Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Farah says:
And they never learned their lesson but lived happily ever after. 🙂
@ dewaratu
lollove is stupid, cause only fools want to FALL-in love over and over ( i heard this somewhere)
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michael says:
Michael, i’ll take that as compliments. I just being lucky to had chance to learn about western people habits and cultures abit from university exchange students org. few years back. So i do know a little about what exactly really feels like among not only one western guy, but with few, some western and with their family
Yes that is what I mean Farah it a compliment to you and your knowledge of what is and what should never be!
love is stupid, cause only fools want to FALL-in love over and over ( i heard this somewhere)
hehehe like that one..especially “i heard this somewhere” hehehe
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dimitri says:
@ Michael,
Darn !! You beat me because I am just too late by showing interest in this fine woman named Farah
@ Farah
Do you happen to know where to meet fine women like you in Jakarta ?
Cheers
Dimitri -
Darn !! You beat me because I am just too late by showing interest in this fine woman named Farah
Hehehehe.. Dimitri, you had your chance.. not all indonesian woman like passive guys. I prefer someone bold and say what they want 😉
here we all friend, it wont hurt anybody now for you to know me either, im not attached to anyone yet.Right Michael ?
Girls like me not hangin out much at local bar or shopping malls for sure.
..and not the places like library too (hahaha!)
Good girls simply almost everywhere, if only you had good opportunity (..and sincere will), chances are everywhere around the corner (i’m not talking about corner of Jakarta street at over 9 pm for sure).@ Michael
hehehe like that one..especially “i heard this somewhere” hehehe
yeah..yeah.. i don’t want to be called as a copy cat, or copy-paste girl.. obviously.. those are not mine 😉 but i like it too…
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Hehehehe.. Dimitri, you had your chance.. not all indonesian woman like passive guys. I prefer someone bold and say what they want
here we all friend, it wont hurt anybody now for you to know me either, im not attached to anyone yet.
Right Michael ?Yes Farah totally agree…but now you are attached to me…hehehee…well within this and may be more…So sod off Dimitri….hehehe…and listen to what Farah has to say and learn!
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@ Michael
..hey.. that’s un-fair.. hahaha ! how come we attached now? and wheres your mail ?@ Dimitri
.. adn i thought you still can’t get over the girl you told us about ? -
Hehehehe.. Dimitri, you had your chance.. not all indonesian woman like passive guys. I prefer someone bold and say what they want
here we all friend, it wont hurt anybody now for you to know me either, im not attached to anyone yet.Yeah, I blew it ! bigtime !! it is not passive but more laidback and I never fight over women !! but Michael will !!
It is an interesting point you mentioned that after 9 pm it is NOT likely to meet any good girls. Back home you will not have this “gray” area if you go to bar or disco.
if you like a girl and you get along real fine you might pay for the drinks and you might go home together. The money thing would never be mentioned. That’s were the redlight disctrict is for.But the next time Jakarta will be visited I will keep in mind that fine women are everywhere ! Thanks
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It is an interesting point you mentioned that after 9 pm it is NOT likely to meet any good girls. Back home you will not have this “gray” area if you go to bar or disco.
if you like a girl and you get along real fine you might pay for the drinks and you might go home together. The money thing would never be mentioned. That’s were the redlight disctrict is for...culture..
Your country and mine is different. Good girls come home before dark, or atleast have dinner with family (my family strict about this cause i had all sisters).
But Jakarta is big city. There’s plenty of my friend work in Jakarta and the office hour over at 6 pm. And they use public transport and arrive at home at 9 (after dinner).
Also not all girls on the street that you find at night is on “working hours”. They might on the way home, or they do really on night shift or on the way somewhere (waiting for their taxi/bus to stop by at street).
Bar and night club mostly is a place for this girl that you could pay. Here sex mostly not for free. Either you had to pay cash or you had to do other sacrifices (being a husband or a bf and pay for the living cost, etc). They give you their body, in return you have to give something (if your not their husband).
Its just different culture i think… you’re in Indonesia, once again.. its east country not western, sex (somehow) still a taboo topics for some people. -
michael says:
..hey.. that’s un-fair.. hahaha ! how come we attached now? and wheres your mail ?
Farah I sent u an email? didnt u get it? I sent it to foxy.fika@hotmail.com that is right? and yes were attached!!! Thats it men no more mail to Farah or I’ll breaka ur bones…hahahhehehe…as they say in the movies.
@Farah
Or if I got your email wrong Farah then you can send me your email to
Thanks and Farah I would love to communicate with you further!
And dont forgrt were attached!!!hehahehaheee (I’m shy)!!!
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.. adn i thought you still can’t get over the girl you told us about ?
Yep you’re right. I am still connected with her. Can’t wait to go back to meet her……just follow my heart (and shut the brain down)
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@Michael
Nope.. no mail from you yet.. and were not attached..@Dimitri
..You will probably need to shut your wallet and credit cards either before its toolate 😀 -
Or if I got your email wrong Farah then you can send me your email to
Thanks and Farah I would love to communicate with you further!
Michael,
You gave me an invalid mail address !
Check this out :This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification
Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:
Technical details of permanent failure:
PERM_FAILURE: SMTP Error (state 16): 554 delivery error: dd This user doesn’t have a yahoo.com account (mmd6019@yahoo.com) [-5] – mta194.mail.mud.yahoo.com -
You gave me an invalid mail address !
Nope.. no mail from you yet.. and were not attached..
sorry that should be mmd6019@yahoo.com.au sorry again and i know farah im only joking!
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@Michael
well.. i am not upset or like that, relax 😉 and my hotmail seemed had problem.. i’ll try to send you mail from my othermail address then.. -
sunny says:
Hi Farah and Dimitri………My internet connection was not working properly in the last 2 days……I could not connect…….u know…….so how are you all? ha? I was missing you both….It would be great if you can send me some mails in my mail box……..my email address is …….. osama_da_tayaji@yahoo.com……..I will wait for the emails…..I would appreciate it…….when I told my girlfriend about you two……she was happy that I have some supporters with me now…….God bless both of you…….take care
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@ Sunny
Right when i thought you were gone too long ! Welcome back, and thanks for the mail address ! -
@ Sunny
Hello Sunny, welcome back ! Great you share your experiences with us.
@ Farah,
..You will probably need to shut your wallet and credit cards either before its toolate
Haha, I learned already not to tell you have much money so that sorts out the worst.
me poor guy so have to stay in jalan jaksa…hehe -
Thanks dimitri and farah,,,……..im happy that you guys still remember me……Farah…..I was searching some websites about Jakarta……and I also now know about Jalan Jaksa……..hahahaha…… do you know about Papa’s Cafe & Restaurant in Jalan ha? I read about that also……My girlfriend told me that after our marriage, she will take me to Duniya Fantasy….did you ever visited there?
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@ Sunny
I don’t live in Jakarta, i live in a small town in Sumatra island called Jambi Province. But yes i went to Jakarta short of often, and my sister live there with her family. I went to Dufan several times its an amusement park/theme park. Its cool since i like thrilling experiences as roller costers, etc..
I heard about Jalan Jaksa, but never went there, and don’t know exactly where is it ! never really have intention to “hunt” bule to that part of Jakarta, hahaha ! But i heard it was the same like Kuta.. for budget/cheap hostels and “entertainment”. -
@Farah
Yeah, I know Sumatra island…….cool place ha? beautiful beaches really……I saw it in Discovery Channel……You know I also like roller costers and thrilling things…….adventures…….sometimes I go to mountain climbing here in India…….yeah I read about Jalan Jaksa……foreigners like to go there to find some real “fun” hahahaha,…..u know what I mean…..??? :-)……hehehe……its not a good place for decent people…..I think -
@Sunny
Yes sumatra have few “virgin” beaches. With white sand. Its depend on where you go. We have mountains area too here.
Yes.. thats why i never went there i think.. i want to find nice bule not bule nakal ! -
Frank says:
I did not go through all 17 pages of comments but still would like to say something about indonesian girls. I have been dating an Indonesian girl for 1 year and a half and in December 2007 was very happy to marry her. I met her in august 2006 and went back for her in December of that year to see if my heart was with her and how she felt about me. Before we had been smsing and calling a lot. She did not tell me yes or no, only that she wanted me to be serious about her (when I met her I had a girlfriend already) and then she might consider marrying me. But also she told me of the complications, her being muslim and me catholic. And she insisted on getting married before having sex as her religion told her to do. So I left again and thought about it and so did she. Then in Juli 2007 we decided to marry and I changed my religion for her.
Yes she is a bit older already and has a child from a former marriage, but she is still perfectly shaped. We had a perfect wedding and a nice honeymoon. And we are happy everyday since, even though I still live in Europe and she in Indonesia. She is the most perfect wife I have ever had and I am very happy with her. Inspite of her age she is gorgeous, a real beauty. And she is nice, a perfect cook, gives me great sex and is clever, and great fun to be with. We long for eachother every day but know that our hearts are together always and we will be living together soon. -
@ Frank
Yes that is what happened to me too Frank! Yes that is part of the course with what happens in Indonesia…I went through the same thing, lots of phone calls and all the perfect romantic and appropriate things that a man and a woman go through and she was a great and beautiful wife from a distance! But Frank let me warn you that things can change when you and her are back in your own culture and that is when she realises all her rights that she didn’t posses in Indonesia! So in saying this please be careful, cautious as not everything that appears from the outside is what’s on the inside! Make sure that you communicate with her and always make sure that she communicates with you! as I think that this is the real secret to any relationship! and this is one thing that Indonesian women tend NOT to do with their husbands especially their bule husbands…never let yourself and her have a communication breakdown because that is when the relationship will be over!!! That is what happened to me and it happened so easily and so unnoticeably! -
@ Frank
I am also in love with an Indonesian girl, she is a muslim girl…….and I am a Sikh guy living in India……….we both want to marry each other…….like you said…..I also want to change my religion for her……she want me to go to Indonesia and marry her…….and take her with me to India…….she want to live with me in India as my wife……but when you married her……..why u did not take her with you to your country? why you are still waiting to take her to your country? Is there any legal problem according to Indonesian law or is there any other problem? please let me know…….
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@Michael
I am sorry for the unpleasant things that happened to you.
Thanks for your support brother. I have had my share of doubt also at some times, especially when a friend started doubting about his indo girlfriend and if he would still trust her and go on. But so far it all works out well and we communicate every day by sms, phone and email. And even though we had some difficult times with different cultures, religion and language we overcame these problems because both of us were willing to change and work on it. I think that this is important. Well basically when I saw her the second time in December 2006 she always made sure there was someone to translate and on the first occasion we saw a book shop she bought a dictionary so she could improve her english. And she always told me to be patient with her, she would not have sex on the first occasion and first wanted to be sure about us. A very clever decision, mind you I had GF’s in Asia before and they didn’t mind jumping in my hotelbed the first night even. But not all girls are the same, this goes for Asia as well as Europe or whatever part of the world. Men are not all the same either.
But she always promised me that from the moment we would be married she would change and I would not regret the waiting, well this was true, she kept her promise and we had great (and a lot of) sex. But the point is that we have gone through many stages, first just acquaintes, then friends, special friends, fiancees and now husband and wife and we respect eachother a lot. And because we have been taking it slowly we are sure of what we are doing, there is a lot of mutual respect and a deep and true love. We both feel this way and show it to eachother. We both feel also that Allah brought us together for a special reason and will help us in our relationship. Our relationship feels very complete, the only difficulty we have now is that we are not living together but we know that our hearts are and always will be. And soon things will change for us because we both want it.As for taking her to my country, I am not sure if I want that. As a matter of fact I want to leave there because I do not like my country, nor do I care about the people living there. So basically what we want is that she and her daughter will visit Europe this summer and we will track around some contries there to maybe find a place we both like and then settle there. Or maybe I will move to Indonesia, or (and this would be my favourite) I find a new job in which I have to spent time in Indonesia and Europe and we can move around from time to time and get to see many nice places. So for me we would need a base in Europe (I collect classic cars which I can not take with me to Indonesia and I am not willing to sell) and one in Indonesia (because we both like it there, a nice house on Bali would be perfect to spend some quality time together).
@sunny
As for changing your religion, I did and so far do not regret it, but I still have many things to learn about prayers and so on, but in my country (Holland) there is not a good climate right now for muslim people. But I did study Al Qoran before I decided to change and marry so I knew at least a bit about muslim religion and culture and could make it my own.
Taking her to my country is not so easy, many stupid laws to keep people away from here. Even the fact that we are married makes it more difficult (I think it would be easier to get you over here for a holiday even though we never met than it would be to get my own wife to live with me -welcome to the most stupid country in the world, one of the reasons I want to move out of there, it looks all liberal with that we may smoke pot and so but in the end it is fairly strict-).
Besides I am always away from home, living in hotels all over Europe to do my job an it would lead to a straight divorce if I would plant her here in a house and be gone myself all week. So we are now looking for a good solution that suits us all. But since she also has a child it is more difficult to settle down somewhere. Mind you we have only been married for 3 months now.
But I think taking your girl to India, especially when she wants this also would be easier to do. It is just for us that it is complicated because like I said Holland is a “stupid” country and I am in a difficult position. And once you change religion marrying in Indonesia is no problem, just make sure you have all paperwork right, ask at the KUA in the place where she lives, they can help you with what you both need and later you get married there. But please be sure about changing and marriage. And do not listen to much to other people, follow your heart, I am sure there are more good indonesian girls than there are bad ones, and the ones that are bad are made that way by bule men. O yeah if you want I can send you some more detailed info in PM. Good luck, take care. -
@ Frank…….
Thanks for reading my message and replying to it……..you are really in a bad situation….I can feel for you…..I can understand your feelings my brother……I would be happy if you can send me some more informations in my email address…….it is osama_da_tayaji@yahoo.com………Ill pray for you my dear brother….take care ok? Bye for now……..Ill wait for your response
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mark says:
Hi
Just another western guy on your shores. Wondering if you think that social conditions are more or less important than all the talk of love here If Indonesia had a good social structure then maybe women wouldn’t have to worry so much about looking for men with money. Maybe the society causes the problems? If the bumi putra would think about this instead of letting the chinese do all the thinking then maybe there country wouldn’t be 100 years behind the west. For instance if i am sick with anything in europe i get free hospital treatment. From a new heart to … whatever. Everyone has to pay taxs. But free hospitals had to be fought for by poorer people. We didn’t get the rich people ( who can afford good hospital treatment ) to help us gain free treatment. And it wasn’t fought for on religious grounds either. Religions in Europe in the past didn’t give the working person anything.
Women in the west don’t have to hunt for the money they can get it themselves. It’s sad that women here are valued by men as mere, sex, cooking, washing women by Indonesian men ( and some western men too ). You get the worst kind of western men here but your society attracts them. Indonesian men can treat the women here like 2nd class citizens so western men think they can do the same thing. Western women in the west wouldn’t let men get away with the way Indonesian men treat women here. You have a few women in government etc but mostly men run Indonesia.
Indoensian women have a lot to offer. They have brains and talent ( and not just for the bed in case you think that’s what i mean ). But the men won’t give them a chance here. That’s why western men don’t have many Indonesian male friends. Even western men can’t treat Indoensian women as bad! You can’t treat the women like dirt where we come from. I have seen the Indonesian man trying to look cool in front of women. Most western women would just laugh in his face if he lived in Europe. That’s why many Indonesian men when they move to Europe with a western wife, have to come back to Indonesia because no-one takes them seriously there. Come on guys wake up to all the talent kept hidden from Indonesian society ( by religion, politics etc ) and give the women a fairer go. Otherwise you will carry on attracting the same westerners. It’s your own fault it’s like this, so if you change the type of westerner coming to Indonesia will change. Not all the westerners are bad but some…Uhh!
I am often really amazed that Indonesian men call or think Indonesian women are prostitutes if they are going out with western men. Why is that? If a woman in Indonesia marries an Indonesian man is she not living off the man mostly? She stays at home right. All the Indonesian women that i know that have married a western man and live in the west have to work. Not like work in Inondoesia ( where you talk then a bit of work, then talk for an hour and a bit of work etc ) you work really hard in the west for your money. So, how are they prostitutes? Are they not more like prostitutes in Indonesia? Stay at home waiting for the man to come home for his sex, food and clean clothes?
About western men being stupid. If a western woman took a western man for his money then that would be something that is unthinkable mostly. Western women often have more pride and think that they don’t have to depend on a man. And women who take men for money you would know about from other people who might warn you of her. There are still problems there between men and women ( and men need a liberation movement i feel ) but in general people are trying to work it out. Not like in Indonesia where the Muslim religion is a male orientated religion. No room for women in general and where the Koran legalises rape of a woman, by saying a man can have sex with his wife and she cannot refuse. That is called rape in the west. But in Indonesia it’s a man’s world right. So please don’t blame a few western men that are attracted by this. Most western men and women are repulsed by this. Do you notice that Bali is the place western people go? It’s not a muslim island. Westerners don’t want to rape a woman within a relationship. Please look at yourselves and not the few westerners that are attracted by the male run rape show!
Thanks for reading this.
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@ Michael
… you will find a nice woman for you, dont get so bitter.. and pessimistic (i know iwrote this wrong, somehow!) believe theres stil good woman out there !@ Sunny
Go..go..go Sunny ! You love her, she can’t live without you, what are you waiting for !@ Frank
Wish i had the same beutiful happy ending just like yours… can’t wait for my own story !@ Mark
…i like your comment.. i do !! Hahaha !Indoensian women have a lot to offer. They have brains and talent ( and not just for the bed in case you think that’s what i mean ). But the men won’t give them a chance here.
This is very true !
I am often really amazed that Indonesian men call or think Indonesian women are prostitutes if they are going out with western men. Why is that? If a woman in Indonesia marries an Indonesian man is she not living off the man mostly? She stays at home right. All the Indonesian women that i know that have married a western man and live in the west have to work. Not like work in Inondoesia ( where you talk then a bit of work, then talk for an hour and a bit of work etc ) you work really hard in the west for your money. So, how are they prostitutes? Are they not more like prostitutes in Indonesia? Stay at home waiting for the man to come home for his sex, food and clean clothes?
This is my fave !
Who ever we married, we need respect. Love and care. Not sereving our future husband all the time, from morning when we woke up until we sleep ! we need pampering stuff too ! we need hugs, we need the expression of love ! and incase we ask doesn’t mean we’re easy or prostitute ! because we got that from western guys doesn’t mean they were think were easy !
There’s some girls don’t go with expat just for money or sex only !
And i do believe love is something that stronger than cultures difference.. i think thats the “glue” to bond thing. In indonesia we have lots of cultures.. javanese different than sumatra, etc. We could over come the difference, why we can’t with western..
But sure…. only less people (read: indonesian man) understand this.But btw, i also have to made correction, Mark :
In moslem no such as rape being allowed. Yes moslem husband have the right for his wife, but not to hurt them. Moslem is a religion that respect woman, but theres some guys that stupid enough to use qoran and Propet said to treat woman bad. They mis-used it !! we have to be loyal to husband, but the husband have to be our protector not the destroyer ! Muhammad hate guys hurt woman !!But i do.. not like local guys for them sometimes most of them too arrogant and being not respecting woman, and then act like saint and said they were better than western.
Ask too much from a woman to be so perfect while they can’t see how they’re not perfect them self !We need someone apriciate us ! thats the point !
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“¦ you will find a nice woman for you, dont get so bitter.. and pessimistic (i know iwrote this wrong, somehow!) believe theres stil good woman out there !
@Farah
Thank you for your comment and I do understand what ur saying! But I’m not bitter at all to the contrary what I’m saying is that you have to make sure that both parties convey and communicate to each other on a one on one basis no male or female dominance!!! It’s as simple as that and that is what my x wife didn’t do with me even though I really tried to include her with and into all our decision-making and showed her utter most respect! But what and where I think I went wrong was that I was too opinionated and didn’t really understand her real upbringing and that was that whenever I had an opinion and was articulate about it I use to raise my voice with authority at her as most westerners do and she always thought that I was ‘shouting and angry at her’ when I wasn’t at all!!! Here again another cultural difference because she really wasn’t used to talking to men on some of the levels that I wanted her to talk about which I was quite opinionated about and had great knowledge and she considered this men talk and she never really had an opinion as would a western woman would, but this again was because whenever her family or the men in her family had dissections the women were separate to the men and were talking really completely different subjects. I’m not saying this with any disrespect but this is how she was brought up and she was a very intelligent woman with a degree and comes from a middle class family.
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I know you still feel angry and dissapointed, i’m kind of understand a bit. And i do, know what you’re talking about the baby sitter stuff, maid, etc. Thats why background check are important 😉 they don’t know back there in your country they had to do their own house cleaning and babby sit their children. They only think about fun thing, being marrid with a bule, just one step foward, and never thought what next after that.
You need to find someone that think far beyond that, or at least realize what she will be facing.
Michael, i’ll take that as compliments. I just being lucky to had chance to learn about western people habits and cultures abit from university exchange students org. few years back. So i do know a little about what exactly really feels like among not only one western guy, but with few, some western and with their family.
Here’s my email address : foxy.fika@hotmail.com
If you have more futher questions about this.. or me. And yes, I do want to know about you too (why not ?) 🙂
Cheers