Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Farah says:
@ kevin
…. as far as i know the filipino ONLY want someone that older 30-40 years than their age. I chat with 2 filipino girls less than a week ago. Both of them said they prefer “older” guys because they are “economicly settled” and also “more faithfully”. They are 21-22 y/o girls and they were looking for 45-55 y/o guy.I wont say they were much worse than indonesian woman. And people have their own preference. Also theres some “normal” girls that want someone around their age.
But thats i heard from them, and from few “senior citizen” from some different countries.
Yes we’re majority moslem.
Also another thing, even if some people married with same beliefs that wont guarantee the marriage would last or went good (theres no smooth sailing in marriage). We could see how much christians couples divorce almost as much moslems couples (other same beliefs couples).
I think how you over come the differences between couples is the most important thing in marriage. If you could tolerate each other, marriage will work out.
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salsa says:
Unfortunately this guy here is a typical of KUta oz guy that hang out in Kuta too much…
look, dont generalize indonesian girls with the girls you always meet in Kuta. You must be blind because you only see girls on her butt with her mini skirt walking around kuta and you never with the smart indonesian lady because sorry to say they dont wanna look even a sight on you, because you dont have anything to offer to them because you have nothing but your broken mental because you honey spend too much your time hanging around in Kuta.
I hate your threat because you generalize indonesian women because i am indonesian women and the way you say that words make us really bad internationally. If you want to blame, blame all the hookers in Kuta but not iNdonesian girls are hookers. SOrry to say but you only see what you wanna see and that what you get!!!!! you cannot and never ever can see the beautiful smart and mature lady because you know what, YOU DONT WORTH HER!
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Monica says:
just want to say to everybody (indonesian or western): don’t judge the book by its cover. Not all of Indonesian girls are bad like bule thought. AND not all of bule are bad like Indonesian thought..
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barry prima says:
Neil:
I’m afriad I’ll have join the chorus of dissaproval here and advise you in indonesian `cepat cepat kabur! (run baby run).I’ve Been married to an Indonesoian girl for fours years,including courtship it’s 6 years now(more of that later) so it might sound like a case of do as I say not as a I do, but the sad fact is at the end of the day youre story is the worst kind of cliche of these relationship types. In fact are you joking?
Do not trust anyone who tries resorts to emotional blackmail, a woman who cant stand on her own and isn’t sure about what she belives in and where her loyalties are,will make a lousy wife.Women everywhere employ this tactic,but indonesians take it to a whole other level!
Why put yourself through the trouble,take the path of least resistance and propser!She has refused my offers to send her money. Whatever the “regular” story you hear might be, this is not that story.
She’s not going to be so obvious is she? That of course a confidence trick. She’s smart enough to know you don’t show all your cards straight away .
Relegating the whole bule/indo thing to money like a a lot of Indonesian guys do, is an over simplification. Very few women are so calculating, they will even kid themselves that they love you People especially indonesians are not so methodical and black and white in their behavour patterns, remember this is the land of the wayang kullit! Indonesians, javanese more preciseley have a great skill in making the kasar look halus, ie they will rip you off but with a sweet smile and a twinkle in their eye.I’m at a loss for what to do. I feel incredibly helpless being so far away.
Don’t do anything ..,Respect yourself homeboy! This is not your problem, deal with the reality in front of you,your own family and friends in your backyard, not some exotic far away soap opera..You think this is your chance to be a knight in shining armour? I cant blame a guy for thinking that, and in some situations that’s a reality but I very very much doubt this is a fairy tale with a happy ending.
At the end of the day, que sera que sera. I wish you the best Dude, but I think you should pay serious attention to the Ex pat guys here (even though most of us are jerks). Don’t listen to Indo women, for adivse about other indo women either, no matter how educated they are, they will never have a clue as to how western men think, in the same way most of us will never understand Indonesians either!
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Good point Aries_pal:
I’ve seen a lot of suave/good looking indonesian guys, it’s all down to wealth and class. In any country the middle class are better looking and better groomed than the working classes, indonesia is no different. If you go to the swanky joints in Jakarta, everyone is so immacualte, to a degree you never see in the west. The chinese guys esp are so slick and pretty, which is unusual as the chinese men over here are non descript.
If your dropped one of those slick indonesian guys in a small redneck town in the USA or in middle england, where they are not used to brown faces, if they have the confidence they will attract as much attention as the bules do in in indonesia. Everyone loves the exotic, in countries where bules are the norm, a brown and healthy or oriental complexion gets a lot of attention.Yeah indonesians are usually short,but amongst the younger generation of rich kids a lot of them are turning into giants. If Bules go around thinking they’re gods gift, it’s only because they’re comparing themselves to the street vendors,not indonesian people who are in the same economic class as them..
Every race has its own advantages.
I heard some girl say once that Indonesian guys have that special something too,you just have to look deeper to find it. -
Mets says:
It has been very interesting reading, being an Indonesian girl who is finally returning to Jakarta next year, having studied and worked in London for the past 15 years…
I must say both myself and my partner (he is english) have found this website rather insightful and thought provoking, but there is one thread I feel I have to comment on as I really could not believe what I was reading as it really made me annoyed to say the least, so I am apologising in advance if you feel the sarcasm is a bit OTT…
@ BF
The problem now as she many times remember these bad thing and get angry and blameing me for this. Offcause I know this was not correct, but can not undo whats already happening. If she only get angry I can handle, but she get very depressed and even talking about ending her life. These kind of talk is not very pleasent to hear, she is not playing me, thats for sure. She is not after money, I am quite rich and already give her family a house and offfer what ever she want from money.
So my question is there anybody know where to get professional help in Jakarta for depression or other psycriatic problem.
Seems to me you have several options on how one can view your situation….
Option 1
Did it ever occured to you that she is hurting because eeemmm I don’t know you CHEATED ON HER & LIED TO HER !!!!Also that with all the money in the world that you might have…you can never buy back TRUST, RESPECT…
So it looks like you are going to have to find a way to win that trust & respect back the old fashion way, make her feel she is the most important thing in your life etc you know the score…but try doing this without buying the whole family..
Option 2
Could it be that you are her first love? If this is the case, the betrayal will have a bigger impact in her young inexperienced life in the complex matter of love & life…Option 3
If you are her first love….does she feel she has nowhere to go and no one to turn to, possibly not her family as you so kindly (rightly or wrongly) have provided them with a house & she feels the pressure that she might make her family homeless if she were to leave you, which is an enormous responsibility for a young girl of 19yrs – therefore she is feeling trapped in the situation/ relationship she no longer wants to be inI really do think you need to take more accountability of the damage you have caused this girl and maybe look within yourself in the first instance……
What caused you not be honest with her when you first met (other than the obvious)
Why did you not have the courage to end your previous relationship before starting with her
Why do feel the need to attempt to buy her whole family (other than the obvious)Maybe try answering those key questions first before you start packing your g/friend of to a shrink!!
BTW – before anyone starts on the fact my partner is English, he is not in his fifties & balding, but rather looks like Jude Law the actor lol!!
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Jude law is in his forties and balding!!!He rather looks like phil collins of late.
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Gordon says:
This is fascinating – 31 pages over 2 years.
As bule in his early 30’s whose been traveling to Jakarta for the last couple of years it looks like everyone else is as confused about the place (read women) as I am.
Just when you think you have them figured out they do something to completely throw you. I have reached the conclusion that it is pointless trying to understand what is going on – just accept and enjoy…..oh and don’t sleep with one of her friends.
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Andy says:
Sorry salsa, most hookers i’ve met in Kuta are Javanese. In fact the local balinese girls are stricter culturally and most will not seek a bule boyfriend. If I knew a bule who planned to go to Indonesia I would tell him to go to Bali to get drunk and surf but go to Java to get laid.
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As bule in his early 30’s whose been traveling to Jakarta for the last couple of years it looks like everyone else is as confused about the place (read women) as I am.
Just when you think you have them figured out they do something to completely throw you. I have reached the conclusion that it is pointless trying to understand what is going on – just accept and enjoy…..oh and don’t sleep with one of her friends.
Hehehe.. good one… we’re the unsolved mystery !
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perseus says:
Andy said:
Sorry salsa, most hookers i’ve met in Kuta are Javanese. In fact the local balinese girls are stricter culturally and most will not seek a bule boyfriend. If I knew a bule who planned to go to Indonesia I would tell him to go to Bali to get drunk and surf but go to Java to get laid.
True story… I second the motion!
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Purba Negoro says:
Perseus Andy et al,
perhaps you should try charming women instead of paying for their affections?Balinese hookers are rife- they’re as omnipresent as the wallowing Australian female Beluga basking their blubber in the sun.
Of course hookers are the supply to meet the demand. Unfortunately for the Balinese hooker, the demand happens to be for men… ahem…
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Purba, you are wrong. I don’t happen to be interested in hookers but when in Bali you can’t avoid them as a bule. Maybe as an Indo they ignore you or think you can’t pay what they want. I often just walk into a bar for a quiet drink and are swamped by them and have even been followed home by girls on motorcycles. Usually I tell them i’m simply not interested. But occasionally when in a bar, as a friendly guy who likes to practice Bahasa, I ask dari mana? 100% I can guarantee will say Java. I went there with my ex girlfriend (from Semarang) and most balinese guys were exceptionally rude to her calling her ‘pelacur’ and other unsavoury terms. She was not that kind however she did cheat on me so who knows. I know as a proud muslim this must hurt javanese guys but by and large javanese women are opportunists and would do ANYTHING for a buck. Put yourself in a bule shoes and you will see.
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Alexander_J says:
Wow! What a depressing thread. I’ve scanned through most of it and after reading all the bitterness and prejudice from both bules and Indonesians posting here I’m surprised any of you manage to make a success of any relationship cross-cultural or otherwise… It might help if you started dating someone just thinking of them as a person rather than a bule or an Indonesian girl (or Indonesian guy).
So, for your enlightenment, here’s my story.
I am from the UK, my girlfriend of nearly three years is Indonesian (Javanese, religion Catholic, a dash of Chinese blood from a maternal grandmother that gives her a slight is-she-isn’t-she? racial appearance and caused her no end of troubles in previous relationships with locals).
We are both almost exactly the same age(27, she’s ten months younger than me if you want to be fussy), both graduates.
We are both from similar social backgrounds, sort of in the middle of the middle class. Both our mothers are government high school teachers.How did I meet her? I came to Indonesia after finishing university to teach English (yes, I’m ready for your sneers, and there are definitely some pretty shabby English teachers in Indonesia, but I can’t understand why filthy ex-pats on obscene salaries who don’t seem to have any special expertise except the colour of their skin to justify their obscene salaries have any right to sneer at people who are at least opperating at something a bit closer to an local level of wealth and existence, and are usually working pretty hard too).
She worked in the admin of the same school where I was teaching. We’d been working together and got to know each other for about four months before we started dating. Sounds to me like a pretty normal kind of way for people to meet. I didn’t pick her up in a bar.As for all the details of the relationship itself, I haven’t been particularly aware of any unusual problems caused by her Indonesianess.
Her parents are super-cool and treat me extremely well. they’re not glossy, superwealthy foreign travelled people. They are actually fairly traditional middle class Indonesians, not fluent English speakers, not outside cultural norms, but they’re very cool with me. She still lives at home, but they’re happy for her to go on holiday with me and for me to stay in the house (in her room). They also shower me with generosity and hospitality, have never let me pay for a thing and in three years must have spent millions of rupiah on meals and gifts for me. They are also very much aware of my own absence of significant funds, my student debt and my modest Indonesian income, so they must be pretty stupid if they’re looking for something in return.
She doesn’t particularly like the idea of living outside of Indonesia.
There was some inevitable questioning about marriage (when? when?) in the first year (from aunties and uncles, not from her parents) but they have eased off now, and to be honest, thinking from my current perspective, I probably will marry her (but not yet).When it comes to finances between the two of us, it’s pretty much equitable. Dinners, holidays etc she pays for as often as I do even though she knows my salary is almost 3 times hers (she used to handle the pay slips when we worked together. She now works in a bank). However, the balance is pretty far into her account as when I went back to the UK for six months last year she sold my old motorbike and bought me a brand new one on credit and refuses to let me help with the monthly payments.
We argue from time to time, but they’re pretty much standard boyfriend-girlfriend arguments.
I’m not going to go into personal details, but she certainly appears to disprove the idea that all Indonesian girls are either bar hopping sluts or stay at home frigid virgins. She doesn’t drink alcohol but likes to go to clubs with live music occasionally.
And all that bullsh*t about unadventurousness and passivity seems to be crap to me too.In some ways she does seem to be a typical Indonesian girl (living at home at 27, scared of the countryside and all the orang nakal she seems to think are crawling all over her country). But when it comes to all the negative cliches relating to bule-Indonesian relationships that this thread is full of, I haven’t noticed any of them.
The only thing that I can pinpoint about her that makes her unusual as an Indonesian is the race thing. She is Javanese, regards herself as Javanese and the rest of her family look totally Javanese. But she could pass for either javanese or Chinese. She says when she dated Javanese boys in the past the fact that she was “Chinese” was always a problem, usually with their parents. When she dated Chinese boys the fact that she WASN’T Chinese was a problem. She says one of the things she likes about being with me is that race isn’t an issue.
As for me and my reasons for coming to Indonesia. I’d finished university, was sick of temping, wanted to travel some more, had already been travelling to Indonesia, and liked the idea of teaching (I still enjoy it). I’m certainly not some washed up, fat, bald failure who couldn’t get a girl in my own country, definitely not. Obviously I find her attractive, but she’s not some arm candy bimbo. I don’t think any neutral observer would consider us to be mismatched as far as looks go.
Actually I came to Indonesia with every intention of not finding a local girlfriend, at least not one I picked up in a bar. I’ve sniggered at the greasy old bules with the tiny hookers on their arm myself.
But given that I met her in conventional circumstances and the relationship had a conventional basis, I don’t have a problem.Sorry to go on so much, but most of what I’ve read on this thread has left me pretty disgusted.
So here’s my question to all the bitter bules and Indonesians here – is my apparently untroubled and normal relationship as described above so wildly unsusual that me and my girlfriend need to be studied by scientists to discover how this has happened?
Or, one for the sneering cynics, despite the fact that she knows about my lack of wealth and doesn’t want to leave Indonesia and that she has already wasted three years and spent a fair amount of her own money on me, is she in some way I haven’t figured out yet taking me for a ride?
Or is it just that the lot of you are so full of prejudice, racism and negativity that any relationship you have with any member of your own race or another is going to be doomed, and so bitter are you that you’re determined to condemn everyone else to the same fate?
I’d love to know.Alex.
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Alex…
Twisted and bitter is just so much more fun to play around with than the degree of happiness that you seem to have found!
IM focuses much more on the negativity (there are always some positive posts) this is the bread and butter of this place. It is after all a forum that allows anonymous and known posters to rant and vent on a wide range of topics.
Taking this thread as an example. Do not get too caught up in this being representative of “all” experiences in Indonesia. There are plenty of stories such as yours. And with all due respect, your story is just too lame! Some of those that visit IM want to enter into ding dong knock ’em down in your face battles that allow for prejudiced stereotypes to be waived around like hammers of god-given truth.
Read some of the other threads and it won’t be long before you find yourself being labeled any manner of things. I for one have recently been labeled a frilly pink knicker wearing, bed-wetting, moralista onanist.
You will get used to it!
Have a nice day :d
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Alex…
You should also consider that this particular thread has been running since 4 April 2006.
Obviously, the IM diehards (me included perhaps) just cannot get enough of this particular thread. It is kind of like slowing down as you drive past the scene of an accident, you know you shouldn’t but you just cannot help yourself!
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Alex- thank-you for your refreshing honesty.
See- Chinese are as racist as we nasty Javanese.
***Immature Purba thumbs nose and pokes out tongue Phhht!!!!***
Race IS very important in Indonesia- we have not yet been brainwashed by the bed-wetting West, moralistas, onanising in their pink frilly undies- just for you Rob 😉
And no Rob- my undies are a latex-metal codpiece that’s backless.
I call it “the Black Probo”Purba means thunder clap or kekuasaan- it depends on the context.
It is Sanskrit- not Batak for the last time!
It’s not Negoro-hutabarat lo, kok piye Batak lo. Negoro ojo, dong! Buset…wong londo gilaAncient is not purba- and probo derivative of prabu- means knight or protector- also Sanksrit.
I have no idea how Sylvester came up with that one. Maybe he’s Malaysian…?Alex: Love is blind after all- I’ve seen worse couples- best of luck. I think she digs your nose- hidungnya mancung bukan pesek kaya orang Asia…
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Andy:
no- we have had hookers since time began.
It is insulting only when a bule disresepcts the host antion, its’ cultural norms and acceptable behaviour.It is ironic as bule may consider himself Christ’s second coming and merely annoying when that attitude comes from a low-grade white collar know-all empty vessel, commonly Australian.
But Australia, like Indonesia, does not have the global monopoly on FCUKhead production- correct?
I believe the Greeks invented sex, but the Romans innovated with using women?
Is it true Australia has the largetst population of Greeks outside Athens?
Is that why Anglo Australians are so anally retentive- fear of hairy Greek pederast- that constant clenching must do your colon no good. Try this rujak. -
Purba-It is insulting only when a bule disresepcts the host antion, its’ cultural norms and acceptable behaviour.
Oh really???? What kind of acceptable behavior are you referring to? Spitting in the street, racist comments when only in the presence of more than 10 of your peers, eating with one’s fingers in the company of others, waking up people at 4am for their daily ritual, mob attacks on individuals, littering, oppressing maids / nannies, laziness, sheer incompetence? Now i’m confused. Which one of those are you talking about?
Oh and by the way you didn’t have your spell check on, disresepcts??@#
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PN…
my undies are a latex-metal codpiece that’s backless.
I call it “the Black Probo”I cannot even bring myself to try and visualize the “black Probo”!
Prostitution is simple supply and demand economics. The sort of economics you learn in high school.
They do not call it the oldest profession for nothing.
Let’s face it, if the current VP in Indonesia could have his way then there would be a constant stream of men from the middle east to take advantage of Indonesian village women for 2-day marriages! If I recall correctly there was the rationale that this would be good for tourism and good for the women as well.
PN, you cannot help yourself in terms of slighting anyone and everyone that you can. Not quite sure where the Greeks and Romans fit into the dating Indonesian women thread?
Dating in Indonesia is like dating anywhere else in this big bad world; a learning experience! Isn’t the point of dating to try and determine whether or not the other person is the one for you? Similar challenges confront inter-racial couples in Australia to the ones that an inter-racial couple will encounter here.
I hope PN’s daughter falls head over heals for a white boy from Australia, now there is what I would call some poetic justice.
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Purba Negoro wrote:
Perseus Andy et al,
perhaps you should try charming women instead of paying for their affections?Balinese hookers are rife- they’re as omnipresent as the wallowing Australian female Beluga basking their blubber in the sun.
Of course hookers are the supply to meet the demand. Unfortunately for the Balinese hooker, the demand happens to be for men… ahem…
Heh heh. Purba m’lad Balinese hookers are not to be found on the main drag of Kuta. Or indeed the trendy bars of Seminyak. Of the darlings I bedded in Bali, one was Sundanese, one was from Flores and one was from Jakarta. And they weren’t whores.
One just liked shopping – a lot. Another needed help with her student fees and the third had some difficulty with her rent situation.And I believed them absolutely, of course 🙂
The local girls are a slightly fairer complexion and (apparently) aren’t on the game. Bali is a small island I guess. Most hookers don’t work in their home towns. Most of the players are imports. Then again, what the f**k do I know? I am only a tourist. I can only tell you what I experienced.
But really, what the f**k would a good Muslim boy like you know about alcohol filled dens of Balinese butterflies anyway???? Just so totally haram for you my friend. Best leave discussion of such matters to the hedonistic decadent Bule filth who are doomed to burn in hellfire etzzzzz…
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Tony says:
Dudes,
RELAX… Everyone–INHALE–EXHALE–feel the stresses of the day leaving your body.
Just ran into an ex-girlfriend of mine who is originally from Cirebon and went to work in the USA for three years as an architect (specialty in Balinese/Javanese Design) for a large design firm in LA. Well, when we were dating she was totally into being married and raising a family but I was not ready nor did I want to change my religion to become a Muslim. Since then I have married a wonderful women and am very happy.
Anyway, she has become a feminist of all things and now tells me that she wants a man who will share all the chores of cooking, cleaning and child rearing with her. her experience with american men was okay but she learned that not all american men are progressive–a good deal want a traditional family gig–and she cannot accept that now. She also stated to me that could never marry an Indonesian man because they are too backward and insecure (insecure–you couldn’t tell that by this website-NOT!).
The point is, after exposure to western society, is it practical for an indo woman to return to Indo to find a mate? Is feminism really liberating to women or does it serve to enslave women, yet again, under a new set of ideals?? Any thoughts??
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Peter says:
Bule guys get an awful lot of flack on here, but I’m curious to know what Indo women have to say about Indo men. From my experience, they tend to treat Indo women just as badly as anyone else (e.g. cheating on their girlfriends/wives, leaving their families suddenly one day to be with a younger woman, etc.). An Australian guy I spoke with in a bar said it like this: “Indonesian women are on a high tide to nothing”.
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Spot on Peter! A woman once said to me ‘those who accuse others of something are normally doing that themselves’
Indonesian men love to accuse bule men of mistreating their wives / girlfriends etc but are deep down angry that they are coming to us for the very reason that they themselves are not happy with the backward, sexist men that abuse them and misuse them.
They have awoken to the fact that the rest of the world are not so bad and they stand a better chance elsewhere. Simple things like the internet and television have opened their minds to what they can have if they strive for it. -
Santiquez says:
LOL hahahahaha I found funny when AVI typed SATE AYAM RECIPE brought to this site 🙂
And Harry who is SHORT, OLD and UGLY. I think DANIEL is right. Harry you will never found INDO woman because you set HIGHER Expectation in Physical for your type in woman. Even if you have money to show off to find a girl (girl will thinking you only have money to buy girl….thats why they runaway from you because they think you have the money and you can buy a girl) Do you understand what i try to say? (I HOPE)So, lets just accept the reality. I have Australian husband (He is short, Chubby, Cute, and young ’26’ when we married) SO, why i choose him? Of course because he is cute and young 🙂 So,i dont like his short and cubby look But I do love his cute and young look 🙂 And of course HIS Personality.
So even you Short, UGLY and FAT (as you described yourself) YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL to show to woman about yourself (DONT SHOW THEM YOUR MONEY) Thats USELESS…….This is 2008 (Woman can earn their own MONEY)
But, of course woman love man who have money. So my advice Treat woman like you want to be treat. Treat UGLY,FAT,OLD Indo woman as nice as you can.
Thanks ALOT
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Perseus-One just liked shopping – a lot. Another needed help with her student fees and the third had some difficulty with her rent situation.
It is very interesting that there are so many Indonesian ladies who are not prostitutes but will sleep with bules for school fees etc. Mothers even offer their daughters for this reason disproving the theory that westerners prey on their younger ones. Other reasons girls there like to sleep with bule is for phone pulse, bajaj rides, lunch etc. In my case my ex whore from Semarang slept with me for a laptop. hehehe This number would be close to 80 – 90 %.
In fairness though it doesn’t only work this way. See there are also well heeled housewives from nice middle class areas like Pondok Indah and the Ratu Plaza apartments etc who will choose a bule mate simply out of boredom with her husband. Must crave something larger and more appetising than a cocktail frankfurt. In this case the woman will even pay the bule for his services. Some guys have even been able to give up teaching upon ‘getting lucky’. Who knows, maybe I slept with Purba’s old lady and never realised. This is the other 10 – 20%.
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@Rob – well yes, I recognise that this is a pretty rough and ready forum, just take a look at the recent replies on this thread!
And my story might well be lame, but it also happens to be true.
What depressed me most about this thread was the questions from the guys “just starting to date an Indonesian girl” or from the Indonesians interested in a relationship with a bule man, and all the so-called advice they recieved, most of which seemed to be the embittered rantings of terminal emotional failures. It just made me a little angry because if I had been primed with this kind of “advice” at the start of my relationship with my girlfriend i would probably have been in a state of paranoia, interpreting everything she did or said as the evil characteristic traits of Indonesian women and suspecting at every moment that she was trying to steal my money. And she too, if she was primed with all the “advice” about bules, would probably have run a mile.
As it turned out, things have worked out very well and all the “advice” here is total bullsh*t in this particular case.
I think that if you enter a relationship loaded with negative notions about “men” or “women” in general things are likely to go bad, if you add “bule” or “indonesian” to the front of either word you’re even more doomed.@Purba negoro – about racism, when it comes to both Chinese and Javanese boys and their attitudes to her because of her mixed race my girlfriend’s attitude seems to be “a plague on both your houses”. If she only wants me for my lack of racial prejudice (or my big nose) I’m fine with that.
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@ Alex
Good… don’t listen to negative this and that from others. Trust your feeling. If shes the one, go for it. -
kinch says:
@Farah my lovely – you’re back! 🙂
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Benjamin says:
Its kind of like being stuck between a rock and a hard place for interracial couples, you will seldom find acceptance from the other sides community and you will more than likely only find acceptance at face value from the other sides family, as the world is, intrinsically hostile to outside influences that shake the social fabric of society, where ever you may happen to live.
Personal relationships however should in my opinion be just that, PERSONAL, and people shouldnt waste too much time worrying about acceptance from the outside world and just go about their lives…its what makes you happy that counts, and if you spend too much time looking for your exact racial, cultural and physical partner, we would all have in-bred cross eyed children with speech impediments (no offense intended there, its a figure of speech). Throw from your backs the shackles placed upon you by conformist, insecure and intolerant individuals, and live life as it was intended, free of borders, religions and lines of separation, for love is more meaningful and more powerful than all.
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Aren’t most Indonesion girls Muslims? I have nothing against other religions but I know from others that Muslim/Christian marriages don’t work out in most cases as the Muslim partner wants to convert his/her mate. Consider Filipinas; the Philippines is the only Christian nation in Asia! But then again, Filipinas are hard-core Catholics!