Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
Orang-Aus says:
Kiddo,
The important thing is do you love the person or not and can you trust them.
Never think of finances before your heart, it will ruin even a good relationship. You dont need money to have a good relationship.
-
Oigal,
Already had relationships with a Batak, a Jawa and a Balinese, what am I missing out on??
-
kiddo says:
@ Orang-Aus
Yes, I agree that we dont need money to have a good relationship. I also know from a start that he’s not rich. But I dont like the fact that he lies about his debt as it shows how irresponsible he is towards our future.
If I didnt find out accidentally would he ever tell me?
I would have to let go everything I have in Indonesia to be with him and I don’t mind doing it for the sake of being together. I shuddered to think what would have happened if I didnt find the truth and I already left Indonesia for good.
Actually, living in his country is only one of many options and yet he insisted to stay in his country. We could have lived somewhere else, as my education might allow me to land jobs in different countries. Even then, I am still in doubt of pursuing the idea of living at other countries other than his country as I feel responsible for his welfare. So I need to be sure that his standard of life would not drop when I ask him to leave his country.
Both of us are no longer young, either. I will only have 3-4 years to carry a child safely.
I dont know whether I make things much more complicated than I should.
After all, words are only words when the trust is broken 🙁 -
Achmad Sudarsono says:
Kiddo Yth.,
Are you north of 35 ? Might be better than u think…
-
the first girl i met in indonesia. she was working in her family’s backpacker hotel in bandung and we’re still happily married, more than 12 years. and i know plenty of other bule (a word that does not offend me at all) that are married and very, very happy…
sure i’ve seen plenty of drama here but i used to see that back in holland too… -
Kiddo,
Yes I understand the trust issue, I totally agree.
Did he keep it a secret because he was ashamed?
A question I have is could you not help support him both with work and getting his mind straight again??
I hope all works out for you.
-
ET says:
J NY
Now I’m having doubts again for the thousands of time. Anyone can help me to talk to him or anyone can assure me that it is the only thing to do?
If you are having doubts, don’t do it. You will regret it later, especially when you said yourself that killing your own blood is not something you’d ever think of.
-
fullmoonflower said
maybe it will be different if you find someone intelligent, well-educated, came from noble family, has good job or maybe has her own company… but unfortunately, those ones usually not interested to bules
FMF may have a point. Aside from the curiosity factor, a decent – according to Indonesian norms – girl will normally shy away from getting involved with a caucasian man. Too much gossip and outside interference. Those who are interested in a relationship may have their own valid reasons but one should never forget that all white people have money trees in their garden. So the odds are rather big that financial motives play an important role. Therefore don’t be surprised if your charming gadis hitam manis turns out to be shark and a gold digger. And even if the girl’s feelings and love are genuine there is still her family who may develop an overwhelming compulsion to shake that tree. Especially if a grandparent or a distant uncle needs an urgent operation.
-
fullmoonflower says:
ET… money tree???
Not really…
I have a very bad experience with bule about it..2 years ago, my bule friend asked me for loan for his business in Malaysia. He told me that he would bought such of chemical in Malaysia as his UK client’s order. He asked me to join with profit sharing.
My friend is a business consultant, and since he is a professional, I believed in him for sure. Then I let him my money. For this business, he shared 70% and me 30%.
When I asked him about what kind of chemical he would bought is, he said : crystal cleaner. I thought it’s only such of chloride or H2SO4, which are restricted for Indonesia Duane.
I asked him if he would sent them directly from Malaysia to UK, so I would introduce him to a forwarder company I knew in Malaysia. But he said he would shipped them to Batam first then shipped them to UK, as he knew that I have good relation with Indonesia customs people, and he thought it will be safer for him if he ship them from Indonesia.
But for this case, because the chemical is a restricted chemical for Indonesia Duane, so I have to arrange APIT License (Angka Pengusaha Importir Tertentu), or I asked my Indonesian or Malaysian forwarder friends who had APIT Licence to arrange the shipping. Fortunately, I got a friend who had APIT Licence, since he has a chemical distributor company, and he agree to let his company name as an importer for the chemical.
Then, everything had been settled within 1 weeks for Indonesia side… Customs people, Import License, Importer, Shipping Company… and the last thing I needed was COA (Certificate of Analysis) from the chemical factory. After I got it, the import process will be smooth.But…
After the chemical was paid, I just realized that my friend had been cheated by his agent, because when I asked the agent about COA, she was very angry without any reason. She was seems panic, because she never knew that there was someone else in the business…
That’s made me suspicious about the chemical he bought. I asked him to tell me the truth, and finally he said that he bought a money washer chemical… Oh damn s**t 👿 …… He lied to me…
I told him that the chemical is belong to Malaysia government. It is prohibited for commercial trading. It’s only sold to Central Banks or government institutions.
It was so stupid for a business consultant like him for easy believing to a local woman who might sent him to the jail for illegal trading.
I told him that I couldn’t help him for that case. I didn’t want to be involved if he got problem with Malaysia police because of his deceitfulness. Then I asked him to give my money back, and I gave him 3 months to pay it back.But he haven’t paid my money back yet till now 🙁
he even has disappeared ….So, this is an evidence that not all bule has money tree… and the worst thing is, one of them had run away with my money…
-
Back to topic…
money is not everything…
I agree with Orang-Aus that we don’t need money to have good relationship.Love is not for Trading….
Love is not a Commercial Thing….Love is Love….
Money is important but not for the importance…Life is up and down… sometime we are on top side, sometime we are in bottom side…
-
Farah says:
@ FMF
Sorry to hear your bad experience with a bule. Another prove that no matter what skin, there will be nice and kind person, and the bad person.
Also not all the time the “charming hitam manis” fooled expats, theres opposite stories too, less maybe, but still its not all about the skin.
I kind of agree with “we don’t need money to have good relationship”, but it does could lead into trouble in future.
Its not all about money, very true. But you will need money to pay most of things you need to be happy with your family (baby formula? cost to repair broken tap that been irritating your sleep every night?, etc). All those small things that could lead in to problem, mostly because of money 🙁 🙁 -
Cukurungan says:
Its not all about money, very true. But you will need money to pay most of things you need to be happy with your family (baby formula? cost to repair broken tap that been irritating your sleep every night?, etc). All those small things that could lead in to problem, mostly because of money Money is important but not for the importance…
Because the money is not everything but the everything need the money
-
Farah…
Uang memang penting.. tapi jangan jadikan uang menjadi hal yang paling dipentingkan atau menjadi tujuan… dan jangan sampai hanya karena uang suatu pernikahan menjadi berantakan
When we were down, have no money… We just simply see that the situation is an opportunity… a good opportunity for us to unite our vision and mission, and reach the relationship or marriage we dream off …
We just simply think that a marriage or relationship is like a little organization, like a company… and there are 2 people in it : a husband and a wife = a leader and a secretary = a director and a manager…
The important thing we need is a sense of belonging… sense that we have a family, we have a little organization, a little company… something we have to look after…
And as a normal organization or company, we have vision and mission…
When a company is going to be bankrupt, I am very sure that the owners will do everything to keep the company survive …
So, why can’t we do the same to our marriage or relationship? Don’t we have any vision and mission when we decided to start a relationship?Please think about it….
-
Oigal says:
so never START calling someone brown, you start it, and now you’ll get what ever you start with me GAL. I didn’t call you PINK on the very beginning sweetheart, you call me brown first.
Ah Farah… here it is.. You are absolutely right, it’s demeaning and repugant to refer to people by colour. Which is where this all started, when you defended the use of the term “BULE” not much fun when it comes back the other way is it.
I will leave it there for you to consider.
Oh a word to the wise (or not so wise), You really don’t want to get into a names calling game sweet, you are way way out of your depth.
-
Gal
Bule, white, pinky, mister, expat, penjajah (my grandpa say this), belanda, orang barat, western, farang maybe ?etc.I will ask you what do YOU prefer to be call with your highness??
I refer bule not because i feel ohh yuck its whiteeeey!!. NOO. You know someone in here ever said, INDONESIAN love to look whiter, means we love to look, white, its nothing negative. Me, my self, i do prefer look more fair than dark brown (look better in any dress for sure, especially purple or red), If you’re white, black blue so what ?? i am not intende to say anything NEGATIVE about your color, got it ????
What i consider is the person, bad or good nice or not nice. What so ever their skin.
Its from MY point of view, if you get offended maybe you should ASK me why i CALL you BULE. When you said brown to me, you said it because i call you bule ?? do you get offended if a thai lady call you FARANG? or chinese call you with chinese language?
Better if you give me your real name or something to call (beside oigal !), i dont know if youre local, if youre western japanese?? male or female or maybe you should suggest people come to indonesia to hang their name on a card board so they wont be called “BULE” or “MISTER”.
Oh a word to the wise (or not so wise), You really don’t want to get into a names calling game sweet, you are way way out of your depth.
Darling, you prob only know like 3 different language in calling names (english, french,spanish maybe??), i know waaay much more than that (at least 3 different indonesian dialect or more?). Sumatra have hundreds of language, not mentioned java, oh yes, i know javanese and sundanese. So in calling names, i could use my different dialect and different language.
Please do measure your “shallow” before saying that to indonesian girl.Get a grip girl, once again, don’t bother me. I am not type of girl who will hide under desk if i see anyone try to picking on me.
You’re out of topic here oigal.
-
Forget it Farah.. The irony of you getting uptight about someone refering you as chocolate yet “Bule” features as part of your everday speech is obviously beyond you.
The points you put forward in defence of the word Bule can just as easily be used by someone to defend the use of the word chocolate (or others) to describe an Indonesian (or others).
I actually believe you when you don’t mean anything negative by the use of the term bule, why then cannot someone who calls you chocolate be given the same right (the answer is obvious by the way, both terms can and are used in insulting way therefore are better avoided) Farang by the way is used far more offend in a negative way than bule but thats another story.
Mmmm..did I use the word brown?? Think not never mind..
Oh Farah, it’s not the name calling by language that is the issue, its the sheer nastiness of it that may hurt, you are obviously very thin skinned and I have mostly refained from the silly little return comments that are sometimes called for.
Go sit in an corner and play with yourself…
really??
Personally I couldn’t care less what you do under, over or on a desk. It is a shame you have taken this so personally but fun to watch in a perverse way.
Out of topic..no way..Deep down I can tell you want me..or you would not be so concerned about my gender and after hours modes of amusement.
On a more serious note, Bule doesn’t actually offend me at all, it just displays the preoccupation of colour with a lot of people in Indonesia. You are the perfect example of the amusement I get from the term Bule..Look at the response I have gotten from you, you use the term Bule and I respond with an equally generic “chocolate” and your offend-o-meter goes off the scale.. Laugh..thanks for the fun.
Anyway must go.. I think there is someone hiding under my desk.
-
Astrajingga says:
By the way, I’m orange.
-
Mmmm..did I use the word brown?? Think not never mind..
Okay its clear your head must be hit by something hard or you just fall ! poor thing !! you start to forget ! (hope you’re not a 85 yo grandpa/grandma start to forget things hehehe).
Okay you call me brown ill call you pink. Pinky, its good that you’re amused.
I just got back from my holiday, and got some sun tan, there’s nothing that made me happier to be called brown. Usually i am yellowish, or “kuning langsat” as most of sumatra people. If you call me brown i wont mind at all. Because i am brown and feel sexy now (wink wink)… THANK YOU pink Gal!! your meter NOT working at all cutie pie !Out of topic..no way..Deep down I can tell you want me..or you would not be so concerned about my gender and after hours modes of amusement.
Oh yess yess i feel my panty is wet when replying your comments oink-gal gosh ! (bwahahah !!!!). You’re just a good joke for sure (replying your comment and doing sudoku is not that hard, fyi).
So what so ever with you calling me brown, i am FLATTERED. I try to straight up few things but you still insist.
If brown describe me, and you love me so dearly to call me with that name, ill accept the brown (yums, so exotic), ill call you pink here forever for sure since now on. And its just YOU (aww were sound very special aren’t we??)
So whats wrong with being brown and have western mind ? your little brain can’t accept that ??
You might go out of your cocoon sometimes and not just traveling to nasty places/bars in Jakarta or Bali and decide all indonesian women all the same. Go to other places in Indonesia, open your mind girl.
I believe you’re educated person, but you now sound like no more than a villager girl. Debating with me about skin color problems and western minds or point of view (when i did remind you not to do so).
If you think colors bothers me, you’re wrong cutie pinky GAL. Call me brown anytime (because that’s my color now), ill call YOU pinky Gal, i couldn’t agree more !
Anytime baby ! anytime !
Oh Farah, it’s not the name calling by language that is the issue, its the sheer nastiness of it that may hurt, you are obviously very thin skinned and I have mostly refained from the silly little return comments that are sometimes called for.
Might hurt you but its nothing for me baby, you have to do MUCH MUCH more beyond than that to hurt me. I have heart of steel (jungle training).
A big mouth like yours just NOTHING like people say here anjing mengongong kafilah berlalu… bark what ever you want to bark !
-
kinch says:
I just love it when Farah gets aggro… even better if she would wear a police woman’s uniform 😀
-
@ Kinch
..i thought you’re more into something like small french maid uniform with lace and hat ??
hihihihihihi
-
@ FMF
Sorry girl just saw your comment..I think i agree we should take everything to save a relation if its worthy. I kept saying this because i see some of my friends sometimes too blind.
Too blind like trying to keep the marriage with domestic violence on it. Or trying to keep up with a husband that have drinking and gambling problems.
Its just too painful to see them try to do anything to give chances to their husband but then at the end get disappointed again and again.If the guy only have issue with money not with gambling, and he doesn’t have any problem as i mentioned above, he’s worth to give chance then.
And yes, money is not everything, but i just telling the reality here…
A bankrupt company will do a downsizing on their employee and only keep the most valuable or like important people that “worth” to keep….
But i get what you’re trying to say… its true tho…
-
@ cukurungan
Because the money is not everything but the everything need the money
… its an evil circle isn’t it ??
-
Roel says:
@Farah :”A bankrupt company will do a downsizing on their employee and only keep the most valuable or like important people that “worth” to keep….”
No Farah, those who stay after bankrupt are those who fight for a place in the lifeboats. Good elbows are better than being good in your job. The best sailors might easily swim around and fight sharks so others can sail away.
Anyway if your relationship with indonesian girl comes into bad waters be a captain and leave the sinking ship last.
And Indonesian girl, the first who jump is a rat. So if he behaves like a rat it is possibly a rat. (in the US they say; if it walks like a duck and talk likes a duck it is a duck or something similar)
-
@ Roel : those who stay after bankrupt are those who fight for a place in the lifeboats. Good elbows are better than being good in your job. The best sailors might easily swim around and fight sharks so others can sail away.
🙂 that’s right
Anyway, Farah is young… I know the young generation here mostly like her… when the company will be bankrupt, they will go asap for their own safety… looking for a new job rather than trying hard to keep the company survive…
They always thought that they are only a worker, never thought that maybe one day they will own or share capital for the company… thinking about little fortune, not a big deal for business …From this vision, no wonder there many divorces were happened to the youngers here… when they got problem, they will be simply go cheating, or running to their parents, or saying : “it’s over!” and go, rather than sit together, keeping their ego deeply in their heart then discussing the problem, manage everything together, looking for solution together…
But the worst thing is, older people as my age, now they start to follow them.. aduh.. 🙁Don’t they understand that life is not simple? They will never get that feeling (sense of belonging) if they never fight for something their belong….
You said : “the first who jump is a rat. So if he behaves like a rat it is possibly a rat… ” that is true.. but please, that is not only for Indonesian girl, but anyone… can be the bule man or anyone else…
….. but I understand because this thread is about Dating Indonesian Girls…
-
@ Roel
No Farah, those who stay after bankrupt are those who fight for a place in the lifeboats. Good elbows are better than being good in your job. The best sailors might easily swim around and fight sharks so others can sail away.
…hm.. you right.. i don’t have heart to have “good elbow” or good in licking boss as* so if the company have problem, my best resolution is start to “shop” for another job before boss calling me to office for “serious” conversation. I am not an office barracuda type for sure hehe…
And FMF is right, i am still young, and believe there’s better opportunity out there, especially in my working field, even though in though time like these days, people will still need energy resource.
@ FMF
Its good to have sense of belonging to the company, especially the one that you started with. For me, if i feel the company does love me, and have “mutual understanding” and based on family orientation (i didn’t meant the owner have to had some kind of relationship with me, not a nepotism thing here), i will sure stand and fight with them together, try to find best way to save the company.
But if its a cold “business only” type of company, the type of i-don’t-care-what-so-ever-you-just an employee (your children hospitalized and company rule no permission, you have to work what ever happened) — i’ll leave it smiling, happily to other company.You said : “the first who jump is a rat. So if he behaves like a rat it is possibly a rat… ” that is true.. but please, that is not only for Indonesian girl, but anyone… can be the bule man or anyone else…
…True…
They always thought that they are only a worker, never thought that maybe one day they will own or share capital for the company… thinking about little fortune, not a big deal for business …
From this vision, no wonder there many divorces were happened to the youngers here… when they got problem, they will be simply go cheating, or running to their parents, or saying : “it’s over!” and go, rather than sit together, keeping their ego deeply in their heart then discussing the problem, manage everything together, looking for solution together…
nah.. not agree… in relationship is different i think. A sinking marriage or relationship very different than work, because the relationship is very different.
With your boss, the thing that connect you only the love of the work, and in a relationship, wow… its like you own the company it self !
I still feel like in working environment if i leave a company that i’ve work for 5 years and the company have problem, i feel like had nothing to loose beside my income. And i will be able to stay positive that i will find another job (not very soon maybe).In a relationship that i have with someone for 5 years … wooow…. it will be very hard !! even if the relationship is only like dating-not marriage yet. It will be very hard to do !! it will leave marks on me like forever, and cause doubt that i will be able to do the same thing again.
So my opinion FMF, you can’t see this as the same thing.. its totally different wel.. for me it is.
-
Dearie Me Farah..You do have nasty little temper don’t we..But you really should stop and think before launching it makes the reading so much more fun.
Now if you cannot grasp the difference between this point of irony
“The irony of you getting uptight about someone refering you as chocolate (see chocolate not brown) yet “Bule” features as part of your everday speech’
Do you need the words spaced further apart so you can read them slower?
It’s really not about you or your colour (or lack of), its about terminology Bule, Chocolate, Londo, Indon all have the pontential to offend and therefore I venture should be avoided by educated people. We all know how up uptight a number of Indonesians get when referred to by their cousin neighbours as Indons and yet the defence you use for Bule could equally be applied.
However, you seem determined to make this a personal thing, then there is really little point in continuing, your little outbursts are amusing but time limited. I would nt mind but your ability to insult well is limited. As insults, try and use a little thought and humour again its more fun jousting with some intellectual rigor. Statements like
Oh yess yess i feel my panty is wet when replying your comments oink-gal gosh
classy? You want I should respond to such silly little comments?
You might go out of your cocoon sometimes and not just traveling to nasty places/bars in Jakarta or Bali
Yawn…
Why write such crap …you only invite the lowest of responses, but sorry munchkin, come back when you grow up a little and realise the world is not about you. Next time try on concentrate on the points made rather than running off and stamping your feet.
You will forgive me, if I don’t respond any further with you, its obvious you are still young with lots to learn and to be honest, debating in this fashion with you just makes me feel like a bully because it would be just too easy.
-
Yellow Daisy says:
@Farah
I read some of your post to Oigal.I believe you’re educated person, but you now sound like no more than a villager girl.
I understand you’re upset, but there’s no use of involving villager girl/people and implying them of being uneducated or dumb. Yes, they might not be as educated as you’re just because their economy level of their family. But they’re educated in many ways that are different from the way we view education. Having high education doesn’t guarantee of good morals and conduct. Let alone etiquete of right and wrong, so please do not go around thinking that villagers are dumb. After all it is not about how educated we’re, but how we carry ourself that matters.
-
Mbak Yellow Daisy Yth.,
It’s true, I find villagers much more accomplished in the Seksiarts of lovin’ . When I need some inspiration for my Ukulele, I like to visit one of my many village pacars for a little romp in the rice fields !
Va Va Voom !
-
Pak Achmad,
FYI. That’s up to you whatever you do, you and you alone are accountable to your own maker. A smart and educated people do not make other people feel inferior. From your comment it shows how your brain works.
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Related Stories
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006-2025
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
You’re awfully twisted arent you? i like you for that twisted mind.
..you right… so never START calling someone brown, you start it, and now you’ll get what ever you start with me GAL. I didn’t call you PINK on the very beginning sweetheart, you call me brown first.
sorry.. are you talking about your self ? oh.. really you’re a mall rat ? way to go !! spoiled girl !
Goooddd.. back to your corner, wipe your tears, its okay gal.. or.. do i need to call your mama to wipe your tears ?? aaawww….
…errrhhhh… isn’t youre the one who call me BROWN at first place ? helloooowww?
Point the finger on your face first cutie pie !
Do what ever it takes.. oh i have one too! once a pink, will be a pink (oink… oink). Dirty in the muddd !