Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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brian astaga says:
Jona
ahaha thats f*cking excelent workthere’s just something about indonesian women that keep us boys interested! I hope that ‘redford’ keeps out of your way. 🙂
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Anthony says:
@ Jona:
Well a little under a month later since my post, we still talk everyday. If I do not get a chance to initiate a conversation, she will do so for me. I am SO HAPPY I did not take Rob’s advise (no offense, but I wasn’t going to anyway). She acknowledges me to be her boyfriend, and not just to me. She calms me down when I am upset and has a way of shining light into my day no matter the situation. I was worried for nothing I think. I sleep better now because she always gives me a scenario to play out in my head until I fall asleep. For the first time in my life I want to be a great provider for someone else. I’m not trying to romanticize her memory as we are separated by 8600 miles of water; but, none of my ex-girlfriends, nor any woman for that matter, has ever made me feel so confident, insecure, significant, and insignificant. I am glad I stuck it through with this woman, and I am looking forward to all sacrifices and consequences… She really rekindled my belief that women can be family-oriented and loving and still outgoing. Thank you Indonesian Culture for raising her to be a woman and not some bimbo-esque material-madonna that I seem to see more than plenty of where I live.It’s good that your girl missed you and stopped hitting you up all the time for pulsa. Although I’m thinking now, you are probably more willing to give it to her, right? Good luck to our futures and may the right path present less heartache bud.
Oh yea we met at a hotel lounge. I got back to the hotel after being lost in Jakarta for half-a-day and got some coffee. We started talking over the coffee bar and went out to the movies. I still think about her literally constantly; but, the dreams I have are helpful for homeostasis now… I’m planning to go back to Jakarta in May. My friends and I are planning to go island hopping to Sumatra and maybe Bali.
Drop me a line maybe we can have some tea. Open invitation, everyone’s welcome to drop me a line. The more memories I take home next time, the better.
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Rob says:
@ Anthony…
No offense taken. Most people ignore my advice anyways 😀
Good Luck with your adventure.
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Ramadam, whats the go?
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ET says:
@ Rob
No offense taken. Most people ignore my advice anyways
That’s because you don’t let them pay for your advice. Hell, you, a lawyer , should know that.
No offence but is the same like with prostitutes. The more expensive, the more looked up to.
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@ ET…
Tah.
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does anyone know what generally would happen for a woman who travells back to their family in java for ramadan, do they all wear the item that covers their hair or is that a choice which muslim women have during this time?? does anyone know more about this?
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Assalamualaikum warahmatullohi wabarakatuh brother brian
Astaga. A soleh muslimah should always wear this item that sets her apart from those filthy infidel bitches whose only purpose in life is to seduce good muslims. Not only during Ramadan. Wearing the jilbab or hijab , as these items are called, also has other positive side effects like hiding the ketombe (dandruff, the horror, the horror) and saves money wasted on expensive but inefficient shampoos.
May Allah (SAW) guide you onto the right path of the virtuous.
Salam and Peace brother
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rifraf says:
does anyone know what generally would happen for a woman who travells back to their family in java for ramadan, do they all wear the item that covers their hair or is that a choice which muslim women have during this time?? does anyone know more about this?
With all due respects to the traditions and values behind the Hijab, to answer your question Brian, the hijab is worn as a matter of choice by the Muslim women and definitely while praying or any religious ceremonies.
If a woman decides to wear the hijab all through, she can only be seen bare headed by her husband, brother, father and sons or sometimes close family relatives. But no stranger can see her without the head gear.
But there are women who are ardent followers of the faith, but they do not wear the hijab.
They wear it only during praying or Eid or any religious ceremony.If you don’t wear it, it is not considered to a sin. But if you wear it, it is considered good.
Hope it makes it clear.
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ET-thanks
some confusion butAssalamualaikum warahmatullohi wabarakatuh ? adjectives?
A soleh muslimah should always wear this item that sets her apart from those filthy infidel bitches whose only purpose in life is to seduce good muslims.
she is definately not one who wears the hijab always and by that I mean never when she is in Bali, would she especially wear the hijab during ramadam when she returns to her familty in Java to show some form of committment to her religion and maybe to raise her children in that way???
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rifraf, ya that confirms it cheers for that 🙂
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page 15
Stig Johnny Naustdal Says:
March 8th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
that was a horrible piece to read
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Kodew says:
@Brian
would she especially wear the hijab during ramadam when she returns to her familty in Java to show some form of committment to her religion and maybe to raise her children in that way???
Like Rifraf said, it’s not necessarily so to wear hijab during ramadhan, I believe she will just dress casually during ramadhan, and to show some form of commitment to Islam during ramadhan is by fasting means controling desire to eat during day light and most important is controlling our ‘nafsu’ such as anger, lust, ghibah (talking bad about people) etc. And, in the past 10 years or so, most people wear hijab on the end of ramadhan which is Lebaran (ied fitr) when they do the ‘shalat ied’ and visit neighbourhood and close relatives
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Damo says:
Hi everyone. (especially Andy and Farah for there good advice)
I dont know if you remember me but i posted somethings on about page 54 which i just read again. Thanks for your advise at the time. I would just like to update you and maybe anyone else that is interested may learn some things like i did.
Well after going to see the girl i met in Bali at Jakarta where she is from i came no closer to meeting her parents and her sisters. I continued my travels to India as planned and we kept SMS contact. Carlitta (working name only) then convinced me to come back to Jakarta and buy her a car “Honda Jazz” at this stage it was agreed that in exchange for the car she would come travelling with me (not a bad deal) and then when i got back to Australia she would come and visit 3 or 4 times a year but could not leave her family in Indo.She would also work good in clothes shop and not work for man.
I know I know this sounds outragous and it is a bit embarrising to admit now also but i maybe it will help someone understand the risks and the power of what you might think is love.
Anyway i changed my plans and went back to Jkta when i got there it was going to take 8 days before the money for the car came through so i told her and she said o.k but i can not stay with you untill i get the car beacause her family needs her to clean and cook etc.
Many times previsouly i found unusual descrepencies in her answers and actions (like constantly SMS and never leaving her phone un attended, even looking up english words in a dictionary while we where in bed together sending SMS to toher people (maybe other men maybe not). To this day can not prove any lies where told to me.But it is amazing how the mind justifies these descrepencies under influence of the heart. (Maybe some black magic involved Ha Ha).
Anyway it was now that i thought No enough is enough. She did not have to take care of her mother when she was in Bali working but the biggest thing was that she did not trust me enough that i was going to buy her a car (even though at this stage i had every intention of it) i think she thought i just wanted sex for 8 days and then was going to do the runner. And this is the thing i want to get across to other guys in my position. TRUST. How can she trust a guy that uses poverty of someone else to his advantage and how can the guy trust a women that wants to be with him for his money (maybe not only money but money none the less). Sure Friendships can be made and some great sex can be had but i dont think it can ever develop into love because of the lack of TRUST. So like someone said to me before take it for what it is BUSINESS maybe business between friends but still business. And believe me some of these girls are really good at what they do.
So i still like her and we had no great arguements in fact i finished feeling bad that i had misled her infact “lied” to her about buying her a car as i am sure she really did want to be a kept women. What made it worse was that we even went to the dealer when i first got there with her and picked a colour. She mentioned friends that had men from other countries that had bought them a car etc and pay for there aparatments while they where mistress for the man. (a totally transparent arrangement). I remember her telling me about a famouse older women in Indo that has a toy boy and this was what we where doing in reverse to maybe one day be that women. I also think that while not comman in oz that this paid mistress idea is more common and accepted in other societies. Not bad, not good, just different.
So the problem was mine. I wanted love from a business transaction. Carlitta was just doing her job soemething that became clear when she came over for talk before i left and she said totally openly “but if it was not for the money i may not even be with you” a statement that has 2 different interpretations. For her it is (but maybe we would have never met if not for money) and for me it is (you are only with me for the money) very interesting different views of the same statement that outline the different perception of our relationship/business deal.
As for working “good” instead of working ‘for man'” i dont know”. Maybe she likes what she is doing and it was just me who thought i wanted to be the White Night and save her. Maybe she does not like it i dont know. The self harm scars on her arms that got me on my white knight horse at first are probably real to, i dont think they are just a grab for attention but probably beacsue she did not get what she wanted and believe me she is a very detrmined girl. I sometimetimes wonder how that determination would go in the legite business world but that is a decision for her i guess. I am just afraid that i have contributed to the hardening of her heart because i think that she has a good heart.
So if no one reads this atleast i got it of my chest and thanks for your input at the start. I think it saved me getting a broken heart. I continued my travels and the best thing that happened is that i lost my mobile phone after sending the last of about 3000 SMS messages it said “thanks for being honest with me and telling me how it is before i come back to Indo to see you” It was in response to a request that she come with me to Bali again in which she stated she would expect money for doing so.So no hard feelings on my part, i did not loose anymore than i can afford. I did not get a broken heart (although close).
So my advice is take it for what it is if you are in my situation (good sex with someone you like) and if you are happy with a mistress situation go for it, but i think the circumstances mean that TRUST can never be reached and so it is very very difficult for anyhting more to come of it. Someone on this page said to me at the start something like you do not get a diamond ring from a vending machine. Good advice and good luck. Take care and thankyou.
I have now met another Indo girl on the net who is closer to my age and has a young son (so far so good).
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As long as men are willing to pay for sex there will be prostitutes, Indo or other. And all this drivel about how poor they are and have to do it to provide for children and family is just what it is: bullshit. If men wouldn’t be willing to pay for sex there would be no prostitution and all these ‘poor’ women would be obliged to find other ways of making a living. Period.
Please grow up and use your brain. There are other ways to help the poor. -
Mohit says:
Hello, maybe someone can help me with a question.
If an indonesian citizen gets married overseas, but the marriage quickly goes wrong, and they separate before ever registering with the Indonesian consulate. The person then moves back to Indonesia, and some time later decides to get married again.
Does the previous marriage matter in any legal way in Indonesia?I’m trying to give some advice to someone.
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Farah says:
@ Damo
Sorry last time i didn’t leave you any private msgs about how to contact my friend (cant remember if i did sent any).Well, you’re a traveler you will meet more interesting and genuine girl that love you whether you will give her a car or not. Just open your eyes, there also plenty good indonesian girls traveling around the globe.. maybe you will have chance to sit next to her on your next flights.. who know.
Good that she didn’t broke your heart (that much), still.. feel sorry about what happened.
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@ ET
Thats just absolute crap buddy. You can show prostitutes a bit more respect than that cant you?yea its quite a decent job being a prostitute in a way that you see it, drink at
the bars have sex and earn decent cash, but i know that most of them deep down dont enjoy doing it and are only after money some for providing to family ….If u are such a simple man who see’s prostituts like you do, good for you! but maybe there is something about them (especially indo prostitutes…) which some men develop feelings for and are intrigued about.
Please grow up and use your brain.
yes sir.
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BS says:
That’s funny. I have the same thing with car salesgirls (especially Indonesian ones). I was looking for a new car and the girl had a real nice offer for me.
The girl was really nice, I mean, genuinely nice.She told me the car was from an old lady who never took it out for a ride. It had always been parked in a garage. Now I know that you all might think that it’s a lie, but it’s most definitely not.
Some salesmen might lie to get some extra cash, and she sometimes has to lie too. I can’t judge that, she needs to provide for her family. But with me, I know for sure she’s not lying. She even let me take the car for a free test drive. -
@ BS
She even let me take the car for a free test drive.
But you still had to pay to fill up her tank, I guess. 🙂
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Just thinking aloud and pointing at something which a dear friend also thought of….
Why are all of us discussing only prostitutes and sex workers in the topic “Dating Indonesian Girls”?
Maybe we should have a sub forum “Dating Indonesian Prostitutes”….as most of us are doing that only.Hey….there are other kinds of girls in Indonesia also….who are very worthy of dating and having mind boggling sex….and they don’t take money for it.
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Suryo Perkoso says:
You speak for yourself buddy with the “most of us” bit.
Now while the “never pay for sex” line is an interesting paradox, since we all do one way or another, there is a big difference between buying your wife that nice trolley jack and axle stands that she needs to do an oil change on the car (Ross’s hardbacks never did turn up) – to paying 200K (or whatever the rate may be, I wouldn’t know) for a quick rub and a tug.
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brian astaga Says:
September 13th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
@ ET
Thats just absolute crap buddy. You can show prostitutes a bit more respect than that cant you?yea its quite a decent job being a prostitute in a way that you see it, drink at
the bars have sex and earn decent cash, but i know that most of them deep down dont enjoy doing it and are only after money some for providing to family ….If u are such a simple man who see’s prostituts like you do, good for you! but maybe there is something about them (especially indo prostitutes…) which some men develop feelings for and are intrigued about.
Please grow up and use your brain.
yes sir.
Having seen the quality or otherwise of at least one client, one can appreciate why.
As for “intrigued” etc – I can only assume that the spelling of “tempik” has recently changed.
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@ BS, Indo car sales girls selling a second hand car, nenek only ever took it to the mosque every second friday?
The average Indonesian male wouldn’t know his arse from a gudgeon pin – I’m not sure that I have ever met an Indo girl doing anything other than shovelling Indomie conituously in a car showroom, yet alone discussing the finer points of knalpots and persnelings with a punter.
@Farah, if your mate is worth a dinkle, tell her to look up old Suryo – it’s the Marangi you know, it makes me randy.
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@Suryo Perkoso
yes, you’re right about that. But the car salespeople stereotype just doesn’t work as well as the SPG-at-the-local-mall stereotype for this purpose 😉@rifraf
I have never (and never will) date prostitutes. I don’t judge other people that do, it’s just not my cup of tea. That being said, people that do date prostitutes should be aware of what they get themselves into. Don’t mistake the pro for a girlfriend. Chances are you’re being screwed (and not only prostitutes will screw you …).
Now there’s nothing wrong with being screwed, as long as you’re aware of it and you like it.
But when your not aware you’re in the game, that’s when the hurting starts … -
@suryo
its all good mas
cium -
@ suryo
@Farah, if your mate is worth a dinkle, tell her to look up old Suryo – it’s the Marangi you know, it makes me randy.
…eerrrhhhh.. you’re quoting to my comment to damo?
@ Damo
Sorry last time i didn’t leave you any private msgs about how to contact my friend (cant remember if i did sent any).The friend is an aussie GUY (not a girl) live in Sydney who date a prostitute from bali, for few months, thought will safe her from her situation, but end up broken heart and more.
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@ SP
Now while the “never pay for sex” line is an interesting paradox, since we all do one way or another, there is a big difference between buying your wife that nice trolley jack and axle stands that she needs to do an oil change on the car
Not a paradox, just a hypothesis. If you’d buy your mother or even your little sister a trolley jack or axle stands you may expect them to do the oil change but it doesn’t mean they should also grease your crankshaft.
But ‘Sex For Money’ is indeed a fact of life and prostitution is the oldest profession. What bothers me however are the hypocritic excuses, both from buyers and sellers of the ‘service’. But then again, hypocrisy is the biggest compliment to virtue.
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Aries says:
Cross cultural relationships require quite a bit of work – I’m married to an indonesian lady. Crossing the cultural divide necessitates communication, as any realtionship does, irrespective of culture, unfortunately many asian cultures don’t do this well, with alot of non-verbal communication taking place. In many ways it’s a slog. But I also think it does come down to the individual and what we want in life, in many ways its the compromise that occurs that makes any relationship last, but it needs to be a two way street.
A mate of mine said, also married to an indo girl, they are kniving bitches, but so too are many western girls, I guess it depends on who you have in your life.
The SAD fact is, many ladies look to the bule as a way out and a way to help family, while also having delusions of granduer, only too sure of what they want, even at the expense of there partner AND children.
My advice is the relationship will be alot easier while living IN indonesia, where the ladies can maintain there girlfiriends rather than having to start from “scratch”, making many ill-fated attempts to meet ladies from a similar culture – bottom line with this one is, associate with people of similar likes and dislikes and on the basis of personality NOT nationality.
Finally, a strong-willed lady will generally get off her backside and contribute to resolving problems rather than continually contributing to problems. Well ALL need to evolve and learn in life, hopefully those seekeing a cross cultural relationship will find soemone switched on enough to meet you halfway – if NOT run before it’s too late!
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@ Brian
I’m serious! Actually, the DJ was giving me a thumbs up but the others were clapping. Not many of the girls and managers know Steve because he kept a low profile there, but most of the staff and regulars know me there and knew that I’ve been in the doghouse with my dancing queen since mid-August. They didn’t know the reason why she wouldn’t talk to me, but they know that I am crazy about her and one-by-one they noticed the two of us talking for the first time in three weeks, so they kept watching to see what was going to happen. The two of us had no idea that so many people were watching us because we were totally “in the moment” and I was concentrating on what I was saying to her (mostly in Bahasa Indonesia).