Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Nice to see Kinch and Farah have met up again…. some posts here moved to another thread, which you can find on the home page under “Asides”.
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kinch says:
@ Farah
Absence makes the heart grow fonder! Now don’t go and ruin it by being mean to me 🙂
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Tim says:
I am totaly in love with an indonesian lady. I met her on a recent trip to Batam. By day she works as a PA in an office, by night in one of the bars in Nagoya. I am a Bule, kind and compassionate but a sinner because I have a failing marriage back home. Although my wife does not think so. I love indonesia, I love the culture, the respectfulness of the people and how everyone we met were so freindly and helpful. You guys could teach america & uk a few things about the service industry!
However hard I try I cannot understand this lady. I am 41 she is 28, yeah ok mid life crisiis western guy meets v.pretty lady and she gives him loads of attention..I have my self to blame for my heartache.
The first night we made love. She did not want to use a condom!. I said no way, HIV unwanted pregnancy and all that..I could not understand her wanting to do this as she comes from a good family in jakarta and is well educated. Totaly blowing my mind.
Then after a few days, she kept telling me she wanted a western baby from a good man…and I was totaly overwelmed by her affection I just gave in. Yes what a stupid irresponsible unforgivable thing to do…
She now is expecting a baby and I am back in Bule land. I am so worried that she will be outcast in her community, lose her job and maybe her family will not support her. I keep asking if she had told her mum, but says no or does not answer this or other more deeper questions about our relationship.
I told her all along that I am married, with children and could never leave them until at least they had all left home (8 years). I was in a bad emotional state when I went to Batam, and was not looking for sex, I assure you but have ended up falling in love, but I just dont know if she is for real and playing a very cruel game with me. I want to get to know her more deeply if we were ever to have a long term relationship. I would (after research) no trule out converting to Islam if I found a lady whom I could build a relationship and trust. Trust is a big thing for any relationship to work.
Reading this blog, Trust is going to be the biggest challenge for any indonesian / western relationship. The decent Bule worrys that she is only after his money, the decent lady worrys that he is only after sex and a pocession. I guess there are no easy answers, I have considered contacting a private investigator but worry that it will be some disrespectful scumbag. I wont do this.
If she is just playing with me, knowing I have children then she is an extremely cruel person. Maybe she has been hurt many times before? who knows, god I guess!
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Achmad Sudarsono says:
Tim,
Whoa.
Tricky situation, pal, one that could last a long time.
What do you think she wants ? My guess is she thinks you’ll come back to her, specially with the lure of a child.
My guess is you probably will, from what you’ve written.
Good luck with it, pal & hope you find happiness.
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Andy says:
Tim,
Two things…first she works in a bar and second she wanted a baby with you regardless of the fact that you are married and have a family in another country. Doesn’t suggest she is a very moral girl does it.
You have been duped. Get out while you can. The heartache will heal after a short while. The endless pain will go on if you persist with what you are doing.
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timdog says:
“weary sigh”…
“She works as a PA in the daytime and only works in the bar at night… She comes from a good family…”
I utter another weary sigh…All the negativity, all of the poisonous ideas abot “Indonesian girls” and indeed “bule men” have their roots in the fact that a disproportionate number of the Inndonesian-bule relationships are of a kind that wouldn’t be considered particularly functional or tasteful in any circumstances, let alone a “cross cultural” one.
Consider this:
you are a dirty old bastard with a red nose and thin, oily hair and a failed marriage back in Texas, Darwin, Aberdeen or wherever; you take a highly paid oil industry job in Indonesia and very rapidly pick yourself up a hard-faced, tight-bodied little thing young enough to be your daughter as your “girlfriend” and quick frankly don’t give a sh*t how much she costs you ‘cos “this is just mickey mouse money ain’t it?”or
You are a social misfit and ugly bastard who never managed to lay hands on a woman throughout highschool and throughout your mediocre degree; now, having taken a job as an English teacher in Indonesia find yourself surrounded by attractive women every time you go to a bar and fawned over by the cute office staff at work – somehow you have gone from being Joe Ugly to Brad Pitt…
or
You are a frickin’ IDIOT who met your Indonesian “girlfriend” online (what the hell’s wrong with real people?) and were touched by her story of emotional hardship at the hands of her “good” but conservative family and have swept in to rescue her…
Now, those are not healthy bases for any kind of relationship; the “cross cultural” bit, the “characteristics” of the generic “Indonesian girl” have nothing to do with it… But they’re not the only story.
If we had some way of filtering out all of those people whose experiences are based on something like one of the scenarios above, leaving only those in bule-Indonesian relationships that have something like a healthy, normal basis (and there are plenty of these), then this thread would never have generated any replies… Now, in its monstrous, bloated behemoth form it’s certainly an amusing topic, but fÂŁ&^$ me it’s getting a bit dull…@Tim… yeah, mate, whatever… good family, works as a PA… yeah, yeah, you should probably marry her or something, then in 12 months time you can come back to pour lots of bitter wisdom into this thread (which will definitely still be chugging away at that point)…
yawn…. -
Achmad & Andy, thankyou both for your comments, its a great help, particularly seeing the situation from different perspectives.
She knows & understands I will not leave my children, she also knows I must take time to go though marriage guidance, and give my marriage a chance. I have made it absolutely clear that I cannot give any promises to the future. However she says she will wait for me no matter what happens. What I like to believe is that she is at an age where her body clock needs a baby, that she does see me for what I am, gentle, kind and considerate (although a sinner…mmm… contradiction here) I have also heard from other sources in indonesia that women around this age find it hard to attract indonesian males? Have you heard this before?
Also during our stay in Batam, I have never been flirted with by so many educated single ladys who have good jobs, (not just ladys in bars), it was like the world was upside down!. (But I know the facts I am not under some illusion…)
This lady has a good day job, I know this because I visited her workplace. Her wages are low so she needs another job, she has no choice. She has to live.
On the question of morality, I certainly cannot comment on that one, we are both as guilty, and of course myself more so.
Of course my concern is that I have been duped, but if I have not I must do the moral thing and support her in some way or at least stay in contact with her and child. I could not live with myself knowing there is an innocent child out there not knowing who her father is.
She is not going to tell her mother until later (despite me pleading her to do this) as she does not want to worry her. I am the same.
My biggest concern is for her welfare during & after the pregnancy. I have done some research on the net and it makes very gloomy reading. I am worried that because she is unmarried and pregnant with a married Bules baby, she will be outcast from her community and recieve no healthcare. Is free healthcare available for someone in her position?. Are things changing in parts of indonesia, people becoming more tolerant of this kind of immoral behavior?.
I have sent her loads of links in emails that discuss the pitfalls of her situation. But she tells me god will decide and she assures me she can handle herself and that she is happy with her life and she knows I am not in a position to help her.
Whatever happens, I think of her daily, the thought of deleting her pictures makes me sick and never want to loose contact with her. For years I felt like I had died inside, I was not myself and whoever she is, I have picked myself up, I have cut right down on drinking, I eat less, I exercise more, and I realise now more than ever how precious my children are. I have never been religious, the hypocrites & bloodshed has always put me off, but now I am starting to think about religion..
Thanks again gents for your comments they are a great help.
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Tim, trust me I lived in Indonesia for 3.5 years and have heard your story many countless times by many other guys. It will end in failure believe me. You sound like a man with a good heart who wants to do the right thing by this lady but for your own sake …GET OUT.
Before the nationalist morons come on and chastise me for what I said I will say you can find many good women in Indonesia, you just went to the wrong place. I went from one which was not a bar girl but a piano teacher from a very upper middle class family in Cipulir, Kemayoran Lama. Hardly Blok M or Jaksa. But she was wrong. I then met a beautiful, smart chinese lady with an office job in the city (near Kuningan).
Choose correctly and wisely. Out of 235,000,000 people and maybe more than half of that ladies (many single) it can’t be too difficult really. -
Timdog,
Thanks for your honest straightforward reply. I agree with your weary sigh, it must get very boring listening to this same old stuff.
I dont think I fit into your three categorys. I have lived a marriage for a good number of years where I care for my wife but dont love her. We dont talk a great deal but one thing we do have in common is that we both agree on the way we bring up our children. They are growing into honest, respectful and compassionate people and for that I am proud, very proud. I want them to grow up tolerant of other mistakes (except there fathers..) and understand different cultures, religions etc. There is to much hate and cynisism in this world. We have taken them abroad on decent holidays to countrys where most people would never dream of taking their kids.
I am in the oil industry but I stand up for the rights of our locally employed nationals. I assure you I am not the stereotype oil industry guy you talk about.
Yeah of course I loved the attention, most men do but some have self control. I had absolutely none when I met this girl. I have been to her office and seen pictures of her family. She speaks in an educated way and has good english. I have no interest in some babe hanging off my arm just for sex, its not my thing.
Thanks again Timdog, will be probably be back on line in 12 months so look out! yawn….
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Andy,
Thanks again for your comment. I will consider what you are saying, as I was told indonesia by one of the ladys who worked in the hotel, think with your head and not your heart.
Trouble is I did not take her advise, lost self control, so I must now make try and find the right moral decision.
Cheers
Tim
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You will make the moral decision but if she doesn’t follow suit it won’t matter anyway. You will hurt and she will laugh. Remember that.
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Tim – I now feel a little guilty; you appear to be in a genuine moral quandry. My weary cynicism wasn’t directed specifically at you, but rather at this entire hoary old thread…
I’m afraid I’m strongly inclined to side with Andy (whose other views elsewhere I’m far from in agreement with) on this – cut and run.
Indonesia is not some backwards heart of darkness, and it is by no means as socially conservative as some “third world” countries. You will find “good” middle class girls in some bars and night clubs, though I’m afraid to say, not those in Blok M, and not those in Batam either – and they certainly won’t be going back to your room a few drinks after meeting you… At the same time premarital sex is not the absolute taboo that it is is some places, and plenty of those “good girls” are sleeping with their boyfriends.
But one-night stands with random bules met in a Batam bar is another matter entirely, and not one that bodes at all well…
All this talk of “good girls” torments my liberal, feminist-inclined soul, but one has to be blunt and frank about things. I don’t think this lady is the kind you’d want to meet your mother – slick English and “PA job” notwithstanding.Aside from all of that, ask yourself seriously – would you in another life ever consider embarking on a serious attachment with someone who, quite honestly, you know nothing about?
It sounds to me like you have fallen into a classic “mantrap” (and to be brutal – is she really pregnant? Is it really yours?), your own sensitivity and unhappy personal life only making you more vulnerable… [Timdog adopts cod-American accent, clenched fist and earnest, heartfelt expression] – there is happiness waiting for you out there somewhere brother, but not with a bargirl from Batam…Points of fact:
Healthcare is not free in Indonesia, but she’ll survive; far poorer people than her have babies every day.
For traditional, particularly rural families girls are expected to be married off by their mid-twenties, and this extends somewhat into the more conservative middle classes. However, I have many female Indonesian friends in their mid-late 20s for whom marriage is not currently on the cards, who are “good girls” (shudder!), but who are not by any means condemned to a life of miserable spinsterhood and are happily dating…
Single mothers in Indonesia do have a hard time (as do single mothers everywhere). But they are not totally unheard of and someone with a background that got her a “job as a PA” and a decent grasp of English is not going to end up begging on the steet, clinging to the grimy fringes of society.All the best brother… weary sigh…
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Cheers Andy,
Your comments are bringing me down to earth, helping me think more clearly.
Until I wrote in this blog, I was thinking seriously of sending some money to help with medical fees etc. What I am thinking now is letting time take its course as I should not forget this baby was no accident, it is what she wanted right from the beginning. However I feel very cruel doing this. I do have strong feelings for her, but its hard gaining total trust in this situation. I also need to be sure my feelings are not some holiday romance.
Would be interested to hear some indonesian views, in particular their feelings on how life will be for her and the baby, would they look down at her, avoid her on the street, would they let their children play with this child?
Thanks again
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Timdog,
Absolutely no need to feel guilty, I appreciate all of your comments, and like Andy’s they are bringing me down to earth.
Thanks again.
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oki says:
Hi All, i am back and interested to talk again here. this is site is Indonesian girl but not so many Indonesian girls do speak here.
i read the comments almoust all talk about moral. i think the good or bad moral only be shown when the other people know what we are doing. but i will be very agrreed if we ask by our self what do we have a good heart?
i from a good family and have good job in the day but i was find something else in the night. i was slept with many men to find one good for me ( good is not must be right ). everybody wants have money and everybody like to have sex. i don’t ask for any price but i will not refused if there is one like to give me some money, but i prefered to ask for shoping ( so many nice people doing this and i am not feel embarased to say this). i just think if a man marriage a woman then he must give her salary every month. the wife also must give good service for the husband if she won’t her husband to leave her. so is there something for free?
well… some girls doing nice will not be say about money before it because she won’t be anyone say her is a prostitute and she is actually expecting he will marry her. then after married….. ? no one wife who will be stay longer with her husband without any money! ( after married baru ketahuan belangnya gitu loh..)
so my opinion is if we are really love the person don’t worry about money after it and don’t be worry if its only for the sex after.
i not smoke, no really like to drink and no like to stay longer at any club. but i still do hang out sometime. well, that i used to told if i prefer to met guys from the internet, its a web or chat by messenger. i did like to use ym and always choose thailand bangkok chat room that so many bule from all the world like to be there. but i am sorry i didn’t do for the cyber sex. but now i am happy with one boyfriend already i got.
i prefered look for a man above 35yo who still single and no kids. and ofcourse very difficult to find that age in asian men, especialy Indonesian man. why no kids? because i don’t do like to have baby before married even i do really love him. not because i worry if will become a single parent but i really worry if my baby have a bad life because of me ( because iam not very rich ). and whatever can be happen suddenly and everyone also can be change mind sometime even if they are say i very love you. -
Patrick says:
As an American citizen I am quite troubled or maybe I am just really amused about all these naive fellow countrymen who have been coming to this thread to seek love advice about some Indonesian girl that they just met either online or in a bar. You all sound like a bunch of (using my best Purba Negoro impersonation) whining, bed wetting, western clowns and with your heads up your ass looking for love in all the wrong places in Indonesia. You have a better chance of going to some beach with a metal detector and finding the Hope diamond then discovering an Indonesian woman (in the circumstances you described) worthy of marriage and having your children. In fact, why go all the way to Indonesia to get your heart broke and your bank account greatly depleted? Don’t we have our own “city of sin” in the desert and with plenty of women that will whisper in your ear anything you want to hear? It’s called Las Vegas! Just flash your cash and you will attract like flies to sh*t exactly the same kind of cheap hustlers that you seemed to be falling prey to in Indonesia. And think about this, the plane ride home is a heck of allot shorter so that you won’t have to spend as much time thinking about what an idiot your mama raised!
@Tim your writing style is almost exactly the same as another storyteller named Neil. His prose read as if it was written from an Indonesian sinetron. Any relationship?
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Aluang Anak Bayang says:
@ Tim
An advice from a Javanese.
Give her the benefit of doubt. Wire US$500 to her and make it clear it was for her medical expenses. Tell her that she won’t be hearing from you as you want to sort things out. This will at least lessen your guilt conscience and at the same time you won’t be harassed for more money. Take a break away and never to contact her at least after the child is born. If you decide she is the one for you, you go back to her. If not, leave it as it is.
I am only giving you this advice because you sounded genuine and a nice person in a moral conscious dilemma. The same s**t happened to a Bule friend earlier this year. He is married with kids back home and his Indon gf was pregnant with his child.
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Thanks Oki, its good hearing things from your perspective. You right the truth. Too many people have no compassion, but with strong compassion comes a weakness and I have always trusted people too much. Having said that I would rather be as I am than some of the cynical characters I have met.
I was emotionly out of it in Batam and the attention she gave, passion etc, made me feel so special, I just lowered my defences and ignored all the warning signs.
Patrick is right I am an idiot. (Thats putting it nicely, thanks patrick!)
If just one stupid emotionly wrecked Bule reads this and it brings him back to earth before its too late then confessing my stupidty & sins on this blog would have been worth it!
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Aluang,
Thanks for the advice. Recently heard some news that no longer puts me in a moral dilemna. However hard it is to accept, I know now I was being laughed at all along. I have no problem her doing this to me alone, maybe some man or Bule treated her like s**t in the past, I just dont know. But to try and pull out all the stops to break a family when she had no intention of keeping the relationship, that is unbelievably cruel. But its a cruel world out there.
Thanks again
Tim
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Mets says:
@ Tim
I am an Indonesian girl who is actually saying cut and run sweetie…….you have been duped……No good girl opens her legs at this day and age without a condom from any country that has access to a good education…and I am truely sorry you have to experience this…admittedly not too much of a bright thing to land yourself in this situ when you are still married with a family as an unplanned preganancy is hard enough to deal with….
You do realise though if you really want to work it out with your mrs…you are going to have to tell her the truth…especially when a child is involved…but pls make sure it’s your child and take a paternity test before you upset your marriage even more than necessary….
@ Oki – Hello I am an indonesian girl too!!! and If you want to find the right guy….try closing your legs and get them to respect you ……….why do you cheapen yourself and accept guys money…can you not earn a living to support yourself…good heart or not….you are a walking target for any man to use for their own pleasure without any commitment as you seem to think by men buying you things and giving you money must mean they care…
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Purba Negoro says:
Tim:
We do have condoms here and Ru486 (requires money) as well as the Pill.and abortions- even traditionally via pijet (massage) and jamu.
AS I was taught in Islam, religiously- the baby is not formed until forty days, before which it is blood and water- this mirrors the Christian grudging acceptance of the lesser evil if prior to 7 weeks.
I would advise either abortion or you pay her a maintainance. Is she was in a Western antin- she would be legally obliged to your parental support-
OR you must legally disown the child.
But I do warn you- if you allow the child to be born- they will have a very miserable life as Bastard in the eyes of the Law (being “Anak Luar Kawinan” is an official legal status here and difficult to revoke) and a probably poverty filled life.
In future Tim,
you really need to get one off with a girl- put it one of the two other holes that don’t have loudly rattling ovaries.I’m not impressed at all sorry.
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Mets, good post. I know we have had our differences but I agree.
Men (particularly bule) need to be aware and alert for scamming women. Before you all raise your fists though they are everywhere. But in Indonesia in most places that bule go to they will attract the worst of the worst. Simple……they believe rightly or wrongly that they are loaded. Now in many cases this is not true and if they really wanted a guy with money they could hang out with Indonesia’s elite (Suharto’s etc) in Menteng or Pondok Indah etc. In most cases they have more than the average bule but there is a perception that bules don’t know the territory, maye naive or fall in love more easily. Can happen, a beautiful brown skinned lady with a perfect figure is hard to resist.
No matter what culture you live in though, any woman who wants your kids without first establishing a relationship and secondly planning a family (being together in the one country and home sure helps) is out for something and worth avoiding. And I wouldn’t worry too much about the baby..she made her bed, she can lie in it. She can support him / her on her ‘jobs’ and would have family to support her somewhere. And before long she will most likely attract another sucker to feed her and jr.
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@purba
Thanks for your comments. What I have done is unforgivable and I am not looking for any kind of sympathy. Not only have I risked breaking a family but have also helped to re-inforce the stereotype of poor western morality. Over the last week I sent her emails upon emails with links to websites that explained the difficulties of bringing up a “Anak Luar Kawinan”. I get very little response (sometimes angry) when I ask difficult questions and I keep asking her to speak to her mother. She says she is happy with her life and loves the baby and does not want to worry her mother. I could not live with myself knowing a child that I am responsible for is a living a very miserable life as a Bastard. Whether its a legal requirement or not I would pay maintenance and would want to stay in contact. Thats what I recently told her except the maintenance because I am trying to convince her to have this abortion. Mentioning money at this stage is probably not a good idea. I have no control over her decision only try and influence so I am sure you agree I am in no position to prevent her from going ahead with the baby. She tells me God will decide.
@Mets
Thanks I appreciate everything you have said. A problem with my marriage is that too often I avoid conflict, trying to keep the peace, and submitting to my wife. In a strange turn of fate, the lady in Batam told me to be a real man and stand up to my wife. Since I came home, I have been doing this and what a difference. If it came to a maintenance issue (paternity test +ve) then of course I would tell my wife.To you all.
Thanks to your comments I finally realised my ignorance, vulnerability, stupidity, what have you and I now know have been duped. How did I find out?
I bought another sim card and texted her pretending to be a guy from the US (sorry chaps..) who met her in may. In a few days he will be in batam, for 2 years and is looking for a someone to take care of him…. Within 3 brief texts she gave out her email address. Strange for a lady who is tired & emotional in 8 weeks of pregnancy with a man who she promises that he is the only one she could ever have passion for. This pregnancy may be fictious she was telling me after 6 weeks she has a bump.
I did not like doing this (pretending to be someone else), it makes me sick, but a necessary evil I guess. I was suprised at how quickly she took the bait.
I dont have sympathy for myself or anyone else in my situation and do not have anger for her, she is just trying to survive in a cruel world, although knowingly breaking a family apart in this way is sickening.
Looking at her picture, in her eyes, I still cannot believe it, we had conversations about all sorts, fantastic memories.
Getting really boring now so I wont go on….
Just dont fall in love with girls who want unprotected sex on the first night…Doh..
Thankyou all so much for your guidance and patience, this experience has in no way tainted my view of indonesia, through work I have met many fine honest people.
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Oki,
I am in no position to offer advice, either morally or culturely as we come from such different places. You are right most people love money and sex, but be careful with yourself and please pay attention to what Mets respectfully advises you. I hope this boyfreind is a good man who treats you well and respects you.
Tim
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@ Andy – agree with all your comments….just a tiny little disagreement, I dont think any child should be born in a situation & pay for their parents mistake….
If I knew this girl I will drag her to an abortion clinic….Indonesia is too harsh on children born out of wedlock – especially a mixed raced child, no child deserves that kind of life………Im not talking from experience per say …. when I was younger going to school in Jakarta, I went to a school called Santa Ursula nearly all of Jakarta’s elite & politicians where sending their kids there during the late 70’s early 80’s (I suppose Indonesia’s equivalent to Eton or Harrow School) In my year there was 2 mixed race children one happended to be my 2nd cousin – she was loved and adored by the school as her grandfather (my grand uncle) was a very successful political figure during that era, and the other boy…he was bullied mercilessly by everyone at the school
Whats my point to this story…..the life the boy had at that school was hell, his parents eventually pulled him out and sent him to a boarding school in Germany – so if a mix race child from an obviously very wealthy background couldnt survive….I hate to think how a bastard (not in the rude sense) mix race kid from a low-middle class single parent family will survive…..
I’d like to think times have change in Jakarta now….but somehow I don’t think so
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@Mets
I am going to send her a mail that pleads her to consider the quality of life this child will have. Thanks Purba for your insight in this matter. The links I sent last week had no effect so I will offer to pay for this abortion.@ Purba: With respect I dont think sending her $500 will help the situation.
1) If she does want this baby she will not spend it on the abortion, and $500 will in no way help the childs long term future.
2) If the baby is fictious or not mine then $500 is wasted
3) She may end up going to some back street clinic which horrifies me. I told her previously not to even consider this option due to the high risk of death to the mother and a surviving malformed child.So if she says yes, I will tell her I will arrange to wire the money direct to the clinic.
Fortunately through work I met a lady who I can trust, who I would ask for her help in tactfully finding a clinic of good standard. This lady knew about my relationship and advised me to “think with your head and not your heart”. Its alot too ask.
I assume this option is available although abortion is “illegal” in Indonesia.
If she ignores this request, and the paternity test is positive I will pay maintenance and do everything I can to help this childs welfare.
Last time I discussed sensitive topics like this her response was “you dont love me, only the baby, I will not have abortion but will go and live in small village by myself”.
At an earlier time when we were chatting she described children as our assets, at first this made me feel cold, but in a country where there is no social security I can understand that point of view. Familys are very important in indonesia and many other countrys, sadly we seem to be loosing touch with this in the west. Although an illegitimate mixed race child may not be such an asset.
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Tim-
I think you confuse me with Andy.She sounds very immature and typical “kampungan” resorting to such ridiculous sinetron cengeng behaviours.
Just like Inul’s stupid “squeal with collapse” in Kuala Lumpur- so kampungan bwanget- very undignified.
Abortion is illegal if pregnancy does not endanger life or well-being of mother.
It is very easy to find many instances where the pregnancy would ‘endanger’ the mother…
Failing that- get her dukun to give her abortion pijet.
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Hi Mets nice to hear from you :). that i said i not rich person then i can not continue my study until have some degree and i can not work as manager or any else with very high salary.
i think if we want to respected any girl is not because of what she do only. its depend on how that girl have attitute. even if they are as a teacher but if they have bad attitute, the students will be can’t respected them. my neighbour always say hello and keep smile with me even they know i stay with man without married.
well, i got some money from my man. its bad for you. but WHAT do you think about somebody who get some extra money as CORRUPTOR? would we can still respected?
i don’t mind somebody else look down on me. but i am not type who can go with any kind of man. i don’t go with a man who want to bring me to bugdet hotel. i don’t met any man who like to talk dirty on chat. and i don’t like to continue to met again with man who like to touch my body every minute and everywhere.
if a good man he will say, money its not problem but the problem is how our feeling after that. but the bad man say, if you like me don’t talk about money, i want you like me for me (its like force).
my first love and my first man who sleep with me is not asian man and also not a bule ( but he is not my first boyfriend). i was finish my high school in Jakarta about 19yo and i still kept my virginity after that. in modern life like right now is not easy to find a virgin girl in early 20yo even she live in a village.Tim,
thanks, i met this boyfriend a few years ago not from club or web, he never ever touch me before because i already had have relationship with other eroupean man. he is also eroupean and lived in same town with me. he know about me even we only kept in touch by email. and i am happy now that he want do care of me. because i need some more money for buy nice clothes, some vitamin for my suplement ( at least i need two or three kind of suplements i taken everyday) and also i like to have some treatment at saloon. yeah… i spent much money.i been to Batam for visit my relative, its nice city, clean and very safe than Jakarta. i was wrong to description about Batam because i heard very bad about the girls there. but i think is still normal like other city, have cafe, bars, karaoke and clubs. i never seen sexy girl stand up on the street there for work.
well i read your problem but i am not an adviser and i can’t judge you. whatever happen with us today and in the future is because of our past. we can not be regreet. really if i can comeback to my past, i want to change many thing.
i agree with somebody who say abortion but if not more than two month but after two or three months please don’t do that. give your baby alive and can see the world. 🙂 -
Oki, I am happy to see you back on this thread.
Its good for everyone to listen to your story, life is not black or white. Those who have had a good start in life with better opportunitys are not in a position to morally judge those who have had to fight every step of the way. I think its fair to judge our equals (if thats the right word), but few people seem to have real compassion for others misfortune and background. And I do not mean mine, as I had no self control and considering where I come from, my action was ignorant,selfish and now other innocents will suffer the consequences of my actions.
One of your comments regarding a man not liking you asking for money. It is a difficult one from a mans perspective because if he has a reasonable amount of money he is going to to be paranoid that a lovely girl from a poor country is showing him so much attention. When I was with this lady in Batam, I wanted more than anything to talk to her to find out more, but yes I also had a strong sexual desire for her.
I was aware of these “Dupers” but kept blocking it out of my head, even though “warning signs” were probably there. I so much respect your honesty, everything you have written because its true that many people all over the world, size each other up not just for compatability but also for status and someone who can provide for them. You are just more honest and forward about this than most people like to be.
I still do not know what this lady wants from me, (because I am stupid) but I am working on finding out the truth. She does not want the abortion and is happy with her future (this was not unplanned) but I have tried to convince her to think of the babys future.
But the more I have read about the high risk at indonesian abortion clinics and shamans (in NO way), I have now realised that to ask her to do this from someone in my position would be morally wrong. Even with the high chance of her “duping” me, I cannot ask and will not ask her to do this.
We will both have too look to the future and make the most out of this mess without causing more unnecessary hurt. So the baby is going to stay alive and see the world.
Take care of yourselk Oki.
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@ Kinch
You sound so happy that i am back here… hehehehe… can’t be missing me that much eh?