Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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timdog says:
Patung… well, I guess if I’m entirely honest I rather like it myself or i wouldn’t keep reading the comments… perhaps it’s just the negative reaction in myself that it prompts which upsets me 😉
It’s just every time yet another confused gentleman engaged in, shall we say, an electronic romance with “Indonesian girl” (whoever she is) turns up, I come over all nasty… I don’t like being nasty – I’m a liberal; liberals aren’t nasty 😉
Yeah, Dita’s bit is lovely isn’t it…
reminds me of an aquaintance of the English bule variety, married to “Indonesian Girl”…“Just went to the mosque, mate, read out some crap; gave me a certificate, that was it…” he told me, over haram refreshments of an evening.
“It’s bloody great, I go to mosques all the time, just for a laugh, not to pray or anything, f*ck no. Someone always comes up all sh*tty like ‘Hey mister, you can’t come in here’. I just laugh at them and say ‘yes I can, I’m a f*ckin’ Muslim and I’ve got the paper to prove it if you don’t believe me!”“Did you, er… did you…” I tried to ask, and made a snipping notion, wondering about the physical aspects of conversion.
“Did I f*ck!” he roared; “you can change my religion, but you ain’t getting your hands on my c*ck…”
Not entirely admirable sentiments perhaps, but I laughed until I nearly fell of my chair…
😉 -
Dita and All,
I made no aspersions as to the fairness or rightness of going through the formal motions of becoming a Muslim in order to get married to a Muslim woman. As is the case with Dita, I have many friends and acquaintances who have opted to go through the formal motions of becoming a paper-based Muslim. I pass no judgments on them or their spouses; to each their own.
In my defence, I was responding to Apurba’s questions of how this might be achieved and not on the notion of whether it is heartbreaking to the girl or her family.
Islamity — I do not know that there is such a word. What is the word? Is it Islamicness? Who knows, but I think we should make Islamity an acceptable word 😀
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Dita says:
Dear Mr Rob,
I am sorry if my words have caused you discomfort. I have no intention whatsoever to insinuate that you were suggesting converting to Islam is the easy way out.
As you stated, you were merely responding to Apurba’s question with the best technical answer.
And i was merely expressing my feelings too!
Had it not you who stated it, i would have done the same thing, nevertheless.I am sorry that you have to go to “defense” mode. It was my heart taking over my head again. So, are we friends? 🙂
Dear Mr/Ms/Mrs Timdog,
and here I am thinking that the “English bule variety” (variety! what a choice of word!)
is the sweetest kind of Bule ever to walk on this Earth.
oh well, English bule juga manusia, I think 😉cheers,
Dita. -
Dita…
No discomfort 😉 rather just explaining why I wrote what I wrote…
Friends? Why not?
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Patrick says:
@ Rob – You handsome devil posting your picture on this site. Actions speak louder than words! Good for you!
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Patrick…
Just worked out how to do it. Nothing to hide and I figure if I am going to have people call me names then they may as well be able to see my ugly mug while they are doing it 😉
As I have said previously, I do not see the point in anonymity as I am happy to defend any arguments that I make as me. If I get into trouble in the future because my arguments are too “extreme” (although I don’t think see that happening), then so be it!
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Geordie says:
My advice. Convert to Islam. If she is not the girl for you, you get 3 spares
Ha! Are you kidding AAB? In the context of this thread, can you honestly see the average Javanese woman buying into that?
Now I love Mrs Geordie dearly, she’s intelligent, educated and sexiness personified but low maintenance she ain’t which, incidently, she acknowledges. And this leads me to two conclusions: I couldn’t handle another like her much less three and why would I accept less than her? To misquote the late, great Paul Newman ‘….why settle for hamburger when you have steak…’
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foolosophy says:
Hmmm I don’t know about you guys but I have quite a number of bule friends, mostly from work. I hang out with them almost everyday to have some beer or coffee on breaks. AND have a few rounds of Mario Kart DS on lunch breaks 🙂 Mind you, I’m a girl living in Australia. So most of my friends are bules. As much as I love to be around male bules, I just can’t seem to go deeper in terms of relationships. Don’t get me wrong, bules are VERY nice to women. But if they want to get involved in my life, there would be more than just us in our relationship. There would be my sister, my family, family friends…etc etc I just can’t see any of those male bule friends who would understand, and would go that far to adjust themselves to my culture.
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CBR_mat_saleh says:
foolosophy, sounds like you are the bules’ Asian-gal-pal. And you are right, they are probably ready to hook up with you, but not ready to get into a relationship with your whole family. Many bules probably come from families where they may not even acknowledge their own siblings and the thought of needing to compromise their existence to keep ‘face’ with their in-laws is completely unpalatable.
Some of them probably harbor secret feelings for you but are afraid of upsetting the apple cart. -
I had thought about giving away a prize for the person who makes the 1000th comment on this, but I’ve had that idea before for other things and my desultory attempts to find a hotel in Jakarta that would give me a prize/free stay for the winner in exchange for big plug and ads were fruitless.
Hey didn’t mat saleh just made the 1000th post? (according to the count he did)
Good luck in finding a free hotel stay, Patung! -
Hey didn’t mat saleh just made the 1000th post? (according to the count he did)
Good luck in finding a free hotel stay, Patung!Yes! We have a “winner”!
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Hi All,
I’m Indonesian and I have bf from Uk, we already have 5 month in our coupling but we have a long distance. last month he come to Singapore from Uk to meet me. we have ambition to live together in somewhere but it’s not in my country and not in his country. I’m muslim and he’s christian but we love each other. May dad really don’t like with him and don’t give permission for me to have coupling with bule as he think a streotype about bule. but I still choose my bf more than my family. My dad always do something to make our coupling broken.
I’m so confused and pesimistic with our ambition because we are so far. We just keep in touch by mail, messenger and phone everyday. We have plan to stay together in Malaysia and I must found job in there and stop working in here. I just want to escape from my country and have a new life with him.
When I read many story in this site it’s make me worry and more pessimistic with our coupling.
Please give me suggest…. -
Barry prima says:
Tia. I wish you the best, but I would always suggest that leaving your religion and family (as long as they have always loved, treated and respected you otherwise) is not worth it for someone of the opposite sex.
If you feel any affiliation with Islam, are practising or are from a religious family background, perhaps you will never find it easy to accept the decision you will make, the guilt will kill you!
Also your happiness will not come by leaving Indonesia, it’s not out there somewhere in the arms of some man either. Accepting who you are (iklhas) and dealing with the reality of your situation is the best javanese advice I ever got.
If you do go ahead, you have to be sure that both you and your partner are willing to run with this baby all the way.
I don’t know what your circumstances are, but do you really want to put yourself through this…??
f**k, this thread is depressing…ps:where is he from in the uk ,as I’m there right now I can do a check on him for you..haha
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Tim says:
Very Clever
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Mets says:
@ Tia – you only been chatting over the internet for 5months….your not in a relationship….your father is right…sorry
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Two ladys chatting on messenger to their UK boyfreinds at the same time. The boyfreinds notice a marked change in the responses, messages very short, avoiding sensitive questions, nothing making sense, short replys taking along time to write.
Then one of the girlfreinds accidently sends this message to her boyfreind,
“gw bilang chat sama lo”
breifly translates as “every chat the same”
interesting to hear from the more informed…
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The “lady” who sent it quickly said sorry wrong person. She said this means I am chatting with Tim…
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we have ambition to live together in somewhere but it’s not in my country and not in his country.
It seems both of you feel to need to escape from the reality of who/where you are…which is a bad evil warning..wherever you go in the world there you are.
I can see the dark clouds gathering, but who knows there may be a beautiful rainbow that emerges at the end of the storm…or a complete devastation.
Again I need to ask you Tia, do you really want to put yourself through this? I don’t know you, nor whether you are one of those Javanese girls who actually believe in true love asian jodoh style (in a way that a western person, or any man for that matter myself included never can) or one of those infamous gold digger/two faces.
But one thing I can bet on is that your husband is not going to see things the same way as you…you’re risking too much for too little possible perceived gain..only been chatting over the internet for 5months….your not in a relationship….your father is right…sorry
Can’t argue with that logic. It’s still possible to get out before you hurt and your family too much, it’s too late…
The choice is obviously yours, the traditional javanese style to reach a decision in this matter is to trust you heart, not head, by asking God ie looking inwards. Islam gives you guidelines, and according to Islam your marriage is invalid. You have a right to reject that, that’s fine, but if you do so you will have to develop a new ideology for who you are and where you stand in the world, that will be very problematic for your relationship, after the honeymoon period.
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Both of these ladys are educated, speak good english, one has 2 very good jobs, just use sex and mans weakness to entrap them. When trust is broken “relationships” do not stand much of a chance.
Beware gents these are not your usual “bar girls”
Braindead I be..sigh..
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Marisa says:
What’s up with Tim?
Sigh. Sometimes I cringe at the sound of the lovers cry. One of these days, I seriously believe they’d be the ones changing the world!
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sophie says:
I just found out this website and came accross this particular discussion. I read most of the opinions, so far I can say. well done to all of you, especially you Mr. Barry Prima. Kudos for your thoughts 🙂
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Dessy says:
Dear all..
My name dessy and working 2 jobs, in the night as PR in Pub and this is 1st time I work in bar and day as Admin. I met Scotland nice man in bar, he said he don’t have passion with his wife and have 3 sons and we ever stay for 2 month, I think…we making love and I got pregnant but he back to Scotland and we still in contact. But he seems to push me have abortion so I take it and I regret it all my life but I can’t hate him cos its my fault too…and I’m too love him.
We ever talk heart to heart what we going to do in our relations? But after a while…suddenly, he changes his mind and said something that insult my pride and looked me down cos I work in bar, but then he apologize for his horrible words and I still want to forgive him…but now, he really really insult me, I think he is too paranoid about what written here, about dating Indonesia girl. Maybe if we meet in better place, our relations don’t have to be like this. I want ask all you guys here:
1. is it wrong for me to work in bar and falling in love with someone?
2. why must people looked down in woman who work in bar but not man who is coming?
3. he ever dumped me 5 times and I always forgive him, do I look so stupid?
I know many bule got trauma cos some indonesian girls make bad image but I want said “not every girl have that bad think to bule” many indonesian girls married with bule and live happily. Maybe I have to give up for my love cos I’m too tired, explain everthing every minute to him but I’m too love him. I think maybe he confused and stress with his work, family and me…so can you guys give me good advice cos I need that to build my trust and love. -
Barry prima
it’s sound like you know me.
Who are you?
Btw, how you can say “But one thing I can bet on is that your husband is not going to see things the same way as you…you’re risking too much for too little possible perceived gain..”Thanks for all your suggest. But easy for you to say something bad opinion about me, you don’t know hows look like and how my feeling
Btw, Tim.. Thanks for “VERY CLEVER” i think you really good man
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Dessy – The 1st and most obvious problem is that you are having an affair with a married man. That places you at a decided disadvantage as where did you expect the relationship to go? He has a wife and some kids so what were you thinking? You cannot dream yourself into a successful long lasting happy relationship. Feel so sorry for you though because an abortion is difficult for many women long after the procedure. Just remember God is forgiving so ask him to heal you and stay away from married men because no good will ever come from it. Good luck to you!
@ Marisa your too young to be so cynical about love or is that just part of the writer persona you are trying to create for yourself? Just don’t get too lost in character or you will miss out on one of the most incredible experiences in life and that would be a great tragedy.
mmmm? Dear Patrick anyone? : > )
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Dear all…
to be honest, I always cry every time I read his emails or chat with him…I never expected the man that I love talking bad about me cos I never ever had bad image to him. He expose all our story and thank you for all your advice but you guys just heard from one side not two…to think, it was him who always playing games with my heart..if i don’t love him, why should I bother send him email, picture, take him to see my rent room, my office and told my parents about him…
All I do was to make him believe that I’m not just playing games with his heart but he always mistake and judge me for bad girl…I really really being very insulted by him, but what I can do, I can’t help myself for hate him..yea…that man called Tim and the girl he always talking about in here was me…I need advice and suggest from all good people here about our relationship. -
Dear Tia,
hey girl, just want to say that I know how you feel, because i’ve been walking in your shoes before.
If you will allow me to give some, well, not advice, but merely an insight from my own experience:
Take it SLOWLY. give him and yourself SOME TIME. do NOT RUSH.
I know, I know, when Eros is running high, there is only so much you can do to restrain it.
But girl, (I bet you know this already), there is much more to a relationship than just amorous love.
There’s logic and reasons too!You might want to get away from everything for a while, to have some peace and quiet, and give yourself a chance to THINK this thoroughly.
Think of the things you will gain if you were to choose him, and think of the things you will have to sacrifice in making that decision.
And then, ask yourself this question: is it worth it?You know, there are some things that cannot be taken back, and there are some things we take for granted, and regret always comes too late.
You also must remember that nothing is certain in this world, that what goes around comes around, and that all that starts well, ends well.
Tia, dear girl,
I think it’s about time to be mature, to act like an adult, which is to say, not only following your heart blindly, but also give a chance for your head to take some part in this.I wish you nothing but the best, and should you need to share again, I’ll be more than pleased to help. 🙂
cheers,
Dita.And to those of you who responded to Tia’s post,
Please be kinder, won’t you?
Not everyone is wise and knowledgeable as you are, or, that is to say, there is still some who believe in love, albeit a cyber one, no matter how foolish that may seem.When a girl such as Tia cries out for some help, maybe she does need it. maybe she really does not know what to do. And if you have the capacity to help her, hell, why not?
It only takes 5 minutes of your 24 hours to write a decent reply.Dita.
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Oops,
My last post intended to anyone but Barry Prima.
Bravo, Barry Prima!
Good to know someone still cares. 😉Hey, can I ask you a favour?
Can you check someone in UK for me instead?
😀 -
Eh? I’m not being cynical. I seriously mean it. One of these days, they’d be the ones changing the world.
Would you believe if I told you that those are actually words of encouragement?
What’s with all this negative thinking all of the sudden, anyways?
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@ apurba
My advice. Convert to Islam. If she is not the girl for you, you get 3 spares.