Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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indomanado says:
Arkansas I dont know where that is and why the hell should i care? i’m from a grey hinterland somewhere in Northern Europe.
and I have all the right to comment on what i noticed right? -
berlian biru says:
I never said you couldn’t comment, I was commenting on your comment, which I notice you have failed to address.
What did you mean that you weren’t “bothered” by the mixed-race couples? What is there for anyone, other than a racist (hence Arkansas allusion, have you seriously never heard of the place?), to get bothered about?
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frankygth says:
‘weren’t bothered’ probably means ‘I don’t mind, cozz this is the 21st century in which race is getting less and less important’. In my opinion a healthy attitude……..no reason to go back to Arkansas in 1925…….and certainly no need to feel offended….so relax, it is Valentine day 2012….also in Arkansas hillbilly country…..:)
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and feel free to correct me if I am wrong…….freedom of speech you know….
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saghar says:
i want a good girl for Good Friend Ship
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Anna says:
hahaha… The comments that you guys make are really interesting. But FYI, I’m Indonesian (although I don’t look like it), 26 and also well-travelled. I find that most expats in Indonesia aren’t really looking for a long-term relationship. To me, they all are looking for, well, quick and easy sex and since having a bule boyfriend/husband is considered as a status symbol (Oh, her husband is bule… wow…) those girls will do almost anything to get a bule boyfriend. Not to mention that an expat could increase their standards of living. Hmm, a word of advice to all single expats looking for a meaningful relationship, don’t be shy to chat up that cute Indonesian girl working on her computer in the coffee shop or if you see someone you like in a bookstore. Chances are, girls that hang out in places like that are more intelligent and isn’t just looking for the money 🙂
Good luck! -
Nay says:
those girls will do almost anything to get a bule boyfriend.
Not all of them. Some draw a line in the sand. Some want me to join their religion, marry them, take charge of the relationship (whatever that means) while trying to tell me what to do! *Sigh*. They would have me think that I’m chasing after them when they themselves are actually the ones that have to prove themselves to me…. NOT the other way around!
Then there are the “sex deniers” who figure that they’ll hold out on having sex until marriage, when they’ve already fooled around with the local neighbourhood “bad boy” street corner guitar player. Hint to the ladies: the sex withholding stunt only works if the man is an idiot and isn’t getting any. If he’s getting sex already, that stunt makes him lose respect for you.
If you’re a single bule man with his life together and in order, there is the problem of having most of the women line you up as husband material…. and they start treating you differently. To make any headway in a normal relationship, that dream has to be destroyed at the earliest possible opportunity. I just start asking the girls “If you want me to love you and only you in marriage, what are you going to give me to make me stop seeing all these other girlfriends of mine?” … the answers I get from this are hilarious. If I ever needed any proof that these girls didn’t have my best interests at heart, that question lures them out.
So it’s not all cut and dried. It’s not that bule men don’t want long term relationships. It’s just getting those relationships ON OUR TERMS which is the hard part. Plenty of easier sex in the meantime however keeps the frustration at bay!
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deta says:
don’t be shy to chat up that cute Indonesian girl working on her computer in the coffee shop or if you see someone you like in a bookstore. Chances are, girls that hang out in places like that are more intelligent
We never know. She probably only needs free hotspot in the coffee shop to chat with her friends through facebook. As for the bookstore, she could be just wandering in there, looking for a copy of “How to Catch Mr Bule”. 😀
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What bookstore? Are there any in Indonesia?
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timdog says:
Of course there are ET, but they only sell Japanese children’s comics to 20-something graduates, and books called “Ten Steps to Wealth and Happiness”, “Jesus Wants you to be Rich”, and “Konspirasi Yehudi Dalam Indonesia”…
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Don’t forget the big coffee table books with nice pictures of houses (or food) in Bali.
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Ah yes, them too. And Cosmopolitan; lots of copies of Cosmopolitan… 😉
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arkansas? i won t be bothered as US people assume we all know our US topography inside out
I think it’s hill billy land ok??
I would be called a racist if i d say the local girls are lower then slaves to go hang around with bules. I dont’ comment anything on it as it’s good for my business.. hell I even stimulate it as I pocket the money from it:)
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ET says:
Besides the bookshops that cater only for tourists and expats – Periplus and Ganesha to name them – there are a few large bookshops in Bali, half of them filled with books about religion, neatly arranged according their respective denominations. In some supermarkets that cater mainly for locals the only books you will find are about religion and a few schoolbooks.
I’ve been desperately looking for a copy of ‘How To catch A Bule Man’ but in vain. Probably sold out long ago. -
Ganesha is a very fine little bookshop, ET…
The Gramedia bookshop chain is enormous (in Bali the main one’s in Mal Galeria), and yes indeed, vast quantities of those religious books (with, it must be said, Christianity disproportionatelty represented, even in Bali).
Those and the Japanese comics, sold to 30-year-old civil servants… -
I’ve been desperately looking for a copy of ‘How To catch A Bule Man’ but in vain
This preview in google book might help a little bit.
Unless you desperately wanted to snare a bule yourself 😉 , you wouldn’t be interested in reading the rest of the book anyway, methinks.
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Unless you desperately wanted to snare a bule yourself 😉 , you wouldn’t be interested in reading the rest of the book anyway, methinks.
Hahaha, I was kind of expecting that reaction. But actually it was intended as a farewell gift for a pembantu who was going pulang kampung. You see, we the reminiscents of the colonial masters of yore may also have a heart. Sometimes.
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So presumably she didn’t already manage to catch Mr Bule, then, ET? 😉
If you can’t find a copy just pop down Gramedia and get her “Konspirasi Yehudi Dalam Indonesia” or “Jesus Wants you to be Rich” or Miiko! Volume MXIV. It’s all the same anyway….
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I gave her my Motorola handphone, a brand I’ve never seen here, and she was very happy.
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That’s ok I gave her Timdog’s phone number..
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…And I thought that “Mister minta fulsa 20ribu dulu” text was from one of those blokes I met on Gunung Lawu last week.
ET, you need to teach your staff some respect! -
Sorry TD, I told her to say “Sayang” instead of “Mister”, but she wouldn’t listen.
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Well, I’d much prefer “tuan”, naturally, but sayang would do…
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bonni says:
Nay,
I just start asking the girls “If you want me to love you and only you in marriage, what are you going to give me to make me stop seeing all these other girlfriends of mine?”
What are their answers?
Cause mine would be… *singing while -trying- to play a guitar*Make It With You – Bread
Hey have you ever tried…
Really reaching out for the other side…
I may be climbing on rainbows…
But baby, here goes…Dreams are for those who sleep…
Life is for us to keep…
And if you’re wondering what this song is leading to…
I’d like to make it with you…
I really think that we could make it, boy…Though you don’t know me well…
With every little thing only time will tell…
If you believe the things that I do…
Then we’ll see it through…Life can be short or long…
Love can be right or wrong…
And if I chose the one I’d like to help me through…
I’d like to make it with you…
I really think that we can make it, boy…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrRONd34bIs
😛
Happy -two days ago- valentine’s day!
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Hi ET,
I’ve been desperately looking for a copy of ‘How To catch A Bule Man’ but in vain. Probably sold out long ago.
I actually contacted Mr/Ibu Bule a while ago to see if they were interested in doing a interview for a follow-up post, but they said no because their book was no longer on sale.
If you’re desperate, my wife and I have got one. PM me your details and you can borrow it.
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Thanks Chris for your concern. My despair was more inspired by my impatiece to find this item that would definitely have pleased my ex-pembantu of whom I was quite fond (I know she surreptitiously dreamt of the white knight who would take her to far away places full of luxury) rather than by my actual interest in its contents. Although I admit that the book also certainly must have its values for the bule males who want to be informed and prepared for the spider webs that are constantly woven around them.
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I have tried lending it to a couple of local ladies who seem to be keen (possibly too keen) to link up with a single white male, in an effort to help them see that it is not all sweetness and light. However, the title turned them off it and they refused to read it.
Actually, one of the questions I wanted to ask Ibu Bule was based on this experience:
After I married an Indonesian, a number of single Jakartan ladies asked me to introduce them to a suitable single male friend. However, when I suggested they read your book first to understand the possible issues in such a relationship, they refused; they said the book’s title suggested it was for gold-diggers or the desperate. How did you choose the name “How to Catch Mr Bule”, rather than a less suggestive title?
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Chris, it could be because they consider the title somewhat offensive. Bule sarcasm or even irony isn’t always well spent on Indonesians I have noticed. Probably another of those pervasive cultural differences.
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How did you choose the name “How to Catch Mr Bule”, rather than a less suggestive title?
It may not have been Ibu Bule who came up with the title; it may have been Gramedia. Publishers have a habit of doing that. Usually the author is appalled by their choice, but they do tend to know what they’re doing.
F Scott Fitzgerald, for instance, wanted to call The Great Gatsby “Trimalchio in West Egg” or “The High-Bouncing Lover” and various other monumental duds…
Still, judging from the responses of your friends, it sounds like they may have cocked up with this one…
I wonder how many copies they sold. I’ve always wondered what kind of numbers Indonesian-language books shift…
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Indeed, and why the hell would you be “bothered” by it? Why would anybody be “bothered” by mixed-race couples? It’s not Arkansas circa 1925 you know, we’ve moved on a bit these days.