Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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venna says:
@lcvs:
still any of the cultural-socially ‘oppressed’ or ‘enslaved’ could turn the odds in favour of them due to skilfull people’s management strategies.. and javanese women are certainly good in that, even without certified education
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Hm, I need to learn more about this from you. I’m 100% madurese that was raised in javanese communities, so some of my values probably a little bit different or mixed.@brian:
so you married a cougar, hm? Nice 🙂 just enjoy your life, man. You know better about your spouse than others. -
Dansolo says:
Hi guys… I was reading this over the past few days and I got through the first 35 or so pages… was taking too long so I sort of skipped towards the end. Anyway, a friend of mine visited Indonesia and got himself a girlfriend and he wants me to go with him when he goes back next. It seems like an interesting place and I think I would like to go. I’m not meaning to go there specifically to find a girlfriend though I am open to the idea. If I do end up meeting someone, I would be very serious about it. But I was wondering…
Since a lot of the girls there are so religious, is that pretty futile for an atheist like me? Unlike some of the other guys on here, I’m absolutely not willing to start practicing religion, and I’m not even willing to be Islamic, even in name only. Religion is not for me, though there are some religions that I would consider in name.
Farah, I’d value your opinion on it especially. I’m a bit surprised (not in a bad way) to see that you’re still posting these days. I liked your earlier posts. You seem to have a well balanced mindset, being independent but not crazy like some of the women here in the US. I would like to discuss it with you, though others are of course free to chime in.
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quixilva says:
This is a marathon blog! Im new in indonesia so thanks for the education:-) And I totally agree with the view that indonesian ladies are awesome-some drop dead gorgeous, most very attractive warm & hospitable. I’m looking forward to my stay here.
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capekdeh says:
@ Harry,
Interesting observations. I think you ought not to write yourself off so quickly, though. I’ve found Indonesians to be very warm and patient, and many women are able to see past superficial things like looks and appreciate people for who they are. Just get involved in activities you enjoy (that involve group activities like classes, for example) and you’re bound to meet someone sooner or later. You’d also be surprised how many nice women you can meet just chatting with salespeople in places like matahari (they always have like 500 employees, one of which inevitably will follow you around saying “mari, silahkan” every 30 seconds.. might as well make smalltalk ya). How is your Indonesian? I’m sure it’s good enough.
The main thing may be to just stop worrying about meeting women and look at ‘going out’ as simply meeting interesting people and enjoying yourself. If you’re hanging around bars and nightclubs, that may be the problem as well.. Just go out and do things you enjoy. Things will happen along the way! Stop giving a sh^t and you’ll have a better time and be more confident. Forget the shoes, mate 🙂
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Farah says:
@ Brian
Congratulation! if you feel happy about it, and you could made others happy just shut your ears, don’t listen to any haters or those envy lines you read here.If you goes this far, that’s mean you are very sure of what you’re doing, you’re 21 anyway, not 15.
Just remember, keeping a marriage is harder than getting one–someone told me that.
Its not over yet, but i hope you could keep your sanity till.. well till where ever thats end 🙂 (oh, and i do hope it will be happily ever after!)
@ Dansolo
First of all, welcome to the site.
Hmm.. thanks, i will take that as compliment. Yes sure, i am still around here, read and post comments here and there.
You are very welcome to discuss about my comments 🙂 and you could always pm me for sure! -
Peet says:
…they actually not good at motherhood..
This I cannot understand, what I see with my wife and other woman around me they are crazy about kids, so far I’m only impressed on the effort and time they spend looking after them. So in general Indonesian ladies look well after them.
Harry,
This thing crazy about tall Dutchman, keep dreaming. I have noticed deep down Dutch are not very popular, it’s been fed to them by the milk bottle since they were little babies.
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michael k says:
Dear Venna
pls dont judge me by you low thoughts..I met my wife at a dinner party in Kemang> her family are Bata Shoes..OK..understand now. Im not pervert who holidays in Jakarta or bali looking for sex on the cheap..
My wife has issues.Many ..ok
We are still married and although life is difficult ..I still look after her..even though its like living with amonster..So venna..pls judge others..I am a good honest descent man..I never dated any one else..I stand by her till death us do part..if not for her..for my son too.
So unless you have construstive words..dont write anything..Ive lived and worked in S E Asia for many years . I have observed old bule ..dirty perverts that they are…they are western “Nobby no mates” No english woman will date them ..We have all seen them in Block s in the food hall bar…waiting for a woman to turn up …yac yac> venna i have never wanted to date anyone like that or had too. I do not drink or smoke..
Hope you now understand me…Im a catholic good man..goodbye…take care all of you.
I still love my wife..just not how i did………………..
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I didn’t say you’re a pervert. What you wrote about Indonesian girls & different side of our culture that bothered me a lot. You have bad experience with your wife and you generalized indonesian women like that. Next time YOU that should not judge.
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And next time, better to use “Some” rather than “They” to avoid misinterpretation.
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brian A says:
@nay
Once a prostitute, always a prostitute. Ready for that?have been a prostitute before or did you just hear that phrase somewhere?
hard for ex-prostitutes to work hard for a salary, after previously being a prostitute ?michael K
Nobby no mates
no joke my nickname is nobby
Im not pervert who holidays in Jakarta or bali looking for sex on the cheap..
perverts, thats a bit harsh. its just sex!
Harry … !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why dont you turn gay if not having any luck with females!? go and find a short prostitute which wont make you look and feel feminine. Shorely Indo girls go for l e n g t h ..not height
🙂
🙂 🙂 go to a bookstore harry where you might meet Farah
🙂 🙂 🙂
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 -
lialita says:
why dont we sit down together and starting to discuss this in real.. he he he it could be fun..
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Nay says:
have been a prostitute before or did you just hear that phrase somewhere?
hard for ex-prostitutes to work hard for a salary, after previously being a prostitute ?Just heard many stories of men have tried the whole “rescue” of prostitutes before…. until they realised that a lot of these women do these jobs because they enjoy it and it is a part of them….. and that mentality translates into marriage and causes problems.
But again, what do I know? I’ve never been there and done that myself.
If I were you, I’d also probably get some STD tests done when you get time.
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why dont we sit down together and starting to discuss this in real.. he he he it could be fun..
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It will be good to make it as a reality show, lialita. Surely it must be fun to see people throwing stuffs at each other and fighting, just like Jerry Springer show.
Some suggestion for starting the fight:
a) which one is better: foreigners or indonesians?
b) which one is more feminine & has better motherhood skills: indonesian girls or western girls?
c) which one is more seductive & attractive: Kuta cowboys or….. (still choosing candidates)Anyway, I’m just joking. Don’t take it seriously.
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a) which one is better: foreigners or indonesians? adopted indonesians living in negeri lain
b) which one is more feminine & has better motherhood skills: indonesian girls or western girls? western mothers who let their masculine bule girls date indonesian feminine boys
c) which one is more seductive & attractive: Kuta cowboys or….. (still choosing candidates) .. ora ngerti..haha peace y’all !
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@ Brian A
go to a bookstore harry where you might meet Farah
Don’t bring my name in when you want to personally attack someone B, i might not like it 🙂
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Brian A
Woow ! really your name is Nobby…na you having me on mate???? lol.
Take a look next time you are in kuta or in other bad parts of S E Asia..Pattaya Angeles City etc..open ones eyes..if there were no perverts there would be no prostitutes.Just as no guns, no bullets..no murders…simples peoples..as long as there are dirty men going to these places who will pay for it, there will be prostitution…End of story..ok and we are there freedom their ticket to ride,, its as much as a dream for old man of 50+ to have a 20 year old play with his dick as for her to dream of travel and security. but reality is when she gets to the west ……is she becomes isolated frightened alone with a social misfit..a nobby no mates..she will be depressed and sad that her dream is no longer a dream but a bloody night mare…with a man who thinks love is having a pretty little girl ..playing his dick when he wants it…and if she dont..he freghtens her…wake up guys…this is what its like for many..thai’s .Indo. and Pinay..girls..and maybe some Russians etc…I have only ever dated 2 indonesians..ok one I have married. The other, her father prevented us from marrying…ok and he was a big knob in Tommies gang..ok wink wink..yes and I nearly crapped myself when I found out who her Papa was..and im not telling you his name..oh no no no…tidak??
Yes I rubbed shoulders with important people ..there!
Yes they are sweet, cute and bloody adorable and hygenically clean..but indo girls in my humble opinion are like ferrile cats…handle with care..or they will scratch your eyes out. They have been messed up my Islamic men. My muslim wife hates Muslim men..cant stand them. Its her opinion..not mine. Now she lives in the UK ..she hates the confinment of indo society..the controling nature of islam tied up with politics. She didnt know how to express herself as a human being..women arent aloud too..that is why she was so so scarred …it was like coming to a new world. Even the days were longer, shorter..just think all your life days are 12 hours, nights 12 hours..and then suddenly arriving in late June, you are confronted with a 18 hour day..it totally spooked her..how can it be sunny in January at -2 c , yet its so bloody cold . She asked “it is the same sun as in Jakarta”..? she said in a confused way,,,yes i said..now I laughed at this..i just made her life worse.25 years she knew java..and occasionally Singapore..I really felt i had done this to her…i made her life hell.. no friends..she even hated other indo people ..she called them “hillbillies”…you indo people will know this expression…I think my wife was a indo snob…there..
I know now …how scarred she was..She thought life here was like a movie..2 hours long with a happy ending…no money worries..if we wanted money we go dig it up in the fields..or she come to me and i just give it to her………its worse. She hated here…its cold , very cold..beyond anything she had ever felt…it was dark 18 hrs a day in the winter….cold at night even though my boiler was using all its power to heat my oh now our house…..Ive never known my heating bills to be so high…it was like summer in my house in the middle of winter.I couldnt sleep it was so god dam hot…and my wife laying there shivering..lol..this could lead to terrible arguements.It was the same for other guys who married indo women.We used to chat at Indo parties.It seemed our problems were common.
She often laughed at me…”why is it you English talk about the weather”. while still dating her in Jakarta.hahaha i said you wait…you will find out.. She did…she hadnt a clue what to wear..even what shoes..etc..to us its normal four seasons in one day… to an Asian girl its a bloody nightmare. the wind ice wind blew right thru her…she caught a chill and i really thought she couldnt take any more…we got thru that winter..that next summer she became pregnant.
To those guys who think marrying a Indo or Thai or Pinay..as I said before Think before you become selfish and buy yourself a little F88k princess..ok if you really love her..dont put her thru this like I did for my wife..educate her…tell her what it really is going to be like…i know lots of Asian women living here.Most would not do it..if they had hindsight…ok
I dont mean dont do it..just think..for her sake not your own selfishness….ok guys…
I know why now…my wife was like a mad woman…..she was freaking out…I think id freak out too…if I were in her shoes …hmmmmm???Guys before you, who are contemplating marrying …stand back..read my words of wisdom..if you really love her deepy truely madly…educate her..or maybe your life..back in your own country will turn into the nightmare…like mine has become..having to protect my wife against our ..western society..our cruelness…our ignorance…our arogance .One day an English colleague of my wife..was talking in a group to my wife about her new curtains for her new house, my wife was being quiet, she turned on my wife and said ” oh sorry Novalina..oh I am sorry of cause you dont have curtains in your houses in Indonesia” in a most condensending way…” you dont even have glass in your windows do you..hahaha ” ……bitch..?
Michael k
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Venna
I’m talking only about indo women contemplating marrying bule…there are those who will , those who want to , and those who never will…do not take things personally..ok or i think you got complex issues too..and you have a underlying lack of confidense about yourself…hahaha…i am what i am..what are you…? its not personal..
What you see and read is what you get with me..if you cant understand my considered opinion..pls dont read it..Im talking about observing society there..and why Asian women are so desperate to get out..no prospects, no happiness..no money..things we take for granted..even things my privaledged wife took for granted there…
I can go on and on the differences..but i dont want to be boring..ok
Oh in case you are wondering..I have a Ph.D in Human Behavior, Nutrition (Food) and Agri Sciences..but totally dislexic..hahaha.???
also that is my son in my avatar
Michael k
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and you have a underlying lack of confidense about yourself…hahaha…i am what i am..what are you…? its not personal..
_______yaiksss….. whatever, dude.
but to tell you the truth, before I knew this site, my life was completely happy and I almost had no negative views on bules (can I use word ‘bule’ here with you? just in case you consider it as offensive). Then the more and more I read all comments (specifically in this thread), I was almost convinced that bules who got troubles with their indo wives are because they picked the wrong women at the wrong places and they see indo women as cheap & gold diggers. Of course I know that not all of them like that, and I won’t say anything to women who take bules just for their money. It is only a matter of demand-supply & survival stuffs. But if you are one of Indonesian women who receive lots of mistreatment and scoldings just because you married with bules, you will understand why I reacted like that. It is quite normal. And actually it is the first time I reacted like this. Usually I just ignore it or playing in other threads.
Anyway, I like your comments to Brian more. It is smoother than before. And yes, you are right. Living in different country requires tough mentality. I still got trouble with winter, I totally hate winter and have to fry my husband by turning on heater up to 75 F degree every night. No friends… not bothering me anymore, since I have nice neighbors and sometimes sharing crispy and juicy gossips with them. Meet with indonesian people helps a lot to release the tension. Have some radical male friends too who like to crack jokes about anything: obama, religions, women, etc. They are nice and fun. People anywhere are basically warm and nice inside if you know how to behave and approach them.
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I have a Ph.D in Human Behavior, Nutrition (Food) and Agri Sciences..
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I usually hate people who show off their degrees in public forums like this. But you have something that attracts my attention: Human Behavior. Would like to dig it more from you sometimes. And your son is cute. -
Hi Michael k,
This is one of the best pieces I have read so far and exactly the reason why I refuse to take my family to Spain or Holland to live, it’s like seeing a beautiful flower slowly dying.
I have seen this lot of times before. We are going for a short visit to Europe to see my friends and family and I know this is going to be a real eye opener for my wife.
All they know is what they see in movies or expats bragging about how good things are overseas. Not even to mention the racial hatred in most European countries.
I have always said he who loves his wife moves to the country where she is from, makes everyone’s life a lot simpler. -
Dear Venna
Wwoow!! cool it….you do still have Issues i discribe , you really have that same underlying aggressiveness my wife has. Its ok, as long as everyone agrees with you.
She is everyday getting better and better in everyway.I dont offend anyone..if you take my views the wrong way…thats my exact point. ITS AS IF YOU WANT A FLEMMING ARGUEMENT. About my blogs…deal with it..you should read my blogs better.Look between the lines.I am being positive, not destructive…you can say what you like..but remember I call Indonesians, Indonesians..if you have to be Racist..go ahead..I know what bule really means….” white bastard” and you accuse me of generalising …
hmmmm ??? pot and black come to mind Venna. I ,am white, but I am not a Bastard.However, many white men are bastards..ok lolA Pakistani gets upset when they are called Paki, yes ..racism is a mixture of ignorance and arogance..and mis-informed hatred. Go ahead if it helps you please call me a BULE. but ..can you call me Mr Bule..lol, just shows more respect..do you think..cheers!
Oh and Peet thanks for your nice comment..I am trying to be professionally informative..and not being nasty..I observe people..professionally. I also train animals as well as humans ..to behave better. socially. My wifes uncle Om Moggi once told me..I was the only man he had met who could tame his niece, my wife…Alas he died last year..I liked him alot..and I cried when Ii heard of his death..nice man. full of wisdom..his father was a diplomate in Austria and France..he understood life and he knew how hard it was going to be for my wife here in the UK.My wife never cried,, not one tear..why? she loved him…yet she cries if she cant buy a dress or a handbag or a new pair of shoes????
Take care everyone…Especially you Venna..chill ok..stop being so anal…lol its not personal
PS you never told me where you living..but hey i dont have too..it must be USA America..as you are talking in “F” for temperature..just an observation..
BUT FOR GIVE ME IF I CALL YOU JUST….. VENNA
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?????
what’s wrong with you, Mike? I don’t understand why you wrote like this.
I thought that I wrote my response to you not in an aggressive tone.
About ‘bule’, I use this word a lot not for insulting the foreigners folks here, it just become a common word use to describe foreigners. Ok, apologize if it hurts you. But lots of foreigners here, I bet they don’t see it as an insult anymore. Still I ask you it is okay or not, it is purely just asking. -
VENNA
oh …one more point Venna..hahaha your nice neighbours.Do me a favour please,tell them what “bule” means..the real translation..and see how they treat you in “good old White usa”. Hope you dont live south of what they used to call the “old Nixon line”.But you cant do, as you say you need heating in the winter months..and no..I am not offended..but they might be?
byeeee …..Ba hati hati
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well, oke, hati-hati di jalan ya.
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Now you get my point..”watch your mouth”..racism and colour remarks are offensive to people..Bule is not very nice way of collectively describing us..is it..?
once i had a dear old friend here in the UK. his name was Danny..he was white of Irish descent.His parents were killed in a car accident.He was addopted by an English couple. He was a very good friend..we played football together.
One Saturday we travelled to london in a bus to watch our local football club play against Chelsea..on the way there a gent..a black guy was trying to cross the road in front of our bus.
Danny shouted out..”Go home you niger”.I was offended. I am sorry i use this word to all those afro carribean people who might be reading this.
I told Danny to shut up..He was so wound up.I knew he could be racist.I sat him back down.I discussed his bad attitude with him..Danny was about 22 years old then.I asked him if he had a UK passport?
he replied “no..i have an Irish passport” oh i said…That black man was probably born here..Danny, he was about the same age as Danny.
You only called him a Niger and told him to go home to his own country…But i said Danny……………….my dear friend …This is his country , its where he was born..Where is yours? he replied “South Ireland and I have a Irish passport”. I replied “its you who is the immagrant not him Danny”..But no one shouts at you..go home “u bule bastard, go back where you came from..honky” because his skin is white…???????
please think more Venna…i used to cross the foot bridges in Jakarta to the hyatt hotel and have indonesian men shout bule at me…its not nice..really not nice. I know how horrible it feels to be called a paki or a niger..
Do I need to say more….probably not…Racism is ignorance and arogance and mis placed humour of the worsed kind, any human being can bestoe on another human being.and think its ok..tut tut
Cut my wrist and my blood is same colour as yours.Red .Pls be careful what you say..it becomes your charactor…how people judge you..once said once written its too late its done…
Thank you from
Mr Bule -
OK, apologize, once again. I don’t want to go thru this debate with you too long. Obviously you are really a newcomer here. Things go more beyond nasty sometimes at IM, more than what you interpret from me. You have to watch Oigal-Ahmad show, for example, to see what I meant. I have respect to both of them; no matter what they said, they both still enjoy being here and continue their fight occasionally. And if you see some of foreigners’ comments here, well, they all won’t pass your standard of well-behaved beings. Lots of comments are waaayyy more “nasty” and “flammable” (but amusing) than mine.
I’ve been for a while playing in this site, and I already go thru hell just because I said that western men are sexy. Very nasty hell, you can check it by yourself if you want. I’m not kidding. But it doesn’t stop me playing here, because I see lots of people, behind their obnoxious characters, are actually nice.
Apologize, one more time again. I explained to you what I felt and why I felt offended for the first time I read you posting. That’s because I read lots of postings here that implies the western’s view on Indonesian ladies which are sometimes too much and insensitive. And when you explained later, then it’s okay with me. But seems you are more sensitive than me. It’s okay though. I take your critics as invaluable input for me.
Can we now shake hands?
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Swagman says:
@ Michael K
I know this is between you and Venna, however the forum is quite public, so …. I must say that I think you totally misunderstood Venna dear sir. That is always a problem on these threads …. particularly such a diverse and international one as this.
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Venna said:
I’ve been for a while playing in this site, and I already go thru hell just because I said that western men are sexy.
I missed you saying that … on behalf of western men …. thank you 🙂
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Hahah, thnks Swagman. I’m actually a little bit confused. How come a white-washed like me being racy to a western man? It will be “jeruk makan jeruk”.
Except… except someone did something to me, and I think I know who he is (lcvs….!! Did you paint me with different color?? That’s not cool, man! I will sue you!! LOL LOL ) -
sobhana says:
i’ve been following this thread for awhile now and i must say, venna is definitely not trying to offend you in any way michael k. there was this individual who goes by the name…farah?? who is a real stinker when it comes to defining western men. such a miserable biatch. gosh did venna take a beating lol.
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Well it hasn;t changed has it patung??
I recently moved back to Jakarta. I am in very different circumstances now cos i found a well paying job some 4 years back.
It is good to see that Indonesian girls do not fall for money though (at least a lot less than the average woman of Thailand) and i never flaunt my wealth anyway.
Right now i am living in a nice but modest apartment, drive a nice but simple car and keep a generally low profile. I have always been an observer and one of the things i noticed was that there are a lot more Western people around in Jakarta now then compared to 6 years ago when i was in Indonesia the last time.
The people have become a lot more modern too and it is obvious that the economy is booming, and there are lots more rich people around in spite of the Economic crisis. If things continue like this for another 8 years or so The Euro countries will be poorer than Indonesia.
I also noticed that the Western guys are generally dating higher class Indonesian women then 6 and 12 years ago. I see more Chinese – indonesian women from obviously high classes with Westerners and i see many Models and so called Sinetron artists or women on the brink of becoming famous local moviestars with Western guys.
Anyway i haven’t grown any taller the last 6 years (even though i am wearing high heeled shoes now) so i am still an observer. The girls haven’t let me into their midst and as i am older now i also don’t expect that to happen.