Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Farah says:
@ Tim
I met so many expat from my working site had good marriage and THINK they could play some games here with indonesian girls.
Not female worker from my company, but with some other naive villagers age 15-18 that never seen white guys for the rest of their life.
Giving some attention, money and visit their family. And then made them pregnant. Drag them to nearest doctor for abortion. And he went back to his country as the contract with the company over.
What happened to the girl ?
Working in a warung remang2, known as “worker gilr”. Family doesn’t want to know her, and she just 18 !!I hate to think sometimes its the indonesian woman just too naive, or the western are just too much of d*ck head, for having as they claimed good marriage but still shagging a girl as their daughter age.
Anyway… i sometimes wishing had baby froma whiteman too, no marriage. Too complicated (papers, religions, etc). I did wish that. Why with white guys ?? because i know SOME of them wont mind left a pregnant woman by them self (in my life i know an american guy that would do that). But sure its not all of white guys tho. So for these woman who want a child but not marriage, white guys are on the top of the list i guess. Beside that he could possibly will never ever know about the pregnancy.
But as i see the consequences, only a very brave woman could raise a child outside marriage. And its harder when the child have blonde hair and blue eyes. I am not that brave and that shallow i guess. I think its a bit cruel too for the child and the biological father.
I dont think in SUMATRA that would be easy. Unless if she move to big cities like jakarta where people careless about you and your past. -
oki says:
Hi Mets,
thanks for your advice :). i am an older daughter. i decided to get work than continue my study. i help my young sister and brother to have more high study. one sister already pass from university this year and will got wisuda on november. i paid her study pure with my money. i never ask any man for help me for my family financial. the money from my boyfriend only for me to have fun. i am happy doing this. maybe i just got lil bit sick on my mind. i still don’t have plan for married and i don’t have good feeling with a man before i know how his can treat me before, when and after from the bed.
do you know Annabel Wong? she is a bluemovie star from Singapore. she’s got degree but she very proud and happy with her job. and she very honest to say on the news paper if she got many hundreds men already have sex with her. even for movie but do like that its like a prostitute is it?.
not like as Ayu Azhari an Indonesian lady. many people know her doing for blue movie but she always pretend and hide it. but whatever… nobody can look down on them and still many people respect them as star. -
Tim, your sounds very good. thanks.
i don’t do travel but i already meet many people from all races almoust from all the world. i also see them from low to high level. i learn very much from them.
i can not guess what is your girlfriend want from you. but sorry if i say many asian girls include Indonesian girl want to have a good life from a bule. and many bule has married asian girls not because of love but because they want to get easy to stay and get job in asia espacially Indonesia. ( i don’t say all but many, hope not include is you).
from my experienced if many bule don’t like Indonesian girl. if they get choice they are prefered Thailand and philipines girl. because they see many Indonesia girl in their country very proud and arrogant ( especially the rich girl). maybe because of that also many bule met Indonesian girl who work as housmaid in overseas. someone ex housmaid told me if in jawa Timur many girls ex housemaid in Hongkong, Taiwan, Singapore bring bule go home and get married there. i am not consider as working girl because still many poor Indonesian gilrs can not speak good english. and not so many Indonesian girl are brave to have travel for hunting men like as China, Philipines and rusia girls. so if you had met up one Indonesian girl in Indonesia is better than you met her in other country. whatever she work as, care of her. -
shawty says:
Its better meet indonesian woman in abroad, because indonesian woman that never went abroad USUALLY lazy & unable to do housework, cook and etc ! just know how to go SPA..
Its better married housemaid that work in another country because they know how to earn money as well..i think in this thread,long time ago, some western ever discuss lot about these issues.
about her indonesian wife unable to do housework -
Mets says:
@ Shawty – Im an indonesian girl working abroad earning a very good salary (not as a housemaid though) and still cant do housework lol….my poor partner….it drives him mad!!!
@ Oki – maybe Im not clear…instead of him paying just for fun stuff why not to send you back to school….longer term you will be able to earn more money to support your family and yourself!!
I know Annabel Wong – unfortunately I don’t respect her !!!! whilst I do not mind women wanting to earn money as objects of beauty ie modelling, playboy etc…somehow by Annabel Wong wanting to break the Guiness book of records with the most men she can have sex so she can be famous…is disgusting ….
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Its better meet indonesian woman in abroad, because indonesian woman that never went abroad USUALLY lazy & unable to do housework, cook and etc ! just know how to go SPA..
Its better married housemaid that work in another country because they know how to earn money as well..i think in this thread,long time ago, some western ever discuss lot about these issues.
about her indonesian wife unable to do housework@ Shawty
You’re very under estimate local woman that staying and studying in Indonesia.Staying in Indonesia, went to university in indonesia, i could cook, and do house cleaning. Piece of cake !
Went to SPA??? hehehehe.. are you SURE all or lets say MOST local woman went to SPA???? or they even know SPA meanings ?????
I NEVER HAD ONE IN MY LIFE !
Also, because i am studying in Indonesia, and staying in Indonesia, doesn’t meant that I AM LAZY. I already in front of my computer at my office at 5 AM for 20 days every single days in a month. Working my pretty ass until 6 pm.
Do you call that as LAZY?????
Some indonesian, local woman, work and born in indonesia even work with longer working hours than mine.
Farmers ?? or some traders in markets ? they wake up very early sweety ! and they are some woman.. not even went to high school maybe !
ALL woman that i know, went to same university that i go, which is LOCAL university are worker woman, some even with family (husband and children). They cook, and they do good house cleaning and they work with government or private company.
Went abroad, doesn’t really turn you into something. If you’re lazy , you are lazy, whether your abroad or in Indonesia. I had chinese friend, studying in united state and she can’t cook. Daddy rich, have helper at home, doing the job, and while in united state, fast food is the answer, went to laundry pay some money, easy life. And thats what i call LAZY.
I know you use words USUALLY. But you shouldn’t say that at first. You might don’t even know what you’re talking about !
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@Mets, if you always got everything from your parent you will be never have much thinking. ofcourse i like to have study but for at moment i already can not think about study anymore. on my mind just think how to have my own business.
talk about study from a man or other people who just know in a few months is not easy. it is must have love and trust. i did it before with my first love boyfriend. he is foreigner but not bule. he lived and doing own busines in one city outside Jakarta. he’s not too young and not too old thats i like that age. after a few month we know each other, he offered me study and how much money i want to get from him every month. and he want me stop work for awhile so that i can focus in study. ofcourse i was really happy and never had imagine it before. but i prefered to take a profesional course than formal study. well… i can not tell to much about him. he still a good man for me.
my sadness bring me go to other country and get work there. if i like to browse internet only for find a man because of i got bored and lonely sometime. the first time i just want looking for a friend. i like to find them arround Singapore and Thailand because i can go there for holiday by bus. if finally i got bule its just kebetulan. and they are more independent, more safe and nobody can complain. no law people ( jawatan islam) will coming to knock the door in their house even they stay with a girl without married.
i had met many kind of guys. all the bule prefer spent a lot of money for having fun only. but i have seen the other race do pay study for her girlfriend. but i think in 1000 men only one man can do it. its not same if the girl already have study and met one man for one night stand and asked him some money for her study.
about two years ago, i met a Japanesse man and he was offer me money to stay with him like a wife during he live and work in same country. he would like to give me 1500 USD a month is not include for shoping and food. but when i talk about any study, he won’t comment but only talk about sex and sex. so i thought if he want to made me as his slave sex only. if i see the money ofcourse very big for me and i can do many thing after but when i looked back him, i don’t feel anything, i feel bored and can not stay with him more than one day. and i can not think twice if i won’t accept him at all. maybe i can say if i want to get love but with good money too :-).@shawty,
maybe you are right but i can’t agree. if you are a young Indonesian man with high educated you will be not choose a huosemaid girl for lover or married. the case is not better of nor. if the bule do married with the poor girl as maid or whatever so we have to see from the other side thing. if he married her because of love or visa!
i think still so many Indonesian people don’t know about this game. many foreigners come and doing their own business in Asia. so yes better married one than have to going out to other country every month and queue in imigration only for extend visa. they are almoust will spent much money for that without any company will be pay back his money. not only the man but also many girls doing same. in Batam many girls do married to Singaporean old man only for money and visa to get stay easy. because in Singapore many company preferably to accept malaysian worker only and PR ( permanent resident). and to become PR the easy way is they must be married the local man. so why i said better meet Indonesian girl in Indonesia because almoust the girl who still live in Indonesia (even have holiday to abroad sometime) she still don’t have many polution in her mind.
and if you married one girl so you must be love her. why have to be complain if she can not do cook and housework?. all young girls in all countries almoust do same. only the life style can make they are different. if you met village poor girl ofcourse its like Singkong and Keju. indeed she’s dilligent and good cook in her family but the way is not same. if she got english husband then she will be very very stupid. she don’t know how to mop the nice floor… how to use gas stove and all modern thing. include how to cook the english style food! -
foolosophy says:
Oh, rich Indonesian guys are even more spoilt. Being brought up with maids and the “men rules over women” ideology makes it even worse. They have no worries about housekeeping life, they can afford maids! If they go overseas, they would take their maids with them! Beware people who would marry a rich Indonesian guy. *Joke*
In cases where the ladies are living overseas, I must admit that they are MORE LIKELY to be able to do cooking, making their bed everyday, tricks in housekeeping. Or at least make the effort to do it. Otherwise the house will be covered in dust! Girls living in Indonesia are too spoilt by the presence of maids. They brought up with giving orders to maids, gardeners, drivers. If they think they are already know everything, try to live in another country. There you’ll know the life without no one familiar. Without parents and maids.
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@ Oki…my mother and family did help but I also fortunate to won a scholarship too to study….and I have worked hard in my career from no help from my family at all just to be clear….and I also have worries as I also have two daughters from my first marriage….but I will say by having the right qualification always makes life a little bit more easier on the job and career opportunity area…
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David says:
Hello all I wanted to post about my experience with Indonesian women. I Married a lady in 2005 in indonesia I am from america. I am met this young lady she was very nice seemed respectable. We married and I had to return to the US as I run my business from here. We had to wait for her visa to come through and it took a little while. In getting to know her I found out that her family was from a somewhat prominent family. The lady was previously married and had a child. I accepted all this and was happy to accept the situation. I arranged for her to live in condo while she waited for her visa to come. After a month things didn’t seem right to me so I began to inquire more. Apparently after i left the girls mother began arranging for men to meet this lady and attempt to marry her again to another man for the money. The lady was going along with it. Basically robbing men of there money by promising to marry them and accepting gifts from them to further her mothers bank account. In the matter of 3 months I came to find out that she had met a total of 6 men some older some younger. Bilked these poor souls out of about 20k. She wound up sleeping with one of the men and caught a disease. Then at the time I didn’t know any of this her visa came through and she entered the US. She came here and within 30 days it was business as usual. She began meeting guys while she was pregnant telling them her husband left her. In all she got a more money and was sending it to her mother who as I later found out had been arranging the whole thing from home. when I found this all out she bolted back to indo. Women like this are everywhere not just in indo be careful and find out as much information as possible. Prior to committing to anyone. Do not spend ungodly amounts of money cause you think this is all that. Check there family history as much as possible. This lady in this case was from the Depok area. In the future I will post more information.
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@ David …are you sure…you have to share!!
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Apurba says:
I’m indian boy and have long distance relation with an indonese girl living in solo city, central java, I want to extend my relation to marriage. But the main problem is that our religion is different. I’m hindu and she is muslim, I personal don’t believe any religion and also I am an atheist, but still follow hindu religion under pressure of parents. Ì just want to know that our marriage is legally possible or nöt? More over I want her to be indian citizen tepmaqge
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I really like this blog, I would like to join in here friends, I’m apurba from west bengal, india, doing engineering.
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Apurba…
There is a fella lurking around here with the name Purba Negoro but I am sure we will not confuse you with him.
The marriage thing is technically not legally possible in Indonesia. The law says that the bride and groom must be of the same religion. In a practical sense this will not matter all that much. You will just need to find someone to officiate the wedding and this will probably cost you a donation to whoever does the officiating.
Alternatively, you could go through the formality of converting to Islam and then get married. If you truly do not believe in any religion then this is just going through the motions and may be easier for you than for her.
Or, you could decide to get married in India. I do not know what the marriage laws are like in India.
Whether or not your prospective wife becomes an Indian citizen or not is a matter for you and her. There is no reason why she cannot forego her Indonesian citizenship and become an Indian.
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@Rob. . . .thanks for the information, i dont want either one of Us ( Me n my Girlfriend ) change our religion. In india intercaste maraige is possible but My Girlfriend want to marry in indonesia too. Can You please tell that after conducting the maraige by officiating it, is it nescessary to marry her according to Muslim formalities(meaming social maraige) ? Also, please comment, that is there any die hard rule that a muslim must marry a muslim only ? (Sorry, I dont want to discuss about religion, but i m ignorant about muslim religion so I ask)
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Hi Apurba, I’ll let Rob answer your questions if he’s up for it, but I’m curious how did you get to know your girl in Solo? From internet?
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@Patung. . . . Hi juga :). . . . . . . .Ya meet in a chat site. . . Eventually emerged into a serious relationship
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@ apurba ….sounds very very risky…hope you know what your doing….
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@Mets . . .r u indonese ? Please say whats Your advice for my situation
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I am and a girl too…you need to understand her religion to understand her culture if your relationship is going to survive… have you met her yet, spent some time with her, other than over the internet..are you sure she is a girl of age and is single, or is the actual person you think your in love with..etc…but I am sure you have taken all of these things into account
& I could go on and on and on….
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Dita says:
My, what a lively discussion!
Has been going on for more than a year!I would like to address Apurba’s question about the “die hard rule” about how a muslim should only marry a muslim too.
The rule you question is based on Al-Qur’an, Muslim’s bible.
It states pretty blandly that a muslim woman is not allowed to marry a nonmuslim man.
A muslim man, however, is allowed to marry a woman of different religion.Now, I will not babble about the reasons why a muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non muslim man. I have found that I am incompetent in explaining my religion’s rules, seeing that I am not a very good muslim. 🙂
I will only say that you should take some time to think thoroughly before making such an important decision.
Muslim or atheist, indian or indonesian, I believe that marriage plays a prominent part in our lives. And that marriage should not only be based on mere love.And here I would like to comment on Rob’s saying ..
“Alternatively, you could go through the formality of converting to Islam and then get married. If you truly do not believe in any religion then this is just going through the motions and may be easier for you than for her.”
Yes, true, there are many foreigner men converting to Islam for the sake of their partner’s agreement to marry them. but often afterwards, these men don’t proceed to being a real muslim .. and I can say this because I know several men like these, so it’s not just an assumption or accusation.
As a Muslim Indonesian girl,
allow me to say that it is a heartbreaking notion.
Muslim women, of all race and nation, look up to their husband to be their leaders,
To be their imam, both in this world and the world after this.
A husband can carry us either to heaven or hell.So it hurts, it breaks my heart if there is anyone assuming that once you are converted to Islam, it’s all taken care of ..
Of course, this is only my personal opinion. The fact is, there are many muslim women out there who are happy with their foreign spouse’s lack of islamity (is there such a word? Ah well, I hope the meaning I try to express is conveyed).
Before I end this comment,
please let me say Minal Aidzin Wal Faidzin,
Happy Belated Eid Fitr 1429 Hijriah
for those of you who celebrate it. 🙂cheers,
Dita. -
@Mets. . . . . Ya U r rite . . .but i have done video chat with her many times. . . . We also talk sometimes on phone but as U know international calls r very costly. . . . . I get Ur point , i want someone to help me get an idea how to prove her what i m n also get to know what she is, i mean theres an international market of flesh traders n also materialistic girls, i want to clear ever point, but i dont know how 🙁
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You will have to go and meet her spend sometime together before you conduct an internet wedding….or try and find someone in your own country …just a suggestion…..
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@Dita. . . . . .happy Eid 🙂
Happy Navratri n Subho sharadiya to all my hindu n bengali friends 🙂 -
@Mets. . . .i would do Ur 1st option, i will go n know her n marry . I m total crazy in her love :-x. . . Thanks for the advice 🙂
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Geordie says:
but i have done video chat with her many times. . . . We also talk sometimes on phone but as U know international calls r very costly. . .
Ain’t anywhere near as costly as failed marriage matey, from both the financial and, perhaps more importantly, emotional point of view.
I m total crazy in her love :-x.
I’m glad for you but if you are so besotted with her then ensure you think, with the big brain, very carefully about your next steps.
The streets of Jakarta are littered with the broken hearts of many a foriegner who after stepping of the boat, metaphorically speaking, fall head over heels not just with the first exotic beauty but also the country and lifestyle. So it’s terribly important to separate the lady in question from the whole ambience of Indonesia.
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timdog says:
This thread, casting its grotesque, elephantine shadow over the entire Indonesia Matters site – and bound to continue doing so until the end of days – leaves me genuinely depressed. It prompts urges in me to be horribly, bullyingly unpleasant to my fellow bule (and Indian) men that I find hard to resist…
Just as I felt such an urge bubbling up almost uncontrolably Geordie popped in with the most succinctly sensible thing said on the thread for a while (not withstanding your generous practical information Rob).
Thanks Geordie, I was about to be an asshole…
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Timdog…but this is my favourite thread! I had thought about giving away a prize for the person who makes the 1000th comment on this, but I’ve had that idea before for other things and my desultory attempts to find a hotel in Jakarta that would give me a prize/free stay for the winner in exchange for big plug and ads were fruitless.
Anyway, you should add Dita’s comment above to your sanctimonious “approved list” 😉 , I just got to letting it through so you wouldn’t have seen it just before…
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@ Oki – if your boyfriend is so generous with his money – get him to send you to school then – finish your degree, he should not be afraid for you to be on equal terms in the relationship, to be in a position to earn your own money….or possibly earn even more than him…
When you say ‘corruptor’ this can be in many ways – its not just about money, if we look at it another way, your boyfriend can be viewed as a ‘corruptor” by taking advantage of you by making you feel that because he has more money, he has made you feel it is only through him your life can improve – this set up puts him in control of the relationship
But that is not my point… it is how the girl respect themselves, I agree with you, but I really would like you to consider that you are worth more & smarter than you realise….
For example, You said that you only studied up until high school (SMP/ SMA right) – look, you have the confidence to chat on IM on the English site – to me it shows really how clever/ bright you are to pick up the english language by yourself without any help…
I am not judging as I understand how difficult and expensive it is to go to school….but if he loves you & sees you as his equal partner, then surely it is about building a life and foundation together as equal partners as you clearly have your own mind and views