Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
venna says:
I’m pro prenup. Let’s just be realistic. People change, and there are lots of cases where people start their relationship with love, but a marriage can be pretty complicated and turn nasty at the end. And yes, you also have to count vultures outside that are ready to kick your a** out from your own property if you not aware of law stuffs.
I personally like men like Trump. No bs and cold, but realistic. A bastard like him should really know that his money make him far far away from pure love. I cannot imagine that someone pretty, young and naive will come to him not expect anything but his love. Nah. Call me heartless, but that’s how the world work. You show too much money, you’ll get vultures.
-
realest says:
I’ll share with y’all here a true story:
The standard of living, complete with maids+driver to boss around and 3-5 million monthly allowance, is something ‘we’ typically provide for our wives. My cousin, a successful car dealer with a showroom in kemayoran, dated his ex-wife(let’s call her Yul) for 5 years and ended up separated in 2 months(divorced in 6); f*cking 400 million of wedding expenses down the drain !! This was a man who could tell if a potential buyer is budgeted or just ‘bluffing’ for a discount just by a look in the eye and body language.
Prior to the marriage, out of all our huge extended family, only his sister-in-law(his younger brother’s new bride – still considered an outsider at that time) voiced a dissenting tone. All the experienced aunts and uncles couldn’t see shit. Yul has all the right qualities – educated, smart, outgoing, fluent with mandarin with the exception being …. let’s say of a lesser social status. Second week of the wedding, my sister spotted Yul hanging out with her friends without her husband(O sure apologists may say that a girl needs a break). Fast forward to the 6th week, one of his brothers found a 3-million credit card bill during a visit. After being pushed, his family found out that Yul apparently bullied her husband into all sorts of expenses – here’s the details afaik: 5 million/month to Yul’s parents, 3 million/month credit card in addition to the normal 3-5 million household expenses. My uncle’s family flew into fits of rage and one of his ‘fiery’ sons(still a cousin) confronted Yul about it. Guess what: Yul wanted half of the showroom as a ‘parting’ gift. Unfortunately for Yul, somebody knew someone who could ‘persuade’ Yul’s family to have Yul divorced without a legal battle.With this story, why would ‘we’ not hedge our property(particularly inherited ones) against gold diggers like Yul with a prenup? Most of my aunts got one(except for one who started equally ‘poor’ with her husband) and yet they lived happily ever after.
There are a few insignificant details i purposely left out for your imaginations to fill in, chances are your assumption is accurate. Here’s a pic for an emotional response: -
Nay says:
The following aren’t my words, but I thought it interesting and pertinent to the discussion here to post this. It probably applies more to western women however, but is at least very thought provoking.
****
“Take the typical woman under age 30. All her life:
1. Hollywood has filled her with fantasies of Cinderella, Sex And The City, and Everyone Loves Raymond. Even āguyā sex comedies, like Wedding Crashers and Knocked Up have endings that are āget married and live happily ever afterā.
2. Her mother, grandmother, and her religion has told her getting married is the only way to go…anything else is “bad”.
3. Sheās lives vicariously though every elaborate wedding sheās ever been to. And sheās been to a lot. She constantly fantasizes about her wedding (not her marriage, her wedding).
So she wants her Disney fairy tale of marriage.
Yet at the same time, deep, deep down, she knows god damn well she has no desire to be with the same man for the next 47 years. Sheās very smart, and she knows herself well. She knows in advance sheās eventually going to get completely BORED or upset or intolerant with ANY man she marries, and thus leave him, no matter how wonderful or perfect he is.
This is a problem! So what does she do?
Simple. She tells that deep part of her to shut the f*** up. I want to get married! I want my 2.3 kids! I want my knight in shining armor god dammit! SHUT UP!
While sheās doing this, sheās rationalizing a little. Hey, Iām young. Iām hot. Guys like me. If it doesnāt work, I can always find another guy who will want me. Plus, I may get some money out of the deal if I get divorced. Plus, while Iām married Iāll get to have kids! And have most of my bills paid for! So whatās the problem here?
So, while sheās moving her stuff into her boyfriendās house, or while sheās walking down the isle in her wedding gown, sheās excited as hell, and full of dread. Sheās finally getting her fantasy, but she knows in advance itās not going to work.
Several random pieces of evidence as to why I think this are here (I have more, this is just a few):
* As Iāve mentioned before, if you talk to 5 women who are about to be married and 5 men who are about to be married, youāre going to overwhelmingly get a lot of trepidation and fear, or at least a very quiet neutrality from the women, but youāll get nothing but joy and smiles from the guys. The women know whatās coming down the roadā¦the guys donāt.
* Men with lots of money almost never get prenups, but if you watch carefully, when women have money they almost always demand a prenup. For example, I have always been shocked at the number of married, wealthy male divorce attorneys who donāt have prenups (they know better and STILL donāt get one!), but any time a woman comes into money, one of the first things out of her mouth when she starts liking a guy is, āBTW, when I get married, Iām having a prenupā. (Yes, yes, there are always exceptions.)
* In the media and pop culture, men who demand prenups are considered a**holes for it (Donald Trump, Howard Stern, etc) but women who demand them are praised as smart, take-charge, and liberated (Halle Berry, Barbara Walters, etc). If you realize that women know in advance the marriage probably wonāt work, and think this through, this double-standard suddenly makes sense.
* The most celebrated movie by women in the last few years is Sex And The City (even more so than Twilight). Women of all ages and personality styles worship this movieā¦its actually a fascinating phenomenon. I suggest you watch it sometimeā¦youāre going to s*** your pants. Why? Because the entire movie is about women knowing full well marriage does not work but how badly they want it anyway. Iām not exaggerating. Go watch it, you wonāt believe your eyes.
I could go on, but IMO even the most traditional, lovestruck Disney-soaked woman is going into her marriage or big relationship with an attitude like āI love this guy but I know deep down Iām not going to be with this guy foreverā, while the man is going into it with an attitude like āI going make this work and be with her forever because Iām Superman.ā
****
-
@Nay: sounds like a typical Marilyn Monroe story
-
brian A says:
* As Iāve mentioned before, if you talk to 5 women who are about to be married and 5 men who are about to be married, youāre going to overwhelmingly get a lot of trepidation and fear, or at least a very quiet neutrality from the women, but youāll get nothing but joy and smiles from the guys. The women know whatās coming down the roadā¦the guys donāt.
thats because women can predict the future …and men ..can not……………?
-
I could go on, but IMO even the most traditional, lovestruck Disney-soaked woman is going into her marriage or big relationship with an attitude like āI love this guy but I know deep down Iām not going to be with this guy foreverā, while the man is going into it with an attitude like āI going make this work and be with her forever because Iām Superman.ā
This is a realistic attitude to have. Marriage is a committment to each other forever. If the man is like ” I love this girl, but I wont be with her forever ” then would we cherish the time spent married together, and the relationship would be strong? my grandma and grandpa have been married for 50yrs+ although times have changed a lot since the 1950’s.
-
disillusioned says:
Hmm, too bad, but I had the same experiences. But I’m too stupid for this world.
-
what is your favourite beach in Indonesia??
… -
bounty26 says:
hey
i just want to say to BULE GUYS
don’t be too fast!
set ur own “relationship rules” before u ask her to be ur girl..
talk about ur cultures…
many indonesian girls expect you to pay anything for them
if you can’t just tell them you can’t
if they dont want to understand, just leave them…..
i’m dating a german guy now…
we talked about our cultures before…
i pay for myself on our date… he pays for himself on our date
just be careful… once u get ayam… she will ruin your life!!!!!!! -
emma says:
this particular thread is unbelievable moron….. why don’t we consider here is something more important to talk to rather than judge indonesian girl and expat man…we all are human, no matter where we came from and no matter how we looks alike…
-
Just came across this article:
http://english.kompas.com/read/2010/07/05/1205112/Taming.A.Man.by.Making.Him.Wait.for.Sex-3
I believe someone here is going to love it. š
-
spicy chef says:
regards to everybody
i’m from saudi jeddah
looking for nice & honest girl from indonesia for mrrridge
executive manager from saudi
jeddah -
Lcvs… Here comes another arab preying for indochic. Do something.
-
Just came across this article:
I believe someone here is going to love it.
Hahahaha! I call BS on this one. 80 women a month? At that rate this guy would have to be seriously tired of women by then. He’d get fed up with women using him for sex at around the 15 per month mark. It’s completely exaggerated. Furthermore, with so many women involved with him, he’d simply ignore this troublemaking women trying to mess with his head. Besides, he’d be too busy with the 3 women per day hanging off his arms because he’d have no time to do anything else at his female turnover rate.
in addition…. how does this woman know how much sex he was having while she was making him wait? If the guy is getting that much action he can really afford to put her on the backburner! Futhermore, while the woman is deluded into thinking that making him wait has secured some investment from him, it means nothing to the man, even leaving her at a moment’s notice, because he has other women.
Like I’ve said. I’ve never understood the whole “make him wait” thing. If a man likes a woman for more than just sex, he’ll stay with her *regardless* of how soon sex happens. Besides, it’s women who typically dump men. Men don’t do that to women when they’re on a “good wicket”.
iām from saudi jeddah
looking for nice & honest girl from indonesia for mrrridge
executive manager from saudiHi, I’m from the middle east and I’m looking to buy my own woman. I intend to pay for her sexual servitude with my executive manager salary.
-
telcochick says:
why too many Arabs in Jakarta now š
either its Lebanese or Turk or pure middle eastern
ah ok Turk are not Arab
even in Telco Industry!zzzt
-
jumpingsquirrel says:
Hello All…
I am an Indonesian guy/Belgian nationality with Dutch father and Indonesian mother and marrying Belgian woman. I’ve lived and worked in Indonesia for 18 years.
I don’t understand why men (other than Indonesian men) are even thinking of dating and marrying Indonesian girl. They are the worst women to marry..
Indonesian women are very very materialistic, everything is always about money with them, well it is not totally their fault… Indonesian society in general is just oriented toward money.. most Indonesian have no passion in life but money…
The worst is middle class Indonesian women, most of them cannot do anything, they can’t cook and doing household chore.. they have no interest in anything but fashion, gadgets and gossips…
They watch Oprah and Sex And The City, reading Cosmo and speak loudly about feminism and gender equality yet they expect men to be fully responsible financially to them and their parents (yes and they will justify it with Asian values and religion).
They want the best of both world.
Anyone married to Indonesian women will agreed to this. They have to be fully responsible financially from the beginning (the dating phase) to the end, not only to their women but his women’s parents as well, sometimes even her siblings …
Most Indonesian women are also dishonest and prone to cheating…
I worked in Indonesia for 5 years and I see that most Indonesian middle class women are easily cheating on their partner for a man with bigger wallet and/or higher status, again money is the reason for this..
I have Indonesian lawyer friend and he said that most divorce cases in Indonesia are because of financial dissatisfaction from the women’s part. Most Indonesian men are working very hard to get money because of the pressure from their wife. Indonesian women will compete on who has the bigger house, fancy cars, expensive jewels, vacation abroad etc. And they expect that the husband to provide all that, hence this may related to high corruption rate in Indonesia…
Not only the women, but most Indonesian parents (especially the mother) are very materialistic, they evaluate their daughter’s boyfriend from his wallet or at least the possibility of his wallet getting bigger in the future. They expect their son in law also responsible financially for their life..
If you have money, you will be treated like a king in Indonesia, women will flock on you and follow you everywhere… they are happily cheat on their husband, even become second wife or just a mistress, in order to get rich man. (In Indonesia you will see many rich men keep their Indonesian mistresses in fancy condominiums…) but if you are poor or going bankrupt, they will not care a bit about you.
I know every woman in the world has a materialistic side to some level, but for me Indonesian women are too much… it’s all about money for them..
-
@jumpingsquirrel
Totally agree with you! It’s a sad thing, but it’s the truth. I guess not all Indo women are like this, but the most of them. I don’t know but I had the same experience. I am a well-paid and educated bule and many people say I’m a very handsome man, but it was not enough for her.
I was falling in love to a middle class woman and would have done everything for her, but she always looked for someone better, dated still many other men, flirted always with old and rich men, but the most worse thing was, she always told me she loves me!
I was a long time to stupid to realize what happends in real, closed always my eyes and did not believe that she only plays with me. I was just good enough to guarantee her livelihood until she will find someone who has more money. If you love someone you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back theyd never ask you to and she always has only made demands on me.
I don’t know if she really cheated me, but I guess so. Too many dates she had every evening with rich old men. Too many presents and money she got always from such rich men, but she always told me they do it just because they are very good friends from her and take care about her. But love makes blind, it’s the truth.
Why they don’t realize that you can’t buy happiness and love? That there is more than just money? Are they really happy to be together with a man who just likes them, but don’t love them and vice versa? Do they actually know real love or are the most of them just cold hearted? Is this really culturally related and how they grew up?
Finally, I don’t miss her, I miss who I thought she was! But I still love her and I don’t know why! Don’t let someone become your everything, because when they’re gone you have nothing! That was my biggest fault and that I trusted her.
-
disillusioned
I think you were not smart enough…! -
@brian
Yes, that’s right, I was not smart enough because I loved her too much as she told me once. But can one love too much? I guess it’s just possible the feelings are too few, but not too much! Anyway, I try to come to terms with the past and why I deceive myself in this lovestory with her for such a long time.
Maybe I have to become also more cold hearted and discard my naive and romantic attitude to life. Or I just will avoid to fall in love with a indonesian woman again. -
miyek says:
disillusioned,
you have to move on, you still have a future, cheer up!
-
@miyek
Makasih, I will! But you know, I always wanted to move to Indonesia, because I never wanted that she must leave her family for me. I know she is very close with her family and I never will force a woman to leave her country or family! That’s why I would have quit my very well paid job in Europe, already learned a bit bahasa indonesia, would convert to muslim and move to Indo. Also because I was falling in love with the Indo culture and the country and the very nice people! I found a lot of very good Indo friends in my time there. But she forbids me to move and told me if I wanna move to Indo she will leave me.
And then I found this and many other pages and so many similar stories about Indo women and bule relationships. The hardest thing is to accept that she deluded me into thinking she would really love and marry me, because she loves me. But at the end it was just money related and first I have to come to terms with.
But I will, it needs time of course, but I will š
Oh, and just for all who think I picked up her in a pup or club like the Dragon Fly and was looking for a “cheap woman” as I had read it here very often, I met her in Europe and was introduced from friends!
-
disillusioned,thats a good story, best to get over it …go now make a different story with a different and better woman mate…
-
@Disilusioned.
your story is just one of typical story I’ve heard from relations with Indo women.
I met so many Indonesian women in my life and I honestly haven’t met a single one who is truly sincere about love.. it’s always money and status first, the rest will follow, if it ever exist anyway..
To understand Indonesian girl, you need to understand Indonesian society.
You know for Indonesian family, the son is responsible financially for their parents. On the other hand the daughter is not responsible financially, but their husband is. So the daughter is like an asset. They will sell their asset to the highest bidder (aka the richest guy who can provide financial security for the girl and the girl’s family).
So from early on, the family always encourage the girl to find “a good man with a good future” (good future for Indonesian can be loosely translated as “good financial standing”).
The family pressure plus media ( you know Indonesian media is really garbage. do u familiar with SINETRON AND INFOTAINMENT?? ) will create some kind of superficial materialistic girl, and this kind of girl comprises the majority of Indonesian girls.
My advice is to move on. Find a girl who really love you the way you really are… But frankly as a bule, it will be very hard for you to find such girl in Indonesia, even if you pretend to be poor uneducated bule jaksa.
Indonesian girls are still expect bule men to change their life, at least to take them to wealthy foreign land, to get new residentship or nationality…..
Honestly for a bule man, to find a sincere Indonesian girl (and I am not even talking about bar girls!!!) , who really loves them for who they really are, is almost an impossible task.
Even for Indonesian man is not easy at all…
-
shawty says:
@Disilusioned or any bules that being played by Indo women…
Can I all ask you..
was she so pretty? I mean really really really really damn pretty
for example at least 170 cm tall tanned skin and long hair with weight max 47but anyway for some reason I do believe only those kind of chicks have capability to make men ups and down..
it works also for another women from other race..and sadly but true
most bule only see that from Indo chicks and complain to pay the consequencesha
what a sad superficial so true life
-
@jumpingsquirrel
Thx for your impressive statement. I know her family very well and they all likes me and this is not conceited. I was the first man she introduced to her whole big family and this gave me a secure feeling and I was very proud and grateful. So I know that her family would be very satisfied with me as son-in-law.@shawty
I can’t believe your question should be seriously! No, she was not 170 cm tall, but for me she was the most beautiful woman of the world…..she still is. Outward appearances are important, of course, but not the most important for me! She is pretty and she knows that exactly, that’s why she can play with men like with me, I know.And I have ended the relationship, because I know she really doesn’t love me. You can feel that, nevertheless sometimes I’ve doubts if I did the right thing with this break-up or unjustly blamed her, because I still love her…..argh.
But if I’m honest to myself and recapitulate everything what happens in our past, then I deeply know, it’s the right way to go separate.
All my Indo friends are more interested on me, my person, my culture, my homecountry and language as she ever was! She just always put demands on me.I guess I’m too sensitive for Indonesian women š
So, life will go on, but I know I will visit Indo again, I love your country and I have to improve my bahasa Indonesia with practice now! But then I will keep far away from all Indo womens to protect myself š
-
Swagman says:
@ disillusioned
sometimes Iāve doubts if I did the right thing with this break-up or unjustly blamed her, because I still love herā¦..argh.
You did the right thing mate – it was ALL her fault. Now, get over it, move on and test drive some more until you find the right one.
Something about fish and ocean comes to mind š
-
Ps … and keep us updated on your adventures mate š
-
Nooo, that will be too easy to say it was all her fault, but I gave my best to understand her culture and anything else, maybe it was not enough.
Will keep you updated, of course š
-
sobhana says:
hey JUMPINGRODENT, screw you. Coming from mixed backgrounds are suppose to make us tolerate diversity not promote fascist opinions about other cultures. Your prejudice shows that you are ashamed of being half-indonesian and therefore i feel sorry for you, you repressed self-loathing jock itch mofo! i feel sorry for all the female victims who got impregnated by men like your father and gave birth to mutts like you!
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006-2025
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
@Maphilindo
If you want to marry Indo women, you guys have to learn from Indonesian men how to control their women. They know HOW TO TREAT WOMEN. They treat women with respect AND CONTROL.
I definitely agree with you! and sadly but true Indonesian women have nature of being submissive…
please do note democracy not for every country nor marriage relationship š haha