Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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reallyme says:
Please let me intro myself first of all to let you know that i will try to put my own view on things, which i hope will help others and i hope will give both males seeking Indonesian females and to Indonesian girls both warnings about each and the other, a look into who they are, at least as i have seen them through my own experience. I spent five years in Bandung and 5 years in Jakarta, of course I speak fluent BI and a little Sunda too, i am told i speak Indonesian with a Sundanese accent. I apologise again, this background stuff is important and i hope some of you note that we talk a lot about bad women, bad men, can’t do this or that.
Come on everyone, isn’t it time the real truth came out. Sorry I know i am knew her, but i am maybe a little older and wiser than most here, at least in life and probably about Indonesian culture, Indonesian love, and Indonesian marriage both abroad and in the UK.
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I intend to disregard those girls and i am sure we have all come across them, who use and then make a fuss about family problems and Taxi fares. I think we all know who these are, i never went out of my way to find them, but they came up occasionally, probably my own fault in going to the wrong place and foolish enough to take them home, petty obvious when you see then, usually have a blank look about them and show an obvious false interest in the men they are with, anyway leave well alone they give you nothing and give the good girls a bad name. They have dropped their own self respect and forgotten their own culture and replaced it with something bad. Indonesians themselves wouldnât tolerate them, so donât trouble yourself either. Maybe i do them an injustice, perhaps they have to be like this for different reasons, modern society has affected these girls in the same way in other countries, s why not here?
To the guys who are just after sex, go for these you donât deserve the others. Leave the nice ones to the guys who understand the dedication and devotion that comes along hand in hand with Indonesian culture, if you donât understand that you need to be a part of the culture and to understand the culture itself is integral to meeting the right women. They literally surround you, but would be the last to approach you directly, so you have to fight for them, JUST LIKE ANY OTHER GIRL IN THE WORLD, but when you find the right one, you have everything a man could dream of, if of course you treat them too with love and understanding, there are… i will quickly say contradictions to this, but i will come to these later.
.But, for all i have been through in Indonesia from 1992 until now i can say that when i first arrived like many men, so many beautiful women around, so welcoming and so many wanting to meet Mr Bob i took advantage of the situation, i was in honesty swept away – never had so much attention from so many women in my life before. I used them in droves, the good ones the beautiful ones and the ones with ill intention. If the women out there know men then they should know that we are not strong in resisting such a wonderful delight. I carried on for years like this, until it became less exciting and my mind turned more to try and find a good one, now don’t get me wrong here and i am ashamed to say i had found and used good women too and now look back on myself with shame for doing this knowing what i know now. I found many good women during my time in Indonesia and i believe that i missed to my regret many opportunities of a perfect partner. I did eventually find what i was after, twice, one i told you about before who wouldnât return to the UK. But the second a girl from a lovely seaside village somewhere near shall we say Sukabumi? She was a young girl from the campung and i knew her brother, we had become friends and i had asked him to introduce her to me, of course when it comes to family they are obviously wary of any Bule, we donât really have a good reputation, especially when it comes to introducing one to your sister for example. Needless to say we talked a lot, but i was not allowed to be alone with her unless chaperoned, without further detail, maybe a story for another day, we got married and lived happily ever nearly after. I made a stupid mistake â just once â it was enough to lose her and ths was my regret and loss that she never forgave me. Needless to say we have been the closest of friends at least now for nearly 18 years, as friend snow we are inseparable, we have wonderful children who love us both and our closeness as friends keeps the family bonded.
.Well thatâs a chapter of my life over and now i have made my mark in life, had a very successful business and sold it and moving her and the boys back to Indonesia. I would like to also add that i have always helped her family; they have all been good to me in many ways and i am partly going back to help them learn to be successful in their own right with a little help from my experience and money. I am not being a Martyr her, i just love them all as part of my own family. Can I also mention here that my ex wife and i have never got back together for fear of losing each other as the closest of friends.
I return also with my ex Indonesian wife and boys, who i will send to school in Bandung and hope to find someone special again, my ex wants me to be happy again and to find someone else, I expect things will be a little different after my last visit about seven years ago, but i hope not too much. I am of course older now and at 50 hope that i am wise enough to know and choose as well i did when i was here last.
.Maybe i can get back to culture again, if youâre getting bored your welcome to leave me and read elsewhere, but i hope you stop to listen, especially for those looking for a special lady, this is not about age and I believe that age is not part of the equation here, i go out with younger women, whether in Indonesia or any other country, so letâs try not to say too much about how different Indonesian women are from others around the world except if you find the right one, you are better off finding one here than many other countries.
.Please correct me if i am wrong ladies, i will try to show this to my ex. before posting, my intention is only to show the good in a people especially the ladies with a strong culture that is quickly changing step and adapting to a fast new world, maybe even with many a confusion of the two, where many are driven by the bright lights and behind them and inside them a strong sense of family value still very strongly resides the Indonesian traditional values. Be prepared guys to be part of this and although you may meet someone sexy and dressed in a modern Indonesian way, you still treat them with the same cultural value as they would expect and will in return respect you for your understanding. Be kind, be charitable to their families, (wouldnât you be like this if you were home in your own country)? Understand the way of life and be patient, donât rush things, take it easy, let their families understand and trust you too, remember again you have a bad reputation as a Bule to get rid of and if you are really trying to get the right girl.
.Remember, culture understanding, love, devotion to her and her family and you have her for life, her family will support you and stand up for you if you are in the right and she isnât and of course be prepared to be told if you do wrong. Forget your hard attitudes from the west and understand the gentler culture of the east, donât ever show your anger, you will only embarrass yourself.
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Have i been very lucky in love so far, well not entirely but i do learn from my own mistakes and importantly donât make them again.
Those girls surround you everywhere guys, they may be wearing a head scarf or not it makes no difference, approach with kind, sincere and genuine interest, donât try chatting them up rather than make friends, show them what a nice guy you are and how you respect the people and the country as well as the culture..
For all others of course continue going out to the bars, have fun, i am sure you will, but donât expect much in return except a great sex life.
If you looking for a girl that will make a life for you, youâre in the wrong place, get out! Make friends with the Indonesian guys around you, get invited to their houses make yourself part of the Indonesian normal scene. If you like speak to receptionists or in business situations, get involved in Indonesian activities, enjoy yourself, what a great people to be around always so welcoming. Thats how to find the right ones guys.
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A final notes, one that is a little more controversial maybe, but nevertheless, but bad girls donât really want to be bad and i believe too that if you have a good eye you can see the ones who want more from life in a positive way, the ones that really want to catch a husband and fit in again to their own culture with respect, it maybe a slightly rocky road to follow and probably not advisable for those that cannot differentiate between the well intentioned or the bad. I just personally like to feel that there is good in everyone and everyone deserves a chance.
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Sorry it was so long just felt i had to get this out of my system, hope it helped a little. Anyway I am back again in three months, will buy a house in Bandung and take a good long rest after a lot of work and stress, when i feel ready and the opportunity arises, i hope the right girl will come along. I am out to stay this time, no intention of returning back to the UK.
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venna says:
Damn, this can be a separate article.
@reallyme:
now donât get me wrong here and i am ashamed to say i had found and used good women too and now look back on myself with shame for doing this knowing what i know now. I found many good women during my time in Indonesia and i believe that i missed to my regret many opportunities of a perfect partner.
__________Glad I didn’t meet any guys like this before. If coincidentally I met you at that time and you did this to me, I would make sure you taste what people call as HELL and won’t let you go peacefully without giving you back permanent damage. But, this is your past and I respect you for being honest. Everybody made mistakes, who didn’t? I can see that you are a very good guy, and I hope you find your soulmate. The best lady for you forever.
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deta says:
đ Easy, Venna. In men’s vocabulary there is no common definition of “good women” anyway.
Kang Reallyme, kumaha damang?
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You make it worse, Deta. Like pouring gasoline on fire. Huh. Dasar laki-laki!!
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đ
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Special for Deta
abdi sehat wal apiat đ
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Thank you also Venna, you are right about who i was.
Hope that other people get the message, not to be this way
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mercy says:
I do not have any intention,
it’s just, you look so funny to speak in Sunda reallyme
and it would be nice to hear it directly
haha -
Temur says:
Thanks for a very informative post, reallyme. Keep going. I know this is strictly your personal experiences, but I find the information useful.
“would like to also add that i have always helped her family; they have all been good to me in many ways and i am partly going back to help them learn to be successful in their own right with a little help from my experience and money.”
This reminds me a lot of Thailand — not the resort areas and its assorted ‘show business’, but the interior of the country, the rural parts, where I spent most of my time. Marry her and you also marry fifteen other persons. I know, a cliche. But let’s add that, to the lady, her family shall always take precedence over you, always. In such cultures, I don’t see how else it could be.
mercy (PM) Says:
I think no one in this world, thatâs not materialistic.
itâs just that, they have their own levels of materialistic.and find someone who can share in the hard and happy time, someone who can rely on each other (also about the money problem) , is a great gift i think.”
Yes, this is one of the “Great Tests”. Spend a long while with the same person, and you suddenly fall on hard times, you find yourself in some kind of serious trouble.
Now, watch how she reacts. She distances herself or just walks away from you, or she goes all out to pull you out of the hole?
And if the situation is reversed (she falls seriously ill and loses her job, for example), how does bule-man react. Hard times reveal so much about people. I know, another freakin’ cliche. Sorry. -
Since ‘regular girls’ and ‘funny ladies’ are frequently contrasted on this thread, I would like to share a true story about a ‘regular girl’. I never met her, but I know her ex husband a bit.
I hope this isn’t too boring. Here we go:Many years ago, this American Vietnam vet decided to return to the country of his traumas (he never killed anyone. He was a medic, but he got a few grenades and bulletts thrown his way).
Hanoi Immigration graciously granted him a 6 month visa.
At a cafe in Da Nang, he met a young woman who spoke no English, but he is fluent in Vietnamese. She worked dismal hours in some local factory, for peanuts.
He stopped his travels and just hung out with her all the time.
He met her parents. He fell in love.
He had a long, long chat with her father, whereby it was all settled.
He married the lady and took her with him back to San Diego.
He sent her to school where she learned English. To her surprise, she discovered that she loved learning.
He sent her to a good college, UC Irvine. She majored in mathematics.
She got a partial scholarship at a grad school. She got an MBA.
She got a good job and toiled there a while until they gave her a major promotion — chief buyer for the company.
Now she was earning more money than her husband.
In a matter of weeks, she left her husband and filled for divorce, citing ‘irreconciliable differences’. They’ve never seen each other since.All this after nine years together. Sure, maybe there were some things the fellow wasn’t telling me. Things that might have contributed to the marriage’s collapse.
Thunderstruck, the guy decided to return to Vietnam. He visited her family and had a sit-down with the father. This is more or less the exchange that followed, after he had told daddy what happened:
Him– well, what do you make of all of this?
Dad — it’s your fault.
“what do you mean it’s my fault?
“You remember that talk we had before you married her? Of course you don’t.
i told you not to take her back to America, but you did it anyway.
I told you to let her just socialize within the Vietnamese community in California. I told you not to have her learn English, but you did it anyway.
I told you not to send her to college. You did it anyway.
Now she has a better job than you.
She doesn’t need you anymore.
It’s your fault.” -
Farah says:
@reallyme
I like this part:
To the guys who are just after sex, go for these you donât deserve the others. Leave the nice ones to the guys who understand the dedication and devotion that comes along hand in hand with Indonesian culture, if you donât understand that you need to be a part of the culture and to understand the culture itself is integral to meeting the right women. They literally surround you, but would be the last to approach you directly, so you have to fight for them, JUST LIKE ANY OTHER GIRL IN THE WORLD, but when you find the right one, you have everything a man could dream of, if of course you treat them too with love and understanding, there are⌠i will quickly say contradictions to this, but i will come to these later.
.Thanks for saying that, its nice to hear that someone see things clearly!! bad guys who only want sex deserve what they get!
I return also with my ex Indonesian wife and boys, who i will send to school in Bandung and hope to find someone special again, my ex wants me to be happy again and to find someone else, I expect things will be a little different after my last visit about seven years ago, but i hope not too much. I am of course older now and at 50 hope that i am wise enough to know and choose as well i did when i was here last.
For sure the “bule hunters” are much more fearless, aggressive, much seductive. You learn your lesson, i do hope, with your good sincere intention you will find someone that love you just the way you are, with or without your dollar bills or the visa offer.
For all others of course continue going out to the bars, have fun, i am sure you will, but donât expect much in return except a great sex life
You can take a girl from a bar, but you can not take the bar from her. What easy comes, will easy go.
If you looking for a girl that will make a life for you, youâre in the wrong place, get out! Make friends with the Indonesian guys around you, get invited to their houses make yourself part of the Indonesian normal scene. If you like speak to receptionists or in business situations, get involved in Indonesian activities, enjoy yourself, what a great people to be around always so welcoming. Thats how to find the right ones guys.
good advise!
Good luck to you!
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Thank you everyone for your support, yes i would like to expand on some subject if you don’t mind?
Mercy
I am sure if you heard me speak Sunda, you would laugh your socks off đ everyone else does, but i enjoy it anyway, i like people to laugh at my attempts it makes it more fun.I remember one phrase that might make you smile, a Sunda tonque twister, i have always also found it very difficult to write this amazing language and do want to learn it fluently. Well enough….
“Laleu mapai areuy”
I think it means the fly crawls up the rice stalk.
I need new friends when I return to Bandung, I am going to build some businesses in / around Pelabuhan Ratu, I want to give back to the people in the villages near there who gave me so much some of my experience in business and to show them how to help themselves, as i said i don’t need to work, so will get a lot of joy from doing this..
Please come and meet my family and my boys, my ex wife is very ill now unfortunately, she very much wants to return home and be near her mother again.
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If i can look you up when i arrive you will be welcome by all with the warmth that is part of their family character. For all those that look too deep into this, no i am not chatting up Mercy, just want to meet the people around here that are warm and so far you all seem very friendly. Is it permitted here to give contact info? anyone i welcome anyone that would like to write, frendler at hotmail dor com
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When i get time later i hope to write some more. This time i will try to write properly, the last one was a little rushed at 2.00 in the morning.
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Bless you all
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haha still all sort of comments, wow impressive, a never ending story: stop talking start dating.. or ehm stop dating start talking!
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@ temur
i’m so sorry to hear about your friend story
and i know what what did I said is so cliche.. and naive maybe..
(btw, American Vietnam vet always sound romantic.lol)but if you and all the people here got no objection, i would like to tell you about my family story.. đ
my father is about 68 years old now
and my mother is about 45
they have already married for more than 20 years
they fighting a lot (and sometime the corps come just to hear them “curhat”.. and its so silly)
my father jealous a lot
my mother tried to leave him a lot of time
and all of this happen since i was babybut the story is not about that
on the first few years of their marriage, all the people and neighbor always said that my mother marry him bcoz she love his money (well,what i can say that he was rich that time)
the neighbors even insulted my mother in front of her face..
but the time past..
when the monetary crisis happen in Indonesia, My father was bankrupt..
but my mother otherwise,she reached her glory that time.
when dollar fluctuations bring him down, it also bring her up..i remember that time, my mother still looks pretty..
there was a few man that fall for her
and my father just looks so old and tieredand the next story end up in a happy ending i guest
she still loving him, until now
and even now he ill,angry, and jealous all the time, my mother is still take care of him and also the “money business” , and love him.
^^i know that life doesn’t always run smoothly and the “right soulmate” is not easy to find.. but that doesn’t mean you must stop believe that someday u’ll find it..
and sorry about my English
i know it look so bad.. haha -
Farah (PM) Says:
You can take a girl from a bar, but you can not take the bar from her. What easy comes, will easy go.
it sound so cool..
reallyme (PM) Says:
I am sure if you heard me speak Sunda, you would laugh your socks off đ
i’m sorry to promise you, i will.. đ
i’m so shock at the first time I hear my Australian friend speak in bahasa Indonesia very fluently.
and i’m sure you’ll be more shockingâLaleu mapai areuyâ
I think it means the fly crawls up the rice stalk(I’m just try to pronounce it. but i can’t..haha)
If i can look you up when i arrive you will be welcome by all with the warmth that is part of their family character. For all those that look too deep into this, no i am not chatting up Mercy, just want to meet the people around here that are warm and so far you all seem very friendly. Is it permitted here to give contact info? anyone i welcome anyone that would like to write, frendler at hotmail dor com
just take it easy.. it will be very nice to get a new friend
and i love to have a lot of friends
unfortunately, i almost spend a whole of my life time here, in Jakarta. the lovely crowded city. (and i love Jakarta, even its so hot in here)
so maybe there will be very little chance, since i’m very rarely visited Bandung.
but if some of you are Indonesian who live in Jakarta, or maybe visit Jakarta, i’ll love to chit chat if we have a chance.. -
Inez Says:
LOL itâs funny to see all feminized bule âmenâ here, they got their ass kicked by their women back home and they come to 3rd world countries with a tail between their legs⌔I’ve slept with well over 100 bule-girls.
All of them got their asses kicked. Half of them loved that.“They finally managed to hook up with (cheap) Indonesian ladies and they get their confidence back,”
I don’t find Asian girls cheap at all. They demand you pay for everything.
“and yet they still promote their âsuperiorâ western values such as feminism. What a hypocriteâŚ..”
Now that, Inez, is indeed something strange. Never met a bule guy of that sort. But then, I wasn’t in bed with them.
“You are quite lucky you can get women in third world country even with your beta/wussy traits, in your own country you guys are just treated like shit by your strong feminized women LOLâŚ.”
Yes, Inez. These bule girls want it both ways. They want the money-making wuzz at home while they can go out a little, once in a while, to the disco, to get some down and dirty. Sounds familiar?
Meanwhile, these media cliches change nothing. The truth is other. Have you ever gone out with a bule, by the way?lcvs Says:
âhaha still all sort of comments, wow impressive, a never ending story: stop talking start dating.. or ehm stop dating start talking!âAw, be a little fair, Icvs. You know that dating is an expensive proposition, and not just for the wallet. Damn right, some of us have put dating on the back burner and weâd rather yap. Takes all kinds.
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gm wahhed says:
i am marine engineer. i like to marry indonesian qualified girl. much more latter on discuss. welcome
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Wahhed, you can go to puncak to find your wife. It’s in west java, near to Jakarta, the capital city of indonesia. Good luck.
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@ venna … i think we’ve got another one for our delicious soto arabia.. i already started whetting the dapur bener of my executioner’s keris now.. đ
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wakakakakakaka…. you use your keris item to dissect him? Oh, it must be hurtful… đ
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ET says:
Icvs
i already started whetting the dapur bener of my executionerâs keris now..
The pamor on your keris is called hujan mas. Quite appropriate for cutting up an Arab.
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sapiku says:
@Reallyme
That’s why I hate British men so much.. after knowing them so much..
they talk lots, rarely listen and always think they can wash thing just by sorry..Phew hope God give me peaceful mind lol
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sapiku Says:
April 6th, 2010 at 11:11 pm
@Reallyme
“Thatâs why I hate British men
they talk lots, rarely listen and always think they can wash thing just by sorry..”All I know is….wherever I visited girly bars, in Manila, Bangkok, Saigon, Vientiane, Phnom Phen, Jakarta….the only other bules I ever seem to see (and hear!) are Brits.
I don’t mean to be a hypocrite here….I visited these places, too. But the only other foreigners I usually see are Brits. They are so hated in Thailand these days that they are routinely murdered — check something like the Pattaya Weekly.
One Cambodian woman once told me that they are not liked because they are “way too cheap, they try get away with too much for too little. That’s why they get trouble.” -
satyareddy says:
the indonesia girls are also have beatiful humanism. they give respect and believeness. i spend for one hour time the school girls given unbelievable respect. totally thair behavior is so good.
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@satyareddy
the indonesia girls are also have beatiful humanism. they give respect and believeness. i spend for one hour time the school girls given unbelievable respect. totally thair behavior is so good.
Yeah, young school girls are good. I am talking about Primary and Elementary school. High school girls sometimes quite rebellious (i skip my class first time at high school, hehehe) very different than younger age girls.
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Jona says:
@ reallyme ….. OMG you should save your posts for a book! I haven’t posted since way back on page 84 but I am getting all caught up on the forum and must say that you’ve had quite a rollercoaster of an experience in Indonesia. Appreciate all the words of wisdom and you can be sure that the rest of us males on the forum have fallen under the same spell cast by the omni-present”gadis cantik”. By the way, do you know if the word “gadis” derives from the English word “goddess”? I wouldn’t at all be surprised if it did. Indonesian women are the bomb!
@ Brian A ….. how are things going with you? Your latest news a few pages ago was really shocking to me. Hope your girl is not trying to trick you in some way. In my next post, I will update you and others on my latest happenings in the dating department.
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Arie Brand says:
“Indonesian women are the bomb” . Wasn’t it President Sukarno, who was a connoisseur, who once said that women from the Philippines were the most beautiful? My memory might be a bit biased here (I am married to one) but nevertheless I believe he said it.
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Karl says:
I have been living in Indonesia for a while now. I am married to an Indonesian woman from central Java. This is my opinion about dating Indonesian woman. I have seen old bule dating younger girls. Me, I am only a few years older then my wife so when we meet people (Indonesians) they sometimes think that my wife is a girlfriend and sometimes even more sad, an ayam. This I think because you do not see many married young couples.
My wife never dated a bule before me. The reason is that she worked in an environment were she saw god things but also the worst case of old and stupid bule not respecting the Indonesian women. My wife is a bit famous in the bule world of Jakarta. She was constantly ask out by bule guy, mostly older, but refused. When I saw here I fell in love at first sight and there was a lot of angry bule when she finally called her self my girlfriend. That mad me very sad that some saw her as an asset, like a piece of land that they have claimed and got upset when she married me, a normal young guy.
So what can you say about the Indonesian women. My sayang stills sit on the floor and eats with here hands. She is astonishing beautiful but still this warmhearted kampung girl.
If you take the not so good sides about the dating process in Indonesia I can say this. Older man with younger girl: Hey, If you are a 20 year old girl who dates a 55 year old guy with maybe kids and even a wife back home you know precisely what you will get. He gets a younger women and she gets some security, but its sad but also very strange when he for example stops dating her and she is surprised?? Come on. The same thing is all those girls hanging in bars like BATS or Tiga pulo etc. They now exactly what they want and now exactly what they will get. It is so obvious.
The same is the case with bules who are very surprised when their girlfriend leaves them. I have seen this thing happen. I mean if you are dating for example an ayam (you can spot them a mile away) you know the risks.
Last I would like to say that I met so many nice Indonesian girls and most of them are very friendly and warm hearted when you get to know them. I have also seen many couples who have beautiful Indo kids a have a happy life together.
Da da
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sobhana says:
Some Indonesian women are the bomb, God knows not all! Lucky for those who get the ‘bombing’ ones lol
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same as temur question for ross
is that book available in gramed?
that book sounds interesting.
@ temur
I think no one in this world, that’s not materialistic.
it’s just that, they have their own levels of materialistic.
well .. at the end no one can live alone.
and find someone who can share in the hard and happy time, someone who can rely on each other (also about the money problem) , is a great gift i think.
(but that girl sounds too much for me)
This may sound silly, because I am a person who liked a love story and all that romantic thing about “live happily ever after”
maybe I am young, independent, and can stand with my own feet to face life now.
but the time will end.
when you get older and began to weak due to illness
you’ll need someone to stay with you, and still loving you. đ