we always get these fundies decrying the west, and the so-called “moral decay” they are experiencing themselves)
How about Japan? They barely have any farmers anymore! There is no need to have children to work in a farm. Following that, getting married has little meaning,… and so their population has been slowly dropping… so they’re developing tech and robots to do the jobs!
Right, off my soapbox.
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Finn says:
hey everyone đ
Last year I meat an indonesian girl on my holiday in Jakarta.
Since the last time I have been with her she was worried because not menstruation approximately 3 month. Yesterday she and her sister take a second test from a nurse .. and yes she is pregnant! I have asked her many times if she has been with another man and she tells me no. I talk to her each night with the phone call and her stomack getting little bit bigger. So she tells me I am the father and she has my baby đ I am happy because deep down when I decided not to wear a condom and she agreed, we both wanted this. We are both very happy at the moment. Sometimes doubt comes into my mind as to whether it is my baby or not (thats a scary thought!)
anyway I just thought I would share my bule-meet-date-beutiful-indonesian-girl-story
This is my first child if it all goes well, are there many customs or family issues I should be aware of or concerned with, including marriage before pregnancy etc….
thankyou
x -
@Venna, so we play a little game called generalization now…
Well at least I don’t knock on my own race…. There are way too many sell out, white washed, self hatred girls out there. Have no self esteem and self respect.
At least I am not one of them.
I think I understand why your circle of friends look down on you and talk about you behind your back. You just don’t realize it. My sister and best friend married a foreigner also, but they act normal, never insult or give any negative judgment to Indonesian men/culture/value, and they get a lot of respect for that and well accepted in Indonesia.
@Nay
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and the men financially supporting their wives and providing them with the security they need (as well as perpetuating the system, which is why so many of these men want to become priests or imam)
———————————————————————————-Right now women don’t really need a husband to support us financially, that’s 100% correct. We also work and have a good education. My salary is almost as big as my husband’s salary (a PhD with CFA) and I don’t need him to support me. But we women still need a STRONG LEADER figure.
Me for example, I can only respect the guy who is dominant and has strong leadership trait. Indonesian men are educated from childhood to be Imam/family leader, especially the eldest in the family. They have so much burden on their back, their family (wife and child), their parents, even their siblings and even sometimes their wife’s family. As a result, they may become more dominant and authoritative, which is normal and very natural.
And by the way, if you see in the western world, in 30’s – 70’s the men are also still dominant and have a very strong leadership trait, and we can see the divorce rate is very low, the strong family values make everyone is happy. I always cry myself when I see golden/silver anniversary of western couple.. because it’s highly probable that their grand children will never experience that on their entire life..
I think that’s how it should be. Men should be men and women should be women. Men should still be a leader. Equality has their place but on the right proportion and function.
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@Inez:
I really don’t understand what you’re talking about. You also making generalization. And you insult people without first trying to know them since the beginning, and most of your insults are purely baseless. You are not better than me in this case. I think it is right if some people tell you to try to read people and set aside your judgment for a while.
For whole my life, I also feel normal (until I meet you who has sharp tongue and rude and baseless. Well, from what you wrote in this web, now I know better about you and don’t have to worry anymore that my friends will see me as how you see me).
My friends are good to me, they come to me to consult, to share their life stories, and to share their darkest secrets. That’s why I know a lot of cases behind the curtain. I read them based on their culture, and I predict their next move based on the traces that they leave. It is quite predictable, and this is my friend, helps me a lot to prevent me from meeting badboy. That’s why I told you I never meet any badbule and any badIndonesian.
Not only bule who likes to play games, Indonesians too. And every races too. You just assume that I knock down my own race because I prefer to choose bule. Who said I put insults on Indonesian men? I didn’t. I just read them and shared what I learnt from them. I can share dark secret of my bule friends here if you want, so to make it win-win.
But again, I think I don’t have to explain more to you. It is clear that you have rigid mindframe, and it is useless to explain anything to you. You always come with accuse and judgment. So doesn’t matter anymore for me. Adios.
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@Ross:
(I once spent a year or more as a house-husband in my previous bule-land existence and it was fun, because my off-spring were very young and it provided an excellent opportunity to be with them, which many much richer guys envied me)
______________I meet some of them too. During the economic crisis, actually women have more opportunity in economic activities, and that’s why they exchange roles for a while. And it is nice to hear their stories. At the first time, it felt awkward. But then they enjoy it. The positive thing about culture here, they allow both men and women to be at the same shoes. Even most of men taking role as bread-winner, the pressure toward them not as much as in other countries that is very strict on gender-based social roles.
@ martin & Finn: share more stories, pals đ
@Nay: for couple days I tried to figure out why virginity is very important here in my culture. thanks for sharing the insight. But, even they understand the history and the roots of all of it, I’m still pretty sure they will follow the same path. Following culture is more comforting and secure. Not much people able to survive when they have to live in a totally different culture because deep down they are still the same. Only people who stay longer in a different culture and absorb both of their origin and their current culture that able to view from the both side. That’s why it is unique to see how people here (in america) develop their new culture based on the fussion between totally different cultures.
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Just want to share a picture. I guess it’s relevant to the current heated debate between venna and inez.
source: http://bit.ly/aHpntR
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Where? I don’t see anything. Is it a gay thing?
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http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb315/akamaru_the_wolf_queen/humans/1165325004750.jpg
Kick on the nuts.
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Oigal says:
feminism, feminized men and masculine women, high divorce rate, growing number of single mothers, high rate of deviant sexual behaviour..
Laugh, the nonsense spoken on this thread just gets deeper and deeper..although hard to argue with references like..
I am highly educated, I act and dressed like your average big city career woman, I read Cosmo and Elle
Yup works for me!
Right now women donât really need a husband to support us financially, thatâs 100% correct. We also work and have a good education.
Really must be news to about 90% of the women in Indonesia, who have face a hard scramble every day just to survive.
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dating russian girls. in volgograd, the former stalingrad (city of heroic women), a lot of high educated young women search for foreign men, because when married the russian men drink too much vodka and hitting too hard. but i don’t know whether they will fall for indonesian men, because my brothers already miss the drinking gene to be able to cope with one glass of traditional vodka i guess haha (i am exaggerating a bit).
it’s so funny to look at this text about dating russian girls, unfortunately there are no comments at all.. that’s something different than this forum thread
as for me, no russian girls at the moment, i will fly back to my birth country the 21st of may 2010, stay there for 2 months, visit my relatives, maybe also try to see some contemporary art (i already ordered the book past peripheral: curation in southeast asia by p.d. flores), in any case not bringing any foreign fruit as this turkish cnn fashion reporter from istanbul below.
good luck everybody!
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ET says:
@ venna
Even Samudra, the Bali bomber and self-proclaimed defender of morality, when he was captured had a laptop with him full of pornographic pictures of western women.
_______________You kidding. Really?? Why I miss it?
I’ve got it from a report ‘War On Terror’ by William M. Wise, Associate Director of Southeast Asia Studies at the Paul H. Nitze School of Advanced International Studies, Johns Hopkins University, in Washington, DC., published by USINDO, (United States-Indonesia Society) August 2005.
I can’t give a link as I only have it as a pdf file.When arrested, Samudra was carrying a false passport and a laptop computer. Examination of the computer hard drive revealed pornographic photos of Western women, pictures of Abu Bakar Bashir and disturbing images of the dead from the Bali bombing. Australian technical experts also found that Samudra posted a statement on an Internet website taking credit for the Bali attacks.
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Hands up who’s surprised by the amount of pirated material in Glodok?
Jembatan Glodok has been a piracy haven for years. -
haha, wow, he didnât have miyabi or rin sakuragi on his laptop?
Probably not. He had weakness for western women. It explains why he would destroy this ‘weakness’.
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@ inez
Without moral boundaries, the men and women will do anything they want as long as it is legal, extramarital sex, sexual affair etc etcâŚ. The divorce rate will be surged high, there will be many single motherâŚ..single mothers will produce the âfeminized men and homosexualâ generation.
Did you read this in Cosmo and Elle?
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Did you read this in Cosmo and Elle
——————————————————————————————-No I read that in Hustler actually đ
LOL it’s funny to see all feminized bule “men” here, they got their ass kicked by their women back home and they come to 3rd world countries with a tail between their legs…
They finally managed to hook up with (cheap) Indonesian ladies and they get their confidence back, and yet they still promote their “superior” western values such as feminism. What a hypocrite…..
You are quite lucky you can get women in third world country even with your beta/wussy traits, in your own country you guys are just treated like shit by your strong feminized women LOL….
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deta says:
Oigal:
Laugh, the nonsense spoken on this thread just gets deeper and deeper..although hard to argue with references like..
ET:
Did you read this in Cosmo and Elle?
Wrong and wrong. Cosmo and Elle are used as references for this:
I work out regularly with a very sexy and tight outfit;) I am open mind, ambitious and I express myself sexually (and wildly) with my husband of course..
How you guys never read these magazinesâŚ.
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LOL @ ET,
So anyone with modest moral value=extrimist now đ
I am not a repressed woman wearing long veil:) I am highly educated, I act and dressed like your average big city career woman, I read Cosmo and Elle, I work out regularly with a very sexy and tight outfit;) I am open mind, ambitious and I express myself sexually (and wildly) with my husband of course.. but I still hold on traditional family value. Believe me any man WOULD KILL to get a woman like me:)
What upsets me is that, you western guys come to our country and insulting our good eastern values and try to force your bad western values (there are good western values as well)…. and ironically, there are so many poor Indonesian girls trapped into this, they think that they are so westernized, open mind, modern and cool, while in fact they destroy themselves. I am not wonder if they will soon follow the modern western culture, divorce to divorce….. alemony, custody, single parenting … is this the price of your liberation and open mindedness ????
There is a limit in everything, I like the idea of women liberation, human right etc, to some extent. Right now, the moral and family values are ruined because no one sets a boundary.
Can you imagine 20-30 years from now what will happen to our civilization if those values are totally ruined ?