Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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disillusioned says:
@shawty
No, other ways, I’m living in Europe and she was on a one month holiday trip trough Europe when I met her in here. Then we spent the rest of her Europe time together and traveled together and after she flew back home to JKT I followed her to Indo, also for one month.
And yes, she told me she don’t want that I move to Indo because of the other women there and she has fear that I will leave her then for a other one. JKT would be like Sodom and Gomorrah, all husband will cheating somewhen their wifes. Silly, because I never loved a woman so much before like her! There could sit Luna Maya or any other famous pretty woman on my bed, I would had not even considered, I only had eyes for my girlfriend! She is the one, who has so many very close bule friends in JKT and was on every fu***ing party, had always dinner with old rich men, not me! Argh, I become angry again if I remember all this stories.
Maybe it was not the truth and she had more fear that I can’t find a job in Indo with the same high salery as I have actually in my homecountry. Once again, money related. For me it would be the biggest prove of love if someone will give up everything to move to my country, different culture, new language, convert the religion, but not for her. Me becomes badly if I count everything I had done for her, started with wearing again a beard, because she likes it, don’t wear the earring anymore, because she don’t like it, learned bahasa indonesia, improved my english (as good as you can read now 😉 ) spent money for her firends, always paid everything when we were together and finally it ended with khitan 😉 Yeah, but I did everything and always voluntarily, so I will not blame her for my own decisions and acts!!!Maybe exactly this was the problem, I did too much for her so she feels always too secure. Today I would say I just was a wimp! Bad but it’s true. I believe our roles were totaly reverse. Normaly you can always read such stories from men who have a behaviour like this. I condemn it on both sides.
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Nay says:
The biggest problem I would say that most people have, is learning to accept THEMSELVES enough to the point where they are prepared to present the WHOLE TRUTH to their partners, without needing to be dishonest and manipulative. (including suggesting to their partners if they are probably even the right person for them to be with!)
Anyway, deception is not a trait simply held by Indonesian women, or any one nationality of woman for that matter. I honestly don’t blame the women. I blame the broken system. Read this for example
…. and some of you are violating two of the biggest rules about managing relationships:-
1. Don’t worry about what your partner thinks of you
2. You are the most important person in the relationship.If you break one of those rules, everything else collapses.
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Oigal says:
Well said Sobhana 🙂 Kind of sad to read so many negatives, it really doesn’t have to be (and is not) that way.
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vojo says:
Jumping Squirrel wrote: “The worst is middle class Indonesian women, most of them cannot do anything, they can’t cook and doing household chore.. they have no interest in anything but fashion, gadgets and gossips…
They watch Oprah and Sex And The City, reading Cosmo and speak loudly about feminism and gender equality yet they expect men to be fully responsible financially to them and their parents (yes and they will justify it with Asian values and religion).
They want the best of both world.”
Very true words, in general, Jumping Squirrel. You get them out of Indonesia, however, and they can change if they want to. I married a middle class Indonesian 8 years ago who has really improved, especially since living abroad.
You generalize about Indonesian women like you have, and yet you say you have an Indonesian mother. Was your mother like that?
I think Sobhana also went too far in her comments about you.
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shawty says:
@disillusioned
aww so sweet and you sound so French@jumpingsquirrel
maybe u should ask ur dad why he married ur mom then (laugh)!but anyway sadly few of your wording contain truth I also have mixed kid friend back in Netherlands from Indo father and dutch mom that really want to have Asian partner but hate the facts that Asian family often materialistic
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Swagman says:
hey JUMPINGRODENT, screw you.
……… i feel sorry for all the female victims who got impregnated by men like your father and gave birth to mutts like you!
Yes sobhana, well said!
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miyek says:
@sobhana
Coming from mixed backgrounds are suppose to make us tolerate diversity not promote fascist opinions about other cultures.
I do agree with you.
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sobhana says:
Thank you Oigal, Swagman & Miyek!! I apologize if I offended anyone else aside from the mutt, but proper use of profanity had been authorized. (usually this blog censors most of my comments, haha but not this time)
Vojo…grow some why don’t you?
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@shawty
aww so sweet and you sound so French
Sweeeeet? *schocked* I’m not sweet, I’m taff, strong and cool now, I’m a man again 😉
Hahaha, I can speak french, little bit italian and very well german and if you were a good student in school, then you know now where I’m from 😉@Nay
1. Don’t worry about what your partner thinks of you
2. You are the most important person in the relationship.If you break one of those rules, everything else collapses.
Sorry, please don’t take offence at this, but I beg to differ. That sounds very egoistic for me. I believe it should be a middle way. If I don’t worry about what my partner thinks of me, why the hell I should be together with her, because then she would be apathetic for me!
And everybody who thinks about himself is the most important person in a relationship, I would ask the same, “then why you are together with someone and not just single”.I miss the love, respect and appreciation a little bit in this rules.
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@Sobhana
“Vojo…grow some why don’t you?”
If you mean “grow up”, then I was going to offer that advice to typical middle class Indonesian women. If I tell Belgian women, for example, that there are 30+year old Indonesian women who don’t know how to look after or even hold a baby, or fry an egg or do anything else in the kitchen, they gape in disbelief.
Jumping Squirrel probably made the right choice.
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no what i said was correct: grow some *you kno what* Didn’t want to go “too far” with the comments, this time!
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@disillusioned
only Swiss men more to french can do that to the one they love
not French in Indonesia thou..@Vojo
hahah so true most of my female friends have no idea to cook they aren’t 30 yet thou
but still -
ET says:
@ desillusioned
Normaly you can always read such stories from men who have a behaviour like this.
This is becoming more and more a column for broken hearts. Normally I don’t react to this kind of self-pitying posts, but yours leaves me flabbergasted.
I don’t understand this. If you knew the stories then why did you behave like this?
What I know about women – Indo or other – is that most of them admire power and despise wussies. By crawling before her and laying everything at her feet you only invite scorn and derision. Put yourself in her place. How can you expect someone to respect you if you don’t respect yourself first.
Next time show a bit more indifference, even if you feel differently. Indifference is the biggest form of power. She’ll be crawling back to you, and if she doesn’t, good riddance.
O yes, and start thinking with the head that is on top of your neck.
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Hey ET, you have made me think about. Finally, I totally agree!
It was not my intention to write self-pitying posts, sorry if I gave this impression.You know, I’m speaking now about a very good friend, not about myself 😉
He was 20 years in a relationship with his first and only one woman, since they were in school as teenager. He had not any experience with other women and how they can act. Then this relationship ended in very sad and difficult circumstances. He was very depressed at this time and totally lost his Self-esteem.
Then after many months he met this beautiful Indonesian woman, fell in love and he started to live again because he saw that still someone had been interested in him! Some months later he realized that it was a deception, she was not interessted in him, she was only interessted in his money. But he still refuse to believe this, he had so much hope that time will change this, but it didn’t change!So, now he’s fighting with himself and is asking himself if it was just a very unfortunate coincidence that he was falling in love with a woman who doesn’t really love him and if it has something to do that she was a Indonesian woman. He only knew western women and those would not play with a man only for the money. So it was a totally new experience for him.
But I believe he realized now many things and will not be as same as naive as before.Thx again ET!
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@ desillusioned
Your friend made a mistake, not because he fell in love with an Indonesian woman but because he fell in love while he was still heartbroken about his former relationship. In other words he was still weak and and not powerful, an easy prey for those with a different (money or sadistic play) agenda. It happens everywhere, not only in Indonesia.
The trouble with Indonesian women and westerners is that in most cases the difference in lifestyle and prosperity is too big to guarantee an even and harmonious relationship based on equality. Compared to the West Indonesians lack future and prospects, so the temptation for them is far greater to consider you a money tree ready for the harvest and picking. Add to this a moronic TV culture based on infotainment and selebriti and you will understand what the role model for the average Indonesian woman represents.My advice, stay away from middle class girls without real life experience in a Western country and stick to those with an education and a future of their own who don’t need your money. Even a poor kampung girl will offer better chances for a happy relationship than those useless and spoiled middle class mall rats.
O yes, and never let their beauty and smiles fool you. These are a woman’s most powerful charms but can also readily be turned into instruments of torture.
Good luck.
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@ ET & disillusioned
Unfortunately, I agree with ET’s sentiments. However, some western men should also shoulder a little blame …. using their fortunate life rewards (ie money) to attract these less-fortunate young ladies.
It’s a tough world when it comes to finding love in these conditions, but don’t stop looking as it invigorates the soul and certainly has its own rewards.
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brian A says:
how does one go about making ID for a new born baby in Indonesia …?
foreign father not married to Indonesian girlfriend.
should I expect any complications from the bangsat at the civil registry office? -
maybe my question was off topic …
very difficult to find information elsewhere
capekdeh -
since the parent weren’t married, the birth certificate usually only put the mother’s name (this usually happens to ‘illegitimate’ baby).
check these links : (it’s in bahasa)
http://endangar.wordpress.com/2009/04/30/mengurus-akta-kelahiran-sendiri-bisa/http://www.beritajakarta.com/v_ind/info_lanmas_detail.asp?infoid=50
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Check out this: http://www.expat.or.id/info/childlegalizationinindonesia.html. It’s in English. Good luck.
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anne says:
I am Indonesian girl (26 years old) and from my perspective some of what people said about Indonesian girls here are true. Not all of us are materialistic, but yeah plenty and most of us are. Blame society and culture. The idea of husband taking care of wives and family is the only idea for generations. Some said “girls shouldn’t waste their time for higher education because they’ll end up in kitchen, cooking for their family.”
I am so fortunate to have an educated Indonesian working mom who always so independent and never ever once in her life tell me to look for rich husband. She and my dad have their upside and down and she’s family provider for several years when my father lost his job. They are still happily married for 35 yearsBack to Indonesian girls. I remember my high school time when all my girlfriends fell for the richest boy in school. I never like the idea but somehow because I have too many girlfriend that are like that, I started to become like them (a little bit). However my mom’s value is stronger :).
Some said that if u are married to Indonesian women u are married to their family. Its very common. The reason is that we want to take care of our parents just like they’ve been done for us for many years. Even though my parents still make living in their 60’s (from retirement salary), My brother(he make living more than me) and I send our own little money to them every month to help her pay bills because we felt that it is the least we can do for her after what she have done for us. We don’t have to, but we want to.
So be really careful about choosing Indonesian girls. Girls that are from nice family with nice value are mostly really careful about westerners (my own experience). We are little bit afraid about what u actually have in ur country (wives, girfriend, criminal record etc) that we dont know. So its easier for us to date Indonesian men because we can meet their family anytime.
My advice is do harder, if they’re so easy to get they’re most likely materialistic and want u for money. The harder to get the better (but not because they have other bule around her). Looking for educated girls, always know their family. Girls with working mom are usually independent. The most important thing is use your instinct.
So good luck and please don’t generalize us. A lot of us are nice and not materialistic
Love,
-Anne- -
masmas says:
Like nice lady
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‘illegitimate’ baby
what are peoples thoughts about this term ‘illegitimate baby”?
Indonesian laws …….. headache * sigh *
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dianmyname says:
@disillusioned
Sometimes we think we have found our true love.
Cos we won’t ever know until we got hurt.
My last two relationships were ended very sad.But time will cure the sad n life must go on.
Just give your heart n mind chance to relax n cool down for a moment
til u are ready to fall in love again.Have a good day:-)
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jamal says:
wow.. I just found this forum and subscribed because i’m with an indonesian/java woman and thought it would be interesting to have some more insight into indonesian/java culture & ways.
Man.. i recognize a lot in this threat about indonesian women! I thought i’m to blame or that she’s not completely alright ‘upstairs’
But this threat explains a lot to me, didn’t even read all of it yet. -
btw, she’s from west Java, Jakarta
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@dianmyname
Thx, totally agree! Rationally I know we have no future together, but my heart is still missing her like hell. The most difficult thing of all is she wants me back and I’m always confused if I should or not, coz I still love her so much…..but she told me she loves me, but is not in love with me!!!! Who the hell will be together with someone who is not in love?!?!
damn…..I’m like a teenager 😉@jamal
Tell us your story…
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Well, my story.
We found each other online & after chatting for a week orso we met.
(She’s a beautiful woman, after almost a year together I still find her the most beautiful woman ever)
After dating a few times we stayed together, she’s a muslim and she wanted me to become a muslim and marry her.
I was serious with her and raised a christian and learning a bit about the Islam and how these things are done in Indonesia.. well, I understood her wishes and gave it my best and went for it.
I became muslim and married her.Now.. she was always talking about status, I gave her status and I thought the ‘little’ problems I encountered with her would be fixed now.
She can snap in a second, explode. I mean I can say one word or do a little thing she doesn’t like and everything is hell.
She screams, cries, runs away from the house, even told me to leave. And over what? nothing really..
On the other hand, she’s in contact with ex boyfriends, secretly, I found out.
When I asked her why she gets angry and goes screaming in the street when she only thinks I’m looking at another woman when we are out together, but for herself finds it alright to see and be in contact with ex boyfriend & other men……Clocks stopped ticking, birds fell silent, the noises of the city faded away.
She went hysterical, threw stuff and ran into the street screaming.
It took me a while to calm her down and beg her back into the house.In short in came to this, she’s entitled to have her privacy (as she calls it) and contacts that I don’t have to know about.
I asked her why she checks and wants to know everything I do, that for her obviously a different set of rules apply..
Didn’t knew a nuke could go off twice, but this one did.I can go on and on, experienced a lot with her. This is just one example.
She knows exactly how I have to behave and what I have to give/provide her. The other way around is not that clear and sure not a subject to talk about!
Things can be great, and i mean great! but also within a second completely rotten.
I never experienced something like this with any woman before.I love her, no doubt, but dealing with her is heavy duty.
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Discussion about indonesian women wouldn’t be complete without this dangdut. The lyric more or less contains moral code adhered to by indonesian women….
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
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@disillusioned
Oh oh I just realized that the back ground story occurred in Europe
which was means she lived there and so were you..?
if it is the case then I can say it’s pretty normal
same like most bule once they are in SE Asia most of them turn to be somehow worse (back to supply and demand) rule..then it also works for somehow educated n middle class pretty Asian babes that definitely realized that she has what to takes to get men attention
and I definitely understand why she didn’t want u to move to Indonesia
as she realize it will be easier for u to snapped by proper loving cute submissive normal another Indo babes that just everywhere here ! 😀