Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Swagman says:
@ Farah
I was simply commenting on Adam’s maths ie. 52/2 + 7 = 33 (NOT 32 as stated by Adam).
And yep most sure do “count everything in a relationship” … welcome to the Bule (horrible term however I notice you all use it with such abandon) and Indonesian relationship reality!
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Laurence says:
@ BS
Thanks for the info, so my limit is 27, unless I’m rich lol.
@ Farah
Age and numbers don’t matter one bit unless your the old one or your the one who lost the money.
But I must ask the lovely ladies on this forum from Indonesia, is there an age difference they prefer?????
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bs says:
My girl met someone one a flight who hooked a Dutch guy too. She is 35 and he is 50. Really nice couple and they’re doing great. They’ve met through a friend of the Dutch guy who’s living in Bandung. The creepiness rule is of course good fun, but it has a point.
I’ve you’re both older and mature (something I one day hope to be too), the age difference is not that big a deal I think.@farah
My girl likes a man to be a couple of years older. A bit more experienced in life but not too old. She’s 25 and I’m 31, so the ‘gap’ is 6 years. In daily life, the cultural difference is much bigger than the age difference (but no problem either). -
Endy says:
@BS the 35 & 50 is not as bad as the 20 & 55
@Adam.. the wandering started when the man hit 65… How good a man can treat the girl when they cant even balance their feet on the nasty downhill slide?? I wonder huhuhuhuhuhuhu ;P
Maybe it doesn’t hurt to use the math after all….
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Farah says:
@ Laurence
Does you really calculate how much your loss? yikes… yes sure there are people like you in this universe sometimes i forget about that and being too naive.
In most relationship the guy is older thats mean you assume guys always loss money from girls?
Okay let me see this way:
The girl had a job, good one, he ask her to move to his country to start new live. She quit her job, she lost 5 million rupiah per months for working average 10 hrs per day from monday to friday from her former employer. That’s doesn’t count the other allowance (housing, transportation, meals) total like 7 million per months.When they married, this pretty girl with old bule, she had to do the house chores, for FREE, cooking, cleaning, ironing, laundry, baby sitting the guy and the children, gardening, etc. If he get someone who do the chores, he had to pay like 15-20 dollars per hour, lets count 15 dollars, so times Rp 9400, one day/24 hrs she should get pay from the husband Rp 3.384.000,- not included the “bed room service” daily. Total at the end of month she should have at least Rp 101.520.000,- why it sound…… so wrong?????
So, 7 million, of decent work at office, compare to “pembantu” or house keeper work with NO salary, i think its a loss to be with an OLDER guy.
So no thanks. I can’t see what you mean, from my point of view.
I don’t care much about age. Sometimes you could find amazing maturity and responsible from younger guys, and there are PLENTY guys with lack of that at their 35-45 age.
Once i know someone age 40 (16 years older than me, that time), he is charming. Not look old (kind of remind me cowboy with wrinkle on edge of his eyes when he laugh), he fit like a bull, he is funny and smart (and he is happily married, darn!!).
If i met someone like him and single not attached, i don’t mind dating with that person. I am very sure of that!
@ bs
6 years gap is ok… my parent had same numbers, my sisters had 14 years difference with her hubby, if its what it take to made your self happy, why you have to count the numbers? 🙂 -
..hehe… long comment i just realize it .. sorry.. hehehe..
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@ Farah,
Wow long comment to my short one!!! Sharing when in a relationship is quite normal and ok never said or indicated it wasnt.
Its normal for western couples to both work, except save a break from work for paid maternity leave when they reach that stage. I do not know any western couple who don’t share household chores, very unusual for man to leave everything to the wife here.
Please do not sling mud, I have not done so to you.
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Farah, I think you missed some things in your calculation. The pembantu needs to subtract food, clothing, health care, cable/satellite tv, good education for her kids (after ‘bedroom service’), etc. from her salary doesn’t she?
Anyway, I don’t really get it about paying for housekeeping, it just comes with living together. We’re married and supposed to share everything. How can I pay her from our money? And is she supposed to put that on our shared account again? Strange type of relation …
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adinda says:
too confused to follow it now.
To swagman, indo girls don’t count well, perhaps, they colour their hair too blond ? well, dude, the last time i met my classmates, some of us are already spread over from duke uni to ETH.. sure, we can not count that well.. 😉 because it is likely we acculturate ourselves very well in blondliness.
BS, my aunt was 34 when she married her husband with age different of 12 years old. and guys, have you ever met a couple, where the guy is much younger than the woman? well, i know a caucasian man who is 8 years younger than his wife. and well, they get along nicely. and BS, if i tell you, i am now 29, but i prefer to meet someone who is at the same age with me 29/30 yo, but he has to hold a phd degree too. am i too picky? of course not, there are many in university where i am doing a postdoc now. given a level of your education and not-that-bad-face (sure if you once a finalist in girl’s beauty competion), then, love is not a big deal in your daily life. when it comes, it comes, when it does not, it’s not the end of the world.
Lawrence, when my brother in law had to move from melbourne to amsterdam, it was my sister who had to sacrifce her carreer there in aussie. i believe, it would not happen vice versa. when it comes to term “sacrifice”, women are likely the suffering object. no matters what race she is. I think, Farah has written it very well. male is such lucky beast, he/it does not need to carry thing in his/its womb. 🙂
so, happy 2010 and have a good love life all
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brian astaga says:
All probably know about me and my ‘indo gf’
I want ask an opinion of others, I know she is little bit party girl still and I dont know what she do on new years eve, even though she want me to coll her and talk for a long time on the night which I didnt.
but…. if she is still party girl and I think she maybe have jiggy-jig with other man on new years eve..! whats the best move on my behalf, play hard to get and dont respond to emails or coll her?
In general terms what is best thing to do to keep the relationship interesting?
hmmm??????????? 🙂 lol
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Adam says:
Oops, my math was a bit out but it is all just numbers as Farah said. I hold no value to it really. Of course I would like a younger partner perhaps, it would make me feel younger maybe. My current (and only) wife is 7 years younger than me but it was never something that was an issue, we met and that was it.
It is my understanding though that Indonesian value or respect people who are older which is certainly not the case as a rule any longer in Australia. Just watch the younger folks attitude to the aged when getting on public transport. They do not respect age whatsoever.
As far as a relationship goes, my wife and I had a good relationship and decided very early on that she would stay home and raise the kids and I would earn the salary. We believed that it was important for the kids to have a parent at home and it worked fine for us as we did not need a second wage.
We both contribute equal shares into the relationship but in different ways, we never saw either as a greater or lesser partner. I see it as something that both partners would need to agree on at the beginning, very difficult to change the goalposts down the track.
I am just nervous of the unknown, when the time comes and I get to travel and meet people it will all come together then. I can’t wait!! 🙂
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*and text SMS*
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@ Brian
Well, the way I see it, you have to stay in contact especially when you say you are going to. Big mistake not calling her, she will think you do not care and/or cannot be relied on. Not good.
So, if you do not seem to care to call her she can therefore do what she likes, she has nothing to loose.
I would treat her like you intend to treat her in 20 years time. If you know what she likes then concentrate on those points and she will respond.
That is my quick comment any way Brian. All the best with your relationship.
Be honest in your dealings at all times. 🙂
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yeh ill stop being an ass, like she is used to with some javanese men.
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riniss says:
brian: if u like her, u have to show her how much u care, by call her, email her, chat to her, or text her. we or many indonesian girls love ‘small stuffs’ like that.
even u only text her to say:”hi.im thinking of u”.that will make ur girl very happy.
when i had a relation with bule, he always texting me, just saying “i miss u” or “im thinking of ya”. that makes me happy..:P.simple huh?actually, i dont like guy who plays hard to get.
in my experience, i crushed on local guy, and he played “hard to get” then i left him.lol.about the “gap-age” i’d prefer guy who older than me.
my ex bule guy, he was about 39-40years old.:Pthe younger guy than me, is always bugging me all the times with his immature behavior, like ummm being jealous if a friend (guy) from office is driving me home when it is rain, even he knew that guy is my friend at work.(it is my experience also).
so that’s why i’d prefer older guy than me..*but not too far. around 12 years gap, is ok!*btw, im sorry,….jadi curhat…:P
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@ Laurence
Yes, sorry. Its just my indonesian calculation there. Its just because you’re commenting, about loosing money. I feel annoyed with that comment, how some people does count what they loose or get in a relationship.
@ bs
Not everyday you bought clothes for your pembantu right? and food it cost less 100 us dollar per day. Still its a loss for being pembantu for the rest of your life.
Yes, that’s what i am thinking, why in the world we had to even mention i loose this and that with my wife or girl friend or fiancee. Pelit sekali !
You can’t count the cost of being sincerely loved. Its precious. (Wonder if someone could tell a sincere actions cost).
I thought being attached/married means become one, ME and YOU become WE, or OUR. Just as simple as that.
(sorry if i sound, once again, too naive)
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@ Brian Astaga
Like i said once, you could take the girl from a bad but you can not take the bar from her.If you really do love her, love her for what she is. Shes a party girl, and i doubt she will change that, or anyone could change that. Must be hard to do the change.
Call her, ask hows the new year eve party? don’t really ask her straight if she went out with a guy and do jiggy-jiggy.
Just ask if she went out with her friend, what does she do to wait the count down, and then ask if the friend bring date too, after she answer (must be yes) and said this: “you must be feel lonely without me babe, while your friend with their date, poor thing…” (and she will say if she had a date that time or not, trust me.. hehehehehehe).
There you go, the art of talking to a girl without pushing her (give lots of love during the interrogation).
Relationship takes two, you can’t do it your self right?
@ riniss
yepp.. i don’t like guys to play hard. Its the girls game, not guys.
Just a big turn off for me if they did so, not my loss, ill look up for other guys. Its a bit immature for guys to do so i think. -
Heaven_Hell says:
@Brian: I agree with Adam and Riniss, you should contact her. Some woman dont like guy who plays hard to get. And how do you know if your party girl sleep with someone else, it’s just “maybe”. Or you have any bad experience with her? If you love her just show how much you care, dont worry if that girl not good enough for you because time will tell.
@Riniss and Farah: Cool.. Me too, I dont like guy who play hard to get.. Lol better find another one 😛
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@farah
lol lolgive lots of love during the interrogation
YOUR A GEM
@ HEAVEN AND RINISS
prostitution is a filthy game…….
old men – makes me wanna throw up..!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how can people date these girls?
when they take a cock for money anywhere anytime. YUKyeh thing is I dont care one bit if she fu*^ed another man ha ha ha
good luck to him and to her.A word to indonesian prostitutes on here, it it filthy. WORTHLESS. GILA2.
A word to bule dating indonesian prostitutes if you wanna be serious with a girl….get out of it and go find a german backpacker or an aussie girl or american backpacker, MOST INDO GIRLS ARE MOST LIKELY JUST FOR FUN AND MONEY.
WAIT UNTIL YOU START TO AGE AND THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WILL FCK YOU IS OLD HORNY MEN….FOR MINIMUM PRICE. WHAT YA GONNA DO??????????
FIND A GOOD STABLE JOB, OR GET MARRIED OR HAVE ANOTHER CHILDREN……..!!!!!!!
NOW I UNDERSTAND HER ALOT MORE, I WILL PLAY HARD TO GET UNTIL SOMETHING CHANGES, BECAUSE I DONT WANT THINK ABOUT HER LIKE THIS.
FARAH….
Like i said once, you could take the girl from a bad but you can not take the bar from her.
BANG ON
IM TIRED OF THINKING ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT….MIGHT JUST CALL IT QUITS WITH THE ‘GF’ BECAUSE I HAVE A FCKING BIG HEADACHE
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Brian, man, obviously you do care. And that’s ok, I think it’s quite normal you don’t like your girl doing *that* with others. But for your own health: Go get her out or leave it.
@adinda
I’ve met really smart people with PhD’s. I also met really stupid people with a PhD. Not all universities are that good. Is yours from some ivy league university?
And would you really give up love just because the girl doesn’t have a PhD? I’d rather have it the other way around.@farah
When it comes to love I’m naive too. I don’t know of any other way. If you don’t fully trust each other, then I think there’s no point in continuing. -
Oigal says:
FIND A GOOD STABLE JOB, OR GET MARRIED OR HAVE ANOTHER CHILDREN..
Ah, and so easy to do with no or poor qaulity education, an economy in direct competition with China for manual jobs. Not to foget the fanastic government support for abandoned or single mothers.
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@ Brian
I am so sorry you are very upset about this issue. As bs said you obviously care and it is difficult when that is not returned.
Time heals wounds though and think of the knowledge you have gained from such an experience.
Take care my friend. 🙂
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ET says:
@ brian astaga
I wish you peace of mind for 2010. Dump the bitch if she makes you feel sick.
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Barfly says:
@ Brian: If you really felt in love and feel like now (getting crazy by thinking she is messing around with another man)… hurry up and take her to be with you where you are…
Stop thinking, it will drive you mad… if she really is a kupu2 malam (i love this word, it isn´t so offensive like “prostitute”), then it might be only a job for her, if she REALLY spend the night with another man… I agree with farah and the others: call her, send her SMS and meet her asap… otherwise: forget her if you can´t handle this situation, it will not end satisfying… -
@ Brian Astaga
Wow.. she really drove you crazy (like Aerosmith song hehe). Maybe she is too wild for you too handle.
I just try to be nice with the comment about her, because you sound really had over heels with her. If she worth the headache, go head get her. But if she don’t worth your time, just forget her.
I thought you don’t like the drama after all.
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No love to give to her anymore
its finished with my indo girl…
I dont want to give money, so that be her job ‘kupu2 malam’
only friendship. .
and now its just a story !!!
and a good story with many memories. 🙂will be good to visit her if she wants later in march.
🙂 thanks for comments
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Sorry to hear that, really.
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ahoyhoy says:
Hi everyone
This post is excellent, very informative. Hopefully you will read my 2 cents.
A couple months back I met a girl in a club and we hit it off for the next few days, hungout together ect. Anyway we both decided we wanted to see each other again so she convinced me to book another trip (feb).
The only problem I have is that I think, or I’m certain she is f***ing a different man every other night. And As a westerner this makes my stomach churn. Being with someone who isn’t loyal isn’t worth being with. She tells me I’m the only one on the phone blah blah blah (lies?).
We are still in touch almost every night, but last night she tells me she is going back to Jakarta and will meet me in february(bali). Somehow im not convinced…
I’m not going to cancel my trip but what on earth am I going to do if I arrive and I’m on my own?!Anyway, I like her and want to give it another shot.
thanks for listening to my rant guys. Any suggestions/advice would be great! -
DATING PROSTITUTES…CAN WE START A NEW TOPIC PATONG?
AHOYHOY
DONT DATE A PROSTITUTE UNLESS YOU CAN GET OVER THE FACT SHE HAS ‘SEX’ FOR MONEY AND THAT IS HER BUSSINESS!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT TO DATE HER JUST REMEMBER THATS HER JOB, AND YOUR ARE THERE JUST TO MAKE SURE SHE IS OK AND DONT BOTHER HER ABOUT BEING A PROSTITUE, YOU MUST ACCEPT IT.
BUT I DONT ACCEPT THAT, ITS TOO HARD FOR ME!!!!!
BETTER TO LOOK FOR A GIRL WHO IS MORE ‘BORING’ OR JUST DIFFERENT YA? ?🙂
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@ swagman
I thought that indonesia girls/asian count smarter than western girls. Not only age, also other “benefits” count.
Old, young, ugly, handsome, rich, poor, numbers of kids, years become single/divorce/widows, what so ever numbers, percentage and levels or classes.
Do we really have to count everything in a relationship? how much we got, how much we loose? is it that really matter in the end where ever the end is?
Those are just numbers !!!