Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
Nay says:
From my experience here in Indonesia I have had no luck in having ‘intimate physical’ moments with Indonesian women. All the women I seem to know either are taken, very conservative (even the concept of holding hands in public is horrifying to them), or have an agenda against ‘free sex.’
I tend to find that if the girl sees you as “marriage material”, she turns off sexually. It’s almost like a light switch. You attempt to court her in the traditional way and her legs stay closed until you capitulate to marrying her.
I tend to have to fight against this stereotype as soon as I meet a new Indonesian lady. They tend to aim their marriage-lasers on me and I have to grab it out of their hands as soon as possible! Otherwise, they’ll pretend to be a modest virgin (which they most likely aren’t), thinking that this is what I’m looking for… when it’s NOT what I’m looking for.On the other hand, if you convince her that you AREN’T marriage material, and go out of your way to prove that you’re a one-track minded dirty ol’ man, you won’t have this problem…. well, ok, you will still have problems, but then it becomes one of degrees.
Roughly about 90% of the women you meet will still give you trouble, and you can safely forget about them, and pretend you never met them…. but then you’ll open yourself up to the other 10% who will gladly play along with “free sex”, knowing that any non-free form of sex is prostitution anyway, and that the double standard really makes everyone lonely and frustrated for no good reason.
To that end, you have to go out there and meet A LOT of women. Even with a terrible sounding batting average of 1 in 10, meeting 200 new women over the course of a year nets you 20 girlfriends, which is probably more than most men can juggle at once. (actually 4 times more than I know I can juggle! Five on the roster wears me out logistically)
If this sounds somewhat cold and sociopathic, then just consider that women have the same problem from the opposite direction. Women are forced to turn down so many men, that they start viewing men in terms of statistics as well! (and that’s whether you choose to approach them or not!)
Anyway, just like lotto, you have to be in it to win it!
-
bAD 2 THE bONE says:
Bonni–”You’re wrong. Me and my boyfriend have agreed on the terms: if we’re married later I still want it twice a day’
Bonni- -your boyfriend should sort this whole aspect out now & get you to agree not only on how many times a day, but also on times for the morning & night-time. My Java ‘snake’ when asked by her friends on ‘how many times always replies ”every time ‘, now that should be the mindset of every woman on the planet ( i’m sure there would even be some guy for the unshaggable girls. Maybe you need a rethink? Muah! -
riniss says:
-
Hehe… kampung girl has something else other than jamu to sell!
-
frankygth says:
a fisherman once said, he who is
counting his caught fish wil catch less and lesssss…. -
bonni says:
Nay,
Is it any wonder that some men have confusing relationships with Indonesian women?
It’s got a lot to do with how confused the women are by the many varied mixed signals they are getting themselves. They scarcely know what to do, and even then many of them are trapped by religion, family, and broader society.I have to admit, yes, some (maybe most) of us are trapped by religion, family and broader society. I used to be one but I went through it. The thing is you just have to do what makes you happy, not what other people tell you to do, as long as you can be responsible for the consequences. That’s the kind of thing indonesian women should do. Although, we also have to be careful of being trapped by our own decision. Well, no choice can guarantee your succesfulness in life.
Anyway, just like lotto, you have to be in it to win it!
I’m telling you nay it doesn’t work for this group…
they’ll pretend to be a modest virgin (which they most likely aren’t),
Your theory is now PECAH! LOL
-
dinche augustine says:
first of all I want to apologize if my english is not good. I hope you can understand what I mean. I just wanted to remind u guyz especially all the bules here please do not expect more from us (Indonesian women), because we are only human and we also have many shortcomings. you need to know, every country has their own good woman, and also not good. just as happened in Indonesia. We also have many good women and bad woman. i can say 50-50. understand it. and do not expect much from us, because maybe you will be disappointed. indeed all our customs are very different from you, but do not rule out the possibility that many of us who have been following your style. but I do not mean they follow your style and be bad for it. many changes that occur during this to Asian woman especially here on Indonesian women. Remember … a good woman just came from a good place and not from the bar or nightclub. if I may suggest, if u want to find a good woman, find her in a good place/normal place and not at the night club…okay
-
just wanna remind u guyz, please do not expect more from us as indonesian woman cuz we do have many shortcomings and we’re just human. maybe some of u expected more from us and all u get wasnt like what u dreamt of. and if i may suggest u, if u really want to find a good girl, seek her in a good place not in the night club or bars. we dont have to argue about ur experience here cuz good and bad are balance in life and every country have their own good woman and bad woman so plz dont dream that u can just find good woman in indonesia. and when u finally dissapointed u’ll say many bad things about us due to ur experience. once again….good woman can be found in a good place. okay guyzzzzzzzz………
-
Julie says:
Maybe the next thread would be “How To Detect “Bule Baik-Baik”? Because to tell you the truth, that’s also hard to find. As much as negative opinions about Indonesian ladies told by foreign guys here, there are similar things faced by many ladies. Lots of “bules” seeking Indo ladies just for sex, asking for sex at the first meeting, and always talking about that stuff (how’s your opinion about sex before marriage, are you virgin or not… bla bla bla…), like there is nothing else matters in this world.
-
stevo says:
Julie, most of them are probably regular ok guys. The trouble is that they have so many choices in Indonesia, they just lose themselves. If they struggled with the ladies back home it will seem like heaven to them. Having said that, maybe this is just how those guys are, regardless of what country they are in?
I have noticed some Indonesian ladies behaving in a similar way when living in the West. They become the “exotic” one and have men falling at their feet. They too lose themselves amid all the attention.
This says more about human nature than it does about bule/Indonesian, male/female difference. It is also worth noting that sex is not sin and if you do not want to, just say no!
-
Lots of “bules” seeking Indo ladies just for sex, asking for sex at the first meeting, and always talking about that stuff (how’s your opinion about sex before marriage, are you virgin or not… bla bla bla…), like there is nothing else matters in this world.
Not if you want a sexual relationship it doesn’t.
By the way, us men need to find wantia baik-baik. One who isn’t looking to trap a man into a relationship and use him as some kind of “budak” to make her life better. Absolutely sick of women asking about what my job is and how much money I make.
Can’t we just have sex? is it too hard? Why the freaking interview process? It’s not like you really care about us all that much – unless you’re getting something out of us.
You treat us as easily replaceable people. -
i’d like to comment to nitro
nitro, I think you have found someone who can take care of you and treat you well. okay … she has had children and blah blah blah … past is past. by your story … you met her at the club with her friends but not with his boyfriend or something like that. and you need time to sleep with her. after you sleep with her, she became very jealous and protective. such that we are here, if we have sex with someone, we must know who it was and felt confident and safe with him. there is a very different feeling when having sex with people we believe in and it makes us feel to have sex because indirectly it has created a feeling of genuine affection. if she’s just using you, she will never help you in difficult times. if you want to know how well a person, you can learn through their friemds. and … her friends also help you when your girlfriend can not be with you while you are in trouble, less minus but so many the advantages she has. so open your eyes and follow your heart. I’m coming from east part of Indonesia where the customs and culture is really educate us very well. there may be some of the eastern girls who have been affected by foreign cultures, it is because they are too long to live in big cities and the lack of education they get… last but not least … keep rocking, nitro … God will give u the best..at the right time…He knows the best for u… -
I have to say wow to all the pros and contras about Indonesian women. as an indonesian woman, I feel so damn special in your eyes… hahahah … despite all the attention is not directly dedicated to me, but I am proud to be indonesian woman. my skin is kind of beige and some people say it’s golden skin…my sexy black hair, my black brown misterious eyes…my lovely smile and my hidung “pesek’ most of all “my stupid cute innocent face’…whoakkkkk…hahahaha…i’m laughing a lot here…OMG…that’s too much …but i never know that we are so adorable…i never think that those things make us famous and also make some people hate us… auchhh…is that bad beeing so lovely like that?…hehe..peace guyzzz…. and I am also proud to have a brother-in-law in the UK who really adore his Indonesian woman and will soon marry her 20th of this July. to James Lewis and Betsy Lewis…cheers for u guyz…wish u live happily ever after….God bless yaaaa
-
@ Stevo:
Thanks. It makes sense. I tried to figure out why, and based on what you said plus some insights from some people, now I know what should to do to eliminate contact with those weird guys. By the way it’s not for me, it’s for someone else, I just helping her.@Nay:
What’s wrong by asking questions? That’s normal. If you want to make relationship with someone, you need to know them, what they do for a living and what they want. I don’t see anything wrong by that. And besides, no one want to end up with just some random guys/girls. -
@Nay:
What’s wrong by asking questions? That’s normal. If you want to make relationship with someone, you need to know them, what they do for a living and what they want. I don’t see anything wrong by that. And besides, no one want to end up with just some random guys/girls.Nothing wrong with asking questions.
The problem is, men have limited time and patience. Most men I know have jobs and limited time for dating. So we want RESULTS.
In the business world, unless we are complete idiots, we don’t invest time (or money) into things where there is little to no return on investment. That would lead us to bankruptcy, and not the high life of fancy cars and expensive hotels we get from making GOOD investments with our time and money.
It’s the same when evaluating the many varied and different women a man may potentially meet. If she doesn’t appear to be worth the investment — no hard feelings, but spending time with her is only going to be wasted. We are better off meeting other (more receptive) women. So sorry if you feel you’re being ignored, or dumped, by men. It’s largely because you’re ignoring their basic emotional needs, or perhaps worse – making them feel bad about being men!
Men are generally looking for *sexual* relationships… so this is a key central factor to the decision making process. Typically, it doesn’t take women very long to determine whether she finds a man sexually attractive or not. At least, no longer than 15 minutes (although 5 minutes tends to be more realistic in my experience). To that end, a man knows very quickly if sex is going to be in the relationship at all very very quickly, and usually without too much talking. If the chemistry is there, not much needs to be said.
If it is NOT there… then there is no point talking to a woman beyond being polite.
After sex, there is no problem getting to know the person a bit better IF you decide to have something more serious and involved. With sex out of the way, there is more space to appreciate each other as human beings without clouded judgment, and actually plan the future with a rational mind, instead of a frustrated/confused mind who will capitulate to whatever the woman wants and enter an unequal relationship because she’s trying to mess with his head by denying what’s important to him.
Just my experience anyway. It works quite well for me.
Sorry if you find it offensive, but that’s the “ugly truth”. -
@Nay:
*chuckle*… you didn’t read my reply to stevo, did you? I wrote it’s not for me, it’s for someone else. I was just helping her to understand the situation. I’m already married, with a bule, so I don’t have a need to date another bule. I wasn’t being ignored or dumped either, that’s a silly statement from you.
Casual dating is not as hard as serious relationship. We can meet a friend, or go to bar, or going to a party and go crazy with one-night-stand. Fucking is super easy. Make a relationship works is completely different. So as much as I enjoy sex with my partner, I don’t believe your “5-15 minutes theory”. Chemistry on 5-15 minutes not always a right indication that he is the right man. As well as having sex after short introduction — hey, how’re you doing? what’s your name? let’s bobo bareng first, see if we have a chance to continue to the next level —- Jeez…..
I don’t have to agree with your points, right? My experiences are not the same as you. Women think differently, and we have a right to choose who’s the best candidate we want. We don’t have to bobo bareng with every single men we met just to find the right one. We have our own method. And clearly I won’t recommend my friend to accept an offer from a guy who sent her a message at the first introduction “let’s have sex” (online!!).
By the way, I already knew enough about your mind. I mingled in this site long time ago and pretty familiar with some characters. I just back here to throw a stone and see what i got. Stevo’s opinion is good enough, I don’t need more.
-
Casual dating is not as hard as serious relationship. We can meet a friend, or go to bar, or going to a party and go crazy with one-night-stand. Fucking is super easy. Make a relationship works is completely different. So as much as I enjoy sex with my partner, I don’t believe your “5-15 minutes theory”. Chemistry on 5-15 minutes not always a right indication that he is the right man.
Hey, I totally respect where you’re coming from. You are at a different stage in your life where having your own man becomes a priority, and casual sex is fraught with all kinds of danger. Certainly a relationship isn’t going to work – for you anyway – unless you know he is the “right man”…. or, ….how should I put this…. the sort of man who will tell you he loves you even when you’re being a completely nasty to him and telling him to go out to work and make more money 😀
Fortunately Indonesian women are not quite as good at being a bitch as a lot of western women are, so in that sense they’re more tolerable in relationships. (In fact just about any other woman is more tolerable than the bule woman, having tried a few different varieties myself!)So anyway, I wouldn’t bother trying to get with women in your stage of life, but there are plenty of younger women who aren’t interested in having a controlling little relationship…. and like you said, “fucking is easy”, especially if you’re a woman. All you have to do is stop resisting men’s advances! That’s where the magic “chemistry” comes from!
-
desyana says:
hi…my name desyana n i’m from indonesian…i am apollogize if my english is not good( just little i can speak english)…i think the all people is same…just to be different is caracter…the all in one’s leading strings….my opinion is before u walk out with the girl…you must to know about her caracter…about who is her n what the means for become girlfriend…if you want to serious with her…
-
Yea, the same with me. I won’t bother trying to seek advice about “magic chemistry” from someone who haven’t met his “true 5 minutes girl” and answer a simple question with loooooooong lecturing that mostly about himself. Something that I already know since…. last year, and still keep going around and around in this thread. Oh well, what a joke.
-
Hey hey hey… Again, emphasizing the “sex”… C’mon you guys… Nay, easyyyy… There is no such a thing as “wanita baik baik” or “bule baik baik” LOL What the hell you guys… Maybe talk about the “cross culture” stuff instead.
Hello dinche augustine, such a pretty name 🙂
-
Of course those terms exist, Bonni. The “wanita baik-baik” at least who doesn’t make her partner as “budak”. At least like that, since I know there is an acute allergic and paranoia among men here. And “Bule baik-baik” at least knows how to approach a woman appropriately. Not the type who came “hello, cilukba… are you horny now? Let’s have sex.”
If it is only one, I can say just ignore it. But if there are five, either my friend is too sexy or those guys are seriously damaged.
-
Hi Bonni , thanks for greeting me. Glad to join this group. Starting from a curiosity why Caucasian love asian woman that ultimately led me to this group. I am so amazed that this thread has been posted since 2006. Wow… 6 years but its flame was never extinguished. Hehehe.. I enjoyed reading all the comments even though I did not read the whole. Many positive and negative opinion about Indonesian women. I am happy to read the positive opinions , but that does not mean I hate the negative one about us. Because all of the opinion is issued in accordance with the personal experience of the person concerned. And a negative opinion can be used as a lesson for us to correct ourselves. I love meeting new people and learning about them , about their culture and their views. I live in a village far from the crowds but that’s not mean i get lack of information about the world. Thanks to the internet. Hehehe. I recently tried to join a site of romance , not to find a mate , but just to satisfy my curiosity if only Caucasians who likes to join the site of romance , if there are Asian men , particularly Indonesia as well. I love to read all their profiles about what they are looking for in a girl. I am often surprised to get the truth turns out someone who is looking like a playboy but finding a good woman to be his wife. And very surprised to know there are many adult males over the age of 50’s looking for a mate on the site. Many of grandparents who are looking for young girls who have big boobs , sexy body and blah blah blah. Hahahaha… that in Indonesia would have to be to talk about “grandpa , plz repent , you’re alredy smell of the ground… and so on. Or a joke says ” one foot into the grave was just waiting for the other foot “. Hehehe… So funny … there are also doctors who just simply want to have fun. But it is true according to the fact that the Caucasians are interest to asian woman. So that means I can still get the chance to have a Caucasian boyfriend. haha… just kidding. I have a suggestion… if lately the topic was abt dating and sex… what if the we change the topic to be . ” the positive and negative side of marrying Caucasian man ” what do you think ? Come on…. hehehe
-
shawty says:
I ever have sex with bule at first date and it turns to be 2nd date third date fourth date and some months etc..
so basically dear ladies if u do it make sure u want it too and dont expect too much
and if it obvious he only wants sex yea just let him go to others..
dont worry theres tons of sleazy cheap bules but there is good one too..
just be patience and u will find itin summary dont think too much, dont be insecure
-
Nay, easyyyy… There is no such a thing as “wanita baik baik” or “bule baik baik” LOL What the hell you guys… Maybe talk about the “cross culture” stuff instead.
Of course there is no such thing as inherently “good” or “bad”.
Instead, POWER is all there is: Who has it, who wants it, and how they get it.So yeah, you don’t want to hear the “boring” stuff. I don’t get it. I’m not here for your entertainment! Why all the pressure to perform for you ladies?
Oh ok then…. let’s change the subject.
…so which of you like rough play in bed? Do you like being on top? Do you like your hair pulled from behind? How long do you last in bed? 😀
-
Nay, no offends but no wonder you haven’t found that woman! 😛
Dinche, yeah it could be a great idea, knowing your sister (?) married one, hehehe…
-
bonni, I am sure Nay is touched by your concern, but I suspect he is getting what he wants.
Speaking of which…. you forgot to answer his question.
-
Oueee tried not to pay attention!
…so which of you like rough play in bed? Do you like being on top? Do you like your hair pulled from behind? How long do you last in bed?
Hmmm as I sometimes like being a mystery, so I answer those question by… Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah.
Stevo, he’s a lonely man, can’t you see?
-
Oueee tried not to pay attention!
You sound like the “lay back and think of England” type. I guess that answers Nays question bonni.
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Related Stories
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
Will that be on the marriage certificate? 😀
A verbal agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on! 😉