Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Andy says:
Leni, I honestly think you lack the maturity to have a relationship with anyone right now let alone a bule. Everyone including the ones we love have a right to an opinion, even one you may disagree with. Now if you love your country that much marry it rather than your bule bf. This relationship was obviously not strong in the first place if you can’t stomach a few adverse comments from your guy. Have you visited France and did you think all there was great? Indonesian women you see also complain when outside their country. Not pollution and crap but lack of nasi goreng, missing family etc comes to mind.
The next thing is do you honestly think you can find more happiness with an Indonesian guy? Maybe they won’t bag your country but they have many other flaws. Maybe you will argue over childishness, sexism, religious zealotry and most of all $$$.
My advice….stop being so oversensitive and learn to love your man for his differences and for who he is. Then and only then will it work out for you.So now to quote timdog spit spit…..Can we kill this bloated buffalo once and for all??
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leni says:
Hi andy I was having the impression to read your opinion….any way this is just for my reference, my apologies for making the statement, thanks.
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DMan says:
Leni Don’t listen to Andy’s advice. Typical remarks from a white guy/bule/orang putih with some racial superiority complex Quote The next thing is do you honestly think you can find more happiness with an Indonesian guy? Maybe they won’t bag your country but they have many other flaws. Maybe you will argue over childishness, sexism, religious zealotry and most of all $$$. quote Andy. I am not saying all Indonesian guys are all good. There are good and bad in all races. Do you only prefer Non-Indonesian/ Asian men? I am not against interracial/culture/religious relationship marriage. Love and happiness is important.
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Mike Oxblack says:
Typical remarks from a white guy/bule/orang putih with some racial superiority complex
That’s exactly what someone with a racial inferiority complex would say.
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That’s exactly what someone with a racial inferiority complex would say
Typical idiot remarks from Mike Oxblack FYI Some one who thinks he is better than other races -
I didn’t call myself an idiot or refer to myself in the 3rd person. I should try and use the quotes function more accurately if I were you….and attempt to get a sense of humour also. Twat.
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DMan, what does the D stand for? Dork, Dick no let’s settle for disgrace. Because that’s what you are accusing others of being racist when using racist slurs yourself. Bule? Orang Putih? I suppose if you met a black man you’d call him nigger or orang hitam. See bule is no different from saying nigger, chink, wog or any other racist slur. So don’t accuse others of what you are yourself ok..I don’t feel at all racially superior to you or anyone but I certainly feel intellectually superior to you and other scribblers on this and other forums.
Now let’s get back on topic here without playing the race card, hope you’re up to the challenge. Do you think it is appropriate for a woman to dump her bf simply for expressing a different view to her own? Seriously how many divorces and break ups do you think there’d be if that was the case. I simply think if this is the worst he has done then she needs to look at herself rather than him. Everyone has different opinions no matter how ‘well matched’ they may be. If she said he abused her or cheated on her or even had serious hygiene issues i’d say get him out but to express a different opinion? No time for leni to grow up. So what’s your suggestion Dman? I’m waiting for an intelligent response.
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Come to the US DC metro area if you want to debate. I am Asian Indonesian-American and proud of it and I have my multi-racial friends and Barack Obama and other open minded Americans to back me up. So how can I be a racist. Apprently you did make an insulting remarks with impunity
The next thing is do you honestly think you can find more happiness with an Indonesian guy? Maybe they won’t bag your country but they have many other flaws. Maybe you will argue over childishness, sexism, religious zealotry and most of all $$$.
What do you mean by that? Very smug snobbish and elitist remark. so don’t get so hot-headed
Everybody will judge a person first by their racial/ethnic/nationality/religious background first and it is not prejudice; in the end character and personality counts. Read my other post about interracial dating.marriage. too and try to understand my viewpoints. Your move unless you want to engage in a flame war
Leni you don’t have to accept insulting remarks from that French guy, but I hope you are not dismissing dating other available handsome Indonesian/Asian men.
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Odinius says:
Why should someone’s nationality or “race”–an accident of birth–be the deciding factor in whether or not a person is worthy as an individual?
Shouldn’t who you date be based on whether you like that person, not where they are from or what arbitrary category you put them in?
This is not a question aimed at any one person; it’s aimed at this entire thread.
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Oigal says:
Even ppl said indonesia have pollution, crowd, traffic, no mrt, aggressive seller, bla bla la…..I think that makes this country is unique, ppl free to have their opinion, we have the highest capacity to understand, adjust, assimilate and respect the cultural differences
Andy..way over the top as usual, I would agree that Leni’s above statement is a “huh!” statement as linking an understanding of respect for another culture should extend to ignoring pollution, a government’s absolute disregard for its people, no infrastructure seems..well weird. However certainly didn’t warrant a tirade of abuse.
Her guy sounds like a thickhead, any national from any country is going to become defensive when his country is attacked continually even if the comments are true and justifed. Her guy would have been better taking her elsewhere to see things don’t have to be this way and any intelligent person would draw their own conclusions.
Fact is, no matter how much we rant n rave, expats have zero influence in Indonesia (expect to annoy the selfish, self absorbed middle class that inhabit blogs like this, but thats just fun). The only people who can change Indonesia is Indonesians, the real question is can they before its too late.
My personal view is already too late, the self absorbed have allowed the democracy experiment to be over run by opportunitists and cadre of thieves, crooks and zealots, primarly because Indonesians have too much respect for authority, even if that respect is deserved or not (but again..in the bigger picture, I know my opinion is worth squat..so just enjoy the debate and the good things the country has to offer)
Funnily enough, the west has lost the the PR war here. The west is painted as the attackers of culture, yet any 20 minute viewing of a family hsitory photo album will show the gradual replacement of an Indonesian culture not with a western culture but a Middle Eastern One devoid of any colour, compassion or science.
Yet the ones with the most to lose, the middle class are the one most silent.
Wow..deep for a saturday morning…but Andy lighten up..not all are evil and there is many good things about Indonesia.
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Pakmantri says:
Oigal said:
Her guy sounds like a thickhead ………………
mmmmmm ………………….. like Andy??? 😀
Peace.
Have a good weekend everybody. -
I’ve noticed that often, soon as a ‘whitey’ makes a point disagreeing with an Indonesian (often on this site) he is accused of being possessed of a ‘cultural superiority complex’ regardless of the validity of the point he or she may be making. This rather suggests, to me (but many others have noticed it too) a cultural inferiority complex on the part of the Indonesian accuser who would instantly bang the race drum without addressing the relative merits of the argument. DMan is clearly feeing the sting of this complex most acutely at the moment as a rich Indonesian in America; a country in which he can’t swan around spitting cash in everyone’s face and doing as he likes as he would at home. Address the arguments please Sir, and Oigal is correct to point out that this inferiority complex is currently putting Indonesia in the thrall of the Middle East and Wahabist garbage. Ironically it’s the genuflecting Hindu side of the Indonesian character that feeds this complex. This country should have more pride in itself, it’s an infinitely superior place to live than the Middle East and it’s medieval oil feudalism (which is propped up by the West of course).
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tomaculum says:
Mike,
living as a successful chink (although I don’t have slit eyes 🙂 ) since over 30 years in Europe I watch the same phenomenon up there. For me are those whitey accuser not better than those they charge. A priori are people of other races for those sick mindeds worst than themselves.
There is a term for such people … hmmm… racist!
Some of these “noble” Indonesian called me names like: slave of the whiteys, traitors etc, etc. because I tried to open their eyes. And they are still blind. 🙁
But … such sick mental activity is known and will outlives us.
Thank God there are many different-minded Indonesian. -
Racism originally meant the ideology that ‘races’ have inherent characteristics, like species, and that there is a rank among them, with some ‘superior’ to others. Now it also just means prejudice based on someone’s ‘race.’ But the original meaning is still important.
As soon as you–and by you I mean anyone, from anywhere–decide that someone’s worth can be judged by their ‘race,’ you are racist.
Anyone, from anywhere, can be racist. This thread offers a lot of examples of how they can be.
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Pakmantri- Oigal said:
Her guy sounds like a thickhead ………………
mmmmmm ………………….. like Andy???
Peace.
Have a good weekend everybody.Wow Pakmantri you sure know how to advance a serious debate don’t you. By making personal attacks on anyone who is different to you or who holds a different opinion. Well that my friend is the typical response from someone who has no idea how to debate someone of far higher intelligence ie myself. Now I will take it slowly to be fair mate. Question: Do you think a women should just dump her bf if he has differing opinion to her even ones about one’s cultural heritage or country? I will say to all Indos who think it is wrong that bules make less than flattering comments about their country that if I had a dollar for all Indonesians who have said exactly the same thing as this lady’s bf did then i’d have retired by now. So it is not just bules picking on Indonesia ok. I’d imagine devout muslims would agree with me on the above question as they believe in the wives submission to their husbands and even support spousal abuse. So to say Jakarta is dirty shouldn’t phase them at all right??
Finally why do muslims feel the need to say ‘peace’ after insulting someone. This is one thing that always confuses me. Pakmantri the challenge is here. Debate me and answer my question and I will make peace or if you choose not to…….stick a dozen pork chops down your throat while stuffing a quran up your clacker!!
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………………………………. someone of far higher intelligence ie myself.
……. LOL 😀 Higher than …….., nah that won’t be very intelligent thing to say! 😛
Someone who always falls into AAB’s and Diego’s traps and baits!
From other thread,
Funny how muslims assume bules are all christian.
Funnier is Andy, you always assume all Indonesian or better yet anybody who does not agree with you in this site are Muslim.
Finally why do muslims feel the need to say ‘peace’ after insulting someone. This is one thing that always confuses me
Here is another one,
…… I will make peace or if you choose not to…….stick a dozen pork chops down your throat while stuffing a quran up your clacker!!
Oh yeah Andy, very intelligent there eh!!
Here is my answer,
If a couple dating (doesn’t matter whether they are black, white, yellow, Christian, Muslim or any other criteria) supposed to be married and they have fundamental differences that they cannot be resolved, I’ll say yes, break it up before it goes too far before they get married or having children.
As for debating with such an intelligent person like yourself (LOL), mmmmmmmmmmm ……. Nah! I’ll just make fun of you it’s more entertaining.
In grade school we used to call person like you, “you are ugly and your momma dress you funny”.This time I’ll not say “peace”, will that mean I am not a Muslim anymore??? 😛
Salam.
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At any rate, now is not a good time to be shoving pork chops up your clacker.
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sarah says:
ok so i am an american gal. i use to date an indonesian man for 2 and 1/2 years. he was very hard to get along with. he never trusted me! he was very nice though. i treated him good. washed his clothes, cooked for him, gave up my life for this man.. i learned to speak indonesian for him.. my daughter loved him like he was her father. it was so hard to understand someone from another country. but i did try and nothing i did seemed good enough. word of advice if you date someone for another culture make sure you realize what you are getting yourself into. make sure you learn about where they are from.. he is going back to jakarta and i am left here to cry… i loved him and wanted to marry him
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Astrajingga says:
I wonder why there’re so many Indonesian beautiful celebrities married with bule men, while not so many handsome celebrities is attractive or good enough for bule women?
What’s wrong with Indonesian men? They’re too patriarchal? Too stupid? Too demanding? Too muslim?
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Sarah said:
ok so i am an american gal. i use to date an indonesian man for 2 and 1/2 years. he was very hard to get along with. he never trusted me! he was very nice though. i treated him good. washed his clothes, cooked for him, gave up my life for this man.. i learned to speak indonesian for him.. my daughter loved him like he was her father. it was so hard to understand someone from another country. but i did try and nothing i did seemed good enough. word of advice if you date someone for another culture make sure you realize what you are getting yourself into. make sure you learn about where they are from.. he is going back to jakarta and i am left here to cry… i loved him and wanted to marry him
I’m very sorry to hear your story, but was it really his “culture” that created this situation, or was it his personality? Indonesians, like Americans, come in all sorts of stripes. Some are very patriarchal; some are not terribly patriarchal at all. Some are quite trusting of their wives/husbands; some are inherently jealous. etc. Your man sounds more like a difficult person than a “typical Indonesian.”
Now that said, inter-cutural couples do experience varying degrees of “culture shock.” But as someone in one an inter-cultural arrangement, a child of another one, and an observer of many others, I’d also say that the degree of this varies tremendously. Just my 2 cents…
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Astrajingga- What’s wrong with Indonesian men? They’re too patriarchal? Too stupid? Too demanding? Too muslim?
I’d say you’re right there…Just read the scribbling of Pakmantri, AAB, Cukurungan etc for confirmation of that. No wonder bules are suddenly superstars in Indonesia compared to back home. And no wonder indo guys go into wildly jealous hissy fits when a pribumi lady walks arm in arm with a bule guy.
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Racism originally meant the ideology that ‘races’ have inherent characteristics, like species, and that there is a rank among them, with some ’superior’ to others……..
But the original meaning is still important.
Damn I hope I misunderstood this!! !Surely there are not still not literate and educated people out there who still believe this skull measuring clap trap!
Culture perhaps has a lot to answer for but the suggestion that some “races” are genetically superior is repugant to any rational person
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Orang-Aus says:
Well having been someone who has lived and dated in Indonesia, I will say this, date girls and have fun like you would anywhere in the world, just be wary as true love is often not the case.
I have never known of a bule/indo relationship that has been normal, to many cultural and religious issues to start with and money pays a major role in any indo girls heart. Below are the outcomes of bule/indo relationships I have witnessed.
My relationships:
12 months with batak girl but discovered she started an affair when I returned home for my mothers funeral. The other guy was a bule and when he lost his job she came crying and begging for my forgiveness.
Met and dated a javanese girl, always wanted money and got angry when I did not give any, she worked as well!! Her dream was to live like her friend who is married to a bule but never sees him, just gets the check every month as she loves the lifestyle of salons and clubs.
I also saw a balinese girl for a short time and discovered she already had a boyfriend as well.
These women were met through friends or work and not at bars or clubs.
My friend:
Had a relationship with a indo girl who then had a baby and he wants to see and be with the child although the relationship ended. He pays about 5 million a month to assist with the childs development. She will often ring him asking for more money a week after he has sent her money and if he refuses she will not allow him to see the child and makes all kinds of nasty threats.
Another friend:
Married Javanese girl, immigrated to his country, she hated it and left with kids and sold family house and took the proceeds, lives the good life now has many boyfriends.
I expect there is some great stories and relationships as well, just I have never seen one.
If in indo for any reason and you want to date girls its easy, just go out and smile they will soon give you their cell numbers. Just hold on to your heart and your cash; remember if her buffalo is sick tell them to eat it, the vet bill is not your problem.
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Achmad Sudarsono says:
Hi Orang-Aus,
Any thoughts on why the pattern is the way you describe it ?
Indonesian women often tell a different story — not saying anyone has the “right” story.
Just might be insightful to know why you think it’s turned out the way outlined in your post…
Peace…
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Can’t believe so many guys have crashed and burned in the love game in Indonesia, mabe i just lucked out..must be the cute smile
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52 pages now and counting. Has any other topic ever ignited such interested?
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Apa kabar Achmad,
Well I can only speak for myself, maybe I was working to hard and we worked different hours, me day / she afternoon and evening. I was tired, big project I was working on, maybe not enough focus for relationship?? Still cheating by either party is not right, deemed a sin in all religions.
Remember these are only a few people, but they are the ones I know. I suspect different cultures different ideas on what each person wants, maybe some people throw money around so its expected?
I dont know.
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fullmoonflower says:
Orang-Aus…
maybe it will be different if you find someone intelligent, well-educated, came from noble family, has good job or maybe has her own company…
but unfortunately, those ones usually not interested to bules, and meet bule very rare, as they visit nightclubs or bars very rare, because they usually thought that those kind of places are not good for a good woman… hehehe*peace* ^_^
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So Fullmoonflower,
Why then, is divorce amongst Indonesian middle class people in cities going up, and up, and up ??
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