Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Farah says:
@ Neil
If theres a will, there will be a way.Why you’re not the one who’s coming down here to safe her ?
If her father very influent person, he will always afraid media. He can’t always bribe everyone.
…sorry if i sound make all of your problem easy. Wish all things getting better for bothof you..somehow…
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Neil says:
@Farah
That was my initial intention, however, I don’t have any vacation from work right now, nor do I have the funds. I have been saving up since we realized that we were in love, and I was sure that I could get to her in six months at most, but with her father’s recent activities, it will be much less time than that.
As for the media idea, I just offered that to her. Maybe that could buy us some more time until I have the funds to come to her.
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@Farah
I just told her, and she is sticking to her ideals. She says that we will find a way to be together, but not like that. She is not willing to sell out her father, even if he is making her life difficult. She won’t stoop to his level.
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Neil
Your gf father is “selling” the daughter to the highest “bidder”. Wheres the mother anyway ??She could run away, pretty easy to “disappear” in indonesia. All she need to do is be brave, and be strong. Don’t depend on daddy money or facilities.
Pack everything she had, walk out from the house, go away from that town in to smaller town, and try to survive until you come to Indonesia. Don’t go to best friends house because thats the first place daddy will search. If she able, move to another island !! is shes in java, move to kalimantan. Or other smaller cities.
Could she do that ??
For you, send her some money so she could get out from that town, and get a new live until you come and could figure out what to do next.As i said, if theres a will, you will find the way.
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Patrick says:
@Neil – Unless you love drama and I mean really love drama my advice would be “RUN BULE RUN! The Indonesian girls are famous for telling the most unbelievable stories, and with crocodile tears in their eyes. Many a gullible bule has fallen prey to their charms. She is probably home now on the phone to her friends laughing about the story she told you and that she got from watching Indonesian soaps! Anyway, send her money as Farah advised because a story this good shouldn’t come cheap nor should the lesson learned!
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@ Patrick
..i did already warn him.. but he seemed feel guilty a lot.. and seemed so sure...well.. you know the risks of online relationship. I do feel its little bit weird because seemed like this girls live in a mafia/triads family. Bet she must be really spoiled that can’t think the way out of his father reach.
But please make sure that girl we’re talking about here is really a girl.. and not patrick in disguise.. hehehehehe…
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timdog says:
@Patrick – I know I’ve castigated you for generalisations in the past, but I’ll join you in your cry of “RUN BULE RUN!” on this one 😉
Neil – I’m half-convinced that you’re a troll, out to encourage all kinds of nasty vitriol about “evil, lying, money-grubbing Indonesian women” in the form of “advice” about your “problem”…
But then on the other hand, hundreds of people all over the world get taken in by stuff on the internet every day – hell, more than a few of them probably send their bank account details to “Mr Mohammad Omar M.A. PhD, accounts manager of the Bank of Burkina Faso” and sit waiting eagerly for their $20 million cheque from the board of the Spanish Lottery… 😉 So perhaps you are for real…
If you are, RUN BULE RUN… this has got nothing to do with generic “Indonesian girls” or generic “bule men”, but everything to do with good old-fashioned universal confidence tricks… She – if she really is a she (perhaps she’s really Mr Mohammad Omar Ma PhD, accounts manager of the Bank of Burkina Faso…) – is stringing you along, tugging at your silly western heart strings, and looking for only one thing…
Use a bit of logic – of all the quarter million people in Indonesia – real people, not avatars and internet usernames – why is her last, her only hope some American she “met” in a chat room?
I’ll resist the urge to say unpleasant things about people who do their “dating” online, but hell, I wouldn’t go on a date with anyone from Indonesia Matters, not even Farah 😉 -
From the stories i hear her on the blogs, its seems that all these mens they got the womens from either nightclubs or disco. So you should sit down and think again, Where did you first meet her. Is she a whore? a good? or a bitch.?
These indonesian womens are all whores in disguised, So you foreigners should be careful.Bottom line they need is money and someone to take care of them, They can say the word i love you and i miss you but its not you or your dicks, its the $$$$$$$. Walking ATM that is what your are called in front of her friends.
Please Let me remide you people out t her, If you are still interested in Indonesian women because of thier soft nature, please find some one who is educated and well behave, comes from a reputable and respectable family, Need not be rich but rich in manner and upbringing, You surely do not want a whore or a bitch to bring up your child. Think About it………………….
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uwie says:
@ Farah
Yeah, u r right with the man things. When I am tell him I want to go to Kemang to search someone on the street, suddenly, he ask me to the movie … Yippie!!!
@ Neil
A lot of people using fake ID in here … so do I … I have 2 id cards (not changing the name just changing the address where i live, because I live in the city that different from my FAmily card, and many family did that) … to easier my life in here … (sometimes there are many rules that really impossible to do because very not rational). and believe making the fake id is really easy.
and Farah is correct, it is really easy to hide in Indonesia. Anything doing in manual in here and the perfect is that there are rarely found camera in here. So, you can guess that many criminal case in Indonesia not successfully reveal.
and about passport. … because I need 3 days finished, so I used agency who will bribe the officer … and I just need Rp. 700.000, and again it is really easy to make it …
I think she just make a story to fool you. If she is that rich, she will easily bribe officer. You should know that officer in Indonesia are easily bribe with cheap. Don’t you have any friend who will check that girl condition to make sure that she is not lying to you. just checking … so you will not loosing your money easily …. -
@Farah
The girl has been living with nannies most of her life, so her father doesn’t know any of her friends. She has been traveling from one place to another within Indonesia, but the smaller the place, it seems the easier it has been for her father to eventually track her there. She has a good job and is extremely self-sufficient. I did offer her money, but she refused. She is fiercely independent and wants no assistance from me or anyone else. In fact, she says that had she not met me and fallen in love, she would have married the man her father arranged for her. She is not looking for anything from me, and out of all of my offers to her, she has accepted only the love I return to her.
She has no sob stories. She has been keeping relatively upbeat with only a single incident where she felt overwhelmed when her father threatened her. Our conversations are generally not the “oh poor you” types of conversations, but are generally positive and looking to the future. Again, she has given me no reason to doubt her. I am the one who suggested that I come to Indonesia. Her initial intention was to come to the US to be with me. She is still searching for a way to accomplish that goal even as I am trying to save up enough to see her in Indonesia.
If she had asked for money, or even accepted my offer for money, I might have thought twice about her. That is not the case. She is a survivor, and while she tells me that she is a little scared of being caught, she is constantly reassuring me that I should not worry, and that she will be ok. She is looking for a job to support herself. She has been staying with friends who are trying to help her achieve a passport, but her father is wealthy. She is not. Still, with her father’s clout, any officials she might bribe would receive more money from her father than from her. It is a simple numbers issue. Her father has more.
If she is running me through the ringer, in the end, all that it will cost me is a trip to Indonesia, which sounds like it will be a lot of fun regardless. That and the time I have spent thinking about her and the emotional investment I have made. Other than that, she asks nothing of me.
@timdog
She has refused my offers to send her money. Whatever the “regular” story you hear might be, this is not that story.
@uwie
I believe she is attempting to get such an ID, which she is hoping will keep her safe should her father bribe the police to look for her, however, she is having issues attempting to get a passport, even still. She does not look Indonesian, which might be the cause of some of her troubles. The fact that she is half-American is what is truly making her passport situation an issue.
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@ Farah – I keeping telling you baby that its a kilt and not a skirt and please stop trying to lift the flap to see what I am hiding under there because one of these days your going to get poked in the eye…. ha ha ha
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@Neil – you say-“If she is running me through the ringer, in the end, all that it will cost me is a trip to Indonesia, which sounds like it will be a lot of fun regardless.”
Neil remember the Indonesian words (hati-hati) it means to be very cautious! Anything, can happen to a young foreign man who enters into Indonesia with this kind of situation. If her father is that powerful he can make allot of trouble for you and as you said he has the means to bribe the police. Whatever you do avoid drugs like the plague. Don’t buy them, take them or hold them for anybody. In Indonesia it can cost you allot of years in a jail or even your life. My advice would be to find a reputable attorney in Jakarta who can look into this girl and her family and let you know about them before deciding to come or not? Good luck to you and I wish you all the best!
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@Patrick
Yes, she has warned me about her father. She tried to break up with me when he threatened me, but I am not the smartest man in the world. I refused to accept her break-up. I told her that we would keep under his radar while I was there until I could help her leave. From my end, it seems that while I am there, I need to have pictures taken of us together. Then, if we find ourselves feeling the same way after our time together, when I return to the US, I can apply for a fiance visa. She can go to the US embassy and they might be able to help her come to the US for up to six months. It will be difficult without her passport, but not impossible. If we could find a way to get her passport, it would be very helpful.
Thank you for your good wishes, and I think I will find an attorney in Jakarta. Do you have any recommendations?
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@ Patrick
@ Farah – I keeping telling you baby that its a kilt and not a skirt and please stop trying to lift the flap to see what I am hiding under there because one of these days your going to get poked in the eye…. ha ha ha
oh…. its a kilt…. i thought you are a cross dresser, hehehe, joke !
you don’t need to show what you got down there to be a real man in front of me 😉 your attitude is the most important.@ timdog
hehehehe…. i’ll skip you too.. thank you.@ Neil
She strong, independent, but….. dad could control her live. Hmmm.
And also, its not true if she or you got the idea if running to a smaller town her dad will find her. Indonesia is big, and consist of thousand islands. If she went to sumatra island, like in the village that i work here, i don’t think none will find her. Hehehe.. unless she had those GPS tracker planted somewhere in her body, and his daddy is an intellegent agent like 007. Here we had clean water, river, fruits for foods, and jungles, lots of monkeys. Yes, theres few villager, and good hiding spot. I bet theres thousand places like this in entire Indonesia. She just doesn’t want to let go the comfort.
But,
Do what ever you feel right for you. If you think its really worthy, and you want her that much, go fight for her do what ever it takes. Its just feel funny because you ..seemed haven’t see her in real life before 🙁 seemed you are head over heels there… and none could help you out i guess. -
oki says:
Hi all, I am not educated woman. I interested to write lil bit comment in simple english. I am the one of many indonesian woman who like to be with western guy. I met and date with many bules. At the first time I thought and feel nice. They are really good to treat any women even she is not good looking. But I am sorry if I say only woman with free life and sex can got the bule. I was have imagine to marry bule but when I open my eyes in to they life I become feel down, but I still like to have one bule for one night stand. Really you will not tahan if you are a woman who like stay at home (no clubing or dugem). No bules have bad looking even he short or overweight. Still many women like them but especially for money. If the bule still young and good looking they are almost be very proud and very choosy. But if he is old man and feel enough with his experienced, he will accepted any woman to be his wife even if she is ugly or have bad background life like a “chick” or poor woman. So many western men who live or have biz travel in asia marry “chick” woman like from philipina, thai, china and of course indonesian too. But very sad if they are still going to the other woman even has married. So I have to say again if you are a woman who like stay at home you will not tahan coz you will be shock when you seen how they are… but if you can close your eyes and your ears about them life, you will be have good and long relationship. Coz beside it the bules still have good thing that is they will not have wife more than one. But must be understand if have many one night “girlfriend” behind him.
Talk about indonesian woman with western man… I seen the western man more excited with woman from other asia coz they are more open minded and not many moslim. But I proud become indonesian, we are the best women in asia for atttitude.
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@Farah – touche’ baby! : > )
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@ Oki
…honest comment.. 🙂 i like it… 🙂 🙂I met several bule at work that had the “extra” woman, but also more than half of them very faithful to their wife and family.
I met some of them like the night life, love to drunk, but also, more than half of them hate loud musics, and party. Also two of them not even touch alcohol.I agree that some of them are jerk, but also add… theres some that nice and not really into night life and drunk, not into working girls etc.
They are man, thats how i see them. Whether they were indonesian, asutralian, american, chinese.. they all MAN. Some of them good, some of the are jerk. Some faithful and some other are players.
About home girls not to date bule. I think its depends on the girl and the bule. How they could tolerate each other. Every relationship had its own risks, even with indonesian guys.
I’ve seen indonesian guys being unfaithful at work place too… also drink MORE than any expats here. When bule’ only drink beer, they drink bottles of alcohols that over 40-60%
I had a friend, married to a bule, shes a home girl. Not belong to night clubs world. She met expat teacher at my university. They could get along and married since 2003 until now, and had two son. He is a faithful husband, and a good father also respect his wife (my friend)…. more to adore her (hehehehe). And the age gap between them not more than 5 years.
So i think… its your personal choice, whether you prefer bule or indonesian….
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Yes you are right Farah.
I lived in Malaysia for several years and don’t get meet any Indonesian man for long time. I’m curious about caucasian men. Topics about men they have own charateristic and lifestyle ect. i didn’t say if bules in asia is bad. and not means if people take alcohol or beer is bad person too. i like bule even they are very proud. But they are fit to be proud.My ex an european man always bring me to clubing. at the first time i’m totally innocense in mind. Seen some girls there find for fast cash and some just for fun. and i see many western man from all walk of life come to club or bars to met their coleauge and also to find girl for pleasure. it is like tradisy maybe… for the married man he will say “i am married” but he can’t resist an offer for pleasure and go out with other girl for awhile before get back home. but they will be looked nice arround people who know him…:) and this especially for travel businessman who going to all over asia, they will free to do it because nobody knows him. but no problem if the wife understood and tolerate with him.
I had tried some website. know and met some caucasian men. almost they are don’t like to met in real without sex even he’s married. but i had heard some of them can get good marriage after know them from the web.
If there is a caucasian man be able to get decent woman for marriages he’s lucky. ( the wife will not know much he whereabout ect. but if it is happen, really she will be not be stand with free life of the caucasian hubby. my sugest is just be understand enough).
i just wrote what i had seen about western man life behind his work and out the door. If the woman only married for money ofcorse will don’t care about that.Well i have a question… Is there any caucasian man marry a virgin asian girl? or at least no sex before do marriage?
🙂 -
@ oki
I know two american girl married with their american boyfriend and still virgin. They both married at age 24 and 25.My relative married with a guy from UK and she still virgin, she married at age 26, two years ago. Just had a cute baby boy few month ago 🙂 🙂
If they guy, any guy could respect us, and we could respect our self, i think thats possible to happened.
Whether with indonesian, ,malaysian, chinese, australian or american, doing sex or not before marriage its your decision as a grown up woman. And if you’re good enough to find someone that could respect you for your sexual choices i think, being virgin at your wedding night is STILL possible to happened.I had tried some website. know and met some caucasian men. almost they are don’t like to met in real without sex even he’s married. but i had heard some of them can get good marriage after know them from the web.
They might want to find a holiday escort. Not a future wife. They want to find a good woman, but also could do sex. Its a different culture. When in western they still could find good woman that doing sex before married, here in indonesia when people know you do sex before married they will call you a slut, and possibly not a noble woman no matter the reason is.
Have you ever ask your friends, indoensian guys about their answer whether they want to married with a girl that not virgin anymore, what do you think their answer is ?
Its whole different culture for sure. East and west.
…and yeah… i know good man are very “rare species” these days 😉 😉 hehehe……
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kinch says:
^—— rare species 😀
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@ Kinch
…i am rolling my eyes… -
fluttering farah, flutteringggg.
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I wouldn’t be so sure kinch, she could be rolling them… I fu%$n’ well am… 😉
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wow…. i am surprised…:) but still unbelieveble.
Sarah relative must be a very good girl still kept her virgin till 26th y/o.i never ask any man would he like to marry a virgin girl. people arround me are almost open minded. so many malay girl with cover the head also doing sex early before married. i think is not issue anymore.
just the topic is about western or caucasian men in Asia. i met many but not all for sex. i only doing with anyone i like. but from my sight they will be continue to met again with somebody who can make love with him. no matter for money or just for fun.
i know not all caucasian like to go with cash lady. but in base they are like to try many girls in his life. trust or not 99% caucasian in asia had tried to pay for sex at least once in his life. 1% maybe have problem with his snake ha..ha..ha…many sites with caucasian men be member. and so many married men also come in. the profiles will be say married looking for fun, woman for descreet relationship, no string attached ect.
so think it… why they are still looking for?i know some asian men also doing that but the capasitas of them very little. i had chiness man still like to met me more and more even i don’t give him sex. but i never found a caucasian man can do same like that even just for a cup of tea for twice.
so many caucasian men do relationship with asian girl. some can married but some also have to brooken up after stay together for many years.
as i told before if the young and good looking caucasian man will be very proud and very choosy to find his soulmate in asia. but i think he will be not think twice for the rich woman. am i wrong? -
timdog, old matey, i should hope you’re not fluttering or otherwise animatedly doing anything in my direction.
have to say that the general wit and tone of what passes for discourse here goes downhill when i don’t post for a few days. guess i’ll have to re-shoulder the white man’s burden.
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Aluang Anak Bayang says:
Alhumdullilah .. 29 pages later and our resident love scalper is still around.
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@Kinch – I recently bought a brand new gortex-lined ergonomic heat-reflective white man’s burden complete with automatic chotta peg dispenser and a cushioned pocket designed to fit the complete works of Rudyard Kipling.
I plan to take a luxury Eastern Odyssey to the Orient with Cox and Kings sometime soon where I hope to put it to use… or perhaps I will get some little brown porter to carry it for me – they really are wonderful little fellows you know, they make you realise how much we’ve lost touch with nature in the west – he carried my North Face white man’s burden the whole way in nothing but a pair of rubber sandals, but he never stopped smiling! Look, here’s a photo I took of him – no we slept in the hotel; I’ve no idea where he slept…. -
Timdog: My first thought on seeing the Hong Kong Peak Cafe for the first time and being told that it was once a shelter for sedan chair coolies was: “I’m too late”.
Now if the natives would just acknowledge me as king, everything would be alright.
Further reflections on the transient nature of earthly things after I get back from impending Macau trip. I’m predicting a surfeit of tinkly shiny dangling Murano glass bits and pieces.
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@ Oki
My city still bit conservative. So its common here. I think the whole island is. Maybe in java and bali, where the big cities and claimed as metropolis cities, virginity almost means nothing.
But here we still do live in east value.. well.. yeah i wont say all of girls are virgin here… as i said its your choice.I know what your talking about Malaysia, been there, see more than i thought i would…..
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It is looking like things are taking a turn for the worse. Because her father is quite wealthy, he has said that if she doesn’t return and marry the man he has chosen for her, he will pay for all of the police in Indonesia to begin looking for her. My girlfriend is not sure if he can get ALL of the police, but with his resources, she also doesn’t doubt it. With the police looking for her, she doesn’t think she can keep herself hidden, and she keeps telling me that if her father finds her, she will kill herself because the man that her father is trying to marry her to has already tried to rape her once. She says that I should always remember that she loves me always, but if I don’t hear from her again, that is what happened.
I’m at a loss for what to do. I feel incredibly helpless being so far away.