Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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sunny says:
@ Farah and Laideron,
Yeah sure, pigs are surely better than we humans……coz they dont have any religion and they dont have any reason to fight among themselves because of this. It is only we humans who are that kind of animals on this beautiful planet who fight and debate on this religion issue. Quite disgusting….utter nonsense…..ufffff….I know only one thing, live in peace and let others live in peace……and the world will be so beautiful place to live in……
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Lairedion says:
What’s so difficult about my nickname… Maybe I should change it…
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donna says:
Lairedion Says:
What’s so difficult about my nickname”¦ Maybe I should change it”¦
don’t! it’s cool.
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Farah says:
What’s so difficult about my nickname”¦ Maybe I should change it”¦
Its ur’s.. its all up to u.. but i think u choose that nick because u like it, why should change it because a girl mistype it one or twice??
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@ Farah,
I think Lairedion is talking about us……hahahahaha……I saw you have the name like that and I also typed it that way….without checking the actual spellings..
@ Lairedion,
Please dont mind that. I did not want to offend you….hehehehe….see now I have typed right spellings….:-)
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Thanks guys, now I can sleep well again.
No worries, sunny. I don’t get easily offended…
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@ Sunny
Yes i know he is talking about me, thats why i said don’t not to change his nick just because a girl (wich is me) mistype his nick.
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Farah,
Don’t overestimate yourself. In other threads there were also people misspelling my nickname and here I also meant sunny. You happen to be a girl or woman but that’s of no significance in this matter.
But it’s not such a big deal. I enjoy discussions with you. Especially the one on billiards.
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Thanks, donna. I won’t.
It’s an Elvish translation of my real first name, generated by one of the dozen online Lord Of The Rings name generators during the popularity pinnacle of these movies. I thought it was cool and useful for forums and blogs. It doesn’t have any meaning whatsoever.
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justoverhere says:
Hi,
Well, I dont agree with that all Western Men who search for Indonesian women are doing so because they can’t “compete” in their own countries. I do agree that those who choose to live in Indonesia, and other parts of Asia and act arrogantly, as though they are something special, when in reality they are not, do exist.
I for one am interested in an Indonesian/ Asian Girl because of their moral and family values. I like the fact that Asian women will appreciate it when a man is sweet, kind and caring. And I would not be expecting to live on in in Indonesia or wherever like some “Royalty”, but would rather come back to Australia.
So, would an Indonesian girl be interested in living a normal life in Australia?
I know there are lots of men in Australia and other Western countries who feel the same. I guess they are tired of the women here who seem to want everything and give nothing.
Plus Indonesian girls are truly very beautiful inside and outside.
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mickey says:
I once had a pembantu, a girl from Karangasem, who was into this kind of thing. Later I found out that the bitch was a sisya, an apprentice leyak (witch). She secretly collected the above items (and who knows what other bodily ‘belongings’ of mine), then used them for the construction of a bebai – some kind of a voodoo-doll – on which she performed all kinds of unspeakably ‘weird’ rituals to make me succumb to her desires.
Have the same issue with my girlfriend (for 2 years) from Sura. She started putting some stuff (rice grains etc.) under my mattress, half cut dried legs of a deer wrapped in cloth with some herbs in my office (first I thought it was a new dish she was trying to make…), 3 pieces of cloth tied in a knot with pasir in her handbag, then one in my computer bag. One day I came home and she was doing pasir (sand) in a glass of water and then stiring it while sort of praying. Some stuff I found out some I saw her doing. When I asked her what it is good for, she said it is to help me.
A real Wanita Tukang Sihir….?
Being very rational bule, I belief in what I can see. I haven’t noticed anything yet but only noticed that my social life has gradually but greatly changed. From having a very large circle of indonesian friends, I now only go out once and a while and usually with other bule.
She is of the very jealous type (all Indonesian girls are very jealous) and always had comments like “…this man no good” to “…look how beautiful this girl… but when I watched she said… don’t ever think about it…!).
My life now is going to my factory and back to my bedroom. Sex galore with her but don’t think it is the life style I want for the rest of my life.
I don’t know if this is the effect of the voodoo or the effect of being too long in Indonesia.
I haven’t found the bebai yet but it must be surely around somewhere.One of my friends adviced me to go to a very special woman in Legian but I am afraid it would cause the War of the Sihir…. and this would be no good for the RI!
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@ Mickey
That’s scary !! -
@ Farah
This is not the scary part… .
The scary part is that she is 24/7 on my mind and makes it difficult for me to concentrate on my business. Moreover she knows when I think of her because everytime she calls me or sms me. No matter where I am in the world and what timezone.
I haven’t seen her fly yet but surely she can….
Anyway, life is good in Indonesia and I never regret setting up business here and consider myself more lucky than the poor people I see everyday.The one thing I don’t understand after all those years is the fact that most men & girls have many pacar (lovers) and find it very normal. I have so many friends that admit having 2 or 3 boyfriends and often have 2/3 hp (cell phones), one for each pacar. This is very very strange for bule’s. Even knnow a mother of one of my friends (50 yo & still married) admit she has another lover.
Try to do this in BuleLand & one would get the scorn of a woman & a bunch of solicitors unleashed on him.
Where does it come from? Cultural? Making sure there is enough money to afford a lifestyle? Like to know the psyche behind the love triangles – quadrants- hectaganons…. -
Ani says:
@ mickey
Wow….thats so scary,I thought its only happen in the old story/legend.
How can be a women like that in this modern world do the stupid things,and especially to bule/ white man,hahahaha….?( so sad:(….)
Only one who can help U from this matter,just bring that to yr prayer.GBU -
@ Farah
This is not the scary part”¦ .
The scary part is that she is 24/7 on my mind and makes it difficult for me to concentrate on my business.In western.. i know few man describe their ex gf or wife a phsyco.. but wow.. this is much further than that.
I heard about black magic voodo etc. But i never know that could effect bule too.It’s not suppose to happened. I mean, you can’t use magic to made people to love or to think about you. Some people could do this, but its just… sad.
So much for being loved that she do everything… more to pathetic.You need help for sure, you sound so scare about her more than love her !
Moreover she knows when I think of her because everytime she calls me or sms me. No matter where I am in the world and what timezone.
I haven’t seen her fly yet but surely she can”¦.Hehehe.. about the cal when you think of her.. well.. believe it or not, some girls do have that power, they would know when they boyfriend or husband think about them and then contact them, send sms or call wether they had magic or not. Some of us do have that “radar” things. And… no i don’t think she could really fly.
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I only found out about this website today purely because one of my friends asked to send information about culture in Indonesia. I read through the postings since the beginning criss-cross. One of the things that strikes me is that a lot of bule have had experience with (indonesian) girls about being in love etc. and then end up in a situation that they find out that other pacar are there etc.
I must say that I met this girl over 2 years ago and that at the end of this evening she took my hand and wrote with her finger her name in the palm of my hand. I thought it was romantic and never made anything about it until now.
I fell madly in love with this girl & she fell madly in love with me. We were really soulmates. Soulmates you can feel. Lovers they need to talk.
We could not be separated.
I remember this one time I had to go overseas for 2 weeks. After 3 days I booked ticket and flew back.
Love is blind & makes you crazy but love is very nice! I think it is the closest thing to the Ultimate.
I dont make much of the voodoo. She loves me very much, I can feel this very strongly. She is very scared of loosing me and will do anything to keep me. She has a history of lying indonesian men, of men that speak but dont do.
At teh same time she knows very well what Indonesian women can do and their tricks, and the way they want bule and the length they go to have one.
But love is based on trust (percaya). No trust & love is difficult in the long term. Indonesian women have to learn that there are many men out there (bule or Indonesian or whatever) that dont want 2, 3, banyak pacar. I go out and see bule treat Indonesian women as Lust. I think it is pathetic & tell them but they are no less friend of mine.
On the other hand I have many bule friends happily married to an Indonesian girl for a long time.
It doesn’t make me scared, It fascinates me and I just want to understand it.@Ani
Why would it not be possible to bule?
Women are very strong! Most men don’d understand this.@Farah
I have been trying for a long time to reduce my phonebills so maybe we have to finetune this “radar” thing & come up with Radarcom or so…. -
@ Mickey
Ever try MSN chat or yahoo ? you could call her sometimes or sms her.
But.. its the part of long distance relationship…
Some woman need to be sure cause we feel insecure about our self, no matter how confident we are, if talking about relationship were weak. Especially if we really love that guy !
I would like to have a relationship with bule, but i also don’t want to be only sex object as they see in most indonesian woman that “work” at bars or nightclub. I am working on it 😀So its not the black magic.. you’re simply just.. deeply in love, both of you… thats something stronger than vodoo and i don’t think any magic spells would break that.
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mickey,
I remember this one time I had to go overseas for 2 weeks. After 3 days I booked ticket and flew back
Sounds more you were driven by jealousy given the stories you told about equal amounts of pacar and cell phones.
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Lairedion:
Nothing wrong with pigs. All animals are better than humans ever will be.
Hear hear.. I agree with you.. they are all better than humans. we are the only animal species with the ability to think and a conscience to go with it, but still do unspeakable acts even an animal wont do!
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@ Lairedion
No at that time I did not know anything about pacar and the ‘normal’ triangular Javanese relationships etc. I did not even know the words selamat datang. €
I know from her friends she had no pacar or so. It was pure love. When u love someone u want to be with her all the time. Only much later I found out about Indonesian women & their pacars. But she never had any pacar. Very strange for an Indonesian girl to have no pacar! Soulmates feel, they don’t think.@ Farah
I have computer at home but she does not want to stay at home because too many ghosts etc.etc. Just takut all the time so she has only hp.
Long distance relationships dont work. Ever had the smell of sweet coffee when talking to someone and at the same time taste the perfume she is wearing on your tongue over a chat on the internet? Impossible!
Long distance relationships are doomed for failure or are only for the desperates.I understand that Indonesian women want to hear the sweet words all the time & I like this too. But sometimes there is business and business is hard & no time for romance.
Sex is part of a relationship no matter whether one is married or not. Marriage is a paper trail nothing more. Commitment is the magic word. I dont get it about “abstain until marriage”. I dont care about the sex part, I care about the part of trusting each other & having fun & being happy with each other. Sex is a final result of that, never the begining (unless you go to Block M or Doly or so). -
dewaratugedeanom says:
justoverhere said
I know there are lots of men in Australia and other Western countries who feel the same. I guess they are tired of the women here who seem to want everything and give nothing.
Something to think about.
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mickey said
The one thing I don’t understand after all those years is the fact that most men & girls have many pacar (lovers) and find it very normal. I have so many friends that admit having 2 or 3 boyfriends and often have 2/3 hp (cell phones), one for each pacar. This is very very strange for bule’s. Even knnow a mother of one of my friends (50 yo & still married) admit she has another lover.
Selingkuh itu indah.
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Alona says:
Hi everybody. I am Russian girl and I live and work in UK. I know an Indonesian girl Rena who is married to an english man and they have a daughter together. I have never met a rude person in my life as she is. She’s been living here for 2 years now and she hates it here and hasn’t settled yet. She never kept it secret about her life in Indonesia. Working in the bar partying till 4 am in the morning and sleeping with lots guys for money. Her indonesian friend married to man from ireland and she came all the way from ireland to north of england pretending she is gonna stay with Rena for few days in fact she came to stay with the guy she met in indonesia before she met her husband? We had a night out in town with girls from work. I invited Rena to come along with us which she did. She met a man in bar and after 5 min she was all over him using him to buy free drinks. I was absolutely shocked by her actions. It absolutely disgusted me. Women should never act cheap. Buy your own drink for god sake don’t be all over a man for few drink sake. Seeing her freinds and hearing her stories about life in indonesia gave me very low opinion about indonesian girls. I don’t get it. Why you girls just looking for men just cos they are westerners and have more money. What happened to LOVE ? No wonder they come here and can’t settle and want to go back or cheating behind their husbands back while they away at work.
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Tony says:
@Alona
Love is a fantasy that soon ends after 5 years of marriage–then it is the friendship that keeps things together. Not all Indonesian girls are like your friend, here in Singapore there are plenty of your compatriots from Russia that fit the same definition as your friend from the UK–I have an employee who is married to a Russian girl he met in Singapore and she is about the same as your friend. Please don’t judge all by the actions of one.
The problem is not that your friend is a wild woman–the problem is that in Indonesia it is okay to lie (a cultural thing). For example, if my employee is late I will ask, “why are you late?”–my employee will respond with “macet pak” (traffic) or sakit perut (bad stomach)–the real reason is that he was f*cking around in the morning and left his house too late–no big deal right? Why lie?? The issue of face is too great in indo that is why lying is okay here as long as it saves face. Remember in Indo, Face is No. 1 and Money is No.2.
Your friend is not wrong to behave in such a way but she should have told her husband to be that she just wanted a “sugar daddy” to support her in exchange for wild sex–maybe even with her and her nasty girlfriend 🙂 Many men value this type of woman too as they do not want a commitment–nothing wrong with that either.
So there you have it–to Indonesian women that just want to fool around–great–but be honest so you can get what you want when dealing with a bule–don’t be afraid to lose one because another will come your way (literally).
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Pena Budaya says:
Seeing her freinds and hearing her stories about life in indonesia gave me very low opinion about indonesian girls.
Oh please, I met two Russian women in Europe with similar stories as your Indonesian friend and in fact I have more stories about how Russian women behaving in United States from my American colleagues. I don’t think it is fair to judge all Russian women just based on small number of individual cases. I bet you would not like the idea if I have such judgemental opinion about Russian women just because I happened to know the lousy ones and heard too often about Russian women from second party.
The problem is not that your friend is a wild woman-the problem is that in Indonesia it is okay to lie (a cultural thing)….. The issue of face is too great in indo that is why lying is okay here as long as it saves face. Remember in Indo, Face is No. 1 and Money is No.2.
Lying as cultural thing? I disagree with this but perhaps I have been away too long from my own country so I can not keep up with the latest Indonesians habits, but sincerely, you make me feel so lucky to have honest, open minded and supportive parents and siblings in Indonesia.
To save face in Indonesia means that not to do any face to face confrontations in the public. If you have to confront or criticize your staffs, then better do it inside of your office room with closed door.
And, I don’t think Alona’s Indonesian friend reflects “the cultural thing” in Indonesia. She was not lying about the facts what she has done, right? I guess she is just a type of person who loves being adored by men and she needs to be praised by awarding her money/stuffs just for self-esteem.
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The behaviour described by Alona is essentially human behaviour. Happens everywhere, with every nationality or gender. Nothing new really. Now it happens to be an Indonesian woman so you drop your comment here on IM. Just coincidence.
Poor Tony. Has love really disappeared after 5 years of marriage?
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mickey says:
@Alona
She never kept it secret about her life in Indonesia. Working in the bar partying till 4 am in the morning and sleeping with lots guys for money
There you have it . It was know before that Rena would be a wild girl. Whether the Pommy knew it is not clear from your story but he might have met her in that bar. So old habits die hard even if you are in a far away country as cold and harsh as England. What else is there to do….?
Again, money is too easy for Indo girls….but you have to be bad girl!@Tony
….a bule-don’t be afraid to lose one because another will come your way (literally)
Let’s not blame the Indo girls all the time. If the bule’s had a bit more moral and date a girl first and see if he could live with her and then hit the sack, there would be a lot less “sack-hopping”. A lot of bule treat indo girls like we use plastic bags on our way back from the supermarket: one-time-use. I must say a lot of girls like it because the money is sweet.
@Pena Budaya
I agree that lying is a part of the Indonesian (definitely Javanese) culture. I have created and encourage all the time an open environment in my company and still people tend to lie often. The potential link between “Malu & Bohong in Javanese culture – an historical overview through love triangles” could be the subject of an academic research.
The greatest lies with a lot of indo girls is when it comes down to love. They can say “I love you” 2 to 4 times per day to different pacar and in their eyes they are not lying because they love them…..for their money!@Lairedion
Has love really disappeared after 5 years of marriage?
It goes to a different level…. or not at all. Love changes because we change all the time. Love is not to be taken for granted, you have to make it work everyday. So yes the initial fire that started let’s say 5 years ago is usually extinguished. But if they wanted to, Lovers would keep the coals burning.
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@ Pena Budaya
I’m not sure about lying, but I think ‘not telling exactly what they you have in mind’ is somekind of Indonesian culture. Like me for example, have some people work for me, I always ask them what they think -if they have any suggestions/ideas, they always say nothing and leave all the decisions up to me, then they’ll say they’re unhappy with the decisions I made (many times they don’t say it but make sure you notice they’re unhappy by the look of their faces) or just don’t do it because they don’t feel like it. They’re not exactly what you call high-educated people, but they’re talented-skillfull people, and nice people. I dunno if this have anything to do with education. But I know Im not encouraged to be straight forward since I was little (well not by my parents, but a couple of times they’re like that also in some matters), that it’s considerated ‘impolite’.I am so fascinated about these ‘Indonesian girls’ people talked about here. Where do you guys met these gals? I’ve never dated Indonesian gals of course, but as an Indonesian girl who have many Indonesian female friends who date both Indonesian and foreigner guys, I think I never know any who have more than 1 bf (tho they do have more than 1 cell-phone sometimes, I have 2 myself ;)) and date guys for their money. For me they’re all like any other ‘normal’ gals, who date the guys for some different reasons (sometimes there’s love attached), but for most reasons they’re attracted one another- for a start. And since the girls earn money (hello, they have a job), they don’t expect the partner to pay for their lives. I even have a friend who dates a foreigner and he’s an English teacher (and doesn’t get paid that much) and since she earns more than him, she sometimes pay for the biggest expense when they travel together for example. It’s not a big deal, it’s just money. You earn it so you can spend it in one way or another. And you cant say the guy want my friend only for her money. At least from what I see he likes (if not love) her very much.
Honestly, this stereotype about Indonesian women after expats’ money had affected me so much. It gives me paranoid thinking when meeting new (foreigner) guys by suspiciousness and generalized mistrust like: if I pay for my own drinks, they might think of me as some feminist freak or if I let ’em pay, they’ll think I sit there to get a chance to steal some money from their wallet. Even when the guy is sincere.
I can’t even let my daughter’s father to give some money for her when he asked for it (she was born outof wedlock). I am too afraid he’ll think I’m using the money for myself, and since I still can afford to support her financially, I told him if he wants to support her financially he could safe up the money for the moment and give it later when she’s 18 or something (and it gives him 12 years of time to really think what he really wanna do with the money). I’d say because he didn’t give his name to her, he has lost his right as a father. That includes financial right. But we’re not talking about that.@ Mickey
As for sex, I think it’s vary. Some gals I know do have sex with their bfs, some don’t wanna lose their virginity (believe it or not it’s still required in some marriage proposal :P) but still do other kind of sexual activities (no need to explain eh?), and some others chose not to do anything more than holding hands and (perhaps) kissing till they get married. No need to understand everything (many Indonesians won’t get why people have sex before they get married), just find what suits you, I’m sure you’ll get someone compatible and meet your needs. It’s hard for you to get it because it’s different from your own culture I think. We (Indonesian) are religious (I’m not saying spiritual) people, and if you learn a little bit from the religions you’ll know why many (well it becomes less and less I guess) people practice abstinence till they get married. And there’s nothing wrong about it. It’s just what they think the best for theirselves. -
Lairedion,
I always curious bout your name but never had a courage to ask – thought it was too personal or something ;P. My fave elf is Legolas (of course!), and ummm… I dunno there’s Lord Of The Rings name generators. I wonder what my name would be in Elvish.
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@ Laideron
..sure nothing wrong with pigs.. they were happy pink animal