Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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disillusioned says:
@shawty
Hmm, there are challanges of course, but nothing that not would be solvable together.
Language – both can learn the other one. Tidak benar?
Culture – it’s easy to learn the rules of other cultures and to adapt them.That are the two biggest I guess, all others are characteristic things and has nothing to do with the origin. Where is a will there is a way 😉 But both have to do something that it can work, not only one. It needs always two to tango!
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onlyme says:
@ shawty
Sounds that you’ve dated guys from all over Europe! 🙂
he’s from Australia, perhaps know something about Australian guy?
I don’t want to think about marriage right now, just need to finish my degree then start my career first. But it doesn’t mean that I’m not serious with him! We have talked about this and we agree to enjoy what we have now.
Well, if you write the post I’ll be the first who read it! 🙂
p.s : to keep my family know nothing about my relationship is my first priority, backstreet, uhh.@disillusioned and ET
whoops. Ah, see, in here every body with their phone is something usual. But eventually not for westerner,right? another point i learn. I’m not a BB whore but I always check on my phone every 5 mins when I’m with him, but again, this is because I’m afraid my parents contact me! anyway good to know this! haha, thanks! -
jamal says:
I’m Dutch btw, we also live in NL
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@onlyme
Again here is a difference 😉 Just to check if something serious happened like the parents tried to contact you is really not the same as to chat all the times with someone else when you are together with you Bf 😉 That’s of course ok, also for westerner 😉
@jamal
You never had doubts that she really loves you? How’s going now? Do you think she is home sick and miss all her friends and family from indo? Does she have some friends in NL? I mean, is she little bit integrated or mostly allone when you are not at home?
That was always my biggest fear I had and that’s why I always searched a job in Singapore or Indo and would like to move to Asia, because for us men it’s more easier to leave the country, the family and firends than for a woman. I wanted to avoid her to tear out of her social environment. It’s normal that women are much closer to the parents and the rest of the family than men I believe. For me anyway, I never had a family 😉Tell us little bit more if you like…
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ET says:
@ jamal (if you are still around)
In psychological terms your wifes behaviour is labeled passive-aggressive. This behaviour is characterized by the use of impredictability as a means to control her environment. It is a social coping mechanism, usually formed from childhood on mostly in restrictive environments, to attract and assure constant attention and to have their whims and desires fulfilled by trying to induce uncertainty and guilt feelings into their partners. It is not uncommon within the female gender.
Whether this is also a typically Indonesian phenomenon is hard to say but the prevalence with which it occurs, according to various testimonies in this thread, could indeed indicate cultural influences.To cope with a situation like this you have several options:
– Do nothing, continue worrying and go insane
– Ignore it, take on a hobby or a mistress (or another wife if you are a muslim)
– If you are religiously inclined consider it as a punishment for your past sins and transcend it to a higher level
– Dump her and go on with your life
– Try to persuade her to get psychotherapeutic counselingDon’t bang your fist on the table because this is will only make things worse.
To top off the cake with a cherry, here’s a song for you by Pat Benatar
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD
We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands love is a battlefield
Woah, we are strong, no one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefieldYou’re making me go, you’re begging me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad?
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you’ve had?
Believe me, believe me, I can’t tell you why
But I’m trapped by your love, and I’m chained to your sideGood luck
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Most of Indonesian children do not get nice childhood experience
@ ET
hey, good song!
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mint_framboise says:
almost all of indo girls can’t live without her cellphone especially if they use blackberry. texting all the time. duhhh
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@disillusioned
I do have doubts about her love.
It’s not easy to know what are her true feelings with having these mood swings all the time.
I guess that sometimes she loves me and sometimes she doesn’t, depending on her mood.
Today went really great until the evening.. out of the blue things turned around and she walked out angry 🙁
I’m a very patient guy, but my patience is almost gone and I’m about to give up on her. I feel it’s a gift when she acts normal, so relieved I am when she is just normal or nice and at thesame time I’m fearing the moment that things turn around again.
That’s not healthy or normal..She would love to go visit Indonesia, a long vacation orso. But she has plenty of (indo) friends here and is never alone only if she wants to be.
Also she’s integrated enough to feel at ‘home’ in this country, also because she has a lot of Indo friends around.
Coincidentally I also have no family but am not in the position to move to Asia/ Indonesia. -
@ET
Thanks for explaining! I didn’t know that.
And thank you very much for dedicating this song to me 🙂It makes sense, it’s about control and attention most definitely. I believe & I know she had a horrible childhood.
I’m going to search for more info about this condition, maybe therapy is the solution for our problem.
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@ mint_framboise
almost all of indo girls can’t live without her cellphone especially if they use blackberry. texting all the time. duhhh
Where I live I even see them constantly riding their motorcycles with one hand while texting with the other. How stupid can you get!
But just having a cellphone doesn’t seem good enough. There’s also an entire appraisal scale depending on the brand. Until a year or so one had to have at least a Nokia to be respected. Now it has to be a Blackberry.
Our webmaster should rebaptize this thread into ‘Dating Indonesian Handphone-clutchers’.
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Farah says:
@ onlyme
<blockquote@ shawty
Sounds that you’ve dated guys from all over Europe!
he’s from Australia, perhaps know something about Australian guy?Hahahah!
She might also date some Oz and Kiwi too once awhile in past, as well American guys perhaps…. 😉 don’t worry she is a World WIDE Indonesia bule dating diva!! 😀 😀
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@ onlyme
<blockquote@ disillusioned
Because it’s really happen on my case. He is 17 years older than me. He is my mentor. If people questioned it, I don’t know either why I can fall for him, but the fact is I really really love him. But feeling is something abstract and others can’t see it.
I like older western bf. I could see sometimes for western guys the maturity are reach at age over 35. When they stop playing around and doing stupid things (read: more responsible..) of course some are still just like they were 12-15. More patience and understanding, more respect to differences. But i still prefer someone (if its a western) who’s 10-15 years older than me. But if its local, 3-6 years old are the top.
Beside that.. hehe they were very different than Indonesian/local guys. My Boss could play tennis 2 games in a row, and he was 60 that time, while the opponent was local worker age 40es who barely breathe between the sets!! other sample is, there are huge different between 40 y/o local and western, somehow the western looks much younger than local (terlalu banyak menderita kale hahah!) but, anyway, say thank you to never ending rokok/cigarette and unhealthy lifestyle that the local guys had since they were young! and this is only few of the reasons.
Once work with 70 years old mechanic who still able to work, and could fix engines by only “listen” to it he will know how to resolve the problems. Local guys age 70 will be resting at home with grandchildren.. well most of them!
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@ET
whahaa 🙂 that explains mine only wants a nokia, she doesn’t know about the blackberry hype yet. -
shawty says:
@Farah..
well rite..I’m traveling here n there etc bla bla
but I still want to write about why Indonesian women shouldn’t date bule or even thinking to date them..phew -
Nay says:
but I still want to write about why Indonesian women shouldn’t date bule or even thinking to date them..phew
Personally, I’m not big on the whole idea of “dating” anyway.
I like to treat women as friends, and not play this silly “leading man” role in their life.It creates too many complications and ruins friendships.
And if I happen to sleep with some of my female friends, that’s nobody else’s business.
In my mind, there is no “something more” than friends… other than raising kids together. -
@shawty
Strange, isn’t it the goal trying to find out where the differences really are? So that both sides can learn from each other? Improve the tollerance and understanding? But you just try to persuading Indo women to not date bules?
Try to explain me why please. What I had read here are mostly sad stories about mixed couples because they are not in love with their man therefore they are together with them. So isn’t it in real a problem of different objectives? I mean, without love there is no happyness and most bule want to be loved! Guess Indo women too, right? Of course there are many bules with bad manners, they just looking for sex and a pretty woman, without feelings too, but I strongly condemn them too! But isn’t it too easy just to say “Indonesian women shouldn’t date bule or even thinking to date them”?
Am I too romantic and naive or where is my mistake? You travelled a lot, so you just met ugly bules? Why do you think the differences are too big? For me there are just 2 real differences we have to work on, that’s the language in some cases and the culture or religion. But both we can easy handle with understanding, patience and tollerance.
What I had read here, most bule were falling in love with a Indo woman and would had done everything for them, convert, move to their country, looking for a new job, leave their families and friends, adapt to their culture, marry them and everything just in the name of love and to be together with the woman! But what are the women doing and how’s their behaviour in such cases…..not really honest as you can read and that’s why I’m here now with many others who had the same expiriences.
Where is our mistake shawty?
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@ disillusioned
there are good western men that date wrong indonesian girls, and perhaps there are also good Indonesian women that date wrong western men. We can’t judge and generalize someone experience, maybe the best is to hear the story from both side.
@ Farah
Yes, it’s true! my western friends they are around 19-21 but already look so mature compare to us (Indonesian), but after the age of 30 Indonesian look older than westerners. Life style when we’re young show the effect here.
I always prefer older men, but again you’re so right, that western guys over 35 are so mature,caring,and understanding. But the maturity is kind of different with Indonesian guys. Based on my own experience, maturity in Indonesian guys more about how they can lead their partner, but maturity in western guys is how they respect and care about their partner.
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@onlyme
Indeed, but now I just want to know from shawty why she think all bule are not worth to date 😉 She is generalizing and judging us all now. Just interested in her argument for that.
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@ disillusioned
I’m interested too, just for my curiosity though -
@ET
Where I live I even see them constantly riding their motorcycles with one hand while texting with the other. How stupid can you get!
Yea..it’s really dangerous for others (don’t care about the driver who texting while driving, it’s ok if they want to die or spending nights in hospital) but don’t involve others. Damn stupid!
Our webmaster should rebaptize this thread into ‘Dating Indonesian Handphone-clutchers’.
hey hey…not all of Indonesian girls are like that!
@onlyme : Could you tell us your argument? I’m want to know as well ^^
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lol..
I was referring actually to if Indonesian girls never interested with western man ever they better stay away from them..
not just thinking oh I want to date bules cos they are white..
or looks good or whatever unrelated reason..
but if accidentally they have to dealing with them either at work or they go abroad then its different story..
especially if the girls in Indonesia..
bules in Indonesia tend to be worse as supply demand play rule play their role..
and the older they are which usually equal to the more bank account they have the worse they are..
yeah money change people..
and if some girls saying after 35 white men become mature they better date them for over a year (not a month) and tell me lol
I never ever interested in bule before I went to Europe..but no I didn’t regret went to Europe and got amazing experience that money cant buyhappy dating thou to whoever and pay the price 😀
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@ mint_framboise
Could you tell us your argument? I’m want to know as well ^^
argument about what? Indonesian girl better not to date western man? Well, mostly the case that I found in here are about western men who dated wrong Indonesian girls, they told their story of how the girls had broke their heart. But I’m sure there are also Indonesian girls who fall for wrong western men and they got bad experience. That’s the reason why I’d like to hear Shawty stories. To see from both side.
@ shawty
There is always risk in everything. You fall in love mean you’re ready to get broken heart. And I think it’s applied universal, I mean in every relationship, so it has nothing to do with the girls are Indo or the men come from abroad.Actually I don’t really know about expat live in Indo cause he’s live in Australia and not working in Indonesia (but not in his country either) . He only came here in his holiday to spend it with me (two weeks every month). So I guess the case is a bit different. However we still date for about nine months. Will tell you if it reaches one year 🙂
I never have special interest toward western men. Since I have many foreign friends so in my head they are just the same with my other Indo friends. If I could I will chose to be with Indo man, cause I can meet him everyday, no prob with culture and religion. But unfortunately we can’t chose to whom we fall in love with,right? I only ever had once experience with Indo guy then my next two relationships were with western men. But I merely can call it relationship, it was more like a crush, we attracted to each other, we hang out and had fun, then came the time to say goodbye and we parted grandly. Maybe because we both are young, then it affects the way we’re thinking about the relationship. But this one that I have right now is so much different.
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@ disillusioned
Indeed, but now I just want to know from shawty why she think all bule are not worth to date 😉 She is generalizing and judging us all now. Just interested in her argument for that.
Well…. she already try almost all, and she just get bored. Its just like you taste all kind of tea for the rest of your life, you know the good and bad and now all you want just coffee or just water because you find out that tea CAN NOT SURPRISE YOU anymore. Udah coba semua sih, jadi bosan! wakwakwak!
Too much of something always made you feel that way! hehehehehe….
@onlyme
There is always risk in everything. You fall in love mean you’re ready to get broken heart. And I think it’s applied universal, I mean in every relationship, so it has nothing to do with the girls are Indo or the men come from abroad.
That’s why it said “FALL-in love” its always hurt when u fall, especially if there’s no one to catch when u fall!!
Nothing wrong with being in love with people with different races culture or back ground, you can’t pick people to fall in love with… well that’s as far as i am concern.
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@ Farah
LOL I just gave my opinion and validate it by facts that I had based my own experience
specific people time and location
different variable of it may make different story -
I was married before with a latina. I have a weakness for non caucasion women I guess.
Cultural differences are logical, but there are certain things with certain ‘people’
People from latin america are different from europeans and asians & visa versa.
I accept that, I like it.What I’m trying to find out and kinda did.. is if there are certain trades to indonesians & indonesian women.
My woman has some issues, and probably she finds that I have too. I’m still open for advice and tips how I can deal the best way with her and also how to reach without getting into trouble verbally right away.Right now things are not going that dandy, but I love her and will do my best to safe our relationship so we can be happy and satisfied with each other.
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Abdul Rauf says:
Asslamualaikum
I am pakistani muslim, i want friendship with an indonasian innocent girl first , then will mutchal decide for other relation
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mosharaf says:
I have an Indonesian GF. we’re living together for more than 10 months now.
We had really good moments but now we spend most of our time fighting for stupid reasons. I’m not saying she’s the only one to blame, and I still love her that’s for sure. But sometimes, the cultural gap is just too wide I guess. -
@ David
OOT but why has this thread – and others most visited too – disappeared from the home page? I miss it because it has always provided an entertaining refuge during the doldrums.
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The Most Commented bit, I got a bit bored with it as apart from two of the posts the rest were dead but I can put it back if people are ‘clamouring’ for it.
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@onlyme
More challenges than dating local guy, cant really write it down the list here as it too many and western men which country first
cant compare dating German men with British then French or Latin, all just different
and the more he travels the more either better or complicated he is
as u still student better for u just keep study and go on ur work part-time work (I’m proud of u) and just love him as simple as actually love is and as u not going to marry him tomorrow
try to be silent as much possible to ur family..not telling u to lie thou, just filter the story 🙂
PS: I never date western till I’m in Europe..not sure whether I regret it that now I’m into them more than local
I think I should write post about why Indonesian women shouldn’t date bules for fair view