Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
@ Susanti. It is Bule who make a free sek. Free Sek is the way of the White Man.
-
Bad to the Bone says:
I’m a bit confused sorting out the woman groups.. If a guy would rather be with a slut or whore rather than a virgin (because the guy can have sex with a slut or whore but not a virgin) does the virgin give these women a bad name because of this (no guy wants to be with a frigid woman-correct?
And I’ve heard it said that the whore’s give the slurs a bad name ( because they want money).
It’s a bit confusing don’t you think?
Personally i think a guy can’t go weong with a nymphomaniac- that’s my preference, you can keep the rest.
But why aren’t there more nympho’s in the world, it would be a happier place.
And with a nympho, you lose count of the money aspect because the whole time you’re shagging if you add the price of each shag & what you spend/spent on them, it works out pretty cheap.
How am i going so far girls? haha What u think on that.
Why doesnt society train the virgins on how to be a sweet nympho once they find their significant other?
As james brown sings ‘I got mine I don’t worry about his’
yes I found my paradise in Indonesia, -
timdog says:
I’ve told it before, but I think it would be pertinent to tell it again.
Once upon a time I was stuck for a little while waiting for transport across the border, in the stupendously remote Pakistani frontier township of Sust. It’s a fairly grim spot, walled in by improbable mountains, where Chinese trucks unload dubious bundles into luridly decorated Pakistani bedfords, and raw-faced Chinese roadworkers in old blue suits drink rice wine in dirty flophouses. There are quite a lot of goats, as I remember it.
I ended up, after dark and freezing cold, sharing dinner with a local Pakistani policeman, cooked over a camp stove in the room next to mine in a guesthouse. The room doubled as both his barracks and office. He left his gun leaning against the wall as we dipped away at the karahi with chewy chapatis.He told me about his various “girlfriends” in the nearby villages, and then he told me about China, where I was shortly heading. he had been there himself, though only as far as Kashgar.
“In China,” he told me, “they are having free sex…” and he proceded to tell me that there were bars and hotels were you could, after dinner and perhaps a beer or two, simply rock up, take your pick of the ladies on display, and head for the nearest bed.
I was, understandably, a little confused.
“But surely that’s something else,” I said (these are not my favourite conversational topics, and I always struggle a little in such circumstances); “Don’t you… isn’t it… well, don’t you have to PAY for that sort of thing?”
He roared with laughter and slapped me on the knee as if I was an idiot.
“Of COURSE you have to pay!” he said, spilling karahi down his uniform and dropping his chapati; “You ALWAYS have to pay for free sex!”I take my understanding of the mysterious term from that encounter…
-
agan says:
Pak Sudarsono yth,
Why are some bule here ever easily uptight with the terms like: freesex, jilbab, sharia or even janda.? when Indonesian use the word free(sex) we associated it with matter of freedom/anarchy/uncontrollable/bebas not gratisan/giving away or on the house
but to horny bule kere they always take it to mean the later, no?“Think free as in free speech, not free beer bintang.”
Btw Tika is seksi and she knows it!
-
Agan,
I think you are looking negatively only at bule, Western culture is much the same as American, where the slogan ‘Land of the FREE & home of the brave’ is what yanks believe & will lay down their lives to fight for that, just as many western countries did in the world wars fighting the fascists.
Its called free will, we are free to choose how we live our live’s even buying a bunch of Bintangs for every indonesian FREEloader we choose to like & have a good time with.Just as you are free to never buy a bule a bintang your whole life.
We accept that – thats freedom. Many Indo’s resent the freedom bule’s have.
We choose to like you’s knowing there is resentment -
Baddy,
I heard it’s now called Land of the Fee and Home of the Slave because now you have to work extra hard to pay off those subprime loans, no more Mr. Bigspender you see.
But it’s good to know that you don’t live up to your name so I offer you my peace kretek pipe and the next round of teh botol is on me! 🙂
-
Agan makes an excellent point – free sex is sex bebas, nothing to do with paying for it or otherwise, means with few or weak limits/boundaries/restrictions, not gratis, by that I mean its opposite is not paid sex. The Pakistani story confirms that, um I think.
-
Nay says:
Why are some bule here ever easily uptight with the terms like: freesex, jilbab, sharia or even janda.? when Indonesian use the word free(sex) we associated it with matter of freedom/anarchy/uncontrollable/bebas not gratisan/giving away or on the house
but to horny bule kere they always take it to mean the later, no?We get uptight about it because it’s contradictory.
You have religious moralists in the country saying that both “free sex” and prostitution are both bad things. These things are mutually exclusive. Either you allow free sex OR prostitution… but you can’t say both are bad. That just leads to confusion and sexual repression…. and sexual repression leads to many frustrated women AND men!
It doesn’t help anybody!So you might say “well marriage is the answer”, but i can tell you it is not. I’ve met enough Indonesian men saving up to buy themselves a wife, and who have had no problems paying prostitutes either… it is one and the same to them.
Then you might say “well, free (as in bebas) is different from free (as in gratis)”… but if you’re going to say “sex gratis” is bad, then you may as well legalize prostitution (in most places, this is called marriage). …. and if “sex bebas” is bad then you’re essentially saying “Whoever you want to be with is bad!”…. and that makes no sense at all!
If I go up to a man and tell him “whatever work you do and whatever your dreams are, they’re stupid and you’re selfish for doing it”, he’d just look at me funny and tell me to get lost. Yet men often expect this from women and their sexuality! It’s CRAZY!
So anyway… maybe you mean that women should be careful about which men they hook up with. Some women think that by playing “hard to get” is a good strategy for doing this. Unfortunately, I can tell you that this doesn’t really work. Women do this to try and get man’s time and energy invested in them. Personally, I find it insulting if the woman is doing this, because she can’t possibly trust me, and she can’t like me very much if she is able to do this.
I used to let these women think that I would wait until they were “ready”, while going out and seeing other women who didn’t have her problem… but then I realised that this was less than honest so I stopped doing it. Now, if the woman is playing “hard to get” I just ignore her and find other women who are less difficult.Additionally I can’t see how women can even respect the men that would actually wait around for them to stop being difficult. That’s not the sort of relationship that I would want.
If you want to be with somebody, you don’t deliberately waste their time because you are insecure. Instead, you make an effort to be with them.Do poppies in spring play “hard to get”?
-
ET says:
Nay
Do poppies in spring play “hard to get”?
No, but you forget that sex for a woman may have more serious consequences than for a man, consequences that she can hardly walk away from as if nothing ever happened. So in the grand scheme of things ‘playing hard to get’ has certainly its evolutionary reasons.
-
No, but you forget that sex for a woman may have more serious consequences than for a man, consequences that she can hardly walk away from as if nothing ever happened. So in the grand scheme of things ‘playing hard to get’ has certainly its evolutionary reasons.
Not disagreeing with you at all, except to say that if women aren’t prepared for the possibility of pregnancy at they shouldn’t be having sex in the first place. They can’t just pretend that they have no personal responsibility at all when it comes to this matter. That would be somewhat sexist.
Additionally it’s also the man’s responsibility not to get the woman pregnant if he’s not prepared to take care of the child. That wouldn’t be right either.
…but for the woman to want money when she doesn’t even the man’s child? prostitution.
Additionally it is possible to have sex without pregnancy (e.g. condoms)… although I have to accept that in certain environments and societies, not everyone can afford them…. and then you have men who just go around trying to get lots of women pregnant and have no role in the child’s life.
-
deta says:
Nay,
“Free sex” that I know means “sex outside wedlock”, which means any sexual intercourse you do other than with your spouse (whether you have to pay or not) is considered bad. As simple as that.
And I hate to disappoint you but money is not always the issue. If you equate marriage with legalized prostitution, what if the wife becomes the breadwinner of the family? (which is not uncommon, by the way). Does it mean the woman pay for sex and the husband becomes male prostitute? Or what if both of them work, does it mean they are both prostitutes and pay each other?
-
Deta
Most people I know of marry for love & commitment to one another, , also security which every woman wants & needs. Its also security for the man as he gets to live with & have kids with that special person in his life & be a role model to the kids & is meant to try to be a good husband to the wife & vive versa, everyone knows that. But when the marriage breaks down, the gloves come off & its handbags at 10 paces. Usually everyone involved suffers in some way.
If they have assets usually the woman & kids get most of it, in western countries anyway. That is when the negative stereotype ex-wife problem comes into play.
most guys get burned big time when a marriage breaks down.
I’ve found though most woman (in western countries) look for someone who has the ability to provide a secure & well off life together-
My brother in law has a 20 something girl tucked away in a flat who he visits most days, he reckons my sister is a mean bitch, i’m sure she would burn him to the max if a divorce was on the cards.He would most prob lose the house & 2 business’s he has worked all his life to build.
who right, who’s wrong depends on veiwpoint, on this subject i reckon. -
“Free sex” that I know means “sex outside wedlock”, which means any sexual intercourse you do other than with your spouse (whether you have to pay or not) is considered bad. As simple as that.
Agreed.
As a man, if you’ve already promised to pay a woman to live with you for life, and you promise to be hers and hers only, and break your wedding vows and sleep around… then it is lying. Pure and simple. And it is wrong, and you are right.
….but I don’t make promises I can’t keep, so I’m free of all that drama anyway.
-
Achmad Sudarsono says:
Pak Agan Yth.,
It ever come down to morality. Bule is jahat and immoral, so he ever play Free Sek. We don’t need to make it complicated.
Drs. A. Sudarsono.
-
Mas Achmad,
I was once told that in India everything was fine, and everyone had blissful arranged marriages until a pair of foreign perversions were imported by the dastardly conquering outsiders.The British imported love.
The Muslims imported homosexuality.And since then it’s all been chaos.
Care to elaborate on possible parallels in the Indonesian scene?
-
This is not the real Assmad..seriously 12 months holiday and that’s all…I am embarrassed to call him a foe.
-
Ahmed says:
I like to date one Indonesian girl living in Jakarta or Bali because every year two to three times spend my vacation in this amazing country
-
bonni says:
Ahmed,
I also like to date one bule guy in jakarta or bali, because I work and live in jakarta, and going to bali this december… Blah blah blah
—
Well, this is twisted… Some wrote about virginity, some wrote about marriage, some wrote about prostitution… Some wrote about whore, some wrote about slut… And maybe there are different meanings of ‘freesex’ in our mind.
For me, ‘freesex’ is having sex with random people you ‘don’t know’ at the same time/period. Like having ‘cinta satu malam’ or ‘one night stand’. It is different from having regular sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
It is not just the sex. Why do we always emphasize at the penis and vagina cooperation? We forget that it’s the feelings, the intimacy, the click, the… everything! Why so perverted?
And is it wrong if it happens to two people, right place, right moment? Despite the alcohol and the music 😛
And of course, it would be such a luck if then that two people finally got married, the sweetness… 🙂
-
YD says:
Achmad Sudarsono is right. Things were perfect in Indonesia before they sold the pirated DVDs of “Sex and The City”, hence the emergence of Carry Bradshow wannabe.
-
Pak Sudarsono while we are at it with your permission may I also quote:
When wite man first came to our great land there were:
No credit card, no debt, no McD, no mail order bride – Plenty grass, ayam n orang utan.
Women did all the work and men just Chillax and ever played ukulele all the time.The wite man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!
-
All My Seksi Friend,
Is true: I am ever think about rilek and have a holiday. But as Mbak/Pak Agan hinted at, we must continue the fight. Will work on it, kawan2.
-
We’ll look forward to it Achmad.
-
bonni
Why do we always emphasize at the penis and vagina cooperation?
Because in ‘the grand scheme of things’ and for as long as we aren’t able to clone human beings this cooperation is the only thing that matters. If not, the world and the part we play in it would come to a standstill. Feelings, intimacy, the click, lovey-dovey etc. may be nice, in the end they are just side effects and tricks aimed at making the ‘cooperation’ politically correct and socially acceptable.
The most important aspect of sex is that it happens and should happen a lot. 🙂 -
ET,
I did not want to give any comments to your post of my post but I think it is important. When I mentioned ‘cooperation’ it means both sides are cooperating. It also means by that ‘cooperation’ both sides are ‘giving and receiving’… (If you know what I’m saying 😉 LOL) But some people think that the ‘cooperation’ would only be advantagable to the men – if they do it before marriage -, sadly, that ‘thought’ eventually become true, that in the end the ‘cooperation’ will only be advantagable to the men – because… I mentioned in some of my posts before.
If, for you, “feelings, intimacy, the click, lovey-dovey, etc” are just the side effects of the sex? For me, the sex / make love is the side effect of too much “feelings, intimacy, the click, lovey-dovey, etc”… I am such a girl… 🙂
-
bonni
If, for you, “feelings, intimacy, the click, lovey-dovey, etc” are just the side effects of the sex? For me, the sex / make love is the side effect of too much “feelings, intimacy, the click, lovey-dovey, etc”… I am such a girl…
It is not a question of what it means ‘for you’ or ‘for me’. Although the eternal question remains: “what came first? the chicken or the egg?”, in the case of sex it’s hardly imaginable that its primary reason for being is to satisfy romantic feelings.
I believe one should be able to put things in perspective and not let dreams and phantasies obscure what reality is all about. Otherwise one might be in for some nasty deceptions. -
The most important aspect of sex is that it happens and should happen a lot. 🙂
Ooh-la-la, Pak ET it’s easier said than done unless you are Oma Irama doppelganger or have Pak Bakrie’s dough then maybe the cards are stacked against you .
Some girls like to be pampered and taken for a moonlit stroll along Bengawan Solo’s river bank, passing magnificent sawah or endless warung and then whisper ‘em sweet little lies at a romantic lampu petromaks light dinner at Ibu Achmad’s greasy spoon Lesehan while street pengamen are interpreting Anggun’s Au Nom De La Lune or more precisely Inul’s Kucing Garong.
And still many other simply just like to be respected the right old fashion way.
You know the drill. -
Duh, kang Agan, I am wondering if in this iPad era that kind of dating ritual still exists. Besides, Kucing Garong is a song by Trio Macan, not Inul.
-
Dear agan yg (yang gila),
Thanks for the almost too clear explanation! 😀 I agree with deta, your date kinda ritual is so old-fashioned. Although some girls might still buy it! 😛
ET,
Some things need to be dreamed and fantasized… They dream, they fantasize, therefore, they live… 😛
-
Ceu Deta I’m pretty sure Pak ET neither use nor own iPad (btw ur referring to the latest pembalut brand from PT. Softex maxipad, izzit ?) so I suggested him a viable alternative.
Dear Bonni call me crazy but I ever fantasize u changed ur name to “Homework” so I’d be doing you on my table , right now!
(OK gurls just kiddin’.)
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Related Stories
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
Oigal, I guess the term is “play hard to get”?