Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Err.
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Hi Dian
Was this article based on your personal experience? (I have waited almost 5 years to ask this question -and now I am at the ‘what the heck’ point)
Well, if that’s the case, I hope you have found happiness by now. Better still, with an Indonesian woman. *lol*
Indonesian women are the best, my husband banked on it.I deliberately ignored your first comment on this thread as it went a little too close to the bone but suffice to say the original post generally sucked yes and my heart wasn’t in it but in the end the post/thread has taken on a life of its own. Michael got the ball rolling just perfectly
I dated with one Indonesian girl. We broked up after a few years. Within a few months, she married to another guy. Whenever we meet after that, she said she still in love with me.
And then Jenggot from Nigeria
I LOVE THE INDONESIAN WOMAN, SHE IS A BLESSING TO ME.
+2348035951231
You can’t make that stuff up, it’s just classic. So all in all it’s turned out alright, in more ways than one and on various levels. 😉
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Mrbojangles says:
The girls currently posting on this forum could make put make a cement dildo flaccid, could we have some young beautiful views??? — Conform to the stereotypical submissive chef/cleaner/wife we have for asian women and you’ll find you’re instantly more appealing to all men. As for the women over 30 again …. ugh women over 30 is revolting — would you like any wrinkles with those fries??? *vomits* shame on farah for feeling liberated about turning 30 … if all women found happiness in becoming sexually undesirable, then our poor plastic surgeons would be out of business… stop living in ur bubble of inpenetrable denial – women over 30 are disgusting & any man married to one surely has a few mistresses on the side. As for the extra sex toys/partners to make you’re love life interesting … it’s good to see all the women on the forum reacted as expected = “oh my love lifes perfect why would i need other stuff” when im happy with it now/the real thing’ …. Typical female answer – always thinking about yourselves …. open up ur closed minds and think about ur man and how bored he must be – gosh … no wonder most indonesian men complain about how poor their wives are in bed!!! this probably explains why theres a local brothel in every street in indonesia … ur men arent happy… Obviously… u say its because of bule that brothels exist in indonesia lol … what a load of crap – if u venture to the steepest incline on the most volatile volcano in indonesia u’ll prolly find a cewek cafe – not for the bule that pass through in jumbo jets but for the local people that walk those roads… And yes they’re everywhere and its not uncommon for me to be the first bule customer they’ve ever seen …. Thank god/allah/shiva’s left testicle i’m able to even communicate in these venues due to the fact no one in them even knows bahasa ingris. Hope u find ur false sense of security by bitching on a forum and i hope someone out there sheds a tear for ur desperate cause *gets out a mini voilin and plays all the single girls a Oh-so-sad song* have a noice day 🙂
P.S. Gimmie some of those durian girls anyday over these cityslickers … that durian is like viagra RawR enak sekali
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Farah says:
@ mrbojangless
i dont know how many indonesian woman you know… but at age 30 Indonesian woman are fantastic.. well yeah if you compare to some caucasian woman.. we are amazing! -
compare to:
ok… lets take older indonesian girls picture..
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@ Lairedion
Well surprise… surprise… your last comment addressed to me has disappeared. I wonder why that is. Only you, God, and moderator know -I supposed.
I will not quote anythings since it has been removed anyway. But that last one was some serious statement you wrote about me (the subscribers will know what I am talking about). I failed to seriously respond to some of your comments, and *voila* you became nasty. (My 2 yo son had an accident, and he is still unconscious as we speak -if you give a f*ck)
Who are you to judge me so harshly? Whether I am indifferent or otherwise about anything, it is within my better judgement not to express it passionately on indonesiamatters.com. Well pardon me for breathing, and pardon me for not wearing all the medals on my chest. But if you must know, when I lived in Belgium, at the muslims association there, I voted in favour of banning the burqa. As for why, it’s none of your business.
You don’t know what I have done, and will do, for the causes I believe in. And here on indonesiamatters.com I will not elaborate either. Speaking loudly on indonesiamatters.com will do as much damage as talking to my self whilst peeling onions.
But you, sire, what have you done, other than being a loud blogging warrior in your own backyard, other than being spiteful to a woman (who happens to fall short on commenting), a nation, and a religion?
None of us is better than the others. Not you. Not me. (now if you’d be so kind, please pray for my son, even if you don’t believe in praying).
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daniel says:
I am australian guy who has been to indonesia once for short holiday.I think indonesian women are very beautiful inside and out and i dont blame any bule for wanting to marry with an indonesian girl if she is honest and not just after money.I have no problem finding girlfriend here in australia and i have had many and been married before to western women but most australian girl always looking for something better to come along and dont take pride in family values and cheat with other men.I think indonesian women have more morals and are happy if husband treat her good.
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kishan says:
well i m kishan, from india.
Well i have read some of blogs of western guy and indonesian girls.
First, i would like to add, whole asian countries, are poor, bcz of our selfish, politicians, and currupt . The poverty of asian girl leads to comply rather force him to attach wirh blue eyes.
Further i am damm sure, the asian women never tends to hav luxary life, no doubt sometimes she thinks,it off and breaks his boundry.
In western, premarital sex and become a single parent is very common. And as far as india is concern, premarital sex is socially not acceptable, to the society. The way , asian girls trying to adopt western culture, wearing shoet clothes, drinks, smokes, she is actually ruinning her life. -
Sasa says:
I am in relationship with American, we have been together for 2 and half years and we have been living together for almost 2 years.
since we living together , as I women from Indonesian and I treat him as my husband even we are not married yet. I take care of him, doing house work while I do my job as well. Cleaning house, washing, ironing , cooking etc. We are really happy together.
But 4 month ago , I have no job, I have no Income. I tried to find a job, but still no luck on me. and I asked him if can give me some money to support me and my family ,because i won’t back to Indonesia and He want me to stay with him. but when i asked him about money He looked not agreed and He told me He can not give me the money because we not marry yet, that is part of his culture. since i have relationship with I never asking about money, i asked him because i have not job.
I am thinking to lieved him and back to Indonesia, because i can not stay here without any income.
I am 28 and my bf 30 , He is very lovely and nice person, just about Money he is really stingy.
Please anyone if can give me some advice, I really appreciate .
Am I wrong asking the money ? if yes than what should I do ?
Thank You !
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Ramo says:
Hi, I am from India and belive in true love, let come across each other and share…mmmmmmmmmany things—Ramo
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Erlin says:
A woman wants a man that can make her feel like a million bucks.
If you can make a woman feel like the absolute queen of the world when she is with you, she will never want to leave your side. She will be almost magnetically drawn to you by her need to feel that way.
This is true because women are much more motivated by their feelings than men who, on the other hand, tend to be much more logical and process oriented.
If you can consistently impress a woman with overwhelmingly positive feelings things like your appearance, financial situation, and height just won’t seem to matter to her anymore.
no matter where we come from?? treat woman well ^^
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First, i would like to add, whole asian countries, are poor, bcz of our selfish, politicians, and currupt . The poverty of asian girl leads to comply rather force him to attach wirh blue eyes.
errhhh…. let me translate this as:
Because local selfish asian guys can not see asian woman as equal partner and can not provide them with good education, e.g if a father had two children, a boy and a girl who got most proportion of his money for studying? boys of course.Lack of education means lack of future. What could you hope from a mother with lack of education? how much the percentage of kids who had a mom who illiterate or not finish her primary school actually goes to higher education than their mom?
If the woman had education, they had better chance to get a job with good salary, they wont have to sell them self to any guy-read, any guy–blue eyes, green, or brown!! she could stand on her own feet!
Have you treat woman equally? your sisters? your gf?? if not.. don’t blame them if they after blue eyes or green or brown. Maybe they had something better than you.. hehe and its not all about the money all the time…
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Arie Brand says:
He want me to stay with him. but when i asked him about money He looked not agreed and He told me He can not give me the money because we not marry yet, that is part of his culture. since i have relationship with I never asking about money, i asked him because i have not job.
He can’t give you money because you people are not married yet? And that is part of ‘his culture’? He is having you on.He is glorifying his personal inclination as ‘his culture’.
I take it that, since you are living with him, your daily upkeep is assured. So what he is possibly objecting to is providing money for your family.Yes the Western point of view is “I am married to you – not to your family”. But he who wants to marry an Indonesian, Thai or Filipino girl should speedily let go of that notion.
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But he who wants to marry an Indonesian, Thai or Filipino girl should speedily let go of that notion.
I dunno, I found the easiest way was when the scroungers appeared (as they do) make sure you have some pretty unpleasant jobs that need doing. Be prepared to pay a fair wage, but you will be surprised how often Parman, Kakak or Adik suddenly don’t need the money anymore.
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Well I wouldn’t have had enough jobs on offer to follow that strategy. Apart from the fact that when people are ill (and that is when the serious money is required) you can hardly put them to work. To lift the whole clan on an economically higher plan also requires a considerable investment (academic training for the most promising for instance and some gainful enterprise for the older ones). But we managed.
When Walraven says that he ended up with a grievance and a deficit I take it that there was also a financial element – apart from the fact that his marriage had kept him trapped in Java. The ‘clan’ accepted him as a member because he had sacrificed money for it (see part II of his story).
I also participate in a Dutch language forum on the Philippines. I dare say that this is one of the most discussed subjects. It is remarkable that it so rarely appears here.
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@ Arie Brand
Yes the Western point of view is “I am married to you – not to your family”. But he who wants to marry an Indonesian, Thai or Filipino girl should speedily let go of that notion.
I come from a highly conventional Indonesian family, I therefore don’t understand the notion of “I’m married to you, not your family”. Aren’t we part of our greater family whether we are married or not? And when we get married, the definition of family extends to that of our spouses family as well?
How do people do it within the western custom?
That if you’re better off than the rest of your family -married or not- you won’t put effort into helping your clan to an economically higher plan? That when your siblings, cousins, uncles or whoever get sick and desperately need money, you expect them not to come to you for help? And that you can just close your eyes and live with your conscience?I was lucky that when my husband and I fell broke and nearly filed for bankruptcy, my sister did everything she could and spent everything she had to keep us alive (literally), by providing shelter, clothing, food.
But I remember that I didn’t understand why it was hard for my husband to go to his brother and ask for help.
“I am married to you, not your family” is hard to comprehend -for me anyway. I am my family, one way or another.
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Diawulan
Thank you for putting it so clearly.
I think there is historically a direct correlation”in the West” between increasing care by the state and decreasing concern for the wider family. When people are ill “medicare’ will take care of it. When they are unemployed there is the dole. When they are old there is a nursing home.
In the US state care seems to be less developed and perhaps there is still more ‘family feeling’ there.
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It is indeed a significant cultural difference Dian and has much to do with socio economic factors as Ari points out. I personally could not care less if I never see my no hoper cousins again and support numerous charities but not family ones, so many who seem to think obligation by blood rather than need is justification enough.
I for one cannot comprehend the I am your by accident birth your kin therefore you are obligated to me. I am obligated to my immediate offspring and once they are equipped to stand on their own by obligation to them and theirs to me is over.
Of course, my Indonesian friends find it impossible to comprehend I have no idea where my parents are buried (why do I care, not like I am planning to dig them up and I don’t need a mound of dirt to remember them) nor can they comprehend I don’t know where all my siblings live, again why? We live different lives and have left the nest. As they say you can pick your friends but not your family.
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ET says:
@ diawulan & Arie Brand
It is indeed the result of different sociological developments. Whereas in countries like Indonesia the family or even the wider clan still are the cornerstone of society, in the West the trend has gone in the direction of more individualism and state-provided social security. Women’s Lib has played a significant role in this development, pushing women out of the household into separate professional carreers while making the divorce rate soar and turning a large part of society into loners.
This development cuts both ways. While the western model guarantees more personal freedom and less intrusion and petty control by family members, the traditional model provides a warmer and psychologically more satisfying, albeit a for the majority financially less secure environment. The proliferation of psychiatric counseling, self-help groups and a variety of ‘healing’ practitioners in the West is a clear indicator of the needs uncovered by the individualistic lifestyle.
In the West this model of ‘individualism’ has become so entrenched in people’s minds that an attitude of ‘I’m married to you, not your family’ is considered the norm.
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And of course the fact remains that when husband and wife come from different cultures as far as this is concerned it can cause quite a lot of friction between them. To judge from what I read on the Dutch language forum on the Philippines I participate in, and from what I see around me, the reactions of the husband (because it is generally him) vary from almost hostility about his wife’s concern with her family to a sometimes grudging, sometimes fairly enthusiastic participation in it. There is a trade off there. Shared concern promotes domestic harmony (though it can deplete the bank account). Also when one happens to live in the country of the wife one can count on the support of the family, which doesn’t have to be of a financial nature. Just think of a situation in which one is hospitalised and needs the assistance that in Filipino hospitals (in our case) nursing personnel doesn’t provide. There is always a member of the family to take care.
And of course the psychological benefits you mention, ET, can be considerable. To be considered a family patriarch by a host of nephews and nieces who have considered you to be so from their infancy can be fun.
I would finally like to mention a factor as far as the ‘Western’ situation is concerned that is often ignored: the size of the country concerned. I come from a big family and eight of my siblings, all living in Holland, are still alive. They quite often see each other because, even though they live widely dispersed, distances in that small country are fairly negligible. Their close relation has been transmitted to their offspring. One of my almost eighty year old sisters writes a weekly journal that she sends to forty five relatives. However, I know nothing of financial support to and fro.
I, by contrast, have a daughter in Melbourne a thousand kilometers away from here – not something for a weekend visit. When she was a child she and her brother lived for long periods with their mother in Perth – four and a half thousand kilometers away from here. I saw them only during the school holidays. That is not conducive to close ties though, happily, we have managed to retain some.
Oigal, you too are from Oz. Do you think that has something to do with the extremely loose family structure you describe?
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deta says:
Arie,
Just think of a situation in which one is hospitalised and needs the assistance that in Filipino hospitals (in our case) nursing personnel doesn’t provide. There is always a member of the family to take care.
That’s very true. For people who strongly hold the notion of “I’m married to you, not your family”, maybe they will think it twice if they are put in that kind of difficult situation.
Shared concern promotes domestic harmony (though it can deplete the bank account).
Only up to a point. I currently spend some time to stay in rural area in West Java where each family member has high financial dependency toward each other. “Makan ngga makan kumpul”. While it’s true that shared concern among the family members can promote domestic harmony, too much of this only leads to disputes as a result of too many interventions from family members, and jealousy over wealth disparities among them.
As for the “western model” versus “traditional model”, there is a trade off between personal freedom and finance support from family in these two models. But I think Indonesian women will never reach that extreme western model, because what is so called “personal freedom” or “women’s liberation” for Indonesian women is basically just the freedom to express their opinion and their self actualization without losing attachment to their family. It’s got a lot to do with culture.
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Deta
With ‘domestic harmony’ I mean, in the first place, that between husband and wife in a ‘mixed’ marriage. It is quite true that, in spite of a culture of reciprocal assistance, there can be considerable strife within the wider family. This is perhaps more so in many Filipino situations (where the notorious ‘crab mentality’ prevails – “pull that crab that is trying to crawl to the top of the barrel back”) than in Indonesia. But these are all generalisations of course. Actual reality is infinitely diverse.
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There are of course also legal aspects to this question of mutual assistance between family members. I cannot speak on behalf of every country in the West, but some of them have laws that make mutual assistance compulsory, at least to a certain degree of kinship, amount of financial assistance and its duration, before the state kicks in. In some cases of divorce settlements there aren’t even any limits at all.
Alimony laws can be very stringent with severe penalties, even jail sentence.
All this isn’t very conducive to foster family ties and assistance on a voluntary basis. Especially those who have already been grinded by the mill will think twice before committing themselves to family relationships. -
Hi Ari,
Very perceptive of you :-). Contrary to popular belief Australia is not always the land of milk and honey for all. My family hails from mid north wheat belt and as there was not enough money for boarding us all for university. I left home at 15 to find work in Melbourne under a government sponsored apprenticeship scheme, one sister found a university spot in Perth, another found work at 16 in Adelaide and yet another joined the navy at 17. The dole was not a family accepted option , you have two arms, two legs, support yourself! Obviously, anyone who knows Australia knows we are talking separation by thousands of km here, with limited income reunions were not an option.
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Of course, one half of the family were/are loony tunes RC where one member of each generations was expected to enter the service of ‘God’ this turned to crap when my old man and I had to bust a cousin out of the nunnery where she was forced against her will to enter. Yes 🙂 I have been cursed with the Brimstone since a young age..hehe
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Oigal, I thought Australians are lucky because they have government support in term of education. What the heck with the HECS?
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ET,
Especially those who have already been grinded by the mill will think twice before committing themselves to family relationships.
That laws can be very traumatic for some people, I can see :). That’s why rather than pushing people to assist their family members compulsorily which only drift them away further emotionally, wouldn’t it be better to preserve this culture of mutual assistance among family members? Only to a certain degree and in a certain circumstance, of course.
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deta
wouldn’t it be better to preserve this culture of mutual assistance among family members? Only to a certain degree and in a certain circumstance, of course.
That’s exactly what I was trying to explain and promote. All within reason, of course.
Better help those who are close to you than spend fortunes on lawyers and shrinks. -
Deta, at the risk of dating myself HECS has not always been around and money was not the only reason for my decision. Escape was a consideration. Anyway a debt is a debt..
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The support system provided by the state is somewhat bare minimum and they don’t have your best interests at heart. While it’s good to do everything incognito, doing it together with your clan will bring a faster result.
When our wealthy dad died (I was 12), mum was a house wife and had trouble supporting 3 kids financially, luckily the clan came in and supported us.
After I graduated high school -and all savings depleted- we moved to Surabaya so that I could go to Uni. We were so poor that we could only rent a half-roofed-shack at the outskirt of Surabaya (2 juta per tahun). I went through Uni with a 85% scholarship for tuition fees. For the rest (15% tuition fee, books, transport, stationeries, etc) I had to work part time as a soap seller, calculus & English tutor, giving out flyers at shopping malls, etc.
I was the brainy one *grin* in my family so everybody focused and getting me through Uni. My mum sold pjamas door to door and provided us with food everyday. My sister worked 16 hours a day and single handedly paid for the rent of our little shack. She wasn’t smart enough to get the scholarship, so she also worked to pay for her Uni fees all on her own.
I graduated Uni after 4 years – with distinction *grin*. When I was 22, I was the highest earner in my family, I quickly got my mum out of the shack and got her a house of her own.
With all the financial commitment on my sister’s shoulders, it took her 8 long years to finish Uni, but by now she is easily the highest earner in my family. (My brother is now an attorney.)Now then, if we were to have it all the western way… not long after dad died, I would end up in a foster care, probably seperated from my siblings. After graduating high school, I’d probably end up as a football hooligan. If we assume that I wouldn’t end up as an antisocial juvenile, and the state would pay for Uni tuition fees, who would pay for everything else? And if I were to work my arse off to pay for everything in life my self, and then go to Uni, it would take forever before I get out of the dip. No?
The future looked bleak at some point, but we made it through as a team. We live our lives separately now, but we know that our clan’s net worth and solidarity is enough to keep every one of us fed and watered during rainy days. So still, I believe in “keep your friends close, and your
enemiesfamilies closer”. It’s better that way.
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dianwulan
I agree. Fortunately not everything is doom and gloom in countries like Iran and other places under sharia rule.
If you are hungry and in need for female companionship, go to Saudi Arabia. According to a local scholar a woman, in order to be allowed to go out with a man she is not related to, should breastfeed him. This would make him technically her son and as such halal to be seen with him in public.
Aduhai dan indehoi. I can’t wait for Indonesia to adopt sharia rule. Go FPI, go go go! Maju terus, pantang mundur.