Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
-
Felicia says:
Uhh..it’s kinda frustrating to read all comments above at 4.am in the morning.
I’m indonesian and yes frankly I want to marry a foreign man. NOT because of money or green-card,though yeah some of people I know,really get obsessed with those things and try to find white-men around as much as they can.
While for me,okay maybe sounds fool; I always think that most of foreign man (American and European) will be always romantic to their wives even in old ages (okay,I’m inspired by films. Doh!). In my mind,they are perfect lovers for a fairy-tale-dreamer like me.
Another reason is that in my opinion foreign people (men and also the women) really know how to take care their environment and animals around (this one I found in community groups which I joined,especially animal-lovers. Most of the active members are from USA and Europe,only few of them come from Asia or even Africa),oh ya I always think that they have good disciplines and obey rules well,not like people here in Indonesia.
So,it’s not all about money right? 🙂
Warm regards -
Dian,..I don’t see the need to call one way or the other better or be defensive. Football hooligans? Indonesia has pretty much we have agreed a very strong family culture and yet stands high in the football hoolign production line. Some others have pointed out that not having the same family obligations did not stop them being successful or good people.
It’s different not better and needs to be managed early when the two cultures meet in a relationship.At the risk of getting people all hot under the collar, a large part of the ethnic tension and corruption in Indonesia can be traced back to the obligations to family rather than the greater good. My brother needs a job, I will ignore merit and hire my brother, open contract or award to family..etc
No better ..different
-
ET says:
At the risk of getting people all hot under the collar, a large part of the ethnic tension and corruption in Indonesia can be traced back to the obligations to family rather than the greater good
Not sure about ethnic tension but I’ve read somewhere that countries with the highest incidence of corruption are also those where family ties are the strongest. Not surprising if your social security depends on the clan rather than the welfare state.
I would say that on a personal level the traditional strong family culture has advantages over the impersonal welfare state. However in view of the greater good and impartial redistribution of wealth the modern western models have the edge. -
Ethnic tension look no further than the perception that Chinese Indonesians are clannish and exclude ‘pribumi’ Indonesians. Was so easy for some to exploit that in 98.
To take it further, read what Bill Gates has to say about trying to get Asian billionaires involved in charities for the greater good of the wider populace, if it’s not family then screw em would seem to be the motto.
On the local scene, look at the evil mud brothers who are happy to wallow in obscene displays of wealth whilst tens of thousands are homeless thanks to them in Surabaya. But hey the family is doing just fine thanks..
-
deta says:
Either way, whether people live in individualistic way of life like in the west, or they are strongly attached to the family clan like in Asia, there is no guarantee that the needy will be taken care of if the state doesn’t care to uphold the law to protect them, right?
As for the mud evil, an evil is an evil. Whether he has a lot of family members to take care of – including the materialistic daughter in law – or he lives alone in the deserted island, he will find one way or another to make other’s life miserable.
-
Indeed Deta, I think ET put it best, on personal level the strong family ties offer significant advantages however for society at large a much more debatable point.
Curiously, a digressing slightly with such strong family traditions and religious imprinting Indonesia is in the top ten porn downloaders in the world it was reported today..hmmmmm
-
Any idea to relate this porn downloading habit with strong family ties? Like, because you care and think very much about the family you have to loosen that stress a bit by browsing through it? 🙂 Or, because you’re constantly under the supervision of your parents, your uncle and your aunties, the options available are either you date yourself or you download these porns to release the hormonal imbalance? 🙂
-
Arie Brand says:
It all seems a bit of a vicious circle: as long as the state is revenue-poor there is no money for a welfare system, when there is no welfare system people have to rely on the family. as long as they rely on the family there will be low appreciation of the common good, a low appreciation of the common good is related to a high inclination to avoid taxes plus the possibility of doing so through corrupt taxation officers who have an equally low estimation of the common good and a high appreciation of their family’s interest, tax avoidance leads to a revenue-poor state and there we are back at the beginning. One could of course start this circle at any other point.
I have often wondered when and how West European states managed to break through this. f Take Britain and ideas about corruption. When the fellow who is deemed to be Britain’s first de facto Prime Minister, Sir Robert Walpole, (in our eyes scandalously) enriched himself and his family it didn’t seem to create all that much of a stir. If about a century later another PM, Sir Robert Peel, had done the same it would probably have led to a great brouhaha. What led to the change? Probably a multiplicity of causes. A better defined party system and with it parliamentary opposition, a wider electorate (the Reform Bill), a more powerful public sphere (a wider distribution of more newspapers) – in general a greater influence of the middle class (the only class that, as Queen Victoria rightly knew, was ‘behaving itself’) etc.
I have indulged in some amateur history here and gladly give my opinion for a better one.
When, in Southeast Asia, I look at Filipino politics it is clear that a few factors that seem to have worked for Britain are lacking there. There is no clearly defined party system and with it parliamentary opposition. People can easily change parties depending on where their personal advantage lies. Also, to have a wide electorate means little as long as votes can be so easily bought, in the first place by the entrenched “trapos’ (traditional politicians belonging to the old ‘political families’). And though the Philippines has a vigorous press the quality papers are generally too dear for the ‘hoi polloi’. Etc.
But is there a ‘master clue’? And if so where?
-
Arie Brand
But is there a ‘master clue’? And if so where?
The clue lies where the masses started to organize themselves into unions, which gave rise to the formation of socialist parties demanding better working conditions, higher pay and organizing the first health and retirement insurance funds. Soon in democratic societies the other parties had to follow these ‘socialist’ evolutions for fear of losing voters. This way the welfare state was born and has been refined ever since, unfortunately sometimes up to a point where the system itself becomes a legal maze and an unbearable financial burden. But the starting point still lies within the determination of the people to emancipate and break the pattern of sole reliance on family handouts.
The question however remains: what does all this have to do with dating Indonesian girls?
-
Interesting. I wonder whether it is the lack of social welfare from the state that foster the “clanning” culture in a country, or vice versa, the clanning culture that’s hard to break impedes the social movement to demand a better social welfare.
-
deta
I believe the reason lies in the 2nd part of your remark. As long as SARA is more important than work ethics and solidarity on a wider basis the mold will never be broken.
-
But why is it that the more advance the state and the welfare system, the less cohesive the family reliance becomes? Can’t you live in a great country with good support system, and still have the greater family solidarity and reliance?
Is family actually a hindrance and individual life is what we -humans- basically want?@ Oigal
I guess you’re right, about everything and the porn. I was just venting (at a weird place. ha!) and was actually addressing my irritation to some place else. – I just didn’t get it when my western European families describe me as “we’re loosely related by marriage” instead of a simple “we’re family”.
As for the porn download, I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s not easy to find a porn shop in Indonesia, and if you did, people (uncles, aunties, etc) would judge you anyway. I remember when I worked for a big telecom company in Jakarta, almost half of the emails being circulated were porns. *phah!*@ ET
The question however remains: what does all this have to do with dating Indonesian girls?
Dating Indonesian girls means dating their families? No?
-
ET
Thanks for having a go at the ‘master clue’.
However, the partictular historical comparison I came up with (Walpole vs Peel) concerned a period before trade unionism (roughly 1740-1840). In Britain (and Australia) trade unions were important in the creation of labour parties – in Holland the link was less clear.
However it seems to me that, without wider changes in political culture, trade unions can in themselves not lead to the formation of successful progressive political parties. These changes have to precede trade union activity as was the case in Britain, Australia and Holland (the US offers quite a different picture -the lack of a mass based socialist party there has puzzled analysts at least since Werner Sombart’s book ‘Why is there no socialism in the United States’, published more than a century ago).
The Philippines has trade unions but, politically, they amount to very little. Indonesia had, as you probably know, in the period 1946-1965 a in terms of membership – and the ability to make a pest of itself in foreign policy matters – quite strong federated union, the Sentral Organisasi Buruh Seluruh Indonesia (SOBSI). Though it was successful in the improvement of some labour conditions it did not lead to political party formation (the PKI was not its child and from time to time they were at loggerheads). It was smashed together with the PKI in 1965.
History rarely offers ‘master clues’ – only a collection of hints. That is probably the case here as well.
-
No Deta, I don’t have idea what the link it’s somewhat counter intuitive at first glance. Although, taking a punt I would suggest it’s more to do with stifling religious mores that oppress normal boy- girl social interaction leading to whole generation of hormonally hyped young men who only female relationship experience with mama and sneaky peeks at naughty web sites.
-
Dian, to be fair I was taking a somewhat extreme view myself, just for fun. Dont think for a minute that I don’t enjoy the benefits of the ‘family’ approach to life in Indonesia. I just think we need to be careful we don’t over look the inherent flaws in any culture.
If we were smart, we would pick the best bits from each…..
-
Hehe and oh Dian, trust me if we were married I can assure you that you would be clinging to the distance that ‘we are loosely related my marriage’ would give from my relatives, whose sole existence is simply to prove that reverse evolution is not an abstract concept. You have not seen scary until you witnessed backwoods coupled with religious snake eaters.
Key Banjos….and squeal
-
Bishwas kc says:
I meet one indonesian girl named MAYA about one year ago and our dating started.Within our seven month of date time i think i spent about 70 years of my life time.After she went back to indonesia and got married.She is tottaly out of contact.But, i m still love her and trying to make contact with her.in my experience,they really know the love and relationship between lovers.I realy respect the indonesian girls.
-
dave says:
I love my Indonesion wife from Lombok very much but she consistinley nags me everday when I get home from work.
I have brought her a house which she has changed into a rooma qaus ( rental rooms ) a car, 30% in a resort complex but the greed for money never stops.
Unfortunatley her sister passed away after a bike accident, I had to fork out 3 grand for what? I never did get a explanation.
It says a lot to be single and better of financialy.
I cannot see us going the distance and luckily for me we have no kids but at the end of the day it was my call, but never again. -
SR83 says:
I reckon we should just stop the generalization. I can only agree with the culture gap is pretty wide but about bule being an ATM machine. This isn’t true at all. I married to an Oz man. I met him here when I was studying at uni here. We were dating each other back in 2001 – 2004 then I had to go back to Jakarta for 2 years and in 2006 we finally married.
Ever since we married in 2006 also when we were dating, I have always been working hard on my own – independently. He never once gave me so called “pocket money”. We shared everything in the house equally. I pay mortgage for our investment and he pay mortgage for the place we living in now. We both work really hard and we both save up money equally in our joint acc. We both work for public service. I work in finance and my husband work as MOS clerk in one of the gov department.
Personally I get quite offended when some ppl comments about “mail brides” or when my hubby’s mum questioned me about ‘If I’m sending money overseas’ before we married as well as series of questions of ‘am i responsible for my family’s life etc etc’. All this series of questions came from his mum who by the way (She’s not working herself for more than 20 years and rely on her man as well as dough money from the government. Married and divorce for 3x in her life and only worked twice).
I’m not a pure indo btw, my parents are both chinese descents. I have relatives and friends who also went to the uni here, got a job and they work hard too. We never once consider bule as “money maker”. I’ve known 2 friends who also married bule and they were both equally independent – they help each other out instead of depending on their husband.
In relation to sending money overseas. My perception of sending money is “I want to repay my parents hard-earned money as they work so hard for their children so they can have access to better education, better life”. Its more of a gratitude feeling and we send money just so they can treat themselves for nice dining out or to buy whatever they want to buy. Plus, as we all know Indonesia is not a rich country so when they get old, who else care about them if its not the children. The money that I sent overseas are also comes from my budget. Although its a joint acc, we have our weekly budget and we maintain our expenses too.
My family in Jakarta isn’t rich at all. My dad used to have a business but not anymore now. They both old. My sister and I have been living in Sydney for quite a while. My eldest brother live in Jakarta but he’s getting married too and he needs every cents to save up. He’s been working in Jakarta.
In conclusion, its not true that all indonesian chicks are materialistic women. Also, Indonesian are pretty diverse. Its a Muslim country and majority may be muslims but not all muslims. We have mixed bloods too. In relation to cook and look after the family. We all doing our best to fit in career as well as being a good wife. So, yes we cook and clean at home not just a spoiled brat watching TV all day. Besides, this matter depends on the person though. I came here when I was 17 so I’m used to organize and looking after myself.
-
zombrerosdelish says:
Dude,
This post is freaking hillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarious!
Favourites are easily Harry and Tini. If only Tini wasn’t married, I would’ve definitely have suggested that they should hook up. Cure Harry of his shortman syndrome. haha.I am an Indonesian girl and lived in Indonesia for 9 years until I returned to my birth country of Australia in my late teens.
Like French Daniel and Biko’s girlfriends, sometimes I get really lazy and spoilt around the house. But there’s a difference…My boyfriend is from country Victoria but he moved with me to the capital because I got promoted at work and pullin a nice bit of cash.
I earn slightly more than my boyfriend and slogging through 12 hour days -climbing the corporate ladder and so on- sometimes makes me too tired and often cbf doin chores around the house. My boyfrind realises this and gracefully tends to cook dinner for the both of us and do the vacumming here and there.Of course, we take turns when he does the long shift at his own work and I always make sure that he knows I appreciate his awesomeness because, well – he’s just the best bf ever.
If I play my cards right, I’ll be scorring a liason position in Jakarta next year. KACCHHHING!
Which is quite funny because I’m of Indonesian heritage but would be somekind of an ex-pat in my own mother country. My bule boyfriend would definitely NOT be like most other bule expat men referred to in this post. He will be a kept man… haha.Daniel and Biko, a question often comes up among the ‘independent ethnic’ girls (most of whom have worked their way up and earn their own living) – why do you guys put up with that kind of shit?
Get your so-called girlfriends off the arses and put them to work (not condoning prostitution here but you know what I mean?).
Seriously disappointed if men would bend over backwards and put up with nonsense just because the girl is hot or cute or sweet.
There are soo many other girls out there who are beautiful and could make their own money (yes, even in Indonesia!).
They should at least help around the house or take care of their man a little if they have nothing else to do – because, obviously – relationships should be give and take.Rant over.
-
Oh Geez,
I didn’t realise that there were another 126 pages after the first page, hence why my post probably doesn’t make much sense to the fine posts directly above mine. My apologies.
-
kumar says:
hi this kumar from india i ready to indonesian girls relation for long time but i am very poor any rich indonesian girls want me mail me i ready to come indonesian but i have amount i ready to any thing for her ple help me now i am facing trebles ple help me
-
Gunslingerhero says:
lol at western charities if you add up the money the ceo’s of the charity non profit organisations make there is none left to go to the cause.
I’m committing suicide so my indonesian wife can be ok because i never want to deal with the western crap again. Indonesians got it going on compared to the west they have family as important in the west everyone pretty much alone. They have jobs that take up too much time and move away from each other for money so fck the west. -
marcellina says:
Im really surprise with all these responds from all the man in this matter from looking GF or living together with indonesians girls ,,hmmmmm amazing opinion,from maid until girls who seeking love or have the intention to married an expart person,,,,,
i belive ,woman (divorce or single parent like me)who can speak a certain langugage,married with a bule its much easier then the indonesien (base on my experience with my ex hubby is local guy)we have to addept the culture and its seems should married with the whole family,,,,so if some body want to make friend or dating with me will be fun,
and im really happy that such a wb site like this,, so good day everybody,, and thanks to read my writing,,,
-
Ricky Bohannon says:
Folks,
This is absolutely off in left field about Indonesian ladies. I am in my fifties and came to Indonesia in 1999. What I fell in Love with was Indonesia and its people. They are an honest laid back culture that thrives on happiness and an ISA attitude. Yes I meet an Indonesian lady whom I won’t mention her name. Who was an actress, model and comes from a large Family.
She is the best thing that ever came into my life and we have 2 children who are very bright and will be successful. I have seen the girls who are after just one thing and yes this is not just Indonesian women who are after this. Western Women are materialistic as so are eastern and so forth and so on.
The beauty I found of the Asian women who are searching for a good life is to be happy and share thier love, life and family with someone who will share the same values. My wife and I have been together for 8 years now andwe wake up every morning with one thing on our mind To never lie, cheat or steal each others hearts, minds, and or jeopordise or relationship over gossip or moral values.
This physical appearance thing is a myth. When I meet my wife I was about 300 lbs and fat and not so hansom as most, but and average person. Since that time my wife and our relationship has brought down to lean 193 lbs, because she told me she wanted to spend the rest of our lifes together and for me to be healthy.
So my final remarks are it is your choice on who you marry and it is your choice on who you love and Married should be for the right reasons and not the wrong and it takes both sides to achieve this.
Always remember today is the first day of the rest of your lifes.
-
chopin says:
for the physic really i’m like to blonde woman but for the culture i’m like indonesian woman.
-
ANZAC says:
HARRY!
WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH – stop feeling sorry for yourself and trying to get some sort of attention here!!
I’m 170cm’s tall and I don’t have any trouble at all meeting Indo girls it sounds like you just don’t have much experience in talking or meeting girls in general!! I come from a group of friends who have a saying
IF YOU DON”T HAVE THE DASH YOUR DON’T GET THE GASH OMG I would be confident in saying that when you meet people in general you try to get pity from them all the time and you complain allot about anything you can!!!
Mate stop being a wussy just go up to a girl not just Indo’s and say hello my name is Harry and take it from there.
When you meet a girl and they ask for some money tell them ‘GET A JOB’ there are many girls here so full of shit but that is all over the world.
You are probably one of those predators who look for really young girls and of course they will reject you find a nice ady about 30 – 40 who can actually look after you and listen to your self pity and maybe show you life is actually not that bad.
PARVITA
You sound like you are full of yourself!!
Of course Westerners should get paid more because the education system in the west surpasses the Indonesian system by light years and that your average westerner has allot more education than a Indo!!!
The main reason we get invited here by the Indon is the complete lack of experience you have here not to mention the laziness that I have seen in almost every Indo I meet.
I have a successful company here 1 villa in Seminyak 2 houses in Australia and a very beautiful and devoted Indo g/f.
Why you say bule come here to escape is you being with the wrong ones I completely agree with Avi on this point.
My qualifications are I have two certified trades and 1 degree in Electrical Engineering not to mention 30 years in the Oil & Gas industry in Indo and Oz why shouldn’t I get paid allot more than the average person here. I was one of the senior control systems engineering for the Sumatran gas plant a project that boosted your countries economy by 10% and 90% of the people there were expats you know why you Indo’s just can’t DO THE WORK!
I would think you are one of those typical ‘my shit does not stink’ JKTn girls and that your relationships don’t last that long because you have a bad attitude and you think the world owes you something!!!
ANZAC
-
I have a successful company here 1 villa in Seminyak 2 houses in Australia and a very beautiful and devoted Indo g/f.
Why is that ‘beautiful and devoted indo g/f’ placed on the same list with your assets? Just curious.
-
Joe peterson says:
Hi
Harry you are funny. You lament the good looking for not paying attention to you but those of similar appearance you reject. Hmmmmmmmmmm
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006-2025
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact
Dianwulan – that was an interesting bit of autobiography.
But why these pessimistic hypotheses -particularly that about being a football hooligan? I come from a family of eleven and my father absconded when i was in my early teens. After that he sent minimal amounts of money since he was remarried and, being a not very high ranking civil servant, made little money anyway.
None of us went into foster care or became a football hooligan. On the contrary we all did fairly well. Yet there was no support from the wider family and since I date from longer ago than I care to say state support was then minimal as well. My older brothers interspersed their studies with temporary jobs and that is how we all sailed through. But frankly it is still a mystery to me how we did.