Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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uwie says:
@ lavasgo – editing again …
but if i am not in love with these guy & not French hatred – maybe I will found that bule is more attractive … hehehehe …
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Farah says:
@ Rima
Yes, i know that theres some woman that forced to work as prostitute by their husband or family.
But the numbers not reached hundreds of thousands as TONY said.He do exaggerate the numbers.
Of course i know what your talking about, because i do ever work for woman advocacy and crisis center too. Only for 2 years and maybe less to know about how to defend more woman rights.
Well… thats why i said lack of chance on my comment. Those who work as prostitute mostly do the job because the economical situation of the family. Want to earn much money, but had limited skills. They don’t have skills because lack of chance of good education. Some from kampung went to big cities and become a “victim of the city jungles”. But they think, as long as they could send money to kampung for their family or husband, some of them even not let the family know their exact job, prefer lie and say they got decent job as house keeper (pembantu) or work in some warung.Some ayam kampus do the prostitute because they think they should do it to pay the university fee. But again, it back to the lack of chance once again. If she got job, and skills and opportunity, i bet she wont be an ayam kampus.
I only had my mother that a civil servant that had to pay for 3 children for university. Thats why i work during my university time at the woman advocacy, my family can’t afford the whole school fee and the student living cost. I got the chance i got the opportunity, yes i am lucky, i don’t have to be ayam kampus. There’s a lot of way to get money, if you try hard and…. yes.. theres always be an easy way to quit trying and just be an ayam kampus.
I met almost different age, backgrounds (including place of origin, e.g java, sumatra or kalimantan), children age prostitute that wear school uniforms, and those one at localization.
I do met some of them
Also my best friend wrote the small thesis (skripsi) about “ayam kampus” back in 2004 and i help out with the research. I know their back grounds, their reasons, even… their costumers.
I know there’s less of woman that had freedom to do the things that they want, but as i said, compared to 30-40 years ago, we are moving a head. Because these days more woman went to university, had better education, and earn money by them self.
Freedom to choose what they want to do in their life. Including the choice whether she want to married or continue to university or to work after high school.
Years ago family and parent choose whats the girls future will be.@ Siti
Have a friend that work as ayam kampus does not define who you are (none suppose to beside your self).You are lucky to meet all rich friends. Good. 🙂
I only met those rich friends from my work place too. But yeah…. had more “colorful” friends i think made me “richer” with knowledges, and experiences, thats more important to me.
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@ Lavasgo
Not a charming way to describe indonesian girls. How could we attracted to YOU if you call us have the frog mentality ?
Why we (me) attracted with bule or white guys ?? while you call me have frog mentality, lots of bule admire me for my brown skin, and my independent, mature and gentle manner.
Who do you choose to be with ? person that call you had frog mentality or other person that call you exotically pretty ?
Its just YOU and your childish mentality that hate rejection.
Before pointing US, the indonesian woman, you should look at the mirror more often. Most of asian man think its all about the money or about the skin color or even the “size”. Get over it and grow up.
Its just about some indonesian woman preference, some like locals, some like westerners.
For me, i prefer westerner because the freedom that they gave for their suppose, wife or girl friend. I never had so much support from my local ex-bf’s. I like challenging sports, outdoors activity and traveling. Most of them complain about this. And ask me to stop all of it, put limitation, don’t do this and don’t do that. And when about decision making, rarely involve couple. Want to dominate the relationship. Rarely say what he think or what he feels, afraid i would reject it.
When i met this westerner guy, he support these sports and activities. Even encourage me, or even join it ! just as long i do all of my hobbies safely. Appreciate my opinion, giving advises, and see me as partner that he respect. Never afraid to express his feeling by words or actions.If i met any man that have similar thought, similar behavior or action just like this westerner treat me. I might will consider them, for what ever they skin color, or ethnic, or race or where ever they come from !
Sorry. But thats my point of view and examples from my small experience.
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kinch says:
I seem to recall being told by a reliable source that UKI is a remarkably successful free range producer of the Ayam Kampus breed.
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Muthi says:
@farah..
What a smart woMan!
( *_* : …kaguM… ) -
dewaratugedeanom says:
As for how American men behave back home… don’t be a total ignoramus! Back in the West, men are absolutely and utterly cowed by women. After a few years you can divorce him and totally eviscerate him financially…. you could probably have him up on felony charges without the need to do anything so mundane as provide actual real proof… so the boot would be on your foot far more than it would be in Indonesia with an Indonesian husband.
And with the money from their alimonies or divorce settlements these ‘ladies’ come to Bali and spend it on us, Kuta Cowboys, to fulfill their wildest fantasies.
Isn’t life wonderful? 🙂
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And boy do you earn your money! 🙂
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@ Muthi
thank you :”) just saying whats on my thought -
I’m in Bali rite now. I’ve seen so many mix-couples (bule guy wit indonesian gal).. But i have no idea..
How can those bule guys in to those ugly indonesian gals?
Seriously,most of those gals are ugly.. -
@ Muthi
..been there… see what you see too..But then thinking… well these guys like that “unique part” the darker the skin, the more prettier.
And once i said to my ex-bf about my nose and he said, well its cute, its small not looks like our nose big like elephant (hehehe).
And.. hehehe muthi.. in western countries they inject BOTOX to made their lips look thicker (fuller).You know, something that “different” attract other peoples, thats why they called it a unique beauty.
Hehehe.. and maybe just like me, i saw too many dark skin guy, and short (hahaha, sorry guys) with dark eyes for the rest of my life….. i find guy with white skin, tall, and blue/green/hazel eyes are attractive !
I think thats the most simple way to explain… the human “opposite attraction”.. hehehehe.
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Sounds like I’m your perfect match then, Farah 🙂
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….. how tall are you ??
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Farah: This is a Forum, not a Meat Market.
Anyway it should be obvious that we are extremely mentally compatible :D.
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arah: This is a Forum, not a Meat Market
well.. i thought we talking about some meat here… don’t you realize that ??
dating indonesian girls is the topic. Its meat market here kinch. And you seemed quite scare about the sizing things.
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Got quite a mouth on you, Farah… are you still absolutely sure you’re not a Batak? 🙂
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Got quite a mouth on you, Farah… are you still absolutely sure you’re not a Batak? 🙂
…. i just know your another shallow thought… not need to be a batak just to say things like that in here
…as i said i am a malay/melayu girl.
And still no answer on your height 😉 … i smell fear here…
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Farah-not-a-Batak: Sounds like you travel everywhere with a measuring tape. Tell you what… next time I’m in JKT, I’ll let you know so you can fly down from your jungly oil rig with notebook and tape measure and put your mind at rest :D.
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jen says:
@ uwie
You’re not kampungan, uwie. My family (including the extended family) and best friends are with you. It’s me against the world (my world that is). But for me, I find the concept of marriage is terrifying. I think that if people are together, living together, sharing the same space and they’re happy, that’s as close to marriage as one needs to be. They don’t need some court ordered document to ensure that they’ll be together forever. I don’t have to get married to love someone in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow – whatever people say on marriage vows (which they break anyway).I think people act weird after they got married. Or (in my case with my ex-bf) right before the wedding. I was with him for almost 8 years before he proposed to me. I think he was sobber when he did, and I didn’t point a gun at his temple either. But he got scared and ruined things 2 months before the wedding. It seemed like the psychological shift scared him. Not to mention the inter-racial issues. At the moment I was carrying his child, it just wasn’t an excuse to continue with the marriage. And you know what? After cancelling all the wedding plans etc, he came back to his old self and wanted to fix things up. Too bad I’ve lost my interest in him.
But my point is, when you’re married, there’s a lot of pressure on having a successful marriage. It’s easier just to stay together without the burden. Man, if I don’t enjoy a male’s company that much, I’d prefer a relationship with my ‘powered battery lover’ 😛 . Like my partner, what we had at first was friendship (with benefit that is). Guess I get a little too comfortable with him, but it’s a bit late to back off, we feel attached to each other already, more than friends should be. Without realizing it we already act like we’re married. I don’t really think we need to legalize it (save all the time ‘n energy of the hussle of getting a divorce if bad thing happens, not that I expect it!) but we want to have kids together. We want the same rights and obligations if we have kids together. And it’s easier for the kids, since they’ll be a half Indonesian anyway. My 6-year-old out-of-wedlock daughter is ‘being punished by the society’ tho it’s not her fault at all (I am punished, and my life of sex is exposed. You know how bad it is here. But it’s just the consequences I had to take for my action so it’s ok. But I wish I could do something to protect her from being mistreat).
Of course there are other reasons, like it’s easier for him to buy properties and invest his money here hehe. And that he will move back to his home country, we wanna be together. Oh well… I dunno. I just know he asked me to marry him and I couldn’t find a single reason to say no.
Then after saying yes, there comes the doubts.@kinch
Am I any good at what I do? Hmmm… I dunno if I’m good or it’s just pure luck. I decided to quit being an employee of a consumer-goods multi-national company when I lay my eyes the first time to my newborn daughter 6 years ago. Couldn’t bear the thought of her being raised by the maid, watched sinteron all the time then she might decide to become a soap opera star (c’mon, she’s a half white. And her father is like greek god -in hollywood movies- so tho at that time she looked like a little monkey, pinky and wrinkly, I always knew she’d turn into a princess hehehehe). I didn’t know what I was good at, I just knew I was into fashion (typical, eh). So I learned to sew clothes. My first client was my Mom, she didn’t pay but she was my walking mannequin. Her friend was my first paid client. By word-of-mouth advertising, I grew my business lil by lil. Am not rich, but comfortable. I’m able to pay my bills, save up some for my retirement funds, buy Jimmy Choo, and get out of Jkt as often as possible that I’m a travel addict. I’m not too ambitious, that’s why I reject some clients just so I can have time to take my daughter to her dance class, have dinner with friends, and play with my man.Now you know why I’m afraid. Not only that I have my business slightly by KKN. Do you think they’ll need anyone who only know how to have fun and make (Javanese) traditional wedding dress there in the States?
What I know about American men, it’s easy for them to get a divorce. I don’t get married so I can get a divorce and become rich. If so, I’d marry an Indonesian guy, maybe become their 3rd or 4th wife then with the money I got from my rich hubby I can pay a white man to entertain me.
Oh, I’m so interested in knowing what stereotypes you have about Batak (girl)? Just outta curiousity.
@ Lavasgo
Have you heard that attraction isn’t a choice? My experience was, when I started dating I dated some Indonesians guys, couldn’t force myself into activity which-involved-body-fluids-exchanged with any of them cuz I was disgusted by the thought of it. But when I dated a caucasian guy, then everything happened naturally. I wonder myself why. -
Jen: Compared to some posters here, you are refreshingly honest about yourself and your personal motivations.
I totally agree that it is the correct thing to spend a lot of time raising your daughter and that this is not compatible with a ‘real’ job. You seem to have life quite well figured out.
But ultimately your decision to stay in Indonesia reflects the fact that you are very comfortable there and can do pretty much exactly what you want. This is obviously a function (at least in part) of your social background – something which would be irrelevant in the USA. Now, I’m actually very much in favour of good breeding and hold no ideological brief for the Great Unwashed… so I have utterly no problem with that.
I guess my only bone of contention with you is that in your original post you were somewhat disdainful about living in the USA + made some fairly inaccurate observations about the American Male and divorce. Statistics clearly show that women initiate divorce proceedings more often than men do. Why? For the simple reason that it’s a no-brainer can’t lose proposition for them in the prevailing legal climate in the West. Women get to win and fleece the husband and keep the children. In Australia, we have a rather vulgar little piece of folk philosophy which goes like this:
Q: Why does a dog lick its balls?
A: Because it can.Not only Japanese can be Zen masters.
Women hold all the legal cards in most Western legal jurisdictions these days. They are very likely to divorce us poor suffering guys because ‘they can’. And that’s all you need to know about that.
Having said that, I fully respect the reasons you have given in your most recent post…. although at some point you probably should think again about marriage. The simple truth is that we all do have to make compromises and no we can’t have it all in life.
Ignore for a moment the fact that I am unmarried (hello, Farah)…. and lack a uterus… but I will preach to you anyway – for your own good 🙂
As for Batak girls – they really DO talk too much. As in never stop for anything. It would be distasteful to get into a long enumeration of specific examples…. but suffice it to say that I finally drew the line with Bataks after knowing one who wouldn’t shut up even when she was sleeping.
And she wasn’t even a lawyer…. and I don’t have a problem with putting Fido on the menu – lived in HK for 7 years before and knocked about Southern China and like to annoy people by greeting their pet dogs by saying ‘hello lunch’.
Farah and I have a little ongoing lovers’ tiff. When I first noticed her posts, I teased her about being a Batak because she was not behaving remotely like the stereotypical Javanese + was clear from post context that she was in Sumatra. She indignantly replied that she is Melayu. To date I have refrained from comparing and contrasting Malay manners and Grace on opposing sides of the Straits of Molucca because I don’t want to piss her off too much.
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@jenny
what a complicated life that you choose! You are really strong. I really hope that your doughter have a strength that her mother have. Hmm … both of you have to discussed everything then. You build your business from zero until right now. So, I think if you want to build another kind of business, you can do it … It would be a very difficult for you, i know. but you have a strength and spirit that make you can trough everything
to get anything you want.@ about ayam
what make people make to do something bad needs a really strong reasons. Maybe for you and me it is not that strong enough to do that. but everyone have a different limit. For one man, maybe just because being insulted it is enough to kill someone for another one maybe it is need like a self defense to make him kill someone. If we are still in a right way, enough for us to be glad. Don’t judge them to harsh if we can not help them. are we can be still strong if we are got the same trouble like them? we don’t know, right?But what are we talking about? I am confuse why we are talking about ayam … must be read again … hmmm
@muthi
i am not a beautiful person, so you hurt me a lot. hehehe … Being ugly doesn’t mean that I have no right to be happy, right?@farah
about lavasgo … he is just joking, he doesn’t mean it –> but you have good point.
I think he is in love with Indonesian girl who love bule … hehehe …Hmm, you are an attorney, no wonder you have a really smart thought
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Farah-not-a-Batak: Sounds like you travel everywhere with a measuring tape. Tell you what… next time I’m in JKT, I’ll let you know so you can fly down from your jungly oil rig with notebook and tape measure and put your mind at rest :D.
Don’t need to measure you, i think i know your …..size, now after few comments here and still no answer 😀 😀
Why would i want to fly to Jakarta…. SHORTIE ?? hehehe… you should give me more reason to leave my important job as coconut counter here. The production is 24/7, can not let down the coconut lover out there.
And i would might miss my day dreaming if i went to busy and crowded jakarta, can’t take my noon nap. -
Lavasgo says:
@ uwie
Good choice, modern asian men are much like what you describe.
@Farah
If i met any man that have similar thought, similar behavior or action just like this westerner treat me. I might will consider them, for what ever they skin color, or ethnic, or race or where ever they come from
Just a simple question, how many times do you let open your thoughts to an Asian men then a westerner? If there is a westerner and a asian at the same place, who will you prefer? ( deep in your thoughts : who you hope will approach you? )
By no prejudice to the indonesian ladies, cause I too have many good indonesian friends.
@ Jens
Good feedback. Probably you are right.
Hopefully as more and more Asians are going expat, a friend of mine is now expat in Germany now, while I will be posted to Portugal end of this year, Hopefully We Asian men will be a rarity in europe as Bule in Asia.
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@ Jen
I admire your decision to raise your children instead of kill the innocent thing. Good for you ! American sometimes could be a jerk, had experience with them too. But not all of them of course.@ Uwie
I am not a lawyer, i am a humble ordinary secretary secretary in deep jungle of sumatra for coconut company that produce oil.@ Lavasgo
I open my heart and giving opportunity as much as i gave the westerner. Hey, i live in small town, how many white guys do i see when i was back then in high school ???? NONE.
And during my university, same, my friends on my university are 90% indonesian. The other 10 % is the westerner and not all guys that i met as exchang students from Canada and USA.
Only FEW of them but show me enough, introduce me to whole different things about man-woman relationship. Made me think i had more choices on that dept.If you ask me NOW, who will i choose if theres two person from different cultures. Westerner or Asian, i rather choose westerner. They DON’T demand ALOT. Have to be white, have to be smart, have to be virgin, have to be understanding, have to be perfect. And i don’t have to deal with their family too, as if i choose ASIAN.
Asian family, will ask whos your father, what your father and mother do, and if necessary, will ask how much incomes do you get, where do you work, etc etc.
Because as far as i know the rules in asian almost the same, you marry me, means you married the whole family. Not only had to deal with the asian hubby, had to deal with the whole family, mother father sisters, brothers uncles, aunts, etc etc.
If i had western bf, his family will say, well son as long as you were both happy. And thats the end of story, in most of cases.
If asian bf love me but the family not… well theres a big chance i wont end up as his wife.
So.. am i right or am i wrong Mr Lavasgo ?You know.. you can’t choose to whom you fall in love with. At the end once again, i would say, its personal preference.
Sorry with all the thought or assumption, mind what ever you call it, i will more to choose westerner who MOSTLY love me for WHO I AM. Not because my skin, my brain my money or my family.@ Kinch
You’re single. You sound like having too many ..uupppsss.. maybe one batak girl in your live and she could really ‘ROCK’ your small world. hehehehe…. i would love to know her because she seemed stay for ever in your head that you could remember all about her including while she was sleeping ! awwww.. you’re such a romantic guy !Too bad kinch i am not batak… i would love to be one if that annoy you enough.
My question is.. dos she really eat YOUR dog ? euuuggggghhhhh………… (poor thing)
and btw.. you made another tereotyping about javanese girls again :
she was not behaving remotely like the stereotypical Javanese
For anything that i do.. means that any javanese girls can’t… thats not true kinch dear..
I am a WOMAN, i tend to talk more than a MAN. Because as far as i know woman brain could keep more words than a man brain. And as far as i concern… you put lots of post as much as i do, and you’re… a.. woman.. no?….man ???
You talk too much too my dear kinch.
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Farah: I’m sure i’m unable to meet your insatiable durian-fueled requirements in the stature department :D… I dunno what the company feeds you up there, but you’re too feisty for poor little me. Almost as terrifying as watching the Williams sisters play tennis.
I feel so inadequate now.
Hmm…. are you a lawyer? If so, from UI? If so, do you know Sasha & Aniek?
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Farah:
Ahah… not a lawyer. We’ll count that as a credit in your ledger.
As far as males/females and words – it’s generally accepted that Shakespeare had the largest vocabulary of anyone anywhere. He wrote a little something called ‘The Taming of the Shrew’. May I suggest that you read it and get a handle on my game plan before it’s too late.
You are quite correct about the family thing (Asian vs. Westerners)… also there is the simple fact that it is generally easier for males and females from different cultural backgrounds to talk honestly with each other than it is for them to do so amongst their own kind.
This very obviously applies to Asian females being more comfortable ‘being themselves’ with Western men… given that ‘being yourself’ with a local man can quickly get you labeled ‘too open’, etc… but also works the other way because Western women tend to be rather combative and we have to tiptoe around them.
Your kind of feisty is OK though… but go easy on those durians. All things in moderation.
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Muthi and Farah:
You might think these girls are ugly, but sometimes, ‘ugly’ people like them are more beautiful than the people who call them ugly, because they have a beautiful heart. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and I personally will NEVER think a person is beautiful if they have an ugly heart and ‘sombong’.
and what you inject in lips to make it fuller is not botox, it’s wither collagen or restylane. botox is a drug to get rid of wrinkles or facial twitches.
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Farah: I’m sure i’m unable to meet your insatiable durian-fueled requirements in the stature department :D… I dunno what the company feeds you up there, but you’re too feisty for poor little me. Almost as terrifying as watching the Williams sisters play tennis.
durian much better than vegimite .. mate, at least thats what i thought.
You dislike durian, i dislike vegimite. I don’t force you to eat or smell it, you don’t do the same with vegimite, or any other food that you like okay mate ?
We are out of topic here kinch sweetie.
I don’t think the “too open” is the problem. The problem is, too demanding. And i can’t full fill the “indonesian princess” image or simply the Stefford’s wife that amazingly obey and had submissive attitude.
And about combative western woman ?? its very tiring if you fight all the time by your self. They will miss a time to feel the comfort of a man at night, when you take of your XENA the warrior princess suite, and theres no one to argue with, or to had someman-woman conversation, miss their stinkin’ socks, and the not tidy and un-proper toilet seat etc.
I not agree with the woman combat attitude, its needed, but not all the time. We’re not in a war aren’t we ? -
@ rima
hahaha .. i don’t know about beauty that much (about botox collagen etc), appreciate that comment, thanks.And yes i do agree no body perfect, and God is fair. Maybe we think they’re not that pretty, but yes, i do believe they got something that i might don’t have. More patience and more obedient i think. But yes i know what you’re talking about.
Inner is better than outer, sure… you are absolutely right 🙂 🙂
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@farah
Well Farah, Probably you have met mostly indonesian guys, but not other Asian guys.
You have set a monotone for all guys in the Asia continent. I would not deny that Asian guys in the past have the same set of culture as what you describe.Just some examples from my previous stint in different country.
1) In Shanghai, china, The female are the dominant group. they are the successful career women while most shanghanesemen are more mild temper and tends to run the family better.
2) In Vietnam, the rural asian mens are really male chavunist while the main city men are real gentlemen who treats the ladies well
3) In Singapore, The women and men are on equal status and definitely no such things as controlling each other life.
The above are general culture representing the majority, but not all.
My point is there are many different culture within asia. You are right in describing asian men on certain perception as they really still exist. On the other hand, the evolving of modern culture in asia has also taken place.
Mind that I am very frank and straight forward in my comments, that does not usually couple with asian guy. viewing all the comments, especially from the ladies here, I sense that you are all in the league of modern woman, not typical asian.
@uwie
I think he is in love with Indonesian girl who love bule … hehehe …
Thanks for putting in some good words for me. too bad, I have not fallen in love yet. but as I was looking around, I am appreciating the culture of indonesia, where the people are so warm and polite.
Maybe you can be have more fans just you know … give your smile to them … people from asia – a little bit to cold … so a little bit not too really easy to getting closer
Thanks for your advise. I will start to do it more often.
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@ Lavasgo
Hehehehe … what a great introduction of your self!!! Funny though …
But you are wrong, I am in love with an Vietnamese expatriate right now
actually I found that expat -non Bule much more attractive …
But, I don’t know on how to getting approach because they are too cold …
I actually can easily mingle with expats from India, because I don’t know maybe I myself too many watch “Kuch Kuch Hota hai” in my teenager time or just because we have a similar root culture ….
Maybe you can be have more fans just you know … give your smile to them … people from asia – a little bit to cold … so a little bit not too really easy to getting closer