Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Dessy says:
Dear Patrick,
thanks for your advice..I think your right, I’m too blind of love…and I need to get out from it. Our relationship is still new but we have hurt each other often…then he give me this site, and I think I should thanks to him so I could get good advice from experience people.
But I couldn’t get off his face from my mind.
I just believe in God hands that God will make him see into my heart.
He ever ask me “what we should do in future?” and I know I can’t ask him to stay with me in indonesia cos I know his children means the world to him, and after reading what his said in this site, I think your right Patrick..I think I don’t deserve all his insulting but I regret it, he knows me better than anyone else, and we have same character but he don’t have principle and I think he would never be real man…@Dita: I think what you write for tia advice is for me too…I never ask myself, is it worth for me, quit job and follow and live with a man who ever insulting me???? I’m just ordinary girl who want someone love truly and feel needed but maybe I’m too naive, too believe and expected that from someone who said doesn’t have passion with his wife but have 3 children? But I deserve it cos God knows what I did to my precious life in my tummy…
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Thanks for your suggest for me Dita, it’s make me more better in here. You look so understand me with your experience same shoes like me now.
I just Loves him more than everything arround me now. I just blind with my heart .
I lose controll to be realize with this condition.
Too much tears and immolation in my decision to choose him.
Some times i ban my self with all choice in my head now. I’m just stupid girl, rebellious with my parents, naive and bad girl in this world.
But I need him, as i have precious dream with him and i just want to stop with my nauseating life.
I don’t have more time to be patient with our relation, i must make decission this month and I will lose him if i’m late. I can be patient but my dad cant be patient with time.
He ask me to marry with man from my daughter that i ever do any mistake before when I fregnance without married/ but is long long time a go and i dont have feeling with him anymore.and i must back to my hometown and my dad buy home for me and give me a good job.
I’m so confused I just fell hurt now. I’m really loves him… it’s true and sincerely -
Farah says:
@ Tia
My sist… online dating/chat.. it doesn’t meant anything until you meet the person in real life. Its a good way to know someone, but still you need to know that person in reall.. reveal who hes really are.
I met a boy over internet while i am in univ, hes from usa also student, know him almost a year, and when he visit me theres still things that made me surprise. Like his habit of cursing, or talk about other appearance.. about how funny someone walk, how “merry” that girl make up, etc (wich is not a mature thing) plus he can’t respect indonesia culture and think its “silly”. Thos just things that i can’t see while i am chatting with him.
You want to argue with your parent because someone that you met on internet for 5 months ? and thinking about leaving what you believe since you were born ? just for a guy..(that you met over internet ?) really..really not wise honey …
Thinking about living together.. then what ? we’re woman “tends” to ask for more and more and more…(ill admit that). Is living together just enough for you ??
Know him better.. thats my suggestion. Don’t rush it, “tak’kan lari gunung di kejar” if he is meant to be for you, it will happened. Take time and see if he really want you, not just for sex only.
If he is really love you as you think he is… he will consider to face up with your family, dealing with your religion, and respect you.
Theres some OTHER sincere bule out there who could respect you for who you are 🙂 !@ Dessy
euuuuhhhhhh ! affair with a married guy is a big no no !
what do you feel if thats happened to you, you had this man as your hubby and other woman just ruin your happy (or unhappy) life and made it as hell ???
I think people look down at your job because things that you done there (or not done..yet). Indonesia is moslem country, even sitting down next to a bule that drinking bintang would made people look at you (here in my jungle) when even i dont really know that guy (or i think its just my sensitive feeling, ouch !).
Poeple related your job with “easy girls” and drinking habits. I wont say your job bad, as i respect all working woman out there (life is hard, i know…). But yeah… i can’t say anything about bar girls whos actually dont want to work there but had to.. such dilemma.And if a guy treat you bad, playing you like a yoyo.. he wont be good for you, especially if he is attached and children are involved…
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and i want to add more…
@ Tia and Dessy
…well those bule sure know how to made our world stumble upside down.. aren’t they ? 🙂 🙂 🙂
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lomboksurfer says:
Hey Farah baby your advice rocks to the max! Wow you are probably the hottest brown sugar-baby on the bloody planet! And to know that a surfer dude like me can make your bleedin world stumble upside down and like wiping out while riding a narley 4m wave in the bonzai pipeline. It bloody well encourages me to be more of a bleedin Kamikaze pilot now more than ever. WOW what a bloody destructive relationship we could have surf baby? So how about it my lovely and so very hot brown sugar-baby princess, are you ready to ride my board on our bloody endless summer quest? Farah baby you rule and this bleedin surf god drools!
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shawty says:
Tia…
Yap farah totally right ! online dating / chat / call or whatever.
It dont mean a thing untill u spend some amount of time to know him personally
in real life.Why he want to run out from lovely GBP that they really proud of..
hmm..
i know some british that want move out from their country
cos simply they just cant win the competition in the job market hehe..anyway from which part of uk is he..
awww im so nosey..cos yeah some british really gentleman and worth to fight for..very rare !
xx
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Dita says:
Dear Tia,
So you have an illegitimate daughter?
Well, that’s one more reason for you to be careful and cautious before you make any decision regarding this Englishman.Have you told him about your daughter?
You know that you must tell him that, right?
And what does he think of you having a daughter?
Is he okay with that?
Is your daughter included in your and his plan of getting together?Tia, you must realise that now it isn’t only about you and him.
It’s about your daughter too.
You cannot act and be selfish now that you are a mother of a child.
You understand what I’m saying right?And you can’t really blame your father, dear Tia.
You must realise that you have hurt him so bad by committing premarrital sex,
And got a child out of that, too.
If anything, you should be grateful that he did let you have your child,
because, as your father, he could have easily forced you to abort your child, right?And the fact that he is still willing to buy you a house and get you a good job to boot,
That only shows that he cares about you. that shows that he only want the best for you.
And now you have this Englishman affair. well, you can’t blame him for being fierce and strict to you, right? Because what you do now looks like another mistake from his point of view.
You must understand that, Tia. try to think about others’ feelings for once.
This world isn’t just about you, you, and you.First thing you need to do is to sit down with your father, have a decent conversation with him. i know this must be difficult, but at least TRY, okay?
Tell him that you are grateful for his care and attention for you, and tell him that you have your own desire, and ask him how you and him can have a compromise (jalan tengah) where you can win, and your father can win also.Second, tell that Englishman that you need to sort things out with your family first, and in order to do that, you need more time. Ask him to give you more time, if he really loves you like you claimed before, he would understand and give you some time. If not, well, I should think that it is an obvious sign that he doesn’t really love you.
Okay, Tia?
I hope this can help you, even only a bit. -
Fawty said:
“cos yeah some british really gentleman and worth to fight for..very rare !”
too true!
can you give me a high-five, girl??
tos dulu dong ah ..
😀cheers,
Dita. -
oops, i mean SHAWTY!!
S-H-A-W-T-Y !!
sorry, girl, so bad with names, I am 😀
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Tia honey…I have read your story….
What I suggest it, if he is worth to fight for, then do it..cos its your life even if you have child…I understand how your feeling towards the biologic father …if you don’t like him then don’t push yourself into that marriage cos it will hurt you forever and will influence to your child…but if you choose that UK man, you must sure that he won’t make you suffer cos you have sacrifice everything..and my advice, if he loves you then he will fight for you too, talk to your family even if it’s very hard but if he is sincerely and show his good attitude, I’m sure your family will like him..just don’t run away cos whatever you do, you still your parents child, they wont hate you forever…trust me..you just have to look at the opportunity to talk with your parents like dita and shawty said… -
Easy says:
I am a young black, I date a indonesian girl , she s very nice but indonesian girls like tall white man. I dont know why, she always talks about money.
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janma says:
I am a young black, I date a indonesian girl , she s very nice but indonesian girls like tall white man. I dont know why, she always talks about money.
You don’t know why??? Have you read this thread? I just laughed so hard I got coffee all over my keyboard….
again, someone fetch a child of five… -
Patrick says:
My original advice on this thread was to run bule’ run and don’t ever look back because these Indonesian women are plain crazy! Nice woman to admire and date but marriage? Run bule’ run! As far as that win-win compromise Dita was talking about I have been through that and let me tell you fellow bules what those Indonesian women really mean. They mean today its win-win compromise but tomorrow they take a little back and the day after a little more and so on till you have nothing gentlemen and I mean nothing! Run bule run! : > )
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Thanks all for your suggest..
But i’m sorry, i just want to clarification about this. me and he at the first time meet in a real life and face to face not on net or chatt we meet in two week together like another people we are friends (we go to cinema, mall, dinner ) for two week, even it’s short time to know each other for the first time but we have special felling in our heart, we meet in some place in Indonesia as I’m working in here and he have project for two weeks in here. After 2 weeks he must go back to his country because the project is finish but after that he still keep in touch with me , call me everyday and give me text message every time, we always chatt and use email too. We do that 3 month already and last month he come here again fly from UK 17 hours to Indonesia only for to see me not for project or something. So what is this?… is it love? or only fun?…
He send me teddy bear doll from UK, send me CD romantic music from UK, give me message every day and come here only for me. . I’m a women, sensitive .I knows how his feeling. We have same feeling, we love each other. and it’s so strong even my father don’t like bule I still love him . I always asking why God must give this feeling for me, why God let me to meet him?…
It’s so easy for talk but it’s so hard to fell expecially when i must choose between two choice. -
Thanks Dita and Desy, Thats good suggest for me.
I have try to talk with my father at lebaran last time and you know what his reaction he really angry and upset with me. He blame me and cant forgive me about this, he lock me in my room and kick me, don’t give me permission to go back to this city place for me to work. And I determined come back here again as i have good carrier in here and easy for me to meet my bf in here.
My family can’t accept my decission as my father says they will never admit me as his daughter. it’s really hurt me Dita..About my daughter, he can accept her and have a part in his heart for my daughter. He understand and accept my background story. It’s no matter for him. He always give me time to be with my family, time to take a good conversation with them. but it’s not easy to take him talk with my family as my father really hates him with streotype aboutbule.
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I have tells about all story about me with my daughter with him and he accept that..
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hmm,
I notice that Tia completely avoided the daughter issue ..
and keep on gushing about her feelings ..Ah, well, Tia, it’s all up to you.
I know it’s much easier to dwell upon the romantic aspect of this problem of yours, than to facing more important issues.You want to know if it’s love or fun?
Tell him about your daughter. See how he reacts.
Tell him about your family disapproval. See how he reacts.
Tell him about your religion. See how he reacts.
And see if he takes any ACTION about them.And don’t you dare bringing God’s name on this.
True, our encounter with another human being is God’s plan, but it’s up to us what to make of it.
We can always DECIDE rationally, no matter how clouded your head is.I’m sorry, Tia.
I symphatised you at first. But now I only think that you are a spoiled child.
I hope someone would come and give you a hard slap on your face, so you can WAKE UP from this touch-feely stupor, and realise that there are much more than YOURSELF in this problem. -
Patrick, Janma, Easy, and anyone else who disses Indonesian girls,
Please allow me to defend my kind,
True,
Very true,
There are good-for-nothing Indonesian girls out there.
Money-thirsty, overkill, pushy, desperate, and simply despicable ones.
What can I say? Indonesian girls are just humans, we are not saints, thought there are a lot who pretend to be.I should be sorry if you have been involved with these kinds of Indonesian girls.
I sincerely hope that you have the wisdom to make the decision to do what’s best for you.You should remember, there is one good, decent, educated and .. ah, wholesome Indonesian girl for every shady, dodgy, money-thirsty, good-for-nothing Indonesian girl out there.
Here is my plea: please do not generalise us Indonesian girls to an uniform set of characteristics, though I know it is the easiest thing to do, to put human into boxes and label them.
Next time you want to state something about Indonesian girls/women, Mr Patrick – or anyone for that matter, it will be appreciated if you kindly type the word some before the Indonesian women/girls phrase.
Thank you very much for your attention.And Easy, ditch the girl. You should know by now. You can do so much better.
Sincerely,
Dita. -
Oh, sorry Tia.
Your last post that says you have told him about your daughter came after I finished writing my last post. didn’t see it coming. So, I’m sorry. please ignore it.Oh, how human have to deal with these things, eh?
sigh ..Well, Tia, dear girl, for the time being, it looks like you cannot do anything else but to give SOME TIME. Give some time .. to see where this would go ..
Please, please don’t be reckless (gegabah) in making any decision, okay?
Read my first post, and please consider the words truly in your mind.I’m sorry I cannot be more of a help for you, Tia.
I hope the way out, the solution to your situation will present itself in near time,
So you won’t have to live with anguish like this for too long.
Amen.Cheers,
Dita. -
Achmad Sudarsono says:
Halo All My Special Friend,
I think you only make the One Mistake:
You don’t play to her the Ukulele.
It is special Hawaian musical instruments that make everyone who feel it, feel the love, even Mr. Rosses.
You will feel the love if you hear it, Friends.
I ever play to many woman and they loves me.
Drs. A. Sudarsono.
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P.S.
Also, Mbak Dita Yth,
Maybe you can suggest the most Seksi song to play on the Ukuele to bring forward the lovin’?
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Tim says:
@Tia
Sorry for how I reacted when Dessy accidently sent me “gw bilang chat sama lo”, I have become so consumed by Paranoia, that when I had it translated on the internet i just could not take it any more. Maybe the translation was wrong. Your bf, who I know very well, is indeed a fine guy, who is not playing games with you. He is worth it. But as I have told him, you (Tia) need to do everything in your power not to break away from your family. Your family, your culture this is for life. Dont rush him, he will be there for you, your relationship is very young, take time to get to know each other, make sure you can always talk, as you do now, please dont put overwhelming pressure on him, not this early, give him time and I know he will be there for you. He really loves you.
@Dessy
Thank you for making me feel love, pain, hurt, paranoia, you made me feel alive, and it looks like all i have done is hurt you. So sorry princess.
@anyone
Please tell me what “gw bilang chat sama lo” means
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Yop-Yop says:
Well, I left a comment here few days ago…
However, since then I’ve been getting lots of notifications about this topic being renewed with new answers being posted and I admit I’m quite puzzled.
I mean, are Indonesian girls/women really that bad as many people here say??
I’ve been to Indonesia a couple of times and they seemed quite normal to me. It’s true I haven’t walked the pubs and nightclubs of the country (nor been there too long) but the normal streets and Universities, but… are they really that bad?? Come on!
Anyone can give an objective and realistic opinion on this??
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@Yop-Yop
No they are not bad. In my work and in the hotel where we stayed I met many indonesian ladys. I have respect for them all.
You have read Dessy and my story. Affairs often end in heartbrake, Dessy made me feel alive, after i had been emotionly dead for so long. I hate to think that i have hurt her but i must have.
If you meet someone you really like, please take time, court her, dont allow yourself to be rushed, there seems to be alot of pressure in these relationships that are hard for us from the west to handle. We take things much slower, some speak of marriage in such a short time. Get to know her and her family well, respect her culture and religion.
Enjoy your time in Indonesia and take the advice an indonesian lady told me “think with your head and not your heart”, she was right, but i did not take it. I went diving in and had an emotional roller coaster ride, but at the end of all this, I am not bitter in anyway, just heartbroken and that could happen in any part of this world.
If I was ever again single, I know where I would look for love. I left my heart in indonesia, all the people we met, were the nicest freindliest most unpretentious hardworking I have ever come across in all my travels.
To all who read this I hope I do not come across as trying to be Mr Innocent, I know am not.
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Dear all…
thx for all your advice here but I think it’s me who will choose and live with so everything you guys said I’m very grateful…
Since it depend on me…I will do my best to make it very clear..babe, I Love U…and I’m not shame write it here… -
Dear Dita,
Thanks again for your opinion about my situation. Not easy to find people understand about my condition now as all people arround me judge me and look at me like an idiot. I just depressed and lonely in this situation.
For you to know maybe I just have 1 month again it’s my freedom time and after that i must get marry with the man from my daughter as my dad want to go back to my hometown. What can I do Dita?
And my bf offering me to choose from my choice even he really want to be with me he really hope i can be with him. He’s so depressed too with my problem, he dont want to lose me. and what we can do behind escape from this. -
Mr Tims,
If u play the Ukulele all will be clear to you.
You will be Seksi.
You will be… Mantap.
I am thanking you.
Drs. A. Sudarsono.
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Foreign guys that disses indonesian girls..
are just another type of looser,
they lose and then complaint..
so pathetic..Anyway money and money.
It’s GIRLS AROUND THE WORLD !Anyway back to TIA..
If you think you strong enough to out from your dad castle
you may better take a chance !I mean secure enough in FINANCIALLY for you and tour little angel!
But if you think you not that strong..you should be thinking..
cos yah..your’e not alone anymore..you have your daughter that need you..
and NEVER ever ever ever think that u can depend on a guy..
even they are really rich
cos people change easilly..Anyway if you really educated, smart and hardworking, trust me you can live anywhere in this world..with any decent job..
I saw many indo woman with great career in around the world !You can be the next..
and sure I am hahaha, amin !TRUST UR SELF, FOLLOW UR HEART and keep REALISTIC !
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I just fell onto this site looking for Ido Girls. Trust me, for interest and long term goals. I found all the comments such a laugh, I thought I would put my pennies worth in. Or should i say rp. The guy who said tell your girlfriend to F– off, is probably right. Ha. It’s hard to treat women badly and I’ve never done so myself, but they have made me WANT to, several times. I’ve been visiting Bali for several years and been living in Bali 8 months.
I’m 53 and look 48. I consider my self attractive and alway date attractive girls. I’m single and have been HAPPILY so for 25 years. This is mostly due to working around the World in all Male environments and not because I’m a asshole. Ha. Take from this what you will.
Trust me, I have been all over the World and ALL GIRLS are the same, it doesn’t mater if you are small. Tall. Fat. Ugly. Attractive like me??? They don’t give a flying f*ck where your’e from, they do not want to know anything about you, other than, how much money is in your BANK account.
Lets have some GIRLS come clean with us MEN and tell us how it really is. All this inside attractiveness is TOTAL bullsh*t.
I’ve been here 8 months solid and been EVERYWHERE in Bali and done it all and 8 months into it I’m still on my own and single. Thank GOD.
You know why BOYS and Girls. Because my business is undergoing financial difficulties, so, I can’t hang around the usual places I normally frequent.
Dont worry Boys, it’s all about to change and then ALL the girls will come back RUNNING.
No one hangs around with a skint guy. Especially GIRLS. Trust me I know.
So, when Posh Girls do approach me I just buy them a coke and say, this is your lucky day. If they stay, which isn’t very often, You may even get them to buy you a drink, but it’s not very often. But their ultimate aim, is to have a FREE night out on us Boys/Men.
Take advantage of us and dump us for the next guy who they think has MORE money.It’s a Girls world. I LOVE them ALL though. Especially Indo Girls. Why do you think I’m here. Well, there is the Sunshine and the Manufacturing and the Friendliness of EVERYONE. The Night life. The easy going nature of EVERYONE.
I’m staying and coming back and forth for the next hundred years at least. I have to stay here, my kids want to visit me in Paradise.
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Wow… I’m a bule boy. 24 years old. I was thinking of going for some time to Indo to study Indonesian.
Quite funny, I came across this place trying to look for a recipe…
Anyway, now you left me something very clear -> Stay away from Indonesian girls! Haha…