Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Dita thanks for your post to me,
I understand, I dont want to lose my family forever, I have hurt my dad when i get my daughter last time and until now i can’t forget my self about that sin. He still give me good thing in my life even i have hurt him. And now I want do that again? no, it’s better i hurt by my self more that i hurt his heart again. Religion, it’s big thing in this life and we are can’t be together with our different. I must continue my life again to make them happy, I have a good job, I have to work and work to make good money for my daughter. I can’t change my destiny…
For my bule bf,
I know it’s hard for us to make a good choice but thats our choice and we must choose between that. Darling, too many sacrifice and to many heart will be hurt in my side. We have different world and our world never can be walk together in one way same as our coupling it can’t be work out. I’m not pesimistic darling, I just try to realize with this. Better we decide now more than we found it when we are inside the way.Maybe i look so easy change my mind but I never change it, I just try to think with my head and use my heart too.
I love you, I want great adventure with you darling but now i aware thats imposible..
out there many good girl can you find more than me..
I love you, i love you forever darling…. -
kinch says:
@Farah – I live in a big kind of of Kota Durian with Thai characteristics, so it’s hard to ignore the Durians :). Should tell me one time when you’re about to escape from your gas pumping kampung to go to Jakarta and I’ll fly down and bring you a big bag of delicious fried grasshoppers.
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Patrick says:
@ Farah – If you read Tia you will see how perfectly she describes in an emotional message to her bf the reason why she must end their relationship. What she depicts is the very same situation that I went through and so I can feel her pain sama-sama. This is not a joking matter what she is going through as she has made the only decision that will always make sense to her. But it must be breaking her heart. It’s not always about someone else’s fault as sometime two worlds collide in a way that is too unsettling for both parties.
@ Tia -Tuhan Mei selalu Tuhan memberkati dan anak anda sepanjang hidup dan Mei anda anda menemukan perdamaian dan kebahagiaan dalam selalu. Selamat jalan-jalan!
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oki says:
Hmmm… some post sounds like warta berita 🙂
if i never leave Indonesia i will don’t know about bule at all. but now i feel pity if still have a nice decent Indonesian girl still mimpi to get bule. if the girl are have same habit with bule maybe its not a problem, they will be able to stay long lasting. accept each other whatever he/she. get open relationship or open marriage.
well… hope this site tambah rame (ramai :)). make people who read it can smiles and laugh. and also add their knowleage.
everyday i enjoy take a monorail (small train) for going to work, i feel comfortable arround many people here because of many people say if i have look like seem a local girl. sometime i seen a bule (or mat saleh in malay laungage) with an asian girl going arround the city. i kept my smile… she must be a foreigner girl. because not easy for a bule to get a local malaysian girl especially a malay race going to everywhere in public places.
i think it will be good too if in Indonesia they are not easy to get an Indonesian girl like kacang. opss sorry guys! -
Farah says:
@ Patrick
Wait…….I am a woman, i could understand her more. I know what it feels. I already through the same situation. Its hell when we’re face the fact of we can’t be together with the person that we LOVE so dearly. Its hard to accept the fact that others thought might right that we’re just blinded by our feelings. Life is hard just like i said.
Support are needed, but what best friend should give on this kind of situation is the fact first.
I’ve been through that, well not the daughter part for sure.. but relationshiop with expatriate are difficult. Too many differences to overcome. Religion/beliefs, culture, language, family, etc.
Its not an escape/answer from another problem (her father/family problems).
What she do here seemed that she create new upcoming problem before the old one are solved. Before its tangling and get worse and she end up in the middle of nowhere (malaysia ehh?) dumped, broken hearted with a daughter, better she think it over and over again.
I just try to give her my “female” point of view, how we could suffer from a devastating broken heart. If she should “escape” with an expat he should offer her more than just “paying houses” together just for a short term. It should be a secure long term relationship, a reall relationship.I never made any comment here just a joke. Thats just my thought.
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@ Kinch
Next month i might will go to jakarta… hehe i guess you live in bangkok eh ? been there once.Fried grasshoper… sound nice for dinner, i want the crispy one okay kinch !
hehe living in jungle rigs with some guys from sulawesi that eat cats… (euuhhhhhh !!!)
hehehehe grasshoper seem nothing….
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Tim says:
@Dessy,
I apologise with all my heart for my recent comments on this blog. I was dishonourable, emotionly charged, frustrated with my situation, guilt for my sons, sad for my wife, paranoid and so in love with you.So sorry my words have insulted you and every other lady in a similar situation. I hope you know that i do not judge people by their job, like your second job in the bar. Some men look down on ladies who work in bars. They have no idea of your life, not in the least bit interested, how tired you are, keeping two jobs, your small room, its not for fun, its to live. Through all this you keep on smiling.
You support your sister through school, send money to your parents. Every $ you deserve. These guys need to open their eyes and minds but some never will will. My life has been enriched by our short time together, meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me – I love you and will never forget you.
In my work I meet many a Bule who have married or live with asian girls and the way some of them talk always angers me. They buy big house, swimming pool, car but in the end the girl is just another possesion. It makes me sick.
@ Bules if you are looking for love with an indonesian girl, above all else respect her, take time to really know her, learn about indonesia, her culture, islam, her family values. Make sure you are compatible, you can talk, have similar values in life, stand up for the same things, dont allow yourself to be pressurised to marriage too quickly, its best for both of you.
If you are married like me, for pitys sake, find the strength to abstain. Get your marriage sorted out first, I can see why it is such a big sin in Islam. Learn from my experience… affairs cause unimiaginable pain. But in a contradiction of terms, if I could turn the clock back, I would never change things when I first walked in that bar and laid my eyes on Dessy – No Way – ever – for all the hurt and pain. Why? because Dessy has shown me who I really am. I love you Dessy Always.
All the indonesian girls I met are lovely precious souls, please dont hurt them. For each gold digger out there there are the same number of Bule, interested in sex and a token beuty to hook under there arm and show off to their mates – thats life the world over.
Since I left indonesia, watching the wake of the ferry from batam harbour and the sun slowly set over the island, my world became a dark sad place.
I have acted irrationly, out of character, and being unable to comfort Dessy during her pregnancy drove me to madness and at times on the verge of breakdown.
Princess you mean the world to me, I hate the pain I have given you and that you feel insulted by what I wrote on this blog, I only wanted a better understanding from different perspectives.
Things are not black and white…
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@Farah,
Have always respected both your and OKi’s comments on this blog. You are real people, and offer sound constructive advice. Tia & her boyfreind need to think long and hard about this one. More imaginably hard than anyone can realise. The bf who I know well is a sound, thoughtful sensistive guy, who I am sure will wait.
@Tia!
I dont know your life, I cant imagine how hard it must be. Farah writes sense, one thing at a time, do everything you can to convince your father about how this arranged marriage wont work. Its not going to happen, you will be sad, you wont be locked in a room all your life, your father must know, you can run away any time you like, marriage or not. You are well qualified, articulate, but if I can be so bold and cheeky, a bit childish?…I’m the same so please no offence…
Please do everything you can to rebuild the relationship with your parents, think of your fathers position considering his religious position, HE IS ONLY TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.Everygood man needs to protect his daughter, he does not want you to make the same mistake twice. Your bf is doing everything to try to understand your culture, everything. He has the koran and various books on ISLAM and cristianity, he is not ignorant. Better you have a man with an open mind than some ignoramous, who goes through the motions of being a good muslim….
But Tia, telling your parents about “xxxxx” during El Fidr, may not have been the most beat time…? just my thoughts…
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@Tim,
Thanks 4 ur post, thats sound great. Finally u be normally again, have you paranoid again today?
I know u r a great man, may i ask you…
Now, how’s your decission? -
Purba Negoro says:
Patung,
ever thought of starting your own dating chat forum?Seems like it would be popular.
Perhaps you could call it.. no I’ll be kind.
How about “Whitey and Wulan”? Or “half an Oreo”? or for those less discerning gents out there- and I assume pre-marrital Andy “Oreo”…
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jawa asli says:
Dear Purba,
Do you have to be mean the whole time?
They are real people with real feeling too you know. -
@Farah: I’ve got one HK Chinese friend who tells a really good story about his first job working with Bule on a construction site in the early days of Shenzhen when he caught a civet cat (Chinese delicacy) on the site and stored its head for an after-work snack.in the lunch room refrigerator – not realising that this wasn’t really a good idea with squeamish Bule.
Well, sometime I’ll hop down to Jkt with my bag of crunchy grasshoppers and we’ll have a feast.
Yep, in Bkk… where the women are bitchy and the men spend too much time looking at themselves in the mirror. No wonder I miss Jkt!
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shawty says:
Dear dita…
u was falling in love with married guy?
or now u r a wife from a 18 years older man?slightly confused :S
thx
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@ Kinch
euuuhh.. i am a cat lover.. actually these stories really made me sick (cat murderer!!)hehehe… i’ll get ready with the chilli sauce or soya sauce for the grasshopper…
euhhh. welcome to the “bitchville” where everything can’t go more nasty…
yeah.. indonesian girls slightly not into the extremes like thai girls.. maybe some.. but not as much as.. errhhhh at patpong street or cowboy soi in bangkok…
those girls really could scare a jungle girl like me…
and the bule.. errrhh…. i get some of the cute sickpacks beach boys with tanned skin and their surf board pictures last time i went to phuket and phi-phi… cute, young, funny but nahhhh… vanilla..vanilla.. vanilla… too sweet and too much .. (grinning now).
not a good future husband material (for me).
hehehe ill inform you if i made it crawling to jakarta from my jungle.. i had enough of these oil dirt…
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@Farah
Have you got a cat in your Oily Jungle then?
Honestly, I think Jakarta is a far better place for hunting the middle and upper classes (females) than Bangkok. In fact don’t get me started on the topic of Thais or I might accidentally say nice things about Indonesia in this forum and then people wouldn’t believe it was really me :).
Maybe you should have eaten more Durian before you went to Phuket :).
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Dita says:
Dear Shawty,
noo,
I am not married to an 18 years older man who has a son and two dogs!
In fact, I am not married at all!
😀It was a simple case of unrequited love, Shawty. 🙂
And I wasn’t hoping for anything!
I didn’t, don’t, and God help me, will never want to be a home wrecker.I made a decision to stop being in love with him, and moved on. And now, I have a new love interest. He is, thank God, single and free and unattached.
And I’m taking it slowly. I’m enjoying every moment of it. 🙂Hope that resolves your confusion, Shawty.
Please feel free to ask, should you still have any questions. 😉Cheers,
Dita. -
@ Kinch
I have several fat chubby kampung cats, used to be 1 and then all sudden come another one and now they had babies, so its 6 of them. And thank god my canadian boss love cats too !
We see some jungle cat too, afraid they come and mixed with those cats, they could die for sure… those jungle cats are wicked !!Sumatra well known with the durian… in fact its durian season ! i could see durian every where next to the street and cheap..cheap !
Last time went to bangkok and taste the durian, not as good as indonesian, its not swet and.. just different !bring me some if you travel from bangkok tho… hehehehe
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Ben says:
Hi, I am moving to Jakarta. I am tall, 6’0″ blond hair and blue eyes. I am concerned about the muslim religion and maybe the girls will not be willing to have sex. Is this true? Do the girls speak English? Can you meet quality women there?
Thanks so much!
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Mets says:
@ Ben – if you are wanting to meet quality women then the ‘sex’ question should not come into the equation…unless you meant quality women for sex lol!! Not sure which country your from but if your from the UK…then don’t forget to pick up the 0800 card numbers that you can find in the phone booths Im sure you are guaranteed to meet the quality women for sex!!
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Oh dita…
good then. 😉
Yeah I’m still in love with my 14 years older man.
Thx God he is 100% single and have no kid.
I went to his house and check everything etc etc. 😀
Ask thousand questions and etc etc
And he understand. 🙂
And I don’t know what would the story end as I keep doubting..about age difference.
heheBEN..
The girls willing to have sex after the holy matrimony!
And yes many jakarta girls speak english for sure.
Fluently ;)..
Yeah quality girls..in the right places.. -
Andy says:
Ben, a close friend of mine went to visit a lady he met online in Bandung. She was middle class chinese. He was very disappointed that she wouldn’t ‘put out’ on their first date and even expressed disappoinment at the lack of good night kiss. The next day he met a rather conservative muslim lady on an angkot and they made passionate love that night. The jilbab came off with the rest of her gear.
What i’m trying to say is if you looking for ‘jiggy jiggy’ never assume anything while in Indonesia. The hot lookers may not do it but the pious lookers may go all the way. Just depened on what she wants really, not what she believes in.
The last point, if they like bules and want to meet them, they will speak conversational english at the very least.
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@ Farah – All that talk of durian brought back delightful memories when about 6 of us drove just outside of Lampung and feasted half the night on fresh durian from one of those stands on the side of the road. Really enjoyed that experience and wish I had some durian now! And your quite right the Sumatran durian is very sweet!
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@ Ben
I am grinning when i read your comment here fella !
Free sex and good lady sometimes not comes in one package here in indonesia. Different culture and different beliefs ofcourse.
U sound cute, not bad.. 6ft tall… not hard to find some easy girls at bar in jakarta as long as you had what they want, some money maybe ?
Same everywhere if you want sex, in jakarta, bali, thailand, ibitza, name it…. as long as you have what those girls have.
Most good indonesian girls waiting until their wedding night and stay virgin due to religion (islam) quite strict here i think its all the same with other religion tho… but sure its depends on those girls personality… but yeah.. we prefer sex after marriage.Oh ben sweety most of girls here are indonesian, we do speak english much better than you thought !!
Quality ? hehehe do you have the quality to be with indonesian woman with quality (brain, beauty, behave, ..etc)??? if you do… then you will have one of them .. good luck tho.. hehehe….
I agree with Mets btw…
@ Patrick
errhhh…. shall i invite all of you for durian fiesta here in sumatra jungle ?? its the time for some durian fiesta here…. hehehe
Yeah i think its all over sumatra, Lampung, Palembang, Jambi, Riau… and yeah durian all over the place..
Fresh durian are the best… yes its taste different even compared with java or bali dyrian (according to my opinion looohh! ) -
Wow Shawty!
I did not know that you could go a bujang’s house, conduct a search (what kind of search, incidentally?), and ask questions! (and what kind of questions, girl??) especially when this bujang is 14 years older than you are!
😀
Take it slowly, Shawty. enjoy every moment. 😉Ben, chap, I am sorry to say, but it looks as though you are a typical ignorant foreigner.
We Indonesian girls do talk in English, thank you very much.
And we do come in good ‘quality’, thank you very much.
Much more than you could possibly perceive, perhaps.And yeah, most of Indonesian girls keep their virginity until marriage. what a surprise.
But there also so many who commit to premarital sex. Surprise surprise.
And if it’s the latter kind you’re seeking, Ben old chap, don’t worry. They’ll come heaping in your lap.
As they say, birds (and I don’t mean girls) flock with their own kind.
I wish you all the best in finding shagging partner!Cheers,
Dita. -
timdog says:
Ben – why are you coming to live in Indonesia? Are you a sexual refugee, incapable of getting some in your own country? Is sex a major motivation for you in coming to the sensuous orient?
If so, you ought to stay at home with your magazines in a darkened room…
If not, a fabulously sensible line from Mr Andy for once (hi Andy 😉 ).
“Concerned about Islam”?
The issue is less likely to have anything to do with whether the girl is a Muslim or not than whether she’s a “good girl” or not.
If she’s a “good girl”, regardless of her religion, she’s not going back to Mr Ben’s for some hot lovin’ a few hours after meeting you…That said, if you’ve got no sense of dignity or self-worth you’ll find plenty of girls, nominally Muslim or otherwise, in certain bars that will be quite happy to do so… hell, some of them may not even charge!
As with most such things, the simplified idea that in Indonesia good girls never do, and girls who do are always bad, falls apart under close scrutiny, but when you’re sinking bintangs in some Jakarta bar, it works as a very good rule of thumb…
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@ Farah you can invite me anytime to bungle in the Sumatran jungle and feast on durian with you! I will make sure to bring my machete as it will come in handy on cutting open the delicious fruit and perhaps as protection against a very jealous Kinch? : > )
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@Patrick: You’re obviously still quite young and inexperienced if you think a Jealous Kinch is more dangerous than being alone in the jungle with an amorous juiced-up-on-durian Farah 🙂
Perhaps you might be able to defend yourself with a durian – I always think durians just off the tree look more like a weapon than a meal.
@Farah: I’ve heard good things about the durians grown on Penang. Never actually got around to eating one yet though. Would make sense I guess given geographic proximity to your big jungly island.
Bummer. Just realised that today is exactly one year and two days since I was last in Penang. I really like it there.
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@ Kinch – And the truth is durian is an unbelieveable aphrodisiac so maybe I should be afraid of a durian juiced up Farah? The Sumatrans have a saying for the amorous effects of this King of fruits that goes ” durian jatuh sarang naik”. : > )
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speak for yourself, farah
I believe about 50% have lost their virginity before their wedding day.
In fact when I told my friends whoever wanted to be my bride’s maids have to be a virgin, they scoffed and wished me good luck finding them.A lot of women dont mind sex when the moment is right, like when they feel secure, knowing that she is not being taken advantage of.
So, to Ben, just be yourself. If you are a jerk, dont worry, there be lots of ‘girls’ as long as you have money. If you ‘re a decent guy looking for a relationship then just approach any girl you have your eyes on and talk to her, keep your hands to yourself, respect her, and eventually sex will follow. Remember, no means no, and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS WEAR CONDOM!!!!!!
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@ Kinch
hey.. haha ! i miss someone to argue here !
You eat durian now ? euuhh! what a progress (or widrawn for you?)
Life is good, still working and alive on my oil and gas rigs here. Planning doing my routine escape to jakarta, kind of refreshing and self reminder that this is 20 century and people do create electricity that could runs 24hrs if necessary.
@ Patrick
Wow… some indo woman could be that mean… hmm.. wondering why ?
Maybe because you want something from them at first place, and at the end nothing is free…. 🙂
@ jawa asli
totally agree with what you said here…
its just cultural difference they hang out in bar and pubs we hang out at… errhh ? library, swimming pool, internet cafe, bookstore and basketball court (geezzz what a nerd i am !!!)