Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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shawty says:
hmmm i think i use word ( leave = out from indo ) not ( live = stay in indo )
*lol* because sorry to say u SEEMS not really know about whats going on now in my country 😀
in my opinion,what happen in china is because sorry to say black people hmm hadnt have good image such as drug seller or etc but yah they are in univ so they are not..but ordinary people may thinking different.., even in Indonesia..paradigm of people think of black people may remain the same..anyway talking about maid..u should open new threat not here..
cos seems ur post review all aspect of indonesian which is irrelevant with this thread 🙂
i want this thread back to DATING INDONESIAN GIRLS not what happen with indo labor market so the girl become maid or etc etc -
crocketman says:
Shawty – will do looking at how to set up a new thread.
But keep in mind – these maids could well get out of thier situation if they found a good boyfriend. I can bet that there are many who would love to have a real “friend” to help them get through the daily struggles they face in a place they do not really understand nor really fit in.
Guys can see these girls at the airports – and (hopefully) take time to talk to them. Most of these girls know some english. The ones I spoke too knew much more english than arabic.
An aspect going on with the maids is they are seeing the world outside thier own country. Whether good or bad, it’s a life experience, and they know things of what’s happening, have to work hard, and face hardships. These are good aspects – and given the right guy – these are admirable aspects.
Who knows – a relationship might start up at the airport, and carry on further.
These airports are a place to meet girls without going to I’sia.
If we were to ask them I can bet there are many that would welcome the chance.
Anyway – that’s my thoughts.
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Goddess_in_paradise says:
Crocketman, a very good point, indeed 🙂
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Poundra says:
I think foreign men are hot. It must be very good to see my mixed race children playing around. (Perbaikan keturunan) Lol. But if there is any quality I adore of these men, that is their open minded culture. Oh and their no non sense behaviour. I think that’s kinda sexy.
Lately, when I’m doing on my ethnographic themed thesis at Osing people, Banyuwangi, I found a really sad fact about the expats who did a research there. For example this Andrew Beatty, an anthropologist from Oxford University who lived there for 3 years. He definitely got his professor title from Osing people, and guess what, not even an email left. What, does he think, the people he researched only an object? And til now, even years after his presence, the Osing still talk bout him, to me, the non related researcher. “Pak Andro begini, Pak Andro begitu.”
Hate it.
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Farah says:
@poundra
yeah it sad… i think you are lucky to find someone the best for you with bonuses that he look so sexy (yums) hehehe…Last night got a phone call from my australian friend he just got back to his hotel from a date with a north sumatra girl. He told me that girl was new in jakarta, 18 month. She never been out side her province for 27 years of her life.
She went to jakarta and decide want to have an expat husband (a caucasian). She look the perfect guy and decide to had little vacation to Bali with her friend, another girl. And end up raped by a German guy. Shes to shame to report. But she said, that german guy call her and said sorry, he don’t know that shes still a virgin (oh yeah???!!!!).
She told all of this to my australian friend. He ask my opinion about the girls she met in jakarta.
And i think this is the saddest story that i ever heard. I finally talk with the girl, shes 1 year older than me, but oh God she’s SOOOO NAIVE !!! she’s too good.
I wish more girls out there realize the consequence’s of dating with western guys. Caucasians just a normal man, and some of them good, some of them just jerk. Her story and the way she told me about it made me so upset.Especially the rape part. A “no” is a “no” and he should know that for what so ever reason.
…but.. yeah…
Its also funny in some other way… she sound doesn’t have the trauma, and start seing another caucasian for a blind date (with my friend).
In some part of me i want to believe her story, but some said… this can’t be true…
i mean.. come on.. get raped is not an experience you could just forget just like that !!!!anyway… i think this wont be the first thing to happened with indonesian girls who adore western guys so much… wish she just understand about them first before starting to go out with them…
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Date rape is a worldwide problem. Indeed though I’sian girls that are not “city-wise” are taking a real gamble looking to date, not only with expat guys but with any guy. Many people who go outside thier own country or area often do things they would not do at home. I this this goes for both the this girl and this guy (although he well may be just some sort of jerk animal who would do the same thing at home). I have seen a few tourist guys in action while in Bali who thought all girls nearby were for thier taking. Basically there is a real different view and different signal reception – on both sides. The girl wants to be adventurous to meet someone new (most likely outside her realm of knowledge or limited experience), and a predator type guy can take this as a signal of willingness to hop in bed. This is over-simplified, but basically at the core, this is mixed badly signals. There is no excuse for this guy, and as said a no is really no. These predator guys do not use thier head to sort out or even recept signals, they only use another part that has no brain.
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Andy says:
Farah, I can guarantee you that Indonesian guys are just as likely to rape a girl as any bule. If a bule did it they would be targeted and hunted down by the family, friends or village she comes from. If a local did it she would not be allowed to do anything. Don’t you know that muslims condone rape. Look at girls in Africa who are charged with adultery, stoned to death and for what. Being gang raped by their own people. It is a religion that discriminates against women…period. Women can’t even worship in the same area as men on Friday, their holy day.
The only thing I can say is that if a bule is prone to doing such a thing abroad it is because they would be facing serious jailtime in a western country if they tried the same thing and girls in the west are much harder to get close to anyway. If they rape someone it is wrong but Indonesian women perhaps should be a little more careful who they choose to sleep with. Get the dollar sign out of their eyes. -
Keone says:
I am a white western man, expat in Asia and have not dated an Asian woman yet but have gotten to know one I happen to like very much. I treat her with respect, courtesy and she is my equal. And if she likes me and I her, great. If she prefers another man in the end, I wish her will. At any rate, there are some nice western guys and some not nice. Same can be said for Asian girls or any other race, nationality or gender.
I find I am on exceptionally good behaviour here in Asia because I realize I am in another culture and in a sense represent what Asians may think of foreign people. I certainly would never be mean to any Asian girl if I were fortunate enough to date one romantically.
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@crocketman
Thats why i am saying that its much better for indonesian girls to learn at least a little bit about western culture or customs, not only watch it from MTV or hollywood movies.
Its different thing in real life.@Andy
I agree with you. Thats why i said, a caucasian just normal human, some good and some bad.My australian friend that night said to that girl “hey do you want to see my hotel room?had some tea or coffee?” and she (the north sumatra girl) answer “yes, why not”
For western guys that questions short of saying “could we continue this to some bed activity” but for that poor girl she thought see the hotel room meaning just see the hotel room, the exact meaning (extremely naive !!)
And she had 4 years degree in english faculty from one university in Medan !! But this is happening, when the girl just can’t understand about the culture… not the language.. i believe that she understand what he’s saying.My australian friend ask me to talk with her and giving some short woman conversation and advises. Not to go to a hotel room with someone that she just met over internet !! cause thats means saying yes for the “hidden” invitation !
He driver her straight to her rent room with a taxi last night. Nothing happened, but i hope she learn something….
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kinch says:
@ Farah:
Wanna come upstairs and see my etchings?
😀
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@ Poundra:
If you care so much for the poor jungly darlings, it shouldn’t take you 15 seconds to Google up Andrew Beatty’s details at Brunel University and tell him to go be nice to them 😀
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@ Farah
Yes, i can not believe it also since she looks fine with it and doesn’t have any trauma after this rape things happened … Has she going to hospital to check her mentality … maybe deeper inside it … she is really traumatic and expressed it on dating more caucasian guys … ? who know ya?
@ all
I chated years ago … and found that a lot of Caucasian guy always searching a girl with webcam. I thought that time, it is a prove that the chatter is not lying. I rejected and being rejected because i wasn’t using webcam. But lately, I was accepted 2 or 3 guys to be my chat friends – and found it from chat room, i was bored that time, 1 doing some stripteases, another 2 guys also trying to do that … and asking me to do so … Is it really common lately on the west or just these 3 freak guys that doing that on the web? … And they said that it is really common that girl from indonesia do some stripteases and that is really shock me …
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To farah story :
I’ve been there..done that ..
meeting caucasian guy in the late of night and hoping nothing gonna be happen as I was really concern about being virgin till the holy matrimony..
But I was lucky..
that bad things never happen..
I’m not dating once, twice, 3rd..
More than 10 I guess in jakarta..
anyway why more than 10..I’m not player..
But what kind of expat that want to have virgin gf haha..
That’s why..easy come easy go…hmm probably she just had bad luck..
and why she doesn’t regret it
probably because it doesn’t matter any more for her
as she really want to meet and marry caucasian guys..
but yeah she shouldnt give impression of being sleazy as well..Anyway I was just trying to say I’ve been there done that..and
thx God im lucky 😉 -
Wow kinch, wow. Are you internet sailor or something? I’ve tried with only the name and found nothing.
Farah,
I’m still single and have no relationship with any bule watsoever.. Thou i do more than willing to have some experience in the future, lol.
And yes, date rape is something we should against.
At risky encounter such as blind date women shud aware of the worst possibility; our date mr.bule or anyone turns out to be predator. -
@skuller pink
Lol, now thats hilarious. What we would call as ‘exhibitionism at peak’
I can imagine your shockness, darling. -
@Kinch
… (put some cute dumb/naive face)……uh-eh…..yes.. mister… why not ?..now ?bwwahahahahahahahahahahahaa !!!!
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@ Skuller pink
I only talk with her once, and its only like 10-15 min on phone. My friend give his cellphone to her so she could talk with me. I never meet her personally.web cam ??
hehehe…. i know that years ago while in university… seemed that lots of “worker girl” work at web cams world too.
I never use webcam, if they want to know me i just send pics. You will never know what you’re going to see on those guys web cam. Never since i know theres more stupid and crazy guy out there over internet rather than the normal one.
Most of them just want to show off their “thing” to girls and most of time i will say “oh, what is that ?” pretending dont know and if they respond i will say.. “are you 9 years old or something?? thats look … small” and they will leave me without saying anything at all.
as.. if they request me to strip, i will say that i was trannie, not had my “removal” surgery yet.. they will appears off line asap.
I can never understand if they said its normal to do so over internet…to someone you just know ? hehehe maybe the next thing is your striptease webcam action will be all over the internet or in youtube website !Never do that girls ! respect your self !
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@ shawty
No matter who we date, if he really care us like he said, he should wait.Believe it or not, some of exchange students that sent to my university from USA and Canada are virgin (GIRLS). I can’t believe it my self, but they are as they said. Not all of them but yeah still surprise when i could meet 23 y/o virgin white girls (one of them even so pretty/blonde, bright blue eyes, pink archy lips.. like barbie..)
So for those who adapt the “american ways” of dating.. its not all true what you see in tv, how easy for them to jump to some guys bed.
……hehehe not at first date at least hehehehe….
I was dating some white guys too while in univ, being with them most of time hard not to feel something with them. And yeah.. i am one of the lucky one, as they respect me…
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Many to most western countries have sex ed classes starting in junior high school – and this is something all but missing in Asian countries. Besides this – the attitude towards sex in western countries is more open and not some deep dark secret like in Asia. Thus many to most parents as well talk to thier kids early on and give them warnings about what’s out there in the big bad world. It’s a much more open relationship and the kids are much more willing to ask questions and will get mature answers. At minimum, whatever the parent does not know – many are willling to go out and get a book on the subject and figure out what and how to talk to thier kid about this. Obviously not all parent / kid relationships in the west are very open – but the percent is way beyond what’s happening in Asia.
While in Asia the kid is moreso told to shut up and do NOT ask questions esp concerning anything remotely close to sex. It ends up the most info they get is from TV, from some x movie, or if they are lucky enough to have internet – they browse all the wrong stuff – all of which is pretty much nothing but askewed. If the parent does notice something going on with the kid – they typically get reprimanded – and told not to do whatever with no explanations.
In the deep dark country called Yemen I recently seen young teenager guys at interent cafes hidding in corners chatting to girls on yahoo or whatever. I seen some of the words they had on screen – and it was not good stuff. It was obvious that these kids are like mushrooms – they live in the dark and are fed on shit. And the main use of the internet is to get out of the dark – and they end up getting into more shit as nobody including thier parents gives them any directions – other than – again to shut up.
It’s no wonder that many Asian girls (and guys) are naive. The culture has a long ways to go to open up and provide these kids something other than the mushroom syndrome. With the internet the world is a simple google away – and that kind of education is as mixed up gamble and as misdirected as it can get.
I am always amazed to see the maturity differences between western teenagers compared to Asian teenagers. It would be very interesting to see both types in one room and see interaction between them in a conversation topic of sex. There’d be a lot of “rolling of the eyes” by the western teenagers for sure. Now there’s a documentary I’d like to see.
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@crocketman
hehehe… we do (me and my indonesian friend) ever had sex conversation with some caucasian girls about this.
Yes its funny, and how things is mixed up.
We, indonesian girls thought ALL western girls start to had sex as soon as they had their period. And they WILL do that with their boyfriend.
We never know that some of them just like us, willing to wait until their wedding night.
And some of the sex topics are crazy because like you said, we indonesian girls learn it oust side the class. Asian actually willing to do more crazy kinky stuff rather than western… its quite surprising fact.
But after visiting Bangkok… i realize what they said is true.
I think thats also because lack of sex education. Also wrong perception about sex it self. Lack of knowledge about hygiene, self protection, and also respect towards couple.
And now with those porn law.. i don’t know if they banned pictures on education book also (another withdrawal? hehehe)… -
@ Poundra:
Forced to choose between two possibilities:
(1) I am an internet genius.
(2) You are an internet retard.
In all modesty, I choose 2. I mean the obvious google phrase is ‘andrew beatty anthropologist’ (after all, he’s not a dentist and he’s not a toilet unblocker)… and what do you think the *top* google search result is?
Or maybe you’re a headhunter pretending to be a fieldworker? :).
No, probably not. I’m sure any headhunter could do a better job on Google. To develop your level of googleapathy, one has to be *de*-educated from one’s natural-born state. I suspect the hand of either UI or UGM at work here.
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Farah makes a good point that one should not form all one’s opinions about any culture (and doubly so Western) from watching movies and TV. It really *is* a lot more complicated and variable than that – wherever one goes.
I guess this is an argument for travel and getting to meet locals. Actually it takes protracted living amongst said locals to begin to get a clue about their lives and outlooks and real (as opposed to stated) beliefs and behaviours. And a human lifetime is not that long. And there are a lot of different folks. So one can only ever know a very small fraction of it all. So maybe it’s best to stay home, marry girl from high school 😀
Oops… forgot I didn’t go to school with Farah. Oh well.
I’m inclined to believe that most non Westerners are actually more ignorant about us than we are about them. This goes against the all the politically correct orthodoxies… but when we whitey’s don’t know we usually just don’t know and/or don’t care. When *you* junglies think or believe you know because you saw it on TV or read Goenawan Mhd. blathering po-mo speak about it in Tempo… you know even less than not knowing because it’s just so utterly wrong.
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@ kinch
……what year you go to highschool ?hehehe..hope you’re not a “berondong” or popcorn in english… hehehehehe
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@ Farah:
I don’t know what you mean by berondong / popcorn. I’m certainly older than you – finished high school in 1984. Ancienttttt.
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@ Kinch
LOL, yes, i would have chose the 2nd, and thank u 4 showing me my googleapathy level of googleawareness (my uns education taught me just well, thank u) but there’s a bit exception here. I heard those Osingnese say “Pak Andro Beatti”, and me being clueless just type as i heard, and even being creative playing with the letters. And i even checked at oxford’s anthropology board 4 the name and of course found none there. Finally get the rit name and just forget to search again.
Hupf, i figure maybe Mr Weatty doesn’t think its necessary to give such happening equipment as email address to ppl who dont even spell his name correctly. And btw, just sent him an email.
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@poundra:
Well consider your ass kicked anyway – it’s small punishment compared to having your head removed and shrunk and used as an item of personal adornment 😀
It will be interesting to hear what he has to say for himself. I imagine some boiler plate anthro-babble about not getting too attached to the objects of one’s study… which I’m kind of inclined to go along with. I’m pretty sure these noble and no doubt ultra-asli denizens of wherever it is got some baksheesh for putting up with him in their longhouses (or whatever) and poking video cameras in their noses at weddings and funerals… so it’s not like they were totally badly done by in the whole deal.
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@ kinch
hehehehehe….. i finish my high school at 1999.. hehehehehehe.. you are ancient ! -
@ Farah:
That’s why I need more durians! 😀
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The typical perceptions of the west – zero virgins – easy sex everywhere.
Easy to say – it’s like saying I know about the haps in Shanghai and I’ve never there. But hey – I seen it on tv and my friends told me all about it – so hey of course – I got this S’hai thing all figured out.
Wierd thing this sex ed – some actually do get out from under the old in the dark shit-fed mushroom and maybe makes a wise(r) choice or 2 – other than to say ahh – okay – lets go to this guys hotel room for a spot of tea. Not sure what’s wrong – is it the girl – or the guy – err reckon it must the tea – it’s that Liptons and not Teh-O.
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Re Shawty: – So you figure I’ve been in I’sia a long time? Belum lama – baru berberapa tahun. I’ll maybe let you know if you pester me enough !
As for birth decline in I’sia? With the more educated – yes there’s a decline. But there’s a population increase in the poverty population. I will see if I can get data on this segment and post it here when I can (hopefully) find it.
A page I looked at just now does not show this – but does have a lot of info:
http://www.indexmundi.com/indonesia
Both Goddess & Shawty have good info & points. Indeed everywhere has some sort of bias. My main point was that many girls (and guys too in some cases) are afraid to date outside thier own race because of the bias around them.
In China some years ago there was a first wave of “exchange students”, some from China went to the US and some from US went to China. In the contigient from the US, some few were black students too (to my memory only 2 girls and something like 6 black guys, the rest were mainly caucasian). Crap hit the fan when 2 of these black guys started dating China girls. The school and town people wanted them out. Something that was meant to be bringing cultures together turned out to be an international fiasco and “showcasing” China’s bias. China has gotten better in recent years – but still the bias is huge, much moreso than I’sia.
My view was that inside this huge bias were 2 very BRAVE China girls !!
In my travel experience, Hawaii is a real melting pot. Many of the locals are totally mixed. Some I talked to had 16 types of country race, and some were not really sure what they had for blood background – and did not care what mix they are. There’s some real exotics !! Not much worry (well less anyway) about bias in Hawaii.
I’d like to hear comments about what I wrote earlier about the housemaids – esp those going to the Middle East. I see at airports, in the last few years, at Dubai and Doha – there’s more and more maids, both from I’sia and from Philippines. On my recent trips I seen that these airports had 100’s of maids, and twice recently it seemed like more maids than other travelers.
Does anyone have personal stories about what’s really happening to these girls ? I have read some stories, heard some stories, and there’s a lot going on that’s not being reported in mass media. All I can say is these girls too are brave.