Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Nay says:
Making sweet jilbabed lasses believe that every bule is a predatory sex maniac is the muslim way of demonizing the West and keeping the ummah under control. What a bunch of hypocrites.
If all bule were after sex, we would all use prostitutes because it’s easier, and we don’t have to care about the woman.
But no… we want good relationships, so we insist on free sex.Who do you think we’re more likely to love and look after? Women who charge us money for sex, or the ones who love us freely and don’t demand money?
Marriage in Indonesia involves money, like it or not. The man has to pay a dowry in many cases. Additionally, a man gets NOTHING out of marriage, except control of a woman. That’s all it is, and it costs money!
Men don’t need marriage. We are capable of looking after ourselves. For a woman who wants marriage because she cannot look after herself, they need to prove to us why we should marry them and look after them.The only reason why a man would want to marry, is because most women don’t like him., and this is the only way he can “have” one. Maybe because of his nasty personality or some other problem. Normally women would not stay with such a man. The only reason why a man would marry is at least in buying a woman, he can control her. From the very start it is a broken relationship. He is paying for sex.
…so if the woman wants a man to look after her and treat her properly, she really has to try hard to make sure she is an asset to his life and not a burden… otherwise most men are really not interested in marriage at all. You can’t come up to us and tell us what to do, because you are just as free to do what you want as well…. and we certainly don’t care about whatever your religion says, especially if it contradicts logic and common sense.
I want to be with a woman who wants to stay with me because she loves me…. NOT because I’m paying her.
There are many prostitutes in Indonesia. If marriage was a perfect solution to relationships, why are there so many prostitutes? If all Indonesian men were happy in their marriages… there would be no prostitutes, because nobody would be willing to pay for them…. but men, already used to paying for sex with their wives, have no problems making the transition to paying for street prostitutes. There is little difference. There are way more prostitutes in Indonesia, visible on the street, than I see in many other Western and developed countries.
if all indonesian girls want a mixed bule baby, they can visit me in my hotel room and get one.
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It’s actually kind of sad that so many people still accept without question the abject nonsense spewed forth by people whose sole interaction with the ‘west’ is racist hyperbole and last nights pirated HBO movie.
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It’s Indonesia after all. Not everybody gets a free of thorough education, much less the ability to travel the world and experience a different life first-hand. In many ways, we are the lucky ones.
Besides… the culture here has worked somehow for a long time, and old habits die hard.
Of course people are hesitant to change even when it makes rational sense to make changes and improvements. …. but that’s the story of the human race. Either we adapt to our changing environment, or we stick to our guns and pray that history doesn’t throw us under the bus. -
Nay said
Otherwis most man are really not interested in marriage at all….Really?
I want to be with a woman who wants stay with me because she loves me not because i’m paying her..
Agree i’ll do that for someone who loves me too someday later:-)If all indonesian girl want a mixed baby bule, they can visit me in my hotel room and get one……!
Ha,ha,ha. It sounds like you’re a factory baby….;-)..
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I want to be with a woman who wants stay with me because she loves me not because i’m paying her..
Agree i’ll do that for someone who loves me too someday later:-)Me too, but marriage is not the answer.
Marriage FORCES two people to stay together, by threat of God and society.If two people want to stay together, if they like each other, they will look after each other and stay together because they want to.They can even organise to have children together.
There is no need for threats, or pressure form anyone to stay together. There is no need for husband to force his wife to do anything. There is no love in compulsion.The problem is that many women are taught that a man doesn’t “respect” her if they don’t pay for her, and end up destroying otherwise happy relationships. Or perhaps money becomes more important to her than good relationship with a man….
…and all these women have relationship problems, and they all complain and never understand why their relationships constantly fail, or they are unhappy.
Ha,ha,ha. It sounds like you’re a factory baby….;-)..
If Indonesian women only want mixed baby, I can give them that…. they know what to do. My hotel room is available if they want to see me.
If they want thing like marriage or money…. then no baby. Don’t lie to me.
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Huh…. I hope i’ll get husband who will never think that marriage FORCES two people to stay together…. Think have children without marriage… What’s diffrent that woman and cat? I think marriage mor than what you thinking of. It’s not about paying or. . . Okay i just can’t understand you Wich world you come from……?
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bonni says:
Nay sounds like an expert! LOVE IT! 😉
But for me, it is clear that tika has never socialized in real life with her several friends from other countries… She’s just influenced by some stereotypes… I hope she will know better soon…
She should visit nay in his hotel room and learn some real things… LOL
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ET says:
If all goes well in a relationship there is no difference between marriage and kumpul kebo. Either way people can be happy and raise their children in harmony. However when things go wrong marriage turns out to be a contract mainly for the benefit of women (and supposedly also children) because historically they are considered the weaker part. Then suddenly a man has no longer control over his life and finances which are taken over by judges, lawyers and/or clerics.
So in the end marriage is all about money and control, and making naive girls believe ‘free sex’ (= sex outside marriage) is a sin comes in handy because religiously inspired guilt feelings are a strong motivational factor. -
Trouble is Bonnie ..girls like Tika get hurt before they wake up
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faris says:
i need beautiful indonesian girl ,they are famous with thier beauty ,loyality to thier husbands and thier love to life ,what ever the circumstances they enjoy life ,so i like to join one to let me taste the real lifel
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i need beautiful indonesian girl ,they are famous with thier beauty ,loyality to thier husbands and thier love to life ,what ever the circumstances they enjoy life ,so i like to join one to let me taste the real lifel
You’re not getting much action from the ladies, are you?
Marriage is sexist by design. It assumes that the woman cannot take care of herself.
In the distant past, this was true. Women didn’t work. Men wanted to have children to work in the fields, but he wanted to make sure that the children were HIS and not some other man’s. So he invented marriage as a way to claim ownership over a woman and to prevent her having sex with other men. Men didn’t trust women around other men, and so he used God and society to scare her into behaving the way he wanted. Men put women in harems and made them wear clothing so that no other men would see them. “Good” girls would actually want to do this! … well, they HAD to because their survival depended on it!
A “good” woman, if she wants to get money from a man, then would have to pretend that she was a virgin or wasn’t interested in sex, so that a man would trust her and give her security and money. These women who want to play this game have to tell a huge lie, because women like sex very much! How can you have a successful relationship when both sides have to lie to each other?
Times have changed. Women can get jobs and most of us don’t need children to work in our fields. Personally, I have no fields 😉 … so this system is very flawed and actually very harmful to women. By nature, women like sex (hooray!).
It’s also counterproductive to men, because by rejecting the “bad” girls who like sex for marriage, he marries a woman who doesn’t and won’t have sex with him! Then he needs to use prostitutes!Unfortunately religion and culture has not adapted to the changed circumstances.
I don’t blame Tika. If I were born a Muslim, I would think the same way. If I was born in ancient Greece, I would believe in Zeus. If I was born in Africa I would believe in witchdoctors and juju. If I was born in ancient Japan I would believe in ancestor spirits. If I was born a viking I would believe in Thor. If I were Australian aboriginal I would believe in the Dreamtime…. and so on and so on.
Lucky for me I was allowed to choose which religion suited me. However, they are all culturally relevant to the survival of their respective people of the time, and the environment in which they lived. There is no one true “religion”, because technology and our environment is changing, and we made need to behave differently to survive in future.
I might not achieve immortality, but I might achieve reality.
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Hi everybody let’s be friend on facebook….:-) …????…
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tikaperwita says:
bonnie: yes sure i met, we had alot of discussing about some topic (marriage, economic, politic, education) and surely there are several different opinions, but we respect each other opinion n values
nay: differences of opinion and value of life is depends on our environment, culture and communities. There is no right and wrong about values of life, cause we have our own responsibility to God, family, society and also to ourself for what we do in our lives. Its ok to have different opinions cause it is commonplace, we face it everyday in life.
I think its not right when u said in Indo there is mre prostitutes, yes u can find it in the street, why? cause they can’t get it in spa or 5 star hotel because they dont have much money. And they can’t get it from ordinary girl cause like what i said before, our value is affected from our culture (eastern culture)
When it come to virginity, i think it is personal, then social n religion…
So a girl who is virgin if she think inside herself that she wants to be faithful and really needs a man who can take this virginity from her because it is something very valuable, even in europe. The woman in television who still keep their virginity and they want to sell it with so expensive price bit our issue is not about economic. So for some man virginity is very important thing and for other it doesn’t matter.For social, if they keep virginity in Islamic society, people will respect them more and they will be more acceptable to find husband, cause its really important for Indo man (asian man). So the basic thing is how a girl think and how she can manage her life in this society, so she will not be abnormal.
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Tika,
Oh ok so you met them… Good for you! 🙂
Anyway… Maybe I can educate your mind a lil by this…
Virginity is not dignity, it is a lack of opportunity.
No offends, really…
I am just trying to say, if your state of mind is like this:
So a girl who is virgin if she think inside herself that she wants to be faithful and really needs a man who can take this virginity from her because it is something very valuable,
Oh wow… How sweet…
Can’t you see that at the other side it also means that the man will value you just by your virginity? So what if you are not virgin, then he would not take you as his wife? Can you guarantee that the man you are going to marry in the future is also a virgin? Is that fair? Are you so devoted? What will you get for being so devoted to a man?
And if your state of mind is like this:
For social, if they keep virginity in Islamic society, people will respect them more and they will be more acceptable to find husband, cause its really important for Indo man (asian man).
It means you are going to dedicate your whole life as ‘one man’s sex machine and baby maker’. Can you also guarantee that he will only be making love to you at home several times a week?
Does marriage only mean a legality for a man to have sex with you?
How pathetic does it sound…
But, well, if you want to keep your virginity until you finally meet one -hopefully also as devoted- man who wants to marry you and your virginity, oops, I mean your sweetness, then keep it… It is a choice. You have every right to choose… Good for you, tika! 🙂
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Of course not. What you say maybe represent your own way of thinking about marriage. You must associate with Indonesia first before you can understand how they think. We have to melt into the environment if we want to truly understand the people in the neighborhood. I do not know why you think like that. Though it is the result of my discussion with my foreign friends, he said like that and i think he really respect the other culture and value. I know now that foreign men were also not all the same, it all depends on himself. Then how about you? do you know and interact with someone from Indonesia so you can say such things? you are very happy to judge others while they are only sharing. If you want to argue, do not judge others, cause u really misunderstand it. I think we have to live in other communities of which we used to live. So that, we can truly understand and not only judge them.
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Reflection of ourselves can we see from who is our friend, lwho is our soulmate can be seen from the environment where we hang out. If we associate with good people, then God willing, we will get that good anyway (soulmate). you’re right there is no guarantee whether or not he’s a virgin, but it is his responsibility. But that such things can be avoided if we are right in choosing a neighborhood hang out (is my english right or wrong to say the place and with whom we hang out with? Sorry if my english is not good enough). People who associate with perfume sellers will surely get the scent of the perfume.
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Tika,
Believe me dear, I am very associated with indonesians. What to wonder is how some of them (who have the same point of view as yours) deal with their sexuality…
Oh, just so you know, I am indonesian! Good for me! 😉
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bad to the Bone says:
Hey Bonni i think you have found your ‘Mr Right’-your ‘James bond’,yes-it’s the that free spirit ;NAY’, he seem’s to be your type, but don’t expect him to take you out for a meal, unless you pay, otherwise you’ll be a prostitute.
I married a virgin & it made a great deal of difference to the marriage & no, I never had sex with another woman except her for 20 years, until I went to bali, I was open & honest enough to tell her I loved another woman from the moment I got back.
Would I do it again?(marry her) yes, but I wouldn’t go to Bali by myself the next time.
When i was married I thought I’m glad I’m not single & on the dating scene, it seemed such a minefield of problems & dodginess.
Marriage is good to get into that ‘foxhole’ with your soulmate & escape all the crap that the world & it’s not so pleasant type’s(whether they be men or women) like to throw your way.
depends on your personality I guess, whether it’s for you or not. A lot of compromises are needed from both sides, but a status quo can always be found. Families & marriage aren’t for everyone, but i know many bad boys who settle down & enjoy that lifestyle.
I know may who divorce & get taken for every penny also, the thing about Indonesian girls is the same divorce would cost you 10 or 100 times less than in a western country.
When i got ‘burned’ by the first Indo girl it cost me about a weeks wage’s–ouch. haha -big deal. -
i dont have problem with sexuality. im normal n i want it too (not only me but a lot of indo girl), but whats wrong if we decide to have sex after marriage? is it problem? i dont think so…
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abdkhaabdman says:
hi…im looking forward for a sincere,faithful,loving,caring,honest and responsible indonesian lady…please contact me..
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i dont have problem with sexuality. im normal n i want it too (not only me but a lot of indo girl), but whats wrong if we decide to have sex after marriage? is it problem? i dont think so…
It’s not a problem, tika, if you want to keep your virginity, wear a headscarf, believe whatever you want, wait until marriage. It is a free world and nobody should stop you doing these things if that is your wish. Who you want to have sex is also your choice and nobody can take that from you.
That said,… there are many cultural reasons why virginity is “valued” and why you consider yourself “respectable” if you keep it. You are probably unaware of these things. These beliefs not only affect Indonesia, but parts of the west as well (particularly the US bible belt).
The problem is that we’ve all been falsely brought up to believe female sexuality is “bad”, and that if a woman has sex, she is “bad”. The problem is that women cannot live like this without going crazy. Women still want to have sex, because that’s what is natural. I see it a lot from Indonesian women, which I don’t see in other women, and Indonesian women seem to be suffering because of it… and since I like women in general, it is very hard for me to watch this.
As said, virginity became valued because men wanted to control women. They wanted to ensure the children were their own, and to own women like property. Many men have been falsely raised to treat women this way. This is where damaging ideas such as “jealousy”, and “cheating” come from… and you will often find that men who care about virginity in a woman will also try to control them, and are often violent towards them. This is because these men don’t care about giving freedom to women and allowing these women to be happy, because all they care about is having their needs met…. AND they are paying to make sure they get their way!
These kinds of men just want to have sex and are willing to pay for it…. OTHERWISE they wouldn’t care if you are virgin or not, because they would marry you because they like YOU, and who YOU are!
Please think about this next time you think your virginity has a value, and you consider looking for a husband. You are a human being. Not a slave…. and nobody can own you! (I always get annoyed when people say thing like “She is MY girl” or “she is MY girlfriend”. These women aren’t anybody’s!)
The problem is that women have to lie and equivocate in order to get their needs met, because of the broken system. On one hand, women still sleep around with men they like, but they have to hide it and lie about it and make sure NOBODY finds out! Then in public, they try and act like “good girls”, in order to keep their “value” high amongst those controlling men who would say “I don’t want to marry her if she’s a slut! I just want to have sex with her!” … and really, that system doesn’t work for anyone. It demeans both men AND women.
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I think the main reason women like to keep their virginity, is because of their values & peer pressure from their parents & society in general.
There is nothing wrong with a women staying a virgin, whats the alternative having 6 kids & 6 fathers?. women arent stupid & know this, so they do the right thing by themselves, their values & for their parents.
just today a person my lady knows went to bali to get an abortion, but couldnt afford it, so had to return to face the shame & anger of her father & his circle of influence or peers.
Her father also collects this shame because of his inability to keep the daughter a virgin for when she gets married to the guy she loves in 6 months time.
This great claptrap outpouring by Nay sounds like another warped spiel by Stevo as he has been quiet this whole time.
The logic has so many hole’s in it just as when Stevo would get his rant revved up.
Stay a virgin if you can, you know whats best for yourself even if some other fool thinks he knows better.
Put yourself in their place & besides in some moslem countries, women caught having free sex lose their lives.
Make sluts of as many Indo women as you can & don’t buy her a drink or a snack after, thats your business, but karma will get ya–haha
Best you go back to your own country & practice your value system there, explain to the sluts boyfriend there about your free ( money less ) sex ideas.
I’m sure he’ll understand– f–kin dUh! -
Oigal,
I hope she hurted first, therefore she will know better. As for some people, seeing is believing.
For me, reading her statements about sexuality is a ‘torture’… LOL It offends both the western guys, and herself.
I bet she doesn’t even understand the word ‘sexuality’ which I was referring to… Because… Let’s face it, she’s a virgin… 🙂
Bad to the bone,
Well yeah nay sounds like my type, intellectual, care to explain so much and stuff… LOL But I prefer a guy with a great sense of humor, don’t take life too seriously.
Oh yeah I miss stevo… Where is he?
Tika,
I have nothing against you. It is your choice. Nothing is wrong with it, sweetheart… The guys fall for you by just looking at your picture… Surely… Everything about you is magic… 🙂
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Bonni you are so naive & little understand what Nay or rather Stevo is saying. All he is doing is throwing up some ridiculous controversial/ anti normal (old fashioned )standard values to get(‘ flame’) people who understand the norm like Tika to comment.
Rather than a girl keeping her virginity because of any religous moral or such values it just made practical, financial sense, before contraceptives to be that way.People then couldn’t afford to bring up a dozen kids with no father contributing.
Who from the start would want a horny young guy from the other tribe impregnating their woman & being left to provide for it for life.Many peoples around the world back then would get a dowry for the female when she was of menstration age. Simple economic, survival logic.
Tika understands why its better for the family oriented person to not to be a slut-less problems, maybe not as much fun or variety tho.
I have no problem with a girl being a slut, tho for long term relationship – little peace of mind.
& Bonni i think you’ll get hurt before Tika does -
Bad to the bone,
Oh yes, I am so naive. At the moment, I am waiting for my virgin prince in a pegasus to pick me up at 8, after a few hours dinner he will propose to me in midnight because then he would be able to have sex with me… Or if I were a guy I would easily be tricked in the name of love… Because you know what, I am naive, I am a hopeless romantic (and by hopeless I mean literally), I will do anything for love.
What do you mean by “a girl being a slut”?
Get hurt? She’s the one who is a virgin… Why would I be the one who is going to get hurt? LOL
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I don’t quite understand all this fuss about virginty. When a virgin girl gives herself before marriage to a boy she loves she is considered a slut. But how about a widow or a janda? Technically the result is the same. Both have had their hymen broken because a man has been inside. But the widow or janda is still regarded as respectable – even if she has had sex with a thousand men – because she doesn’t have to show ‘physical’ proof of her so-called virtue.
Nothing is more despicable than hypocrisy from religiously f*cked up minds. -
yunitar says:
actually a janda that had sex with many men (without love) would consider as a slut. And I personally do not think a girl that has sex with the man she loves as a slut. And I think religion and culture have the influence of the stereotype that has been made. And to some women it is a torture.
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Susanti says:
ET, widow and single who did free sex outside marriage are same. The most important is not virginity or previous, but the value how we respect our self now, then other people will respect us.
Tika Pertiwi, we have different value with (some) western and a some few Indonesian who like freesex. They happy with their life, we can’t interfere them, we just must share goodness. Yes they have many good thing and we can learn only positive from them. I think you’re loved and respected person, I hope you’ll get good husband, even you get hurt don’t stop to be good person.
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Still with this free sex thing? What is this mindset? So essentially the concept here is, it is available to buy just not free. Mmmm…what was term for a woman that does that again?
Reminds me of the old joke….guy asks a woman for sex for a million dollars. The woman says welll I guess for a million dollars I would think about it. The guy the asks ” how about sex for $5 “. The woman screams at him “you think I am a whore?”
The guy replies “we have established what you are, now we are just haggling about the price”
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tikaperwita said
Making sweet jilbabed lasses believe that every bule is a predatory sex maniac is the muslim way of demonizing the West and keeping the ummah under control. What a bunch of hypocrites.