Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Deta says:
But it scared me to death reading this site….sounds like there are girls -such as the one who almost broke my family up- every where…..(on the street, night-life places, and probably in the work and public places as well). Especially when his choice of place to live is Bali…….
Ade, for whatever reason, girls like this are everywhere, regardless their place of living, job, color of skin, education, etc. So it doesn’t matter where you live or who you live with, the important thing is always prepare yourself for the worst in life, and that includes the probability of losing your LOVE ones. Be tough!
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Aries says:
When you’re in the middle of any relationship – objectivity is usually lost – as they say, love is blind.
Bottom line is, he went looking elsewhere, because he was unsatisfied in the relationship – only he knows and unless he fesses up (confesses) why he did look elsewhere, you will never be able to trust him. You both perhaps need to go half-way and change yoursevles a little – openly communicate – otherwise your relationship is doomed.
None of us are perfect and NO relationship is. In many relationships either partners from time to time are oblivious to the others “true” feelings or needs as we get tunnel vision for whatever reason. At some point Ade, someone just stopped listening and went there own way, did there “own” thing rather than work on the relationship, as it was too hard. Sure there was day-to-day communication, but not a lot came of it and I bet none of it was along the lines……honey, you’ve been pissing me off lately……….
I think the fun sometimes goes out of relationships and partners look for an escape, thinking that it is easier to have an indiscretion with another person rather than openly discuss what they are thinking with there partner, as it’s conflict avoidance.
I know many Indonesian, Thai and Chinese and the one thing they all agree upon is that Asian culture(s) generally avoid conflict eg: avoid fronting your partner about a problem. (I know, I know, it’s not only Asian specific). Ade, are you this way, (my wife was (drove me nuts)and has changed over the years – slowly)? Do you bury problems, give someone the silent treatment – I would have thought NOT after 18yrs of marriage.
In relation to upsizing all cultures do it – it’s called, marrying up, and isn’t specific to Indonesia, however, there are MANY naughty ladies that have made there way out of Indonesia (escaped they call it) by hunting dollars and they give there husbands hell AND the husbands more than often stray. Talk about a lifestyle choice!
Perhaps it’s been some time since you have lived in indonesia, but tough economic times make people do things they would perhaps not otherwise do. If you intend on re-locating to Bali, as an Indonesian it would be easy for you to find out if he’s cheating (trust me), as long as he stays in Bali , plus you would also be closer to family.
IMO you don’t sound like a bule hunter, who’s relationship has soured once there man got tired of them.
Unconditional love exists, but it’s more dynamic than most think. Love by definition changes as we grow older, and IMO (again) relationships that go the distance have MANY ups and downs, our lives are elastic and we change – we have too. Have you ever thought, that you have evolved, matured and it is he, who still fancies himself a young man, who’s obviously never grownup (and perhaps never will) – maybe you’ve out grown him…..maybe time to move on!
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Simon from spa2go says:
I love indonesian girls and have a few australians friends who have recently married girls from jakarta. The girls were muslim and my friends both converted to the muslim religion. I am very happy for them.
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Peet says:
Hi Aries
Do you bury problems, give someone the silent treatment:
I really liked your response, I never knew about this till a few months ago, drove me nuts.
My wife never talked about it till she got the same treatment from her mother, I still tease her about it. So she got it from her mama.But indeed if you loose the ability to openly discus or communicate you have a problem.
This only gets worse if you do nothing about it. I’m sort of black and white and so is my wife for Asian standards (hats the main reason I married her apart for her having a great sense of humor).Ade,
Bali is not going to solve things, I have never been there but from what I have heard about it things will only become worse. Only good thing is you will be closer to home.
I wish you all the luck in the world but kids is not the reason to stay together, I tried that and wasted another ten years of my life. -
Simon,
My wife has two great looking girl friends, 28 plus, both Muslim
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brian astaga says:
HI Ade
I’m Australian with indonesian girlfriend or special girl who teach me this ‘astaga’ word 🙂Hmmm ‘LOVE’ …..lately have been thinking about it a lot.
At the start of any relationship there must be some things which make both people
want to be with each other….just to start, whether it is having fun together, common
interests, physical attraction, something INTERESTING, EXCITING or if your mind
tells you that being with this person makes sense………………..love…I think love is a different all together from the things mentioned above.
I think love comes after some time in the relationship, for example in my situation
even though I am along way from her..and our relationship has just began…..I
must be there for her in situations like….when she is crying, when she is alone, after
she has a stupid fight with her mother, after she loses something, if her mother is very ill in the hospital…….anything at all which is emotional or a hard time for her! — but also the good times and must make each other happy!!!! — I think love for each other develops after you have been strong to her or each other through the tough, challenging and good times.In other relationships, being with each other and strongly supporting each other….through deaths of relatives, friends, childbirth or any hard, good, frightening times that life throws your way….is where the true love develops from!
Ade…I think you can love someone unconditionally…over your 18 yrs of marriage no doubt you would of suffered many tough times and many good times..and you would have been supported by your husband through these times and shared those experiences together 🙁 and 🙂 those experiences cannot be changed and most likely never forgotten….that is where your unconditional love is coming from 🙂
I think you can love someone unconditionally only if you want to though….and if you can ignore or deal with the anger, hatred and other emotions…………………………………and remember who was there for you when you really needed someone to be……………
If you think he doesnt have any regret in him…could be so many reasons why he would do that! maybe 18yrs of marriage is a very long time and he wanted to be a bad man…I am 21 and 18 yrs of marriage is a long long time know 🙂
maybe this could re-ignite things in your relationship for another 10 yrs
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Peet,
Before I’d start recommending ladies for forum participants – I’d be really careful.
As long as Simon and you *aren’t* friends then it’s in Simon’s court. These kind of things generally go pear shaped! Do you know these ladies personally? Weird thing is in Indonesia, if a girl isn’t married by 24/5 she’s considered too old and left on the shelf, go figure……Simon,
If you’re in the market for a lady, consider this. Cross-cultural relationships are probably harder to crack than your local lottery ticket (good luck peet!) – tread softly AND don’t be so impressed with what you see around you. Don’t lose objectivity, things are not what they always seem. Enjoy life first (assuming you’re NOT over the hill like me), then take the plunge……sow your oats.
Brian,
Are you 21yo? If so, go hard and enjoy life…….do you live with your lady?
I do agree with you, that until YOU do personally experience life’s highs and lows WITH your partner, it is only then known do you, who your partner is and vice versa!
With regard to “unconditional love” and with all due respect, I don’t know of any *relationship* that is not conditional. The demands of life, be it career, personal needs and the dreaded concept of expectation, makes us all – compromise. So in a sense, I don’t really go for the concept of “unconditional love”. In my own experience, I see mutual respect and a want / need to do all you can in your – relationship – to see your partner / family happy, as perhaps some kind of “unconditional love”, but in a broader sense I believe it’s a generalisation.
And you know what, for all the good intentions, commitment and well meaning advice –
!@IT happens, that’s life I guess.Do yourself a favour and enjoy your life Brian, if you are 21yo, the world truly is at your feet!
Ade, I hope you have some good people around you, because you need them now more than ever.
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Aries,
I know about the 24/5 thing, they are both a pit picky and I know them both a few years now.
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you’re a braver man than I Peet…..
We used to get that all the time…..”can you find a guy for me type thing”……. I think the ladies miss there friends!
Honestly, most girls who have a life there, really don’t want to leave it, if it’s a good one!
And those who do leave, really want to go back, a friend of mine travels 3-4 times a year,
perhaps spending 3-4mths a year back in JKT and that’s with three kids in tow!Have you lived and worked in Indonesia, I was there for 5 years……I know the culture pretty well. my partner and have 2 children and married 10yrs – it’s been an interesting ride!
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Hi Aries,
I do not work in Indonesia but everywhere else. My wife joins me sometimes but I normally go home every few weeks or so. I have always said if you love your wife let her in the country where she is from with the family and all. I really enjoy it in the village, think I’m the only European down there. Sort of stick out. I do not get bored at all, like the people and all the family around it. Read a lot about the history and try to understand the politics. (not easy)
Seen to many dramas with it with other couples, wife’s from Brazil, Colombia and Indonesia etc. they all want to go back and you end up with an extraordinaire high phone bill. (lot cheaper now)
Live outside Jakarta and only now and then go out for a Saturday night, take a hotel and back home Sunday afternoon. -
Forgot to say why would anyone want to leave Indonesia? Great country to live in.
I’m lucky of-course that I can travel up and down easily. The scary part is that a lot of the girls think the everyone living overseas is rich, I try to explain its not what you see on TV.
In the real world everyone has to work to make ends meet. -
I hear you Peet.
Given different circumstances, we’d probably spend some more time living in Indonesia, but having school aged children and business commitments away from Indonesia, that’s not possible atmo.
It sounds like you travel a lot!!!!
Life in a kampung to that in a big city is very different. All over the world is the same, some grow-up in the country and then seek the bright lights of city living – and it aint that grand for everyone!
It sounds like you and your girl are happy with the staus-quo…..good for you!
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Aries,
Have been traveling since I was a kid, always working in the on and offshore construction and pipeline industry.
Somehow I never went to Indonesia till a few years ago to meet my wife (dating site). Always liked the looks of Asian females but never liked their attitude, to timid for my taste. This till I met my wife, what an eye opener, straight to the point, fun to be with and highly educated.
She is happily pregnant now and we are looking forward having the baby. -
Ade says:
Thanks a million guys for all the comments….
@Aries,
Agreed with almost everything. Yes, I think the ‘infidelity’-thing was a very easy and satisfying escape….therefore it’s still going on to this day (I can feel it).
And you’re right I don’t really communicate well anymore eversince he started giving me “too good to be true-explanations” (not the truth)…I …gave up.
You mention about growth, yes, we all grow troughout the years, passing changes, phases and keep reinventing stuffs in life and finding things that we think is “new’….What i just find and keep asking myself is whether he is (now) worth (the rest of) my life….And also good people around us is as important as you said…
One thing I don’t agree though, when I got married I was 27, none of my family & friends thought that 27 is old….most of my friends got married after they’re done with their master degree or PhD…and they soar with their happy life.. now look who’s staying in the self?…I do! (well….you know what I mean) So, It honestly depend on what kind of Indonesian girl, where& who are you hang around with,….if the girl has all these criteria (public drinking, slutty attire, practically live in the bar/club and talk about sex and money) then….you obviously know who she is…
Anyway, …thanks for your inputs….@Pete,
Congrats for you and your wife…when is she due?….goodluck with the baby….It’s been my favorite time (being pregnant- eat loads and still look gorgeous…)..and remember don’t move/shift your love to your baby. Love your wife more…especially during the tough “dealing with baby-time”…
You mention about..kids being the reason…and you’ve tried this and waisted 10 years…what happened?….this is what i always think….am I waisting not only love here…but life….on him….@ Brian Astaga,
21? for real…wow…did I just grow old…..anyway, enjoy life dear……..You’re even younger then the hooker my husband busy screwing (with our bank account!)Otherwise….Have a greeeeaaat weekend gentlemen!!! Nice chating with you….
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Hi Ade,
I guess my comment on being left on the shelf was more of a generalisation, as it can be true in “recent times” throughout JKT. Many girls we know are marrying earlier now, after acheiving Honours at University. In years gone by, my wife and her friends didn’t marry until early 30’s as they had professional careers to pursue in medicine, engineering and business, so I know where you are comming from and agree with you totally – it depends on your group of friends.
I will leave you with this thought:
We cannot intentionally attract what we WANT but we can always attract what we ACCEPT
(only ACCEPT in your life, what you want more of, and DISCARD that which brings negative outcomes)
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Ade,
She is due early March and thanks for the tip. I love her to death so that should not be a problem.
What happened: Got married to the wrong person when I was to young, nice lady, fun for everyone else, keeping up appearance and at the end cost me a fortune. Most of all lack of communication and then you both grow different ways. This took nearly 20 years for me to say enough is enough. 10 nearly good and 10 bad years. Good thing about is that you learn a lot and I can still smile about it. Only thing that got hurt was my financial position but that was easily fixed as the years go by. Then again if all would not have happened I would never have met my wife, this they call destiny I guess.
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Tini says:
Marriage hem… some time I feel so boring with marriage if i dont remember that i have child I will walk out from marriage. marriage to long sex is boring the person who I meriage no fun any more I just feel i marriage to my self.
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Tina,
don’t be so depressed, cheer up and try to do something about it, everything is up to yourself. All up to you
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Tina,
Sorry I might be a bit to harsh, I do not know your situation.
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bugs driver says:
It is very interesting blog, i am 39 yrs old central Asian with Islamic faith living in Texas, had a master degree in petroleum geology worked in gulf of Mexico for 5 years. changed my career to epidemiology, got my masters and half of my PhD from university of Texas. Working for the State Government as an epidemiologist for 5 years. now i guess, i feel like i had it, i have seen all attitude, i may have mid life crisis. I am an US citizen recently divorced. i am not running away from my obligation, my ex wife is an MD working for state of Texas health department.
i want to move out of USA and live in a isolated village in Indonesia, why Indonesia? you might ask, well, i want to start somewhere with beautiful and educated people. I am socially active, and try to help the community where ever i live. i am financially independent and carry a blue cross blue shield international health insurance card, for life, valid anywhere in the world. can any participant here help me suggest any place where beautiful and educated people lives. I look like a Mediterranean people, with olive skin and no slanting eyes. thanks a lot my fellow human being.
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mingo says:
have a few australians friends who have recently married girls from jakarta. The girls were muslim and my friends both converted to the muslim religion. I am very happy for them.
Been there, done that, never been happier, 17 years now
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Farah says:
@ Aries
Peet,
Before I’d start recommending ladies for forum participants – I’d be really careful.
As long as Simon and you *aren’t* friends then it’s in Simon’s court. These kind of things generally go pear shaped! Do you know these ladies personally? Weird thing is in Indonesia, if a girl isn’t married by 24/5 she’s considered too old and left on the shelf, go figure……Maybe you’ve gone too long from indonesia… fyi even in deep jungle of Sumatra, my sisters married at age 24>, my friends which from North sumatra, South sumatra and Lampung age 28,30,32 (i am the youngest) are still not married we still hang out and (most) work in Jakarta. Some in broacasting field, working with United Nations, working in a bank, studying for master degree, oil and gas company etc. I didn’t see anything wrong with that, none of them are what you describe “left on shelf” more to work and career. I am proud of them.
Being old is matter o perception. If YOU think you old, thats what people will see in you. And being 20es or early 30es is not old especially these days when women tends to get more serious about work and achievements/education.
So i don’t think its fair enough to state “something wrong” with single woman that age -
Have to agree Farah
before 25 or 26 I think is to early, no time to see the world or have fun.
I have come to know girls now whom got married at 16 or 17 but this was more out of economic purpose I think, not much prospects when you are from a poor family.
I have a cleaning lady (this is not in Indonesia) whom has two wonderful kids 5 and 6,
husband finally left her god thank for that, a drunk and used to take her earned money.
She is Hindu and got married out when she was 16 or so, she still looks less then 20.
She did not have a thing to say about the wedding at the time, just a kid.So what I would like to say is enjoy your life if you have that choice and do not get married to early.
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Hi Farah,
My comment re: left on the shelf was more of a generalisation, which I do NOT agree with – HENCE my comment of , GO FIGURE, immediately afterwards.
If you take the time to read ALL of my responses to Ade, you will see where I’m comming from.
I beleive you have TOTALLY misunderstood what I have said. At no point in any of my communication with anyone on this forum, have I denegrated women or implied that there is anything wrong with women of ANY age!
Comments below:
Maybe you’ve gone too long from indonesia…
> We travel to Indonesia, regularly – yearly.
fyi even in deep jungle of Sumatra, my sisters married at age 24>, my friends which from North sumatra, South sumatra and Lampung age 28,30,32 (i am the youngest) are still not married we still hang out and (most) work in Jakarta. Some in broacasting field, working with United Nations, working in a bank, studying for master degree, oil and gas company etc. I didn’t see anything wrong with that, none of them are what you describe “left on shelf” more to work and career. I am proud of them.
> Both my wife and I married late >33 (mid-late 90’s) we are both professionals, having >worked both in Indonesia and OS as consultants to government(s) in IND and AUS. We >have many friends in similar roles in Indonesia, that are both single and married
> that we TOO are proud of.> My wife has MANY professional friends >30yo who have found it “difficult” (not >impossible), to find the right partner. I take it your friends are in successful >relationships. Lucky them.
Being old is matter o perception. If YOU think you old, thats what people will see in you. And being 20es or early 30es is not old especially these days when women tends to get more serious about work and achievements/education.
So i don’t think its fair enough to state “something wrong” with single woman that age> You have gone way off topic here and IMO isn’t relevant to any conversation I’ve had > with Ade at all. Again I have NEVER implied that age of any kind is a barrier or >impediment when discussing Ade’s issue or women in general.
> IMO you have “latched on to ” a single comment and taken offence to something that > I NEVER actually implied, if I have offended you pls accept my apology.
“to be a rock and not to roll”
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Hi All,
Young or old, I have met a lot of ladies whom had a problem finding the right partner and the same goes for men, thing is the older you get the more fussy and picky you become.
You have your work and achievements/education like Farah says, then we have our status, financial position and friends. Friends get married, have kids, then your best friends can only talk about their kids etc, you feel like a third wheel on the wagon some times so you get different friends. You end up with different boy or girlfriend, have a lot of fun but time passes and you become more and more fussy and picky about any possible partner. What you actually miss is JUST GO FOR IT. Life is to short, just take your chances and have good and bad times, at least you have had a life. -
Hi Aries, Peet….(where is Brian?….what happened to him?…),
Thanks a lot again…chatting with you guys was more effective than talking to my counselor/therapist…really…Good luck with all your life and I wish I have close friends like you…
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Ada, any time, if you need anything just send a message, good luck with your kids and life. Wish the best for you
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Carl says:
I’m 37 male. Descirbed by many 😉 as tall, dark, very handsome, etc. Living in LA (US). Working in banking and finance. Heard alot about the beauty and devotion/faithfullness of Asian girls, Indonesian in particualr – wonder how one goes about meeting decent lady/girl when in there! I am travelling to Indonesia in 2-3 weeks time – thought it wud be great opportunity have first hand look/experience. Any ideas/suggestions. Cheers!
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Are you 21yo? If so, go hard and enjoy life…….do you live with your lady?
yes and no.. met her in bali.. going in late november to see her.. very hard relationship sometimes because both strong feelings when together… and now very far away.. a lot of tears from her ;( BUT i think after i see her again our relationship will be more solid … i did meet her in a bar/club and paid her for some jiggyjig initially.. but after that she didnt want money for jiggyjig and we did some things in the bali…to put everything into short…because she tells me I am her boyfriend…i tell her not problem if she wants to party in the club and do “bisniss” but she tells me she has new job now..and is waiting for me…and why should I not believe her…cant wait to see her in bali it will be fun fun fun
hi Ade…
the hooker my husband busy screwing
how did you find out about this??? 🙁
if he told this to your face…maybe he was regretful….if you found out about it through his phone or something like that…and after again accept his mistake…whats to say he wont do it again????carl..
wonder how one goes about meeting decent lady/girl when in there!
I have asked a similar question in a way earlier in the forum…its quite a challenge to meet …..what you call decent lady/girl…when travelling without meeting a women in a bar/club..where apparently in indonesia most are kupa kupa malam or working girls…
dating websites…..not natural….but apparently very practical 🙂
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Thx everyone…I’ve tried everything, counseling etc. but just another way to waste money…
@ Aries
Yeah, Then I was soo into my career he was a very young lecturer in one of UK’s top University, we both madly in love….very romantic….none of us looking for what you called “upzising”…just purely in love…(shocked to have read some of the stories here…very much into sex & money)…And yup, we built our life together, lived in different countries and having 2 wonderful kids together…I always TRUST him with everything..including financial matters…never had a clue since when his love to me slid down/faded….And yes, I keep thinking and asking myself that question….But at the end of the day…I always go back to the basic of this relationship…LOVE…stupid perhaps but…..I just couldn’t comprehend any other explanation. Funny huh…in the middle of many “wild” stories here, there is stil just simple old boring….LOVE.
@Peet
Everybody around me said the same thing…forget about him, look for another guy who is honest etc. The fact is he is my children’s father, he is very good to them….so, it’s not as simple as that..to split up with him…
Yes, I agree with you and your wife, Indonesia is so beautiful, foods are good, people’s friendly, that’s why I’m thinking to go back to my beloved country and start all over again (with my husband, who now wants to “try again” and rebuild our relationship). But it scared me to death reading this site….sounds like there are girls -such as the one who almost broke my family up- every where…..(on the street, night-life places, and probably in the work and public places as well). Especially when his choice of place to live is Bali…….
@ Brian Astaga
Are you an Indonesian, you have a very interesting name….
Brian, I don’t think he has the tiniest spot of regret in him at all…That’s always amaze me…even the whole infidelity-thing, was not something he considered “wrong”…
I think, it is stupid and sooo out of date to love someone unconditionaly (like I do) these day…right? What do you think?