Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
timdog says:
Andy:
The truth is western guys like Indonesia not for the Nasi Goreng but for the far easier pussy hunt than they get back home.
Speak for yourself Andy… I called you a sexual refugee before and you got all uppity – are you now confessing that this is what you actually are?
Speaking for myself I never had much trouble back home, and “easy pussy” (not for me to suggest that Australians are unreconstructed neanderthals for whom sexual equality and the idea of women as sentient human beings is unknown, but hey! yeah… “easy pussy”, mate…) was never a consideration in my involvement with Indonesia…
Like I said, speak for yourself misterrr…
-
Rio says:
To you guys having problems:-
Remember, EVERY guy is a playboy before he gets married.
Wear it with pride, and don’t decieve anyone with your relationship expectations. -
Poundra says:
I am not saying that they were totally badly done in this case, kinch. As an ethnographer, i know i must separate my objective. But i also believe in partisipative observant, which means i consider my respondent as human being, dus subject, not just ppl who poke their face in front of cam.
And i graduate from hischool at 2004, many things change since then, but i trust in some value which dont. -
Amen, Rio 🙂
-
kinch says:
@ poundra:
i think i prefer the microbe / petri dish / microscope approach to studying head hunters 😀
-
PS: congratulations on being young. i envy you!
but, if you escaped from HS in 2004, you are no ethnographer. you might conceivably be the merest hint of the beginning of a possible one-day ethnographer.
-
On the topic of Bule ‘free sex’ (hahahaha… wish it really was FREE, but never is under any circumstances :)):
One problem is that in every third world jungle on this sorry ball of dirt we inhabit, every 2nd jungly guy has friends who have travelled overseas or friends of friends who have ditto. The males amongst them come back to their jungles eventually and of course all the guys ask them: ‘so how many of those loose whitey sluts did you bang?’
Now, very often the answer is zero. But do you think anyone is going to admit having spent an extended period in this western Sodom & Gomorrah (we know it is because we saw it on TV) and failed to get laid. So they all claim they were getting it 3 times/day on street corners, in alleys and standing on their heads in line at the bus stop.
After you’ve heard the same improbably tales from the third of fourth Tamil taxi driver in KL it starts to get a bit boring.
-
Kinch,
What is it with you and headhunters?
Oh, and I forget the ‘soon to be’ part. But, as young, active, and unspoiled generation with only merest hint of cynicism, i think it’s ok to consider myself as something i wanna be in the future.
I think u love me 😉 -
Farah says:
@ kinch
well it could be free as some guys will ask the girls to do it “in the name of love” (rolling my eyes), e.g “if you love me then you should want to do it with me, right sweety?” etc..etc. (yawn!).
….and the big bad wolf capture the young innocent white young rabbit and leave her as soon as his vacation is over in Bali..or Jakarta or Lombok (anywhere in indonesia).In western countries girls learn a lot from their mom, grandmother sisters mistakes as they more experienced and open to sex experiences. So… yeah less of them falling for those “sweet sugar coated top” lines from guys…
…but sure i will say NOT ALL Caucasian like that.. only..some.. are jerk.
-
@ Poundra:
I love you in a cynical old way. I love Farah in a youthful durian-inspired way.
Head hunters are exotic and interesting. You guys should elect one as Presiden – three heads are better than one, as we say :).
@ Farah:
Kuta Cowboys, Kashmir Houseboat Gigolos, Ukelele-playing Javanese Minor Aristocrats, etc… it’s a world full fraught with traps for the unwary whitey traveling bint – no doubt about that.
Sure some of us are jerks. But I am a cute and cuddly Energizer Bunny.
-
@ kinch
energizer bunny ? bwwahahahaha ! i hope you are ! -
Scurvy Dog says:
This forum really cracks me up. I didn’t realize Indonesian ladies who date “bules'” would be so contraversal. I am an American who travels to Indonesia (Jakarta) five or six times a year on business. I must admit that the women in Jakarta (and elsewhere I assume) are really beautiful and quite exquisite. I’m not much of a night club type of guy, but went to a couple of clubs there with my friends — Indonesian and Americans — and couldn’t believe how many of the ladies there were interested in bule men (especially if you’re 6’2″). I was skepticle of their intentions at first, but found that many of the ladies wanted nothing more than to hang out, have a few drinks and have a good time — nothing more, nothing less. I’ve done this on many occasions and both, the ladies we were with, and my friends and me were happy to part ways at 3:00 a.m. with nothing more than a kiss on the cheek. However, I did meet a gorgeous Indonesian women some time ago, and over time, we’ve developed a nice relationship. I refrain form saying we’ve developed a serious relationship because I’m usually in Indonesia for a week or two at a time every two months or so. Everytime I’m there, we’re like “two peas in a pod”, but I worry about getting too serious since we spend so much time apart as well. Now that I read through all of these forums, I’m starting to worry about all of the negative reprecussions of getting too serious with her. I believe (or believed maybe) that our cultural differences weren’t going to be a problem since my girlfriend speaks english really well and we communicate just fine. Any advice for the novice such as myself?
-
Nora says:
“…but sure i will say NOT ALL Caucasian like that.. only..some.. are jerk.” –> agree!
My wound is still wide open yet salted – ouch… ha ha
-
crocketman says:
Scurvy Dog: Advice ?? That’s not easy – for sure there ain’t no general guidelines esp for I’sia. This country is one big blur. For example Aceh – very religion ingrained yet ganja is an accepted staple of life. There’s no real lines of who is like what – as say there is much more so in place like Malaysia. For me that’s what makes I’sia interesting – an exotic Forrest Gump box of chocolates.
Repercussions though can be the same as elsewhere on religion, intellectual, adaptiveness, etc issues.
You do not say if you are into religion or not – and as well about her. Or if you drink booze and does she. Essentially where do you differ – you gotta figure out those lines. Sooner or later differences in your life & style is going to come into play – and depends on both of you as to how flexible and adaptive you both are. Seemingly easy-going flexibilities early on can turn to hard lines later on and the 30 grit sandpaper comes out. All of these can be (usualy are) non-issues early on and then only gets a lot more clear after a long time and well could become real conflict issues when you least want it or moreso often least expect it – and could turn into surprising revelations of what you thot you knew just flew out the window.
Best advice I can say – travel with her outside I’sia, best is to someplace that does NOT speak english, and for more than just a few days. Does she adapt – or miss not having nasi goreng and mie bakso on a daily basis – and says emphatically she’s just gotta get her dosage of rice. Does she complain about having to walk as there’s no easy taxi’s – or say your too cheap to flag a taxi in Tokyo or wherever which costs a small fortune. If it’s a cold place – can she handle it and adapt to putting on stuff to keep warm and accept that she’s gotta use lip balm so her lips don’t crack off? Is she willing to try wasabi, hot sake’, kimchi, footlong hotdogs, chapati’s, chimichanga’s? Can she go out of the hotel where nobody speaks english and figure out how to buy something and get back to the hotel without getting totally lost? If she does get lost – does it piss her off that they can’t speak english – and are of no use to help her? Or does she get a kick out of it all? You’ll have to pick which side you like – the pissed off or the getting a kick out of it.
You know a whole bunch more about her when she is really out of her own elements – as when you are in Jakarta – you already are.
-
@ Scurvy Dog
Interesting nick name.
I think i agree with mr crocketman. You need to learn more about her if you really want to take her seriously.. for married maybe.
Indonesian woman tends to be having probelm to adapt in new places.
My sister traveling alot, but still very indonesia, she can’t say shes already eat if she didn’t eat rice.. even if she already eat burger and fries. (She very skinny).
My friend claim shes not a spoiled girl, but once she had to travel to thailand, she so upset to find out that she should do more walk or ride bike rather than steering a car or rent taxi, she complain most of the time.Theres so many difference to over come… she speak english.. its good.. only few less to be worried about.. at least you speak same language…
Try to do some exploring outside her “comfort area” and see how she will dealing with that.
If she will be the one, she wont mind with lots of walking, doing her own laundry without house helper (pembantu) and change her baby diapers, and even sewing her own clothes or making quilt by her own.. completely different stuff.
And how she could handle four season would be good.. hehehe… some of us can’t even handle something cooler than 10 degrees celcious (your spring/autumn?) -
@Farah:
Does this mean you’ll do my ironing for me?
-
Barry Prima says:
Andy: Even in a rape scenario you show the sensitivity of a…..well.. a castlemaine 4x swilling crocodile Dundee .
And then you have the idiocy to say something as obvious as this as a concession to prove you’re human:
If they rape someone it is wrong
Indonesian women perhaps should be more careful who sleep with
Yes esp Guys like you…
Get the dollar sign out of their eyes.
Getting your hated of islam out of your mind might equally help you, esp when it clouds your judgment about rape.Farah….really sad story and although not the norm highlights some of the dangers of dating non Indonesians. I know someone who had a very similar experience…..like you I initially just couldn’t accept the cry of rape, this girl didn’t show any obvious signs of trauma, and did not as result hate all men or even prevent her from making friends with men of the same type/country.
First of all we have certain expectation how a woman would behave if man asked her to have a look at her hotel late at night and second we also expect that a rape victim would respond to diperkosa in a certain way. The thing is a Kampung girl does not respond in the way that a modern or western girl would in either situation. A lot of girls accept infidelity and selfishness as part of the lot with men and are quick to forgive them in their sweet and innocent nature. This girl I know not only forgave the guy, but thought marrying him was the solution. The guy made some a superficial show of repentance but legged it, never to be heard from again.
For me it was impossible to believe that some of my indo friends dated girls for 2/3 years and did nothing more than hold hands (and that was just to cross the road) I just felt that kind of behaviour is impossible. Having said that when I talk to western guys in their 50’s a lot of them also courted girls back in the old days without having sex, and the only girls who gave it up were also shunned. So girls/guys in the west also had that naivety once upon a time.
I wish more girls out there realize the consequences of dating with western guys.
Well yes…a Caucasian guy will expect to get the sex…so might an Indonesian..but its very possible that an Indonesian man wont ,.there is always that danger when you marry outside of your own culture, the rule book is not the same and the attitudes relating to pre marital sex are an important part of that.
The sad part is that it is very likely that if she keeps repeating the same dating habits she will in time become one of those dollar sign in their eyes ayam. -
Andy says:
Barry, I don’t remember mentioning rape at all in my post. I was merely talking about the topic which is dating. Trust a muslim to think of rape when they are the greaest perpetrators of the crime on the planet. Of course when a muslim rapes someone the victim is the one who is charged. Don’t you know that Barry?
And timdog, no need to throth at the mouth everytime I ay something you even marginally disagree with. And don’t you go down the slanderous road yourself. I am not and never have been a sex tourist. I was talking about others who are. And there are plenty in Indonesia simply because the market is there. Care to disagree with that?
-
The markets for sex are everywhere in Asia (and not just Asia). Just today the illustrious tv channel Al Jazeera showed the haps in Singapore of the increasing a lot on the hot and cold running women. The typical spin paradox – aka “Singalore” – looks all clean and shiny – but dig a little and there’s a big other (nether) world just under that “make-up” surface. The close one eye ever going on – as there’s some serious money losses across the board involved if the gov’t boys nip this off at the bud. Knee jerk raids are made off and on – really only to show the general public that they are doing something. Read about Okinawa and the US military and those rape cases. Military mandated orders were given that all serviceman activities were off limits to any and all public places – meaning they were not to stop anywhere & buy even a bottle of water off-base. That lasted about one week – as local business people cried and shouted they’d be bankrupt in no time. So it’s back to status quo – those serviceman’s yen (pardon the pun) are good stuff.
-
Trust a muslim to think of rape when they are the greaest perpetrators of the crime on the planet. Of course when a muslim rapes someone the victim is the one who is charged.
There you go….in your response to farah’s post, as with the above…you used it as an excuse to spout your anti islamism and blaming girls with dollars signs.
Your claims are too ridiculous to even bother defending Islam against.
-
@ kinch
When ever you are finish cooking dinner, doing dishes, throwing garbage, mowing the lawn twice a week, etc, and massage me head to toe every nite babe… -
@Farah: Sounds pretty high maintenance to me! Starting to regret selling the goat!
-
Lanang says:
Why not consulting with a marriage-and-family therapist? It’s quite common nowadays in Jakarta to seek advice from counseling services. Several friends of mine are working in that area and I rest assure you that their approach is generally neutral, modern and indoctrination-free. For those who aren’t yet married, well then, consult with each other. List your future goals as a couple, and figure out how to work things out together.
Why go that way? Because the root of the problem may not be about racial or religious differences? It certainly could be in a social system which SARA [ethnics, religion, race and intergroups] discrimination would likely to occur, but such trivialities mainly involve the public realms, be it social, political or legal ones — the surface of things.
If there should be a problem concerning race or religion in a relationship, it shows a lot that the bond shared isn’t deep or isn”t essential enough in the first place, don’t you all think so? Friend of mine once said, you know you’re with the right person in your life if both of you could look at this type of problems and laugh it off together; then cooperatively create solutions from there.
Don’t take my word for it though. I’m happily in love with a fellow Indonesian man, so I guess I wouldn’t know how it feels like to be in anyone’s shoes here.
Just my two cents.
-
Ah take a look at the date on that post Barry… I even forgot about that one. But again you misquoted me as only a frustrated muslim could. Tell me the appalling human rights records of muslim countries against women don’t exist. I don’t know how you could do it with a straight face. Damn right i’m anti muslim and with good reason. They are doing everything you are accusing me of and slandering me when you don’t even know me.
And then you comment with another typical anti Australian comment like -Even in a rape scenario you show the sensitivity of a…..well.. a castlemaine 4x swilling crocodile Dundee .
You must be a pom to post like that. No other bules hate Australia like your mob as you can’t beat us in tiddly winks let alone any major sports. And your mob are all lining up at our ports begging to let you in. Too cold in the UK I guess. I mean timdog with such nonsense as -not for me to suggest that Australians are unreconstructed neanderthals for whom sexual equality and the idea of women as sentient human beings is unknown, but hey! yeah… “easy pussy”, mate.
Australia was the first country in the world to grant women the right to vote. Our record on women’s issues is second to none. But Barry would prefer to defend muslim countries who won’t even allow girls to go to school or women to work. Keep praying mate, you might make it to the 20th century one day.
-
I’ll let your own words speak on my behalf…….
Apart from this.But Barry would prefer to defend muslim countries who won’t even allow girls to go to school or women to work.
Really I have never defended a Muslim country on IM.
-
Sensitivity of a…..well.
The word I was grappling for was bogan.No other bules hate Australia like your mob as you can’t beat us in tiddly winks let alone any major sports.Damn right i’m anti muslim
I am not anti Australia, Aussies or bogan for that matter and I am not anti you either. As for your sporting prowess, fair dinkum I can’t help but admit a slight jealousy and grudging admiration of Aus as a sporting nation, but as a consolation at least your crap at soccer.
Whether you think Islam is a bogus religion or not, carrying that hatred around with you is not going to benefit anyone less you. Islam is not going to go away, so what is the point?
Letting go of hatred and trying to embrace empathy for the weakness of others (if that what you believe it is) will undoubtedly help you to see the reality of things in a much clearer light. That’s my suggestion to you. -
but as a consolation at least your crap at soccer.
Not the least bit interested in soccer but we performed admirably in the last world cup and look like making it again next time. I think we did better than England last time. Not bad for a country that couldn’t give a toss for the most part. The fact that both Australia and the USA make world cups and soccer nations like Indonesia don’t is a tribute to our effort and athletism.
-
Rossa says:
@shawty
Lol, a very interesting discussion, well, I’m an Chinese indo girl, have been living in s’pore for about 3 yrs for my study.
When I think of my past, I see myself as a person who really lack of knowledge and passion in life,
Who everyday dress up nicely, following the norm of catching guy attention.
Play with sms or reply those stupid sms “hello, boleh kenalan?”
Lol, I feel it funny as I remind of all those while I never pay attention to my study or learning seriously though I am top 5 in my smp UAN result, when I was at a (consider the best sch in town). Well, all MCQs and it’s not hard though (if you have a lot of common sense LOL) until I come here 3 yrs ago, I feel that my life has just started.I do a lot of catch-up with the peers here.
And finished reading my 1st book in life.
I work part time on weekends and full time on holidays, I read news, I anxious on my the assignment given, I become punctual, I hardly wake up at 11 or 12 that I used to when I was in indonesia on weekends.Well if I have never come here, I guess I will always be that frog in the well.
Indo girl abroad doesn’t mean their minds are polluted, well, at least not the indo girls fren I have met in sg. We all take care ourselves well.
But they are able to think not act as a silly girl, no longer adopts the ideology of “Guy rules”.
They start to improve themselves in every way they can be it knowledge or skills for their own future, own life. 😀 -
@ Rossa: Good for you! (It’s a start)
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006-2025
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
crocketman-The typical perceptions of the west – zero virgins – easy sex everywhere.
Those who have these perceptions are usually very sheltered Indonesian males who have found it particularly difficult to get laid. They fantasize about white people roaming the streets naked and practising free love. I laugh myself silly whenever I hear that. They get these ideas from watching porno movies (most likely purchased on the streets near Blok M) The truth is western guys like Indonesia not for the Nasi Goreng but for the far easier pussy hunt than they get back home. I’ve seen guys with 2 or 3 girls in their arms who say they hadn’t had sex for years back home. If an Indonesian guy can’t get it in Indonesia he has buckleys if he ever goes to the west.