Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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disillusioned says:
@jamal
I’m sorry to hear that, but it sounds very similar to my story and the attitude of my woman. Guess many Indo women are high temperamental, but that’s not only bad, sometimes I like it 😉 I don’t wanna a boring relationship, but of course it should be on a normal level and not like what you wrote, runs away from the house and even told you to leave. We had this also very often and I couldn’t understand her at that time. Now I think, just in my case pls don’t take it as offense, she don’t know what tollerance is and opend minded is just a nice sentence she used to introduce herself to someone, but the meaning of open minded and be tollerant always stoped at the point where she didn’t got what she wanted. But you are married, so it’s more worse!
Hope you can sattle down everything with her! I have the fear that badly many indo women are like this. Just read the last 10 pages here.@diego and nay
I don’t know if I missunderstand the lyrics, but “Keong Racun” means “poisonous snail”, it refers to the man who ask for sex with a girl on first meeting and Shinta and Jojo just hate them! So they are very symphatic for me and they just accuse the behaviour of many bule in indonesia, so what’s wrong with this song?
For all who can’t understand well bahasa, here a little translation 😉
Keong Racun (The Poisonous snail)
Dasar kau keong racun (Hey.. you poisonous snail )
Baru kenal eh ngajak tidur (Just new know/first meeting uh invites sleep)
Ngomong nggak sopan santun (talking are not polite )
Kau anggap aku ayam kampung (You think I’m chicken-village )
Kau rayu diriku ( You flatter me)
Kau goda diriku (You’re teasing me)
Kau colek diriku ( You pinch me )
Eh ku takut sekali ( Uh I’m so scared)
tanpa basa basi kau ngajak happy happy ( Not talk too much you want to bring a happy happy)
Eh kau tak tahu malu ( Uh you not have shame )
Tanpa basa basi kau ngajak happy happy ( Not talk too much you want to bring a happy happy)Mulut kumat kemot ( The mouth moving motion)
Matanya melotot (His eyes glaring)
Lihat body semok ( See body sexy)
Pikiranmu jorok ( Your mind filthy / your mind dirty)
Mentang-mentang kau kaya (Because you rich)
Aku dianggap jablay (I concidered slut)
Dasar koboy kucai ( Hey cowboy garlic/chives )
Ngajak check-in dan santai (Invites the chek-in and relax)
Sorry sorry sorry jack (Sorry sorry Jack)
Jangan remehkan aku ( Do not underestimate me)
Sorry sorry sorry bang (Sorry sorry Sir)
Ku bukan cewek murahan ( I’m not a chit) -
Nay says:
@disillusioned
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a “slut”!
Society tells women that they are worthless if they want to have sex with the men they want to, and are useless unless they can get a man to pay for it (prostitution by any other name).
So it makes practical business sense for a woman to lie and equivocate… to keep her “number” of previous partners low, to maintain a “high value” to the kind of men who would pay for sex just as easily from an ayam on the street!Sorry ladies… but you’re all being tricked. A man with real choice of women doesn’t fall for this nonsense… because he doesn’t have to, and it’s a “real” man you want to get, isn’t it?
By prostituting yourself, you only set yourself up to fail miserably time and time and time again in your relationships, because only weak men with no self conviction use whores, and they’re the only men you’re attracting. Men who would pay for you will only treat you as a piece of property and a lump of meat, and love as a mere business contract, where you are NOT a human being!
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brian A says:
illegitimate baby?? !!
pppfffttt…. -
as my very miskin javanese mother in the godforsaken dusun of pasrujambe kecamatan lumajang says
“jangan cari cewek indonesia”
the reason is simple, becoz all those javanese dusun girls or chickz from bandar lampung you’ll find in the jogja, j-town and sub city clubs are all too matre.
so i stopped cheating on these stray cats, only do chinese indonesian catholic girls 😉
btw, the indonesian girls on this forum all have internet connection can speak english, so they are not really the kampung and dusun girls right?
so, peace everybody, have fun with dating your indo chickz, get ya hands outta my pocket!!
and for those who want something upscale, i rather recommend chinese indonesian girls, much more style, grace, beauty, brains, body, speak better english, can talk about foreign politics and arts and culture, regularly fly to singapore for louboutins, have cars with driver, golf & country club membership, and just good jobs in the finance and banking world,
they fit you better and won’t look ridiculous in the sheraton lounge or borobudur hotel pool
hahaha
good luck chasing one!
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ET says:
@ jamal
I became muslim and married her.
So what’s your problem with that woman? Take another one, or two, or three. As a muslim you’re entitled to. Believe me, she’ll be crawling at your feet.
Problem solved. -
@ET
Guess you meant this as joke and not seriously 😉
Can’t believe that this will solve his problem, you remember, he loves this woman!It’s always just a character and mostly a love thing and should not be a “I make you jelous now with other woman” thing! Guess one wife should be enough, but without love, tollerance and understanding it can’t work.
I don’t know jamal, but I guess he’s a nice guy, but why the hell have so many western men the same expiriences with indo women? Why is it so hard for some of them to be grateful that they had found a man who loves them, doing everything for them and give them the status they want so much?
I know many indo-western couples and not all have the same problems, but too many have troubles…..and it sounds always the same, egoistic, ungreateful and little bit coldhearted. Really sad thing…
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sobhana says:
shame on you men for accusing us women to being gold-diggers, when all we wish for is to be swept off our feet once in awhile. you think you’re being hussled for your money thinking you’re the ***t with your giant c***s unable to get over yourselves. well need i remind you, there are more women than men in this world, and you STILL have trouble getting laid!!
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haha
hot reaction sobhana, good! keep on going babe,
my muslim father from lamongan asli (LA) was married with two javanese women, nice
and they were really not gold diggers becoz my dad was a abang becak in tanjung perak, maybe that info sooths you haha
anyway, please do’t be that harsh for the bule guys on this forum for trying to get laid with your indo sisters, they all have good intentions i guess haha
i know, at least my chinese indo chickz are not gold diggers, they have enough money to support themselves and at least 10 middle class bule guys from australia or europe!
keep on burning!
peace y’all !!
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@sobhana
No, we don’t have trouble getting one, of course not, but if the one we got and love like hell is a indonesian woman, we want to understand their behaviour and why it’s so difficult! Much more difficult than with western woman….that’s why I am here, try to learn and understand! First I thought I just had bad luck and that can happens all over the world, but more and more I realize it’s a indonesian thing….or in other words, a middle class indonesian thing. The class who just needs to breath the whole day, is jobless and is just living with the money from their family or from friends. I know many very nice Indo woman, well educated and not lazy and are working really hard, have a good job and a serous relationship and even they told me let it be with indo middle class women. You will be disillusioned and disappointed, because you never now what you really get! Maybe you are lucky and she really loves you, but that happens not very often.
Sorry if you are not one from them sobhana, pls don’t be offended. We only try to find a explanation for all this matters.
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not only my javanese mother said it before, also octopus paul is predicting:
indonesian women are too much susa!
i hope you’ll find your explanations mr disillusioned, go on and search further, although truth is ugly and paths of righteousness are steep never give up!
peace y’all
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i guess i can relate to that, since i am aware of the dilemma that was perhaps shared by some of my ex-men. i remember times where sadly, people i know personally prefered having what matters on the outside more than the inside. my advice to them was to help them realize that sooner or later the masks have to come off, and if he/she has any capacity at all to exhibit any kind of honest human emotion, others will finally see his/her true colors.
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good point, the thing with the mask and to be honest I mean. Isn’t it usual for indo woman to not speak about their past? Why I will ask you, isn’t it only to hide something? I can not speak for all bule here, but for my understanding it’s usual to want to know everything from the one you love! That’s honest and has nothing to do with a mask!
Why is socializing, hung always arround some clubs so important for so many women?
why not satisfied and happy with what they got? It looks like they are always on the hunt for a better one. All the usual posings on all the pix they like to take in every club, so sweet and pretty that they could be from a flirt and dating page 😉 who is now wearing a mask? -
jono says:
probably it is the thing that happens when you are married with an indonesian woman. as soon as both of you belongs to each other, the woman who have been culturally repressed (in a patriarchal society) all these years felt that right now i can do something. this “something” can represent their power over men or simply the moment when they can express themselves honestly. probably the most fear that both of you have is because of you being foreigners. but i think its not you, its them.
you might be also interested in comparing the experiences of bule-native in other patriarchal countries.but i think not all indonesian women felt repressed. the “craziness” are only shown when they are doing less while they know (subconsciously) that they can do and achieve more (not necessarily more handsome husband). they want to have more self actualization but sadly, they might not realize (consciously) what they want to do and achieve because of the years of repression.
men will also do the same thing (or even worse) when they felt that they spend so much time doing nothing.
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well obviously these women are just having fun, and hopefully for everyone’s sake, not looking for anything serious. to put it in plain words, superficiality is what is on display at that point. no mask there! and if there is one, it’s to hide something ever uglier. i doubt these types even care what comes up to sniff around the surface. they’re so insecure, they need that constant adornment. adding to their spirit of party galore is the glorified usage of the motto some have claimed with great humility “i don’t know what i’m looking for but i will know once i find it” i find this unacceptable as it comes with toying with other people’s feelings for the sake of “finding out”. it’s just unfair for their partners who are committed and have invested their heart and soul to be tossed around like some salad in a bowl. forgive them for they do not know the first thing about love or being loved, because at the end of the day, it is them who do not know what they want, and completely disregard everything their significant other does as simply not good enough. this is so funny as perhaps they have been so used to getting taught who’s boss, once they think they got away with something, they will keep fighting for a much longer leash.
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dianmyname says:
@disillusioned
Love is not only a lipsync things,,not only to be said many times
but also have to be shown by action..NATO..no action talk only
If you think you already did the best you can do for her, there must be something went wrong?
By getting another girl as a revenge is not a wise way to solve your problem but make yours worst,, yesNot all the dusun or kampung woman are golddiggers and the middle class woman who has their own job, earsn more money, better job, better life..blablabla not also are the best women you can take them as your gf or wife. Its all come back to the person it is. No matter how high your education or how much money u have. Its all depends on their inside,,personality and character.
Just like the corruption..they all already got lots lots of money they stil do more n more n greedy.. Well..they well educated..god job..but stil do the dirty job?? What we gonna blame on??? Their education?? Family background?? I bet (some of)their family cursed for what they did..
Uppss… Sorry I didn’t mean out of the topic:-)
Open minded looks like their interpreted only open your mind to a new relationship with bules.
But for me is need more job to understand the difference that will come up since 2 cultures involved.Its not right once you get bumps with a woman n you judge all them like that. Many fishes on the ocean u stil can catch..
Love can make us feels like a teenager..no doubt:-)
And it feels so good:-pYou will find Indonesian woman with honest, decent, pure heart, loyal n devoted to their man.
Cheer up..life is ups n downs..
We want to hear your next happy story-)
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luv your argument Dian! how on earth did you forget to put smart in the list of Indonesian women to find?
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@sobhana
Tx for your smart additional:-)..
Smart will come with those all categories..u are smart when u use your heart n mind/brain in the right way.
u do something or take an action based on conderation your heart n brain
( this include.. Your education level, culture n family background blablabla)
Correct me, pls. -
@Jamal
It takes two sides for thing we call LOVE.
From your story I have read that only you are the only one who took efforts
to make your marriage stil exists.Take a very relax moment n try to talk to her.
What made u choose her as his wife and her as well.
What sacrifice u n her have already taken to make your dream came true – marriage.Mostly happen..
After marriage everything is completely different when we are stil dating / gf or bf or whatever…
Before marriage we hide our real person (wear our mask) so u only can see how sweet or handsome or beautiful they are from outside.You will see things that u only want to see.
Or maybe u will see the bad things but you will think they will change when u marry this person.
Believe me..it won’t never happens.
It happened to me..I thought my ex husband will change.. God sake..forget abt changing person u love.
It must come from theirselves not because someone asked to do.Especially u are married already.. Everything needs to discussed together. Respect each other, try to understand what he or she wants..is it reasonable or make any sense.
Just take a break n think again..love needs two sides to make it grows and long lasting.
Hope you can work it out:-)
Good luck:-)
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@ disillusioned
Can’t believe that this will solve his problem, you remember, he loves this woman!
You call this love??? I call it an addiction, and that woman something like a drugdealer, trying all she can to keep the addiction alive.
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@disillusioned
Get over your life.. U deserve better person who can treat u nicely n reasonable way.
You love her…yes..but its only in your side..her side?? It isn’t love…
You are only her display to her family..friends… that she can play around.Wake up.. Get out of your box..
Your happiness is waiting for you 🙂 -
@juno
the woman who have been culturally repressed (in a patriarchal society) all these years felt that right now i can do something.
I don’t know, but was our generation still culturally repressed in indonesia? I newer saw something like that in my time there. I mean, in all families I was, the women was always the strong part and the “real leader” as I could see. In the public I also never saw something like I saw in saudi arabia or somewhere else where women are still repressed…..but in indonesia I never?
@dian
well obviously these women are just having fun, and hopefully for everyone’s sake, not looking for anything serious.
That’s what I can’t believe, because in my case she is 34 years old and want to have children and also wanted to marry me……that’s why I really know she meant it seriously…..but without love and that’s the most worse thing I guess I never will understand. How one can marry a man and wanna stay together with him without love! That’s only sad, because they waste their time, throwing away their own life and mostly the life of their husbands too. I mean if a teenager will act like this because he don’t know what is really important in the life, I can understand, but adults?! They should know that’s this can’t work for a long time and just will become a own goal.
@sobhana
they’re so insecure, they need that constant adornment.
Totally agree! But mostly it’s very difficult to believe because their behaviour looks not really insecure, rather the opposite. But I guess you are right in this.
@dian
Love is not only a lipsync things,,not only to be said many times but also have to be shown by action..NATO..no action talk only.
Agree, that were my words I told her always! action speaks louder than words!
If you think you already did the best you can do for her, there must be something went wrong?
Yes, I really think I did the best! And what was going wrong is easy to explain, she didn’t love me as she told me always! That’s why I broke up the relationship with her although I really love her, because I need the feeling to be loved from my partner and not only used.
Its not right once you get bumps with a woman n you judge all them like that.
Indeed! I really know not all be like that, I know also the good ones as I wrote already, but from the others there are many.
@ET
Love is like a addiction, of course, because love makes one happy, gives a very good feeling, it’s indescribably beautiful and better than all drugs together! And of course they try and will fight for keep it alive! In christian weddings you have to say “together in good and also in bad times” so would you give up without fighting and trying everything to save the marriage? I can understand Jamal very good!
again @dian 😉
Makasih for your last post! 🙂 That’s exactly what I told her why I broke up the relationship! Gave her many chances to change her behaviour just a little bit, but she always failed, of course she failed, because I can’t force her to love me when there is no love. It goes better from day to day 🙂
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@disillusioned
Well..give your true love n your passion to someone who deserve it
n knows how to treat u beter ever.
Respect n take u as u are.See.. We don’t know each other but we try to give a way to solve your problem.
It starting from from little things to show that we really care abt the one love:-)Good luck..n have a good day:-)
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onlyme says:
read most of the comment in this post made me.. sad
how people see an indonesia woman, especially who has relationship with foreigner.
Now I know why some indo girls and foreign men look at me with hatred when I walk with my bf (I’m dating a foreigner).The taxi drivers think that he is my guest. And when we go to restaurant the waitress think I’m his mistress. It’s like a good looking girl walking with a white man = a slut/chicken/whatever people call it.
And now I found out how foreigner men see Indo girls. It surprises me. Yes maybe it’s too late for me knowing about it just now.
Indo girls expect the men to pay for everything. I’m a middle class girl (the one that you all often talking about), but I’m well educated and I support myself with a part time job. It’s not much but it’s enough to pay for my own ticket to meet him. And pay for my own shopping. He pays for the accomodation though, but it because it’s really too much for me. I’m still a college student anyway. And we’ve talked about this from the very beginning. He didn’t mind. So, am I considered as a gold digger,uh? Actually we have option to meet in my city so I don’t need any accomodation but it’s better to meet in a completely new place where no people recognized us. However once I graduate, I would be able to fully support myself and my family. It never ever crossed my mind that by marrying foreigner will increase my financial condition. I want to have my own career and being independent, that way I can be equal to him.
The only reason why I never introduce him to my family and let him to come over and visit me is not because I have many other foreign men bf. It is because my family will not accept him easily. My parents are not the same as that stereotype of middle class family who will go blind seeing a white man and ‘sell’ their daughter immediately to him.
Can you see how hard it is already for him and me? with a lot of differences in value, culture, and it gets harder with this stereotype from narrow minded people who never try to walk on other people’ shoes.
You may call me naive, but I prefer to be naive girl rather than to be a cruel person.
and p.s : I love him, sincerely.
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Hey onlyme, no then you are really not like those girls we spoke about! Son’t take it as offense, you sounds totally different! And it has nothing to do with money, if I can see that someone is working hard or a student! Of course the one who has more will spend it with the one he’s in love!!!! We spoke about the lazy ones, the ones who only go shopping in the mals the whole day with the money from others, always ask for gifts, just tell their boyfriend that they are in love with them, but in fact they aren’t! We speak about this kind of women!
And you are not naive! You sounds very sensible, judicious and common-sense!
I’m very sorry if some had articulated here very wrong and not clearly told that it affects not all!!!!
Again, it’s very important for me to clarify, I KNOW MANY VERY NICE INDO WOMEN and believe me, I can see the difference how one is acting.
Wish you all the best with your boyfriend and please stay just as you are! 🙂
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dianmyname says:
@onlyme
Hi..first of all. Just .be yourself.
Don’t waste your time by thinking of what people think about you or your western bf.
Better spend more time building your bonds with your bf:-)
We are in indonesia that some people mind other business..gossips everywhere..Just put in your mind,,u love this guy sincere not becos he’s bule..has lots of money..
I remember..my last 2 relationships were with bules..
I didn’t give a damn what people think when we hang around in the mall.
I have my own job, drive my own car, buy things with my own money..
So what’s the problem???? Anjing menggongong, kafilah berlaluWomen that been discussed here not all the women in our beloved indonesia-)
Its only small part of it. Stil many decent, smart, honest loyal kind hearted women includes u:-)
They just met wrong women…About your parents..its you try to explain them what kind of relationship u have.
Its not easy to convince a conservatism (is it right word?) parents.
Its natural if they think he will ‘steal’ u from them:)Its not naïve..its principle that u believe.
Be strong girl:-)
Good luck
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@ disillusioned
Thank you so much! 🙂
I didn’t expect that I will get this kind of support from this forum, well the title is ” Dating Indonesia Girl’ anyway), read some comments above made me scared enough.
However I do appreciate this! and I’m sorry to hear about your story, hope you will find someone better, you deserve it. no matter from where she comes from 🙂@dianmyname
Anjing menggongong, kafilah berlalu
I’m quite an ignorance person but no matter how hard I try to ignore these people, it didn’t make things better. Like for example, whenever we want to meet I have to fly to Bali to meet him. And even in Bali where I think the people are not ‘too amazed’ to see a ‘bule’ (I hate to use this term actually), I still received some unpleasant glance. Once we went to Sanur beach and there were some guy teased me and when they knew I was with him they called me a SLUT right on my face. That’s the first time I realized that not all people understand about what we called living diversity!
But friends in campus are not less difference, yes it’s true that they are educated but I was quite surprised when I know some of them think that he give me monthly fund.
That’s why I want to be independent, or specifically financially independent, soon. Like you, have my own job, have my own car, and live on my own. And maybe once I get these things it will be more easy to convience my parents. I hope so…anyway thanks for your support! ah, it’s really made my day! 🙂
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@ onlyme
salute for your ignorance towards what other pople think about your relationship with your bf. i completely agree with you when you are saying “I want to be independent, or specifically financially independent, soon.”
but when you say “that’s why” to begin the sentence, i think you are still determined by what other poeple say. i mean, things can change in your relationship. maybe someday, being a housewife can become your first priority considering the condition in your marriage. or, maybe your bf will become the househusband. who knows?
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onlyme, don’t worry, they are just SIRIK. did you know that Indonesia is one of the most racist countries in the world? when my Javanese mother married my American father (they met in college and did their Masters together in the states) her family was very disturbed. but then my father adapted to the culture and all that (pratically turned into a Javanese himself but without the prejudice, of course) and they were finally ok with it. my mom’s side of the family is well-educated (priyayi and shi*) but still they will scorn or memandang rendah orang lain like it’s they’re f*** business. i never understood people like that. who the F** do they think they are? i guess being colonized for 300 years could do that to a whole civilization, but anyways, the moral of the story is, don’t let people like that affect you. personally i think they are just frustrated with their sad existence with no diversity in their lives and wants everyone to be senasib dengan mereka. wow!
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jamal says:
@disillusioned
I like a bit of spice in my relationship too. And a fight now & then is alright & it’s also very nice to make up afterwards again 😉
She stays angry for days, doesn’t talk anymore and sleeps in another room, thats too much.
I think you are right; when she doesn’t get what she expects or wants, all sense is over and she will let me bleed for it.
Stupid me that when I see her angry and all fired up, she even turns me on more.
So not getting any normal response from her is truly painful.
btw my marriage is a muslim marriage, not a legal one.I’m not going to make her jealous. She will do the same and a bit more. SHe promised me that and also showed it sometime ago.
I know that she is also a good person and probably doesn’t mean it all this bad. She’s also very thoughtful and can surprise me in very nice ways.
It’s weird in a way, she always wanted a man like me, her friends tell her how lucky she is having me. She even tells me that. And still these things happen.
I don’t see myself as Gods gift to the humanrace, but I’m an okay, funny, serious and honest guy.Sorry to hear you have similar experiences. I didn’t know that this is something that many Indo women are suffering from.
I talked with a few husbands of some of her indonesian friends, they also have the same experiences 🙁
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@diego
Yep… they’re not cewek murahan, they’re cewek mahalan!
Asking for more money doesn’t make one whore better than another! It just makes one more overpriced.
The truth is, when you’ve been with enough women, you realize that you don’t have to pay for them, and that sex is really not worth paying for.