Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Pena Budaya says:
Patung, I have to say that this article is underestimating Indonesian women, especially the Javanese.
I am a Javanese Indonesian. I met my partner during assignment in Europe. I would be mad to my partner if the reasons that we are together now are because of assumptions that I will take care of him, I will do the housework without complaint, and I will take care of other matters similarly without much bother. It sounds like I don’t have opinions at all.
I meet some Indonesian women who dated their Europeans in Indonesia before reuniting in Europe. And frankly speaking, they don’t fall into your categorisation either.
One thing that makes me wonder, why should we categorise the Indonesian women, why not making categorisation of type of men who are dating Indonesian women? Are you dare to do so?
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Tuan says:
One thing that makes me wonder, why should we categorise the Indonesian women, why not making categorisation of type of men who are dating Indonesian women? Are you dare to do so?
See the expat article.
~Tuan – Indonesian American Muslim
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Ihaknt says:
I dont understand why some people can be so judgemental toward interracial couples. Sometimes people just hit it off, regardless races, religious beliefs, background, etc. Sometimes it just happens!! There’s nothing wrong with it.
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Janma says:
Unfortunately that’s not the case for some Asian countries (India, South Korea and Indonesia) where standard of beauty is based on being light and fair skinned as shown through their media advertisements (maybe because of colonialism).
it’s not from colonialism as far as I know, I lived many years in India and Indonesia and I think it’s to do with the sun. Poor people usually rural must spend many hours in the sun toiling…. hence the black skin…. white skin then is usually synonomous with a life of ease indoors out of the sun.
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Stefan says:
I have just found this older discussion but I think I should answer to it, though. I am one of these western guys dating an Indonesian girl and I am also one who can’t compete in my European home country. It’s a strange situation: A man in my country can be an ugly looking unemployed, uneducated drug addict who beats women, he will still find one easily. There are just two reasons which may exclude a man from competition for a woman. Either you are too short (a height less than 175 cm is a problem) or you have a disability. Now, to me either applies. I’m smaller than 175 and I’m using a wheelchair. So, no chance to find a wife in my country. So I decided to try internet dating sites. I didn’t target especially Indonesian girls, I was open for any country but it was an Indonesian girl I found through an internet dating site.
When I planned my trip for the first meeting in person at her home town in Indonesia I was aware about the problem of Western men scamming Asian girls (they don’t do it just in Indonesia, Thai and Philippine girls are a more popular target.) When I arrived in Indonesia I didn’t start to approach her physically nor did I start talking about sex. I just waited until she did and it worked out well. Our relationship is still going on. She has told me that she had bad experience dating other western men in the past.
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dewaratugedeanom says:
Janma said
it’s not from colonialism as far as I know, I lived many years in India and Indonesia and I think it’s to do with the sun. Poor people usually rural must spend many hours in the sun toiling”¦. hence the black skin”¦. white skin then is usually synonomous with a life of ease indoors out of the sun.
I’ve been told that in the past Caucasian women in the West took the same stance on this issue, white skin being synonymous with a wealthy life indoors and not having to work, whilst now they all want to look tanned as travel and the great outdoors have become the epitomes of a leisurely lifestyle.
Funny how tastes can become stereotyped according to social and economic criteria and then develop into herd mentality. Also how low self-esteem is able to drive people, especially women, to sometimes absurd behaviour, just to conform to norms and models imposed by the media and the cosmetic industry. Like the local women and girls using skin-whiteners that make them look like corpses and the bule ones lying hours on the beach turning into red lobsters and risking skin-cancer. Bodoh, all of them. Aduh. -
Stefan, more power to you if you and your companion are happy. Not everyone can be an alpha male here in the West. But I tend to believe at least there is someone for anyone anywhere.
Ihaknt :
I dont understand why some people can be so judgemental toward interracial couples. Sometimes people just hit it off, regardless races, religious beliefs, background, etc. Sometimes it just happens!! There’s nothing wrong with it.
As I said before, its human nature and it happens everywhere including the West. Just grin and bear it as I have done. I think the situation in Indonesia is all about availability. Correct me if I am wrong but I tend to think there are more expat males than females in Indonesia.
~ Tuan Indonesian-American Muslim
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Tony says:
I have a client from Singapore who imports whitening cream from the USA to Singapore, they package it up and send it on to Indonesia where they sell it at a very handsome profit. My client is a darker complexion Chinese fellow as is his wife and children. When I asked him whether his wife or daughter use the cream he stated that they do although he does not agree because it makes them look like “Michael Jackson”.
This man went on to say that it is a shame that the world seems to value light skin so much when in fact, light skinned people look much older than their true age. He also went on to state that the three largest markets for whitening cream in Asia were Hong Kong, Indonesia and Singapore. He spends no money on advertising because as long as the wealthy people in these societies continue to use the stuff they lesser fortunate will follow blindly.
BROWN IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
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Zaq says:
Is there any bule guy out there who need a friend like me? I am Javanese woman, 38, married, a bit lonely (will explain you why after we are friend). Need a close friend to talk via email or chatting, and sometimes meeting if possible, even not too often (once a month?).
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englishteacherinjkt says:
This is my story
Rosma the Bandung ProstituteI had no intention in doing this. Its beneath me. I met this girl Rosma, and it was a terrible evening. I would have left it at that and forgotten about it, but she persists. She feels she has lost face and she continues to tell a fabricated story that makes me look bad and hurts my existing friendships. She is a true ‘village-girl’ here in Indonesia, or kampunan as they call it. So here is my side of the story: I met Rosma on this site, and we arranged to meet in Bandung. She seemed like a nice enough girl to chat to.When I met her we went to a bar that she new… in a seedy section of town with prostitutes on the corner. The time at the bar didn’t go well. Rosma has a bad attitude and the most common words from her mouth were “That’s not my business” and “Don’t tell me bullsh*t”. Despite that, she wanted to go back to my hotel as it was too early for the band to play. So we went. At the hotel I became aware that she was in fact also a prostitute. She told me how she use to work at a kareoke bar, and that she is currently a mistress of a married Indonesian man who pays for her boarding house, among other stories.I do not sleep with prostitutes, so I turned her down. Let me repeat: ABSOLUTELY NO SEX OR SEXUAL ACTS WERE PERFORMED. I asked her to leave after she smoked about 12 cigarettes in two hours, made a mess of my room, and burnt the bedsheet. I think she was offended when I turned her down, as she kept asking me if she is fat, ugly, etc, etc, and she became even more offended when I refused to give her money. After all, I did not partake in her services, so I did not see how I was responsible for paying. So I walked her to the street to find a taxi, and just before she left, she slapped me across the face. I was pretty angry, but I would never hit a woman… especially not in Indonesia… if I had, I would soon be surrounded and probably beaten to death. She drove off in the taxi, but 100 metres up the road it was put into reverse and she came back. She confronted me again and said she wanted to kill me, etc, etc.. I merely blocked her swings trying to decide what to do. Finally I walked into the direction of downtown, as she waited for me at my hotel. I managed to get in my room through the back door, which she was not aware of, and finally got some sleep. She stayed around until about 4am waiting for me… probably hoping to get taxi money that I did not owe to her. In the end the hotel was not too happy, she burned the seat of my motorcycle with her cigarette, and now she continues to spread lies about me and hurt my existing friendships. To any of you guys that know her: Take everything she says with a grain of salt, and be prepared to pay for her if you meet her… that’s all she is. To all you girls, please don’t be like Rosma. She is a disgrace to how beautiful (and I mean inside beauty) that Indonesian people can be.Thats my story.
Mike
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tini says:
Hi mike
I am so sorry to hear your story I can understand what you been though, hopefully you will find some one that you wanted and good.
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I never date non-natives before. My parents’ bestfriends are Europeans though, therefore I tend to perceive Caucasians as ..you know.. definitely not hunks! It’s like dating with your uncle or something 😐 And I don’t go to international schools, so I don’t hang out with younger Caucasians either.
Thing is, if you’re an Indonesian girl, dating bule is definitely a total kill for your romantic life in future time ..especially when your next date is a native. Nuh-uh, that’s not good. Ironically it’s because people will think you’re a prostitute or having protitute-like motives.
Unless of course, there’s marriage, social status, and religious factors involved (embrace the almighty hypocritical society) whereas the prostitute will instantly become …a Cinderella.
Hope I’m not being too harsh, it is shallow and so discriminative of course..
But that’s the “stereotyped” truth the way I see it.True love happens nonetheless. No one should judge it, nor abuse it.
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Achmad Sudarsono says:
Marisa,
Interesting perspective, specially as you’re from the mid-20s set, at the cutting of global communications revolution etc etc. Seems like the menfolk still lag the women in this regard. Care to elaborate – from your perspectitve – on why you think the locals think an Indonesian woman is like a prostitute for dating a caucasian ? The norak factor is off the charts !
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Dragonwall says:
The norak factor is off the charts.
I thought it is top of the chart..Liken the desire and eyes twitching techniques. Wow that must be thousands of them dating caucasians or foreigners. So they are mostly prostitutes?
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Sorry, people. On second thoughts, questioning the principle of “inter-racial” dating is so stupid its an embarrassment to anyone who does it. It’s 2007. I wonder how all those people who think Indonesian women are prostitutes would feel about foreign women in the states not dating their sons for fear of being seen as hookers ?
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englishteacherinjkt,
Two thoughts.
Sure you didn’t partake in her services.
And, even if you did, that’s particularly bunny-boiler kind of behaviour. A-grade psycho.
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Care to elaborate – from your perspectitve – on why you think the locals think an Indonesian woman is like a prostitute for dating a caucasian ? The norak factor is off the charts !
Why?
Not sure. Maybe because that is how the patriarchal society is, pak Achmad.
That’s how a social stigma is.Maybe because most Caucasian males look for dates in night clubs, pubs, online dating services, etc. Maybe because most of them are tourists, and tourists don’t just fall in love and get in a relationship–they want fun, and that’s all there is to it. Maybe there have been legal problems concerning the children, guess it’s something about the children’s citizenship or something. Maybe Caucasian males tend to generalize all Indonesian women the same, same brown skin, same long black hair, same friendliness, hence the same social status, same intellectuality, same background.
Problem is, no… they are not the same.It all depends on which society the woman is presentable.
Such as yourself pak Achmad, most Caucasian males do not consider the norak factor, in which he must learn from which type of society the woman is coming from. Her status in the community, her familial background, education and professionality etc.. before jumping into a serious relationship. Then again, why should they? If they only want sex or housemaids?
The more established and educated (and more likely to be liberal) society in Indonesia welcomes interracial relationships, of course. They love it, but PLEASE NOTE that this is because the woman is coming from an educated society as well.
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So what’s wrong with a woman coming from an ‘uneducated society’ ? My former wives, Inem, Nongoh, Gandring, and Jengot, were all from the village. I allowed them to continue to pursue their career, milling (mencangkul) nasi, planting rice, and carrying produce to the marketplace. I never complained about them chewing Sirih. Friend, may I remind you, I am from Purbolinggo. One of my pencak silat students is indeed Sumanto. I thank you for addressing me as Pak Achmad, as I have called on several others to do, including Oigal and Ross. But I do urge you to continue to study the Pancasila. Oke Friend ?
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There’s nothing wrong with them, well at least not from my own viewpoint.
But you did ask this: why you think the locals think an Indonesian woman is like a prostitute for dating a caucasian?Inem, Nongoh, Gandring, and Jengot –AS A CONCEPT– when living in modern big cities are professional women, presumably intellectual ones. In which one of the reasons they can gain (your) respect is by their business or career potentials. Not because they’re f*ckable for a price. Understand?
Don’t urge me to study anything I already know of, and not all Indonesians are some Pancasila-screaming political bureucrats wannabes just because they’re writing in English and commenting on some expatriates blog. I’ve already studied your goddamned language long before you’re skimming through your babu’s records and apparently got too obsessed with it.
Can we get along fine now, friend?
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Dear Marisa,
‘My goddamn language’ ? That’s interesting. Apart from the fact I’m from Purbolinggo, ‘goddamn’ English is a native tongue to many in India, the Philippines, Malaysia, Singapore, and many parts of Africa.
Not to mention the likes of Martin Luther King and even Snoop Dogg, who ain’t exactly pale. English ain’t a bule language no more.
Also, what’s all this nasty talk of price and f*cking ? But a word of defense of Bules and the alleged prostitutes that date them. I do wonder about ‘traditional’ marriages, based on values like religion and tradition, where dowrys, buffalos and rice fields are traded, often with exchange rates fixed by Adat.
There’s nary a bule in sight, except the anthropologist taking notes in the bushes. What about those giant, hideous weddings between business clans in Jakarta, where the couples end up estranged after about 3 weeks.
All sounds like f*cking for a price to me.
But yes, Marisa, I do wish to be friends, so I’ll go and compose a song about Pancasila on my lonely Ukuele.
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Good then, whatever it is you see from OUR country is not my responsibility.
I can only hold responsibility for my personal writings, that’s all I can (barely) manage.
I can say f*ck or goddamned or sing you Eminem or anything I want to without acting like I am representing whoever it is you’re trying to represent.Out of all complaints here in IM.. Indonesians and millions of people on earth regardless their race have dealt with them as well, even problems worse than those. Concerning this subject, I may not know much on interracial issues, but I also have dealt with interreligious relationships before, I know how it’s like. You constantly urging me to study Pancasila will not help. If you’re such a Pancasila nationalist, you might as well go out there, on the streets, start paying attention, and actually do something.
It’s hard to comment on IM if you assume I am representing “something” and attacking “the other thing”; but I guess with that Javanese-like gullibility of yours, maybe you’re just being a good debater.
Delightful intro in terms of friendship, much thanks…
Someday I’ll accompany your ukulele tunes.
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Hmm,
No one’s saying you’re representing anything. People tend to take individuals comments, extrapolate them, and discuss them in the abstract, as principles.
I ‘spose the point is you mentioned f*cking for a price. The implication was that often such a transaction was at the heart of Bule man-Indonesian woman relationships. I’m just the forces of economics are pretty strong in marriage, and certainly no stranger in Indonesia. Who do you think makes up more than 90 % of the clientele at Surabaya’s prostitution city of Dolly. Not Brad the backpacker.
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Oigal says:
Marisa,
Perhaps you don’t mean too, but you are coming off as quite the little racist and sombong wannabe. Its ok tho, we meet your attitude every day and they do provide us with endless amusment.
In regard to the below quotes of yours, a word of advice perhaps.. Do be careful the next time you try and stare down that girl with the Caucasian, I know a certain class of women try and do it. Its not pretty to watch when the subject of their contempt has twice as much class and three times the breeding tears them down in public..piece by embarrassed piece.
I do believe these are your words..
Not because they’re f*ckable for a price.
Maybe because most Caucasian males look for dates in night clubs, pubs, online dating services, etc. Maybe because most of them are tourists, and tourists don’t just fall in love and get in a relationship-they want fun, and that’s all there is to it. Maybe there have been legal problems concerning the children, guess it’s something about the children’s citizenship or something. Maybe Caucasian males tend to generalize all Indonesian women the same, same brown skin, same long black hair, same friendliness, hence the same social status, same intellectuality, same background
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Well, he asked. I answered. That’s how I see it from how others looks at it.
I’ve already said that it’s a hypocritical society, right? Well that’s just how it is. I can’t say A, if I’m seeing B.Oigal, I’m not the type of girl who stares at people, sorry–unless you’re Jude Law or Collin Farrell, yeah okay I might stare at you and your girl. I’m not the one urging people to study anything either..
If I sound arrogant, it’s because it’s the internet. It does that.
Sombong and racist? Never.
Lack of obedience and self pity? Might be.Okay then.. learned my lesson here at IM.
Next time, I’ll definitely consider saying things like how an Indonesian should. -
Aluang Anak Bayang says:
In regard to the below quotes of yours, a word of advice perhaps.. Do be careful the next time you try and stare down that girl with the Caucasian, I know a certain class of women try and do it. …..
Bad bad Marisa, not just that girl with the Caucasian, but also those Kuta cowboys with their overweight Aussie sheilas.
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Marisa,
It’s ok. Pak Oigal needs to come back to the Pancasila. Soon I will write about that.
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Mmm Fair enough, just saying thats how it comes off when you read it..
sorry-unless you’re Jude Law or Collin Farrell
little risk of that, in fact I would venture to say the only person harder to look at than me would be our annoyance of dodgy hertiage Achmad. The again he/she is the orginal pork chop child.
As much as I hate to agree with ASSMAD, seriously people, its 2007 don’t you think its time to get over the inter racial thing. I hate to keep refering back to Achmad but its perfect proof that a shallow gene pool does no one no good.
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Friend,
Mediocrity always envies Excellence.
A. Sudarsono.
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Actually I think there’s nothing wrong as I have dated Bule girls because there are no Indonesians or Malays (unless you count the Filipino Americans) where I grew up. But in America interracial dating is a hot topic particularly between blacks and whites. Regarding that particular issue, there is some belief that dating a light-skinned individual is a sign of self-hate. At one point in US history, we were taught that light-skin was attractive and blacks at one point did whatever they can to pass off as white. Years later we see a diversity in looks in the media, even though someone like Halle Berry is not “black” enough for some folks. Unfortunately that’s not the case for some Asian countries (India, South Korea and Indonesia) where standard of beauty is based on being light and fair skinned as shown through their media advertisements (maybe because of colonialism). I believe Malaysia went as far as to ban advertisements with Brad Pitt because he is not reflective of the Malaysian people. All in all, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder yada yada yada. But human nature can not be simplified by simple truths (love and so forth). We are complex human beings where there are subconscious forces that dictate our actions. Again, I may sound like hypocrite but everyone has the right to do what they want and for the most part people are geneuninely in love (or horny). But I wouldn’t doubt there are a few cases when its not especially if it effects the self-esteem of a country. My 2 cents worth 181.868 rupiahs.
~Tuan – Indonesian American Muslim