Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
stevo says:
I even avoid beeing alone with my friends girlfriends even the ones I consider to be good friends of mine as on some occasions it already led me to some terrible situations…
Sorry to hear about your troubles weng weng. It sounds like “she is just not that into you”.
Tell us more about the “terrible situations”…
-
Nay says:
It has been ok (not great but just ok) for a few months then it seems that we have been doing nothing but argueing on essential matters like masuk islam,get sunat,who is that girl name on your HP? admit you’ve had sex with the penbantu an so and so on..not to mention that for the last year she was on her periods 27 days a month .no matter how hard I tried to please her that was never enough.
I think a lot of guys forget that they have value to the women that want to hook up with them, and they simply give their power away without really negotiating to have their own needs met too.
I’ve had the whole “masuk Islam” talk a few times… and basically I said that in any marriage that I want to be a part of, that I have to be the boss, and that means that she DOESN’T get to tell me what to do AT ALL… including join a religion!
(even if I joined Islam, I think Islam would back me up on this position!)
… but then, Indonesia is a place of huge contradictions.Essentially I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am – which I think is perfectly reasonable. I’m quite willing to accept her for who she is, and her religious beliefs, whatever they are… but they can’t come around and then try to change me with them… and then tell me how I’m supposed to live my life. That’s not part of the deal!
…and the reality is… I just DON’T HAVE TO tolerate some woman trying to change me! Even attempting is futile for her. I quite enjoy having lots of girlfriends and can easily meet others without such strict requirements. Being with one particular woman would be nice too, I’m sure.. but it has to fit me on my terms too otherwise…. NO DEAL!
All too often I’ve had to take to task some of these girls and point out to them that their refusal to have sex with me until they get a “commitment” from me, despite showing a strong interest in me, is nothing but prostitution. Commitments cost TIME and MONEY for a man… and more importantly, TIME IS MONEY. Additionally the fact that they refuse to love me until I pay basically reveals that they don’t really love me anyway…. so then I have to ask myself… WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME TALKING TO YOU? Where is the love?
On more than one occasion I’ve had to tell a lot of Indonesian girls, who initially seemed interested in me, rather point-blank that I’m not keen on marriage. Sadly to say, despite all the charm and nice conversation we had up until that point, they figured that friendship with me wasn’t good enough either, and that I was no longer worth talking to!
Screw that!
Again, I’m not trying to tar all women with the same brush. Just because I dislike lies, manipulation, and prostitution doesn’t equate to me disliking women. There are many (but hard to find) good women out there.
-
bonni says:
Stevo,
Sorry to hear about your troubles weng weng. It sounds like “she is just not that into you”.
Thank you, stevo. For the first time in my life I think you are right. Would you please define me “a good (indonesian) woman”? Perhaps it could help adjusting the conversations here.
-
weng weng says:
Ooooh I see. maybe that sounded à bit too much like”Mr nice guy still has to learn some facts about human relationships”Sorry for that.
Don’t worry after we broke up I had my share of hysteria and hate calls. Actually even friends of mine have been aken in the middle of the night to learn they were assholes just because they were on my mobile phone contact list.
Beeing a nice person means to me that I expect a bit more from a relationship than the good ole “shut ur f…in mouth do the housework and spread your legs”thing. Something like mutual enrichment I feel secure enough and don’
t feel the need to prove myself I’m a man by this kind of behavior.
Nevermind, maybe indo girls are the perfect match for kuta surfers. After wasting two years of my life I’ve been on a nice relationship with a chinese (PRC) lady and we both learned a lot from each other, the last time she called me at night time was to wish me a happy birthday.
It just seems to me that there’s something wrong with indonesian girls expectations when it comes to western men -
kripik says:
The alleged culture gap that may exist between Western men and Indo women as a reason for failed relationships also exist between Indonesians of different “suku bangsa”.
-
It just seems to me that there’s something wrong with indonesian girls expectations when it comes to western men
That’s not really an Indonesian girls thing.
Indonesian girls, if they are going to be messed up, are going to have issues with sex-for-money, religion, reputation, and family more than other women (in my humble experience). These issues are also present in other women of other countries too, but with Indonesian women it’s much more obvious.
The problem is that women’s expectations are largely narcissistic, and most of the time they’re not even aware that they are. On a subconscious and instinctual level, they know that they are more important to the survival of our species than men are, and that subconsciously drives all their actions into protecting themselves at the expense of men.
This narcissism shows up with women’s addiction to makeup, fashion, and trying to be the centre of attention. Their sex drive leads them to subconsciously seek attention from as many men as possible to widen their pool of dating candidates. In essence, they can’t help themselves trying to use men for different purposes. They need some men to give them money, support, taxi rides, emotional support, … and sex. Once a man has finished his purpose to her, she simply discards him.
Now here’s the kicker. Since it’s women who decides on who gets sex, she basically sleeps with whatever guy turns her on, and NOT the men who she uses for all the other things she wants. She’s quite happy leading men on if she thinks it will get her what she wants from that particular guy, and she thinks nothing of doing this.
(That’s why a women often date you and lead you on by not having sex with you. They’re happy to get your attention, hang around an interested man, and maybe score a free trip to a restaurant. Having sex with the man – which would make him happy – doesn’t suit her interests at all, which is why she holds back on it)
A woman’s expectations, in a relationship, is that she can get to use you for whatever she wants out of you without any protest from you. The problem is, she likes to aim her sights on “winners” and then smash one down until she can control him, and get him to work for her. By the time she’s finished taming such a useful man, she gets bored of her success and seeks another target. This goes on and on in a string of serial monogamy, and since women are generally nacissistic, they blame the man for being relationship being a failure. (Mother nature doesn’t allow women to ever blame themselves)
Most of this happens on an instinctual level.
The AMAZING thing is that women subconsciously RESPECT a man who is just as much a selfish jerk as the woman is herself! She quite easily falls in love with a man who stubbornly manages to get whatever he wants out of life, regardless of how he does it or what it does to other people.
… and that is why nice guys finish last, and humanity is going to hell 🙂
-
Lomboksurfer says:
Bloody hell Nay, that’s the funniest bit of writing I read in a long while……ha ha ha ha!
The bloody funny thing about it I know I am going to bleedin hell by the description. Oh bloody hell, no sense of loosing bloody sleep over it. LOL!!!Bloody shout out to Bonni, you bloody hot brown sugar baby. Now, you are worth losing bloody sleep over if you know what I bloody mean? (WINK). Fancy, dating a bloody good looking surf boy and god like me? We can hang 10 together over my bloody surf board anytime. Call me : )
-
Quite true even if there still remains a few exeptions.
Reminds me of this story of this man from the prehistoric times who walks draging a woman by pulling her by the hair. Then comes another man asking him
why do you drag this female holding her hair?
Because if I do so holding her leg there is too much soil getting inside.
Looks like apart from walking on the moon we are still stuck on the same step.
Ok why trying to evolve wen there are places like indonesia to let speak our true nature? -
Would you please define me “a good (indonesian) woman”?
We can just remove the word “Indonesian” and get the same answer.
Read what Nay has written. Its about the most honest and direct stuff I have read on IM.
-
ET says:
@ Nay
The AMAZING thing is that women subconsciously RESPECT a man who is just as much a selfish jerk as the woman is herself! She quite easily falls in love with a man who stubbornly manages to get whatever he wants out of life, regardless of how he does it or what it does to other people.
… and that is why nice guys finish last, and humanity is going to hell
By the way, did you know that Anders Breivik, who was yesterday convicted in Norway for bombing 8 people and shooting 69 youngsters to death in cold blood without showing the slightest sign of regret, receives hundreds of love letters from women all over the country? The same goes for Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber and all serial killers who are locked up.
Makes one think again…
-
nathum says:
I am a chef engineers midel age ,good look ,very good economy ,,lovely heart,, Iraqi and Swedish nationality,,like travel to all countries
-
Makes one think again…
About what?
I doubt Breivik is going to be getting any action where he’s going, unless he is on the receiving end !
-
ET raises an interesting point. Many bule men are trying too hard being nice.
-
frankygth says:
congratz
Nay, constistance, direction and rightness show you spend much time on it.
Great wok and soo true! 🙂being true for women in general and thus unavoidable behaviour to cope with, i still prefer to date indonesian girls.
Talking about dating….i come to JKT on a regular basis and dated several indo girls…..
Sofar not yet found what I am looking for, but maybe thats because I think I am looking for longlasting love….
And Nay’s work shows that is not possible….heheee so maybe have to adjust goals…..
Date and have fun as long as it lasts…..Btw I remember in the past indonesian girls joined the discussion in this thread…..
Now they are quiet howcome????Anyway I am curious for tips where is best to live in JKT. i am planning to live there.
iM y office is in golde triangle and for my work I have to travel a lot so should also be close to airport….Any tips? Maybe good site with tips and tricks????
-
Anders Breivik and other criminals are people who attempt to prove that they are above society and that nobody can control them. On an instinctual level, women find uncontrollable men attractive. (which is why a tamed husband who does whatever he is told by his wife ultimately becomes BORING)
What sort of woman would love a serial killer is another topic I think. I’m pretty sure there are some women out there who would like the services of a man who can go around killing people for them. I’ve met a few who have wistfully talked about what they’d like done to their bosses and husbands!
Now, you don’t have to go around killing people to be attractive to women — You just have to be a leader of your own life, not pushed around by anybody, doggedly go for what you want, and deal with anything that gets in your way with extreme prejudice.
Take that attitude into the dating world and you’ll have a very short tolerance for BS. Couple that with heavy self-promotion, strict time management, and place pressure to get performance, and not willing to settle or compromise — and then women will be wanting relationships with you (which if you’re doing things right, you really won’t want yourself! You’ll be too busy with other women to settle).
In fact, take that attitude into the business world and you could be the next Steve Jobs. Lol.
In my experience, women are always going to find some use for you. The question is… is she going to want you for sex, or something else that’s not as fun and/or expensive that you may have to suffer for?
…because if it’s not sex, she won’t be in a hurry to do it with you. Then you can save time and forget about going on dates with her, buying her things, hanging out with her friends…. and join all your mates down at the expat bar!Nay, constistance, direction and rightness show you spend much time on it.
Probably too much. I need to write a book. People keep asking.
but yeah.. being honest, principled, and straightforward with women is very important. In addition, you have to be willing to risk losses with women over these (because they will happen), but evidently doing that earns you the sweet aphrodisiac of RESPECT.Although Indonesia is really only a subset of my experiences. Always loved coming to visit and convert women to my way of thinking…. 😉 although it is rather challenging.
It’s all about finding the more educated progressive women.Sofar not yet found what I am looking for, but maybe thats because I think I am looking for longlasting love….
And Nay’s work shows that is not possible….heheee so maybe have to adjust goals…..
Date and have fun as long as it lasts…..Long lasting love is possible as long as realistic expectations are set, and you are honest and principled about them. That is, you will likely never be monogamous, you are not interested in marriage, but you can be loyal (just non-exclusive). Also you don’t want to interfere in search of her Mr. Right… BUT since you are already good friends, she’s someone already more important and interesting than just some random woman… and if sex were to happen (completely her choice – ball’s in her court), you would accept her non-judgmentally.
-
Stevo
re. the love letters for Breivik
Makes one think again…
About what?
about power being the most potent female aphrodisiac. The pinnacle of power is indifference and the pinnacle of indifference is killing just for fun, ruthlessly and mercilessly.
The greatest male sex symbols in ancient Rome were the gladiators, the rock stars of yore, with their own fanclubs and groupies. Women will generally throw themselves at those who radiate power, if not openly then at least subconsciously. Even rape fantasies are not uncommon and have been proven to fall within the range of normal female sexuality. A study of college-age women found over half had engaged in fantasies of rape or coercion. Civilization may nowadays have put everything under a layer of veneer but the basic instincts are hard to eradicate. To get the right to mate in animal kingdom most males have to prove their power by fighting and even killing other contestants, just like gladiators, to arouse and win the favors of the females.
Winner takes all because on a biological and evolutionary level the genes of those who can prove the highest amounts of strength and power are supposed to offer the best guarantee for survival.
Power is the key.
-
I agree ET, though few women would thank you for saying it.
They sales of the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, says allot about what goes on in a ladies head. It would make a sailor blush !
-
Lomboksurfer,
Such a sweetheart, thank you sugar baby boy, I’m dialing your number right now 🙂Stevo,
Why are you a meanie stevie sometimes…Nay,
Are you a scientist or a doctor? (FYI they are the worst when it comes to dating) I mean I’m all up reading your theories and stuff, but it’s just getting too geeky…Weng weng,
It’s about taste, if you like chinese better then it’s your call. If you get a nice chinese girl then maybe it is meant to be. But I’m telling you not all of us are that psychotic, you were just not so lucky enough. I have a bule friend who was frustrated dated a chinese girl here in indonesia. One of their problem was she has many facebook accounts and argued about the sleepover worrying about her mom etc LOL Well it depends on your luck I guess. -
Stevo,
Why are you a meanie stevie sometimes…I think you will find the answer in the posts above bonni….
Perhaps you might like me more if I litter my posts with swear words and blasphemy like Lomboksurfer 😉
-
Well, I don’t think it’s all the bloody swearing.
Lombok surfer has the right idea. Encourage the ladies to do all the leg work and chase him. It works much better than trying to get the ladies’ contact details and harassing them to come out and see you.
Furthermore, once he’s done that he doesn’t have to worry about chasing the girls. Meanwhile they all start wondering about what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with when he’s not contacting them. It lets him concentrate on what’s most important — surfing!
-
The AMAZING thing is that women subconsciously RESPECT a man who is just as much a selfish jerk as the woman is herself! She quite easily falls in love with a man who stubbornly manages to get whatever he wants out of life, regardless of how he does it or what it does to other people.
Ok, this theory is beyond crap.
What I see from lomboksurfer is that he was being himself. (Don’t fly now lomboksurfer, stay on the ground) Despite of some experience I had with another surfer. Good stamina, of course… Anyway… Whether it is bad or good, it’s just himself. It’s good if, “you stubbornly manages to get what you want in life”. But this: “…regardless of how he does it or what it does to other people.” I don’t think so. That’s why I prefer to date lawyers 😛 Jk!
-
My! My! Bloody hell Bonni as your a bleedin liar as I am reading between the bloody smeared lines. You actually fancy me and my kind as I didnt notice you complimenting the walking dead lawyers about their bloody sexual prowess. Just a bloody safety net you can bring home to mum and dad so they know you will the same bloody boring life that they do. Got to run now my brown sugar baby as I am a bit tired after braving the waters here in bloody Palm Beach County, Florida. Huge bleedin swells from the storm. Ok maybe it was the bloody sex with that Asian cougar I was shagging all night (stamina thingy). Come to think about it, I. Think she was a bloody lawyer as well…ha ha ha! Said she was a Christian lady come to mingle with us surf bums. Well now I swiftly converted her to worshipping this bloody surf god as I will you one bloody fine day sweet delicious Bonni…..yummy! 🙂
-
See, that’s why I fancy him! Going to jump off that bloody window now!! Bahahahah XD
-
Hey Bonni it’s a bloody good thing that window ledge is located on the bloody ground floor then heh! Hihihihihihihihihihihihihihi!
-
@bonni
If lawyers mind about “what it does to other people” why is it common knowledge that they all go to hell?
Btw no facebook addicts in people’s republic of china as facebook is forbidden there.
But Indonesia might be the country with the highest rate of facebook users in the world,and probably the weirdest use of it….too bad just because one has nothing to say doesn’t make it necessary to let the whole world know about it 😉
@Bloodylombokbleedinsurfer.
The few bleedin high bloody stamina surfers I freakin know wouldn’t show up on the bloody internet exept if about bloody surfing ..bleedinkutabalibeerchuckers do -
Wengweng,
Was just kidding or being sarcastic, boy, take it easy. Was talking about an indonesian-chinese girl. She lives here. Oh so your girlfriend is coming straight from the republic of china? Btw, about the “converting to another religion’, glad you didn’t buy that… It’s a common issue here in indonesia. But for some women, religion doesn’t matter. We (some women) would rather men to have a religion which they really believe, or not having any, or maybe the unique ones like yoga or whatever. What is the use of being in a religion that you don’t even believe in anyway… If it’s just for the wedding ceremony, many things could be done. I see lots of foreign men convert. Some maybe true, but some other probably not. We kinda lose the true purpose of having religion and religion itself here.
-
Can’t understand those bules converting just to please their ladies. Mixed marriages are much more common than one would think. I have a couple of aunts who opted to stay Protestant or Catholic after marrying Muslim men although these men are mostly nominal Javanese Muslims who are not that fanatical and had the option to go abroad to make their mixed marriage legally binding.
-
Can’t understand those bules converting just to please their ladies.
If they really believe in their religion, then I don’t really see the problem… but when you don’t and you’re being compelled to, or else no marriage, then it becomes an issue.
(Yes I know some people are going to say “no compulsion in religion”, but essentially you’re imposing hobson’s choice, my-way-or-highway, which is not so very far off compulsion. Lucky that nobody is threatening violence really.)
The issue with the compulsion-that-isn’t is that it isn’t a true conversion when you force someone. That’d be like someone playing chess with a 9 year-old who’s allowed to cheat, move more squares than they’re allowed, have two turns in a row, and then having to concede that you lost fair-and-square.
Unfortunately that’s caused no amount of suffering for the poor girls in question who have been trapped in that double-bind with me. I simply CAN’T believe something that I don’t believe in, if I’m 100% honest about it… and to be respectful to them I HAVE to be 100% honest about it. The fact that this is even an issue for them in a relationship is a little silly. Rather than forcing me to join their religion (what they really want), they’re effectively locking themselves out of a relationship with me by their own rules.
No,… my major hurdle in dealing with Indonesian girls is the different value systems. I have an abundance mentality in life (eg. I believe that my security and safety is assured, and wealth is something that I find easily), and most Indonesians have a scarcity mentality (eg. That their security is not assured, and wealth is something so hard to get that it has to be scammed out of others.)
These value systems interpolate with how I end up dealing with them, for better or for worse.With some women, I feel like I am dealing with a tukang ojek who drives me to a shopping mall, overcharges me, tells me the place I am looking for is just around the corner (when it is four blocks away), and then immediately picks up a new passenger and drives off.
-
Nay,
What do you mean by this?
(Yes I know some people are going to say “no compulsion in religion”, but essentially you’re imposing hobson’s choice, my-way-or-highway, which is not so very far off compulsion. Lucky that nobody is threatening violence really.)
and this?
With some women, I feel like I am dealing with a tukang ojek who drives me to a shopping mall, overcharges me, tells me the place I am looking for is just around the corner (when it is four blocks away), and then immediately picks up a new passenger and drives off.
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Related Stories
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
@weng2
”even if you try to be the nicest person on earth”.
theres your problem right there dude
Nordic guy :
“You cannot treat Indonesian woman with love and respect the way we (western man) do it, you have to treat them the way Indo men treat them, with respect, love and iron hand. Indo men are respectful toward their woman but they will never think twice of divorcing their woman if they are unfaithful or disobey the husband….because the law (state and religion) and the family was (used to be) on their side. They do not think twice of having younger mistress and/or wife if they can afford it. Partly to show their power to their woman.. ”
@weng2;
u cant change their culture, get with the programme, grow a set & put her in her place. get a mistress or divorce her, like an indo guy would.
if u get more head-f–ks than f–ks, f–k em off.
good luck.
indo women are great if u understand em like an indo guy does.
theres always a power struggle between man & woman no matter what country. are u strong or weak? smart or not, tough or fragile ? some/many only respect this. nice guy or arsehole? take yor pick of who u are or need to be.
i think we all go through this in life.