Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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fullmoonflower says:
hmmmm….
well, usually it is because of miss-communication and it is being worst because they can’t control their ego as well….divorce can be happened to anyone, to any social level, and anywhere… not only for middle class people in city…
as long a husband and wife understand what their duties for their family, and keep their communication going smoothly, no lies, hand in hand, always try to be together in happiness and sorrows, loyal to their commitments, control their ego as well, and lower their voice when they are debating about something – my mother said that when we are in debating, we should keep our voice lower, even whispering each other so nobody will hear it but us, and keep presence of mind – … I think the marriage will be success…
it is simple to say… but hard to do…
I know it š
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Pakde Achmad,
I guess you ever read my postings here before that I am a divorce, that is why you ask that… hahaha š
You should know that my marriage was free from fighting, no high volume voice, no anger, no debat … I even let my husband (now : my ex) did polygamy, as long he is honest and fair, because we lived in long distance because of his job was out of town and he back home once in 3 months, and as a normal woman I understand that he must need “that”.
When we discussed about something, we always did it in a closed room and whispering… so nobody would hear…When I found he cheated on me… he married a divorce woman with 1 kid who worked as a salesgirl without my permit, and the woman sent me terrors, even abused me using bad language, and sue us to get divorce … I needed much time to think…
I thought she did that because she needed my husband’s money, she needed it more than me… I thought I could live by myself … That is why I typed my divorce letter, and got my husband to put his signature (and he signed it while his tears is falling)…We ended our marriage with a big hug and tears, attended to the court with peace, and say “goodbye” with smile…
But we understand that there are no way for us to back again … but we keep be friends.I feel lucky, because I strictly educated by a wise great grandmother, strong grandmother, and lovely mother … they are my heroes and my paragons … š
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Orang-Aus says:
Ahh Fullmoonflower,
I meet my girlfriend from Indonesia when she was an expat working in another country, she had a good university education, cannot say if noble family though.
She is still single now, now works in Indonesia for one of the most famous places there which i will not name.
cheers
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Lairedion says:
For every single failed mixed relationship mentioned here there’s probably a successful one which we will never hear off.
To name one, my parents. A curious mix of Javanese-Minahasan on dad’s side and Dutch-Spanish on mum’s side. Incidentally, still going strong for over 40 years now.
People divorce for numerous reasons. Cultural difference is just one of them. For the same reason couples do have healthy and long-lasting relationships.
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Roel says:
The theme here not marry but dating indonesian girl.
Even if you never marry one, having experienced the way your indonesian lady responds to you being a man is something I can recommend fellow man. In Europe, many a lady seems to be anqious to be woman. She thinks if a man encounter her without her defences full up and stinging he will abuse her. How can you ever be with a man when you start expecting something wrong from him ? Than you do not trust your female senses to check out this man is right/wrong before you lay your eyes on him. It is such a good feeling to encounter (indonesian) lady who simply is and know your intentions are not wrong, nor you intend to start any contact before finding out who is “Boss” this is what dogs do when they pee a tree. -
J NY says:
hi,
This is oot but I need an insight, not a preach tho. My oz partner and I had been together for over a year. Now I’m pregnant. We’re not in love or anything, so marriage isn’t a way out.
He wants me to terminate it, I don’t. I wanna raise the child, but he insists the only solution of our problem is to have an abortion.
For me money isn’t a problem. I can afford to have another child. For your info, I’m a single parent of a 7yo girl at the moment… she’s a child out of wedlock too.
I don’t understand why he resists me on keeping this child. I’d gladly sign an agreement that I don’t want anything from him, including his time and money. I don’t want this child either, it will surely cause me more problems – wayyyy bigger than I’d already had, but killing my own blood is not something I’d ever think of.
Somehow he got me thinking about it and we decided to have it done in Singapore.
Now I’m having doubts again for the thousands of time. Anyone can help me to talk to him or anyone can assure me that it is the only thing to do? -
Odinius says:
Oigal said:
Damn I hope I misunderstood this!! !Surely there are not still not literate and educated people out there who still believe this skull measuring clap trap!
Culture perhaps has a lot to answer for but the suggestion that some āracesā are genetically superior is repugant to any rational person
Probably not so many out there actually measuring skulls, but there seem to be plenty of people who still think that “races” biologically determine individual attributes. Sometimes this gets fancied up with culturalist lipstick, but I sense a number of positions articulated here that seem to basically say: “you are what you’re born as, and what you’re born as is what you are.” E.g. “the chinese is chinese no matter what his circumstances…”
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Lairedion said:
For every single failed mixed relationship mentioned here thereās probably a successful one which we will never hear off.
To name one, my parents. A curious mix of Javanese-Minahasan on dadās side and Dutch-Spanish on mumās side. Incidentally, still going strong for over 40 years now.
People divorce for numerous reasons. Cultural difference is just one of them. For the same reason couples do have healthy and long-lasting relationships.
Spot on. Whether “cultural difference” makes or breaks a relationship really depends on the individuals involved.
Besides, we’re talking about “culture” in nationalist terms. What about inter-cultural relationships between Indonesians from very different places? Like your paternal grandparents, e.g. Or an Javanese-Papuan couple, a Balinese-Sundanese couple, etc.
What about relationships that cross class lines? A rich Jakartan and a poor kampugan Javanese? A working class Australian and an old money type from the Gold Coast? That rich Jakartan and the working class Australian?
Etc.
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As I said before people will divorce or see their relationships fail for numerous reasons and we shouldn’t put too much weight on cultural differences unless your name is Andy who hates everything about Indonesia.
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Farah says:
..Just got back from my long holiday..hmmm..
let see.. what happened here… (sorry i read the previous comments)
@ Oigal
Ayo Farah..Aku suka chocolate mannis ya..mau main dgn bule sama saya bukan lama sebentar aja
euuhh.. sorry “gal” aku nggak mau main sama kamu. Lagian aku bukan coklat, trus aku gak ada label harganya jadi not for sale, main aja sendiri ! kalo butuh mainan aku pinjamin deh kelereng sama layangan aku.
..errhh memang kamu bisa main lama???? bwwahahaha.. yeah right… yakin gak butuh jamu kuat??
Farahā¦no reply..I am crushed! We could had the kid and everything..bule nose..TV..commercials.. the whole shebang
Bwahahahaha…. thats so sweet… are you sure you’re… able… to have even…one ??
bwahahahahahahahahahahahah !kalo punya anak bule aku jadiin tukang jual gado-gado aja.. eksentrik kan? satu bungkus 50 ribu, orisinil gak ide gue? dari pada jadi artis sinetron, kebanyakan, norak pula ! sori aku gak suka tv sinetron.
@ Dk
oke – call all bules āPIGāā¦ good then everyone will know what indo women are really like – talk straight and say what you mean instead of hiding behind your pasted powdered FACE for once in your little waste of planetary space!
Aren’t you’re so …cute?? you could be straight talking and i can’t…
well helloww… why you can’t accept if there’s any indonesian woman that straight talking and call someone pig if they behave like one?? sure i will say what i want to say, that’s what Sumatra girls well known of, no need to hide it.euuhhh powder?? hehe you might use lipstick more than i do darling.
Back to dating indonesian girls.
Its might complicated for every expat simple life. Too much difference, but if could work out all the difference it turn out to be okay, need much tolerance, and patience.
Some work and some not.^Peace^
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Sebastine Sigl says:
I want a female Indonesain Girl age 18 to 30 year.
Relationship and for marriage.
Greetings from Papua New Guinea.
My email adress: sebastine.sigl@yahoo.com.au
Thank you
Sebastine Sigl
Graduate Accountant
Papua New Guinea -
Achmad Sudarsono says:
Halo Mr. Sebastine Sigl Yth.,
I am Seksi Indonesian woman for you.
Will you be seksi for me ?
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J NY,
Not his decision to make. No one should ever be pressured into having an abortion (or out of having one). Specially if you can take care of the child.
If you want the baby, go for it.
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xixixi….. pakde Achmad is sooooo seksi… š
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Orang-Aus…
I was telling about my story to Pakde Achmad as he asked me about “divorce”…
Anyway, now I am already have a very nice boyfriend, and he is not a bule… because I am not interested to bule… hehehe š
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Oigal says:
Farah, Good to see back.. sad to see you haven’t lost your elitist outlook on life. Although I can understand why you have to play alone :-).
As for having a child..mmm..not unless there have been some science advances i have missed..more than capable then helping you have one with or without the love juice.
For sale..Oh you flatter yourself sweet..I was thinking I would be performing a public service, perhaps some loving might disconnect that nerve that runs from the eyeball to the bum and gives you such a shitty outlook on expats.
kalo punya anak bule aku jadiin tukang jual gado-gado aja.. eksentrik kan? satu bungkus 50 ribu, orisinil gak ide gue? dari pada jadi artis sinetron, kebanyakan, norak pula ! sori aku gak suka tv sinetron.
You really want translated for the rest..perhaps for your sake best not hey..tacky as
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@ oigal
Sorry i used word “tacky” already as “NORAK” dont copy me, be creative.
Most of other readers could read indonesian i assume as this website in two language, and it does said “INDONESIA MATTERS” had the indonesia- on it.Farah, Good to see back.. sad to see you havenāt lost your elitist outlook on life. Although I can understand why you have to play alone :-).
At least i don’t look so pity just like you begging someone to play with me. Have some pride “GAL” (you don’t have some? want me to borrow it for you? its not cheap tho), thanks for the “understanding”.
For sale..Oh you flatter yourself sweet..I was thinking I would be performing a public service, perhaps some loving might disconnect that nerve that runs from the eyeball to the bum and gives you such a shitty outlook on expats.
You..does sound shitty btw. Don’t need your lovey dovey to change my point of view. I just going to say what ever i want to say, just ignore me if you don’t like it. No need to made your self sound that low “GAL” (btw.. FREE public service remind me of free public toilet at some bus terminal..its just..yuck!).
No need to attack me like that gal, if you don’t have some last night no need to put your anger on me ! wink wink.
Do your public service on street, other people who need it more than me will enjoy you a lot better than me. Especially for free ! (..or not ha !)
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@ Ahmad
hahahahahah ! you bring the sexy back eh? -
@ Farah,
As long as there is Mr. Patoengs (Yth), the Seksi will never die
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Fullmoonflower,
My response was to this:
Orang-Ausā¦
maybe it will be different if you find someone intelligent, well-educated, came from noble family, has good job or maybe has her own companyā¦
but unfortunately, those ones usually not interested to bules, and meet bule very rare, as they visit nightclubs or bars very rare, because they usually thought that those kind of places are not good for a good womanā¦ heheheYou must have forgotten you posted it???
Im glad your not after bule, I think we should all stick to our own culture and enjoy our lives.
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kiddo says:
I know that this thread has been going on for ages. I just hope that someone will still be around to give me some advice. I have an inter-racial relationship for more than 3 years now. It’s sort of a long distance relationship (as we live in different countries) and visit each other once in 2/3 months. The original plan was that we would get married at the end of this year and I would move to his country. Living in Indonesia would be impossible and we reckoned that it might be easier for me to land a job at his country (after one or two years, probably).
I also had made it clear to him that we should plan our finance for the future. However, recently I found out accidentally that he had racked up a huge amount of debt and lied about being able to put some money aside. His finance was really deeply in trouble and we might need to put the marriage plan on hold for another 3/4 years!!FYI, his debt is not in anyway caused by me as I never asked anything and insisted on split up our expenses in half when we went out. I am not after neither citizenship nor living abroad (as I am already abroad now). I don’t after money either as I am financially comfortable.
Has anybody got experience about this? Should I stay or move on? He said he would change and he let me to have an access to his account to see his incoming and outgoing expenses. But the trust is broken. What hurt the most is the fact that I have looked forward end of this year as it would mean we would be together.
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‘FREE public service remind me of free public toilet at some bus terminaL”
Laugh..no doubt our little chocolate
No need to attack me like that gal, if you donāt have some last night no need to put your anger on me !
Too much mall time sweetie forgetting your positions?
Arenāt youāre so ā¦cute?? you could be straight talking and i canātā¦
Oh yea…I get it creative… “GAL” wow lanced by your razor wit…tee hee
Orang-Aus..
I think we should all stick to our own culture and enjoy our lives.
you don’t what you are missing :-).
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Laugh..no doubt our little chocolate
Okay Pinky… as you wish thats what i will call you, white is just too good, so pink is yours then (kind of remind me of something i ever mentioned here, chocolate better tho….. thanks).
Too much mall time sweetie forgetting your positions?
Oh sweetie Pink GAL, read past comment i live in sumatra jungle, how could you forget that ???? you walk you pinky tiny legs (or chubby??) to mall for tampons much more than me cutie pie. So don’t ever say mall, just bite your tongue before you said MALL to me okay??
Position ? whwehehehehe… i like this.. remember my position??.. am i up above last night or below, or in between ?? could you remind me sweetie ?..oh forgot… YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE TO TELL!!
Advice: back to your corner and play with your self pink-GAL. That’s much better for you.
Oh yeaā¦I get it creativeā¦ āGALā wow lanced by your razor witā¦tee hee
Of course Pink GAL or gay or what ever… if you really GAL or you act like GAL what so ever.. hehe.. actually you sound like a guy but have too much feminine side (thinking GAL in pink tutu.. so sweet…), if you’re really a GAL, i think you need to change your tampons now. Your PMS days is almost over darling.
Once again, don’t throw your anger on other people if you had PMS, that’s bad !!
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@ Kiddo
So sorry to hear your story. I think a relationship have to based on honesty, being honest with his financial status is one of it. Even if you have plan to split your incomes/savings.
You should think about this first. If you’re willing to be patient and wait for 3-4 years its your choice. If you do love him that much, then wait. Don’t rush into trouble.
Much example how financial problems become source of divorce. Especially when you’re income bigger than him.
Offer him some help that’s for sure. He say he will try to change, just give him some time to prove he is changing.
But its all your choice tho, hope everything will be better for both of you. -
Astrajingga says:
@Kiddo,
Dump him. Really.
I know some wives and husbands who made troubles for the whole big family because of debt.
The problem is not the debt, its amount, the illogically high interest, the bank, or the attitutde of the loan-shark, actually, but the habit of lying and promising that the debt is not a big deal, that s/he would stop or that s/he could handle it him/herself in short time. The longer anyone tolerate peoples like him/her the more the whole family sinks into his/her debt problems. And the debt will be getting bigger and bigger everyday, there will be additional interest or penalty to be paid for. And also there will be some uneducated thug-like debt collectors to deal with.
Closely monitoring their wallet, or closing their access to the bank, like keeping the land deeds etc from them sometimes won’t help either. Somehow they can always get loan from ‘informal’ or illegal loan-shark.
I don’t know how bad your bf’s debt is, how bad is his financial situation, but as a cliche says, “money is the root of all evil” is surely true for some people. And some peoples can not change his/her ‘life-style.’
It will be hard for several months after you dump him, if you dump him.
But if you choose to love him, always check his bookeeping and financial status, you have to always spy on his wallet, specially when he starts to look reluctant to speak about money. Be as communicative as possible, listen to his complaints but don’t preach him. Always discuss mutual, his, and also your personal expenses and income. If you have to do it daily–really–then do it together.
In my experience, all the husbands and wives could only stop when they died. They left the whole family, their children, their spouse with burden of debt. Mountains of debt that could be only paid if all the children work hard and sacrifice their whole saving, health insurance, and the luxury of holiday.
As always, I might be wrong. Your case may be not as worse as my family history.
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@ Farah and Astrajingga
Thank your for your compassion. Yes, it has been 5 months in hell since I found out and my affection for him is closed to zero already. It’s so hard to trust him again and the more I scrutinize him, the more upset he is. Also, the problem is, I dont know for sure why he even racked up such a huge amount of debt. I could only trace back the debt up to a year ago which didnt really help as he was already lagging behind with some bills/taxes.
The 3-4 years is the length of time required to clear off his debt as I have made it clear to him that I dont want to be held responsible for something which I didnt do. However, it did affect me a little as I ended up lending him a bit of my saving. So, I dont know…
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@ Kiddo
well then astrajingga have a point there. If you feel that you’re compassion flat to zero now, maybe its time for you to think about leaving him.
Its just so much debt, is he a shopaholic ?? or.. even worse a gambler maybe? or..okay.. a bad investment ?
Maybe you should ask him what does he do with all of his money, just to made sure that you wont have regret in any of your decision.
Be strong, think clear ! -
Laugh…Farah..tsk..tsk..Name calling now, we can do better than that can’t we, thats just boring. ..No Mall’s ohh ..you were fibbing in some of your other posts were you? Stuck forever in the jungle…oh well never mind. Doesn’t matter where you are now once a mall rat…
Position ? whweheheheheā¦ i like this.. remember my position??.. am i up above last night or below, or in between ??
Laugh.. way too easy mannis.. I will leave that one…
Seriously though, i am thinking of doing a lengthy post on the inherent class structure and inherent racism that exists in Indonesia, a number of your posts would make great example (not your latest tho, thats schoolkid stuff). But I do like your attittude towards kampung girls, maids and your need to define by colour. You don’t mind if I take a couple of your more classics and use them do you..no names of course, I would not want to humilate you or anything..after all a scorpion does what a scorpion does.
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I all time too good think for how can I good reletionship ? with my girl friend.I hope my girl friend is so good.