Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
Oigal says:
the particular part you fancy (the church) is reduced to a quirk of history
Indeed the Church provides a very good example of the power of the dollar.
Interesting aside, the same could well be said for Islam once once the oil money dries up and export of that particular faith runs out of the green (black) stuff. Then this period of history will be looked upon a brief but religiously violent period of history…a footnote if you will.
-
Peet says:
BS,
I totally agree with your statement and the church in Europe is on its way out. My mother always said it has to do with wealth, when people are poor and are afraid (wars etc.) they tend to go to church. Soon as the people get wealth they tend to lose it. I try to explain this to my brother in-law whom is a really practicing Muslim and he does not understand this but at least I can discuss these issues with him. I always look forward to our conversations. -
By the way, I also changed my clothing when I visited the Vatican (I’m not a Catholic)
Bit of a strawman point tho. If you decided to dance at the local hotel and suggest condoms were good did the Swiss Guard rush out and arrest you?
I don’t think anyone has said it is not the local Mosque’s right to insist upon any dress or other code they like. It’s when those types blunder into someone elses yard demanding rights beyond those granted to others it gets more than smelly.
-
Oigal
There are places in Holland where you can not even cut your lawn or watch tv on a Sunday. Freaks you have everywhere.
-
Ross says:
Aaah, Oigal, you are rugby or Aussie Rules, methinks.
Not bad games, but you tend to get put off them when you are a skinny teen crushed by large oaves!
I too would remove my shoes on entering a mosque, and doff my hat when I enter a church. I am not at all a very religious guy, but just don’t like being coerced.The churches back West have lost their bearings, mostly, and left their congregations devoid of leadership.
Can’t see much wrong with Christianity, myself, but would never insist that anyone join it unless they believed in it. -
Nay says:
My mother always said it has to do with wealth, when people are poor and are afraid (wars etc.) they tend to go to church.
Happiness is a state of mind. If people need to do ritualistic behaviour in large groups in order to overcome their fears and connect with other people, it can’t be all bad. Silly perhaps, but it gets the job done, and at the end of the day, life is good if you’re enjoying yourself. It could be religion, sport, a riot, or some other group based activity.
-
hmm this discussion on dating indonesian girls went from dating to marrying i guess.. haha. and by the way, did y’all know that the only thing ‘indonesian’ on the assumedly most prestigious of western civilized cultural commercial spectacles, which attracts millionaires, nouveau riches and nobility from around the world to maastricht in belanda, is the painting by raden saleh sarief bustaman (recently also brought to attention in belanda by agung kurniawan’s installation at centraal museum utrecht)
-
brian A says:
ROSS !
Can’t see much wrong with Christianity, myself, but would never insist that anyone join it unless they believed in it.
if christianity required the girl of your dreams, or the girl you loved to convert before you were allowed to marry! Is that really your opinion? I dont want to convert from christianity to Islam, just the same as I dont really want to marry my pregnant girlfriend. I do want to have a baby with her, so to do that I must firstly convert to a muslim and secondly get married. it must be done 😀
selamat tidur -
Brian, do not marry a girl because she is pregnant, it will be the road to disaster. If you are sure it’s your kid then maintain it, but never marry if you do not love her.
-
bs says:
@brian
Peet is right. Don’t waste your life on woman you don’t love.
@lcvs
somehow I think marrying is closer related to the topic than paintings in Maastricht … -
haha yes, but as you might notice: raden saleh dated a dutch girl when he received his painting lessons from cornelis kruseman (1797-1857) and andries Schelfhout (1787-1870) in belanda, dating dutch girls, after a while he felt himself more loyal to the kingdom of holland than his javanese background, a topic on which you are discussing right? discussing being loyal to your religion or change because of your marriage with a muslim girl from ‘indonesia’
-
and then agung kurniawan made an installation in 2009, tentang raden saleh’s betrayal and the reversed betrayal by poncke princen who as ‘bulbel’ married an indonesian girl.. anyway keep it up!
-
Goodnight Brian, but dream on…there is no requirement.
If you and she care enough, you will both respect each other’s religion and tell the in-laws to mind their own biz. Marry and be happy. -
venna says:
Sorry Peet, a little bit disagree with your advice. Marry her, Brian. Even you not really love her or maybe she doesn’t really love you, you both already have a baby and that’s more important. She won’t be happy to carry your baby if you let her to face this alone.
-
There seem to be very different views on what Brian should do. Interesting.
Are all the Indonesians here on the MBA side or just Venna?@lcvs
Wow that’s a nice historical spin ending right on topic! I stand corrected. -
Ah, bs. Come on, it’s not about MBA. It’s about we choose to stand on the baby’s side or our egos. And it’s not about Indonesians vs non-Indonesians even at some point it may be involved into this discussion. But….. hm, it can be another great exercise though, as long as Brian doesn’t take it as personal ;-). Poker time.
-
Even if it’s all about the baby, the culturally appropriate “advice” is different.
my guess:Indonesians go for MBA, a lack of social welfare combined with social stigma will make the kids (and mothers) life really miserable in Indonesia.
In the West, there is a working (though not perfect) welfare system. Kid can go to school, hospital, etc. The basic facilities that would maybe only available through marriage in Indonesia are available without marriage. Most bule I know would think that a loveless marriage will be a burden on the kids and a lot of kids from such families do end up in problems when they hit puberty. So in a Western country a marriage may not be the best for the baby.
Brian and his girl are somewhere in between, since the “right” answer is dependent on the culture and country this makes the discussion very interesting (sorry Brian, it only makes it more difficult for you I guess).
-
It will be easier if both of them reside in a western country. Unfortunately, Brian’s girl and his baby live in Indonesia, and the most logic option is marriage (yes, I go for MBA) For some people here, MBA is seen as immoral too. But it is still much better than leaving the mom and kid alone struggling with the social stigma. They don’t need Brian’s money or social support. They need him.
In Brian’s case, I don’t think it is a loveless matter. Seems to me he has love for her (maybe not great enough or 100%), but don’t you think that it is possible for them to truly love each other at the end? Witing tresno jalaran soko kulino. Lots of marriage start from zero in the past, in the arranged marriage, and now it become a trend too among young people in Indonesia that they prefer to marry someone without having romance or love first. Sounds like a risky gamble according to western’s perspective, but it works well for some people that I know (I don’t know if Brian weigh this possibility, though).
-
My advice, though being from me you may be disinclined to take it, is give the baby a nuclear family to grow up in.
It may be that ultimately it doesn’t work out, but unless you are both very selfish, and there is no sign of that, you will want to give the baby the best start you can, which is two parents who care, working together, and being seen to work together.
The Western habit of divorcing at the drop of a hat, is fairly recent, and not a healthy development. It too often divorces not just the parents from each other but also one of the parents, usually the father, from the children.
This is almost invariably a bad thing. Kids need dads as well as mums.
Sorry. I am not habitually so presumptuous as to intervene in these matters but I see everybody else is, so might as well. -
The best thing to give a child is a happy home
The second best thing to give a child is a home that isn’t unhappy 😉 -
ET says:
Marry and be happy.
In some cases a preliminary DNA test may be more appropriate.
-
sobhana says:
stay together for the baybie. the adults need to start being adults and take responsibility.
-
oh and if they don’t want to stay together, and start blaming each other, become full of hatred and regret, abort it now! do not bring another one of those into this world. but indeed, if it is a love child, who cares if the adults get married or not. the baby is saved.
-
That’s a very sexy avatar you’ve got there, sobhana 😉
-
Farah says:
@ Brian A
Congrats on baby! 🙂 🙂 despite of how people see or think of it, just be happy! -
Temur says:
Parvita Says:
September 21st, 2006 at 1:40 pm“Most of them that comes over here, especially the westerners, are those who cannot “compete” in their country.”
I’ve run into many many Asian women who choose to see everything solely from the socio-economic angle. It is their right.
Likewise, quite a few western girls would estimate that sexpats are Whites who cannot compete for them anymore (age, beer belly, lousy looks, poverty, etc).
These two groups miss 2 important points:
Why would a westerner want to continue living in a country that’s cold, ugly, over-developed, over-taxed, and where everything is outrageously expensive? Budget hotel in Athens, 45 Euros. Budget motel in Florida? $75!
He’d jump at the chance to live in a tropical land, if he could — and if he had the nerve (some of these South Asian countries are pretty dicey. You should try Cambodia!).The other point is: Put just about any western girl next to one from Japan, or Thailand, or Indonesia and watch the magic trick — the white girl disappears. She vanishes into thin air. She no longer exists. The contrast is devastating. Next to the splendid grace, manners, and beauty of most Asian ladies, the white girl is atomized, clueless, ridiculous. She cannot hold the candle for a second. The Asian girl stomps her out of existence. Take a close, hard look at the Caucasian girls you see in Indonesia and tell me I’m wrong.
Adenda: White girls only like Black guys — or each other.
ooga booga -
brian A (PM) Says:
February 10th, 2010 at 7:57 am
I have a friend who has dated some bule, she is from indonesia, but she says that she will never date or have a relationship with a local boy again…
I dont understand why she thinks like this…
anyone else?”I’ve heard this from a couple of Cambodian women, and from a slew of Thai ones. They reported the same things: husband-boyfriend was a violent, jobless drunk. They’d get beaten up, threatened, stalked. Or — boyfriend got her pregnant and quickly disappeared. This is a main-stay in Isan. The fact is, quite a few of these Asian ladies turn to foreigners because they were violently abused by their own men, and I guess they find westerners nicer. It isn’t just the money.
One particularily horrible story was this one: this Cambodian girl I know. She used to be married in Phnom Pehn. One time, she came back home from work quite late. As she walked a deserted street, she was attacked by some hoods and gang-rapped at gun-point.
Then, they let her go. She ran home sobbing and told her husband. He went totally crazy. He threw a fan at her face, then beat the hell out of her (the girl showed me her scars, she had quite a few on her torsoe, back, and shoulders, and a long-healed, deep-looking gash on the side of her face).
She ran to the police, all bloddied, and got him arrested. She divorced him and left the city.
She concluded, “I’m finished with Khmer men.”
I don’t know if Indonesia has this culture of abuse. Who knows? I came here only once, last December. I loved Java and the Javanese — they were so friendly and polite. The kids, too. Always asking me to pose with them for a picture. I don’t know. Maybe I had expected something different — but they surprised me. That’s why I want to go back. Maybe I’ll get a ticket for Bandung tomorrow.
As for dating Indo girls, well I steered clear of that the first time. Still, I was approached by one in Yogya one evening. She struck up a conversion, then invited me to join her and a friend to this neat bar. We went. And no, it isn’t because they wanted me to pay the drinks!
I found the Indos very sociable, so easy to approach and chat with. They weren’t distant or sullen, uninterested in others (you’ll sometimes get that in parts of Thailand). I travelled alone so I definitely appreciated the contacts. I never had to be by myself if I didn’t want to be. It was cool! -
Temur, perfectly put! A more succinct and devastating critique of Parvita’s odd attitude could not be. We all owe you a beer!
-
.Ross.
there is no requirement! she is very close to her family,I tell you more about the situation … she is currently in Java as it is Hari Raya Nyepi in Bali, as she is showing her pregnancy allready many family members have asked her if she is pregnant, but of course she has told them no because she is not married. Which is not good for her to be in that situation..ET.
In some cases a preliminary DNA test may be more appropriate.
I have thought about it, no she would not do that to me, and she is not that stupid, and I dont think she would want that to happen, who would?
.Bs. / .Peet.
I said I didnt want to marry her, I was misunderstood. I do love her a lot, but I didnt/dont see the need to get married unless she needs us to, I was being honest.( after I convet to a muslim ) What are the marriage options in indonesia? Can we get maried at a court or something similar by signing papers? and keeping it “low-key” or will we need to have a ceremony ?
nice to hear from you farah.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Related Stories
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006-2025
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
bs
Chocolates won’t be enough I’m afraid.